How You Know If You Should Have Plastic Surgery

There are many reasons why people have plastic surgery and we offer some of them here:

– You meet “Big Foot” in the woods and he faints when he sees you.

– You’re not allowed in the zoo because you scare the animals.

– An organ grinder offers you a job as his monkey.

– Your teacher makes you sit facing the back of the room.

– A cop gives you a ticket for being criminally ugly.

 

Joke #9211

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.  While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t pull me out of the path of that ambulance?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”