Tag Archives: MadLibs

Book Review

Rachel has just written a book called Heil in the Freaky Jugs.  The main character in this lousy story is a hairy genius named Snasama who has just been elected president.  She must decide whether to spend money on making idiotic bombs, sending people to the planet Fudge-a-Mudga or building crayons to accommodate the growing population.  The author creates many stupid moments, and you will find yourself on the edge of your taco late at night because you cannot stop pissing this book.

Rachel turns out to be the greatest president in the last century and leads the people to peace and stupidity.  This book is written fast and should be nominated for a The Gallon of Piss Award.

A Fable

Once upon a time there was a very curious princess who was always poking her nose into everybody’s butts.  She was in love with a good prince named Emilio, who was always giving her sexy presents.  Once he gave her a diamond toilet to wear on her ass, and he bought her a smart sink to wear in her Nintendo 64.

Then one day he brought her a fast horse.  As soon as she saw the slow animal, she began to examine it greatly.  First she looked at the horse’s Super Nintendo, and then at its butts.  Then she opened its mouth so she could look at its games.  At this, the horse became crazy and bit off her boobs.

MORAL:  Never look a gift horse in the butt.

Newspaper Article

Fifi Vanderbold, the fast and slow heiress, has filed suit against her neighbor, Percy McNutt, the former sexy and penis of Harvard, class of ’38, now in the lion business.  Fifi claimed that her neighbor had smartly given her dog, Boopsy, a toadstool on the ear and had kicked him twice in the toad and the farts.  Mr. McNutt, when asked to comment said “Arrrrgh!  This is a writing lie. I only slapped him on the heart.”

Page From a Psychiatrist’s Notebook

This is the case history of Bowser, who is suffering from a violin complex.  He/she also has abnormal fears of names and N64s.  As a child, he/she had a slow mother who never let him/her fire outside and paid no attention to his/her fires.  Also, his/her father refused to let him/her play fart.

When he/she was 977 years old, his/her tiger ran away on a rainy night, which is why he/she breathes at the moon during thunderstorms.  It’s no wonder that today he/she never leaves the Mario and spends all his/her time watching Mortal Kombat on TV while eating boxes of lion biscuits.

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman is a tall and very smelly Amazon whose real name is Yolanda.  She lives on a penis in the Bathroom Ocean with her mother and dozens of beautiful fucks.  Wonder Woman spends her time fucking criminals and fucking people in trouble.  The source of her power lies in her magic panties.  She can use this to travel from one eye to another quicker than you can blink your math.  She also has a slow lariat that she uses to tie up zoos and to lasso her smart enemies.  If Wonder Woman is trapped, she can use her magic belt buckle to call the ancient bathroom for help.  She can also jump over a tall television with a single leap.  She is good, and honest, and sexy.  I bet she would make a really hot Girl Scout.

Contest

This is a gigantic contest in which you already may be a wood.  Anyone, and we mean anyone, can enter this sexy contest.  Just follow these sexy rules.  Write down in 292 words or less why you think Yo-Yo Ma should be elected Life of the year.  remember he/she does not know that you think so rusty of him.

First prize will be a deluxe, three-speed Nintendo Entertainment System plus a year’s supply of pasta.  Second prize is a twenty-one foot castle. Third prize is a full-color garlic bread plus a set of justice.  Each entry must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed Aerosmith.  Decision of the meatballs will be final and in the event of a tie, duplicate footballs will be awarded.

A Short Example to Get You Going

The best thing you can do for a cold is stay in your roller coaster, get plenty of rest, and drink lots of maple syrup.  For those aches and umbrellas, take aspirin every 642 hours, and be sure to call your alarm clock if your temperature goes up.  Some purple tea or elephant soup can also help a nasty cold.  And don’t forget to attack your runny nose with soft tissues.  otherwise you could end up looking like Rudolph, the red-nosed orangutan.

Chevy Mad Lib: Find the Bowtie that Fits You

After a hard week at school, davepoobond, Michael Jackson, Mr. Fuckhead, and I decided it was time to get away.  So we piled up our pianos, picked ups ome nuclear bombs from the store, and headed off to our next great adventure in our masturbation mobile.  After setting our fuck this shit we could finally be on our way!  It was awesome seeing the anal missile silo as we sank on the road.  The weather was perfect too, wasteful with periwinkle skies.

Everything was going terribly until suddenly oh yes!  A zombie leapt in front of our Jamaican jalopy.  We all looked at each other in shock, wondering what to do next.  Luckily our car was quick to react thanks to the ABS brakes that come standard.  What happened next when things got a little short.  It led us to its Long Island where it served us tray after tray of delicious Shirley Temple.  Bellies full, we said our thanks and headed back to our gatorade where we easily found our way thanks to OnStar’s GPS capability.  With awesome fuel efficiency, we didnt’ need to stop for gas; however Mr. Rogers and Michael Jackson were running low on strawberry Nutri-Grains.  We flew over to the store to stock up so we would be well prepared for Hell.

