A kid runs into his house and says to his mother, “Can I have a quarter for a man who’s outside crying?”
The mother asks, “What is he crying?”
The youngster answers, “‘Ice cream, 25 cents!'”
Tag Archives: mother
Joke #13273
HARRY: “My mother won a saucepan playing bingo.”
LARRY: “Now that’s what I call pot luck.”
Joke #13255
Q: What did the artist, James Whistler, say when he found his mother wasn’t sitting in her rocking chair?
A: “Hey, Mom, you’re off your rocker.”
Joke #13212
A mother was having a talk with her next door neighbor. “My son, Robert, is in medical school. He wants to deliver babies. To be honest, I would not trust him to deliver newspapers.”
Joke #13198
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”
Joke #13174
A mother who has a neat housekeeper looked at her teenaged son’s messy room and said, “Just because we live in a ranch house, that’s no excuse for your room to look like a stable!”
Joke #13171
LITTLE TEDDY: “What is your father doing?”
LITTLE EDDY: “According to my mother, as little as possible.”
Joke #13169
Ask any mother — the average kid uses soap like it came out of his allowance.
Joke #13157
A teenaged girl came home and complained to her mother, “Not only has Danny broken my heart and spoiled my entire life, but he’s wrecked my whole evening too!”
Joke #13134
A kid came home from school and told his mother, “Mrs. Henderson had triplets on Monday and twins on Tuesday.”
His mother said, “That’s impossible.”
The kid replied, “No, it’s not. One of the triplets got lost.”
Joke #12895
GAL (to her boss): “Mr. Stanley, my mother told me to ask you for a raise.”
MR. STANLEY: “Okay, I’ll ask my mother if I may give you one.”
Joke #12847
“I just got a role in a movie,” an actor said to his agent. “I play a hen-pecked husband married to a woman who lives with her mother and four teenaged daughters.”
“That’s nice,” said the agent. “But too bad it’s not a speaking part.”
Joke #12790
MOTHER: “If evolution really worked, I’d have more than one pair of hands.”
Joke #12666
MOTHER WACKLY: “Did I tell you my son, Roger, is playing end guard on the college football team this year?”
NEIGHBOR: “End guard? I never heard of an end guard.”
MOTHER WACKLY: “Yes, he told me he sits on the end of the bench and guards the water bucket!”
Joke #12625
A mother gave her children’s school bus driver an ideal Christmas present — a pair of ear plugs.