Tag Archives: dog

Newspaper Article

Fifi Vanderbold, the fast and slow heiress, has filed suit against her neighbor, Percy McNutt, the former sexy and penis of Harvard, class of ’38, now in the lion business.  Fifi claimed that her neighbor had smartly given her dog, Boopsy, a toadstool on the ear and had kicked him twice in the toad and the farts.  Mr. McNutt, when asked to comment said “Arrrrgh!  This is a writing lie. I only slapped him on the heart.”

Joke #18725

As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention.  She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck’s path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.

I rushed to the woman’s side to see if she was all right.

“I’m fine,” she assured me, “but if that dog hadn’t honked…”

Joke #18619

Our local paper runs a popular column called “10 Questions” that spotlights people who live in our community.

In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of their personalities.

Recently one woman was asked, “What’s the ‘strangest’ thing you ever bought?”

She answered, “Dog toothpaste.”

Next question, “What is the ‘most common’ thing people say to you?”

Her answer: “Where did you get such white teeth?”

Joke #18585

A dog followed his master to school.  His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school.

However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child’s classroom before a teacher noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors.

Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said, “Don’t feel bad fella’…they won’t let ME in either.”

Joke #18576

“Nice dog. What’s its name?” I asked my friend’s 10-year old son.

“Bob,” he said.

“And what’s your cat’s name?”

“Bob.”

“Well, how do you keep them straight?” I asked.

“Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker,” the boy answered.

“Go ahead and tell him your rabbit’s name,” his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said… “Dennis Hopper.”