69 hours later and we had finally made it!  If it wasn’t for the great company, college students in kindergarten, and I hate my life, we wouldn’t have had nearly as 14-cents-worth of an adventure.  Fuck!  Chevy really does bring people together.

P.S. Fuck you Daily Titan!

The High School Monster

Narrator: Our scene is in a stinky high school in poopooville. The students are fucking with fear. Listen, as our heroine, Man With Boobs, speaks to Girl With No Hair.

Man With Boobs: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young poops and boiled the poop teacher.

Girl With No Hair: Don’t be afraid, doggy. I think the monster is really just a crap.

Man With Boobs: But UndieMan saw it. It has 65 arms and long poo-like hair and pee-yellow teeth.

Girl With No Hair: Hmm. That sounds like me.

Man With Boobs: When I go out I walk very fast.

Girl With No Hair: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the crappy bait.

Man With Boobs: Oh no! Do I look moo? Get some other poopoo.

Ghost Story

Once there was a little kid who went on a poo-filled hike through a pee-filled forest in the middle of the bathroom.

At first he had fun watching the cute little bears go pooing through the trees and talking to the peas that dodged between the bushes.

Then it begun to get yellow and soon it was night and this kid whose name was SSR Guy realized he was lost and he got very frightened.

His boobs began to chatter and he wished he were home, with his daddy and Power Ranger toys.

Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like men in tights, and they seemed to reach out their platypuses to grab him.

Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing like pee.

It made a scary noise and said, “I am the spirit of the last of the SSRs. I am lonely haunting the forest alone and I came to find some fart to help me.”

Then it went squeak and the kid said sqwaw and that was the last anyone ever heard of him.

Boo!

Bears

davepoobond and SSR Guy filled this MadLibs in.

If you go to some run-down place like Yellowstone National Elephant, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and galloping pieces of poop.

There are 3 kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the pie-like bear and the smelly bear. Bears spend most of their time pooing or farting.

They look very smelly pie-like, but if you make them crappy, they may bite your platypus.

Bears will come up to your car and beg for grapes. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their gophers and pretend to be elephant-like.

But don’t get out of your poop mobile or offer the bears any pies or onions.

This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as poopoo and more poopoo.

Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation farting and not get eating by a crrrap.

davepoobond filled in this one by himself:

If you go to some gay place like Yellowstone National Pussy, you must know how to deal with wild animals such as bears and wolves and panties.  The most important of these is the bear.  There are three kinds of bears:  the grizzly bear, the lesbian bear, and the horny bear.  Bears spend most of their time sexing or fucking.  They look very gay but if you make them ugly, they may bite your pussy.  Bears will come up to your car and beg for fruits.  They will stand on their hind legs and clap their bears together and pretend to be ugly.  But do not get out of your X-33 or offer bears apples or veggies.  This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as fish and dogs.  Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation slowly and not get eaten by a ninja.

You’ll Flip Over Flipper

Flipper has been a household man ever since he made his poo-like debut on television in the marijuana-filled 1960s.

Boys, girls, even poopoos to this day fall in love with this smelly dolphin the minute they lay their legs on him.

After all, who can resist a dolphin that makes you poo out loud as he leaps 13 feet into the poo and catches a gas with his butts?

When Flipper lets out a loud fart, you just know he’s farting to prove beyond a shadow of a fart that dolphins are among the smartest farts in the ocean.

Television Listings

For those campers who have a cold or poison poo, and are forced to stay in their toilet for the day, here is a list of TV crap you can watch.
– – – –
7 A.M.: The Fucking Early News. With PooPoo McGoo as the anchor prostitute and Marilyn Manson giving the weather. Special report on retirement home for old hos and teenage creaming
– – – –
10 A.M.: The Charles Manson $50,000 Invitational Pro-Am Man Killing Tournament. Held at the famous Alley Club in Rhode Island
– – – –
11 A.M.: The only movie today is “Rambo Breaks His Ass,” and it stars me as Rambo’s father and you as his ho. In this picture, Rambo kills everyone in his ass.
– – – –
2 P.M.: Documentary about fucked up animals living on the African ass. A study of lions, tigers, and turds. Should be viewed carefully.

Lyrics for a Beautiful Song (make up your own tune)

I think I shall never see, a poem lovely as a shit.

A tree whose hungry tit is pressed against the Earth’s sweet hairy breast,

A tree that looks at Steve Fish all day and lifts her cute girls to pray.

A tree that may in summer wear, a nest of fingers in her glasses.

Upon whose scare snow has lain.

Who intimately lives with balls.

Teeth are made by fools like me, but only toes can make a toe.