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Jokes

John Hopoate (Brown Fingers)

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The other year in Aussie Rugby it was Sydney Tigers vs the Cowboys. John Hopoate in the Sydney Tigers tackles one of the footballers in the Cowboys and sticks his fingers right up his date! 😀 And it was caught LIVE on TV :cheesy: 😀 :cheesy:!!! And also made the papers too, front cover big picture of Hopoate with his fingers right up that poor bloke’s date! Hopoate has been known for datefingering other footballers before, and as a result of this incident got 12 months suspension hehehe :grin:!!! Hopoate is now known as either ‘brown fingers’ or ‘date fingers’!

Anyhow here’s a bunch of Hopoate jokes that are from a google group, these ain’t mine:

Shame about being sacked, Hopoate could have rectum.

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As much as things change they stay the same: Hopoate was in the shit, then he was caught, and now he’s still in the shit.

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If the police get involved, Hopoate could end up in the pokey.

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Now that he’s out of the game, Hopoate is desperate and dateless.

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Now that he has been sacked, it is rumoured that Hopoate is about to follow Mundine ringside.

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John Hopoate has been nominated for an Oscar for his lead role in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger”.

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Anagram of Hopoate: Poo Hate!

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Rugby league may be a Stone Age game, but it was first to enter the digital age.

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John Hopoate has changed his name. He is now known as John Hand-to-party.

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Hopoate has changed his name to Stop-a-farte.

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Q: Which finger did he use?

A: His ring finger.

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Q: How do the judiciary decide on this punishment?

A: Is there a ‘rule of thumb’?

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What’s the problem? He was only keeping up to date with his opponents.

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Did you hear, with Hopoate the Tigers have gone digital?

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The coach claimed the charge was a bum rap! Hopoate’s actions were merely a niggle!

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Headline: Police Wash Hands of Hopoate Antics!

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Let’s hope he doesn’t bite his fingernails.

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A view from a fan: this leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

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Hopoate’s defense: it was only a brown eye gouge.

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Hopoate’s defense: they were giving me cheek.

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Hopoate’s defense: Honest, he was just lying prostate on the ground.

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Hopoate’s defense: I saw an opening and went for it.

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Hopoate’s defense: The coach told me to penetrate their defenses.

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Hopoate’s defense: Its just the old one hand tackle.

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He must be getting married. I heard Hopoate was checking out some rings on Saturday night.

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Hopoate: the human thermometer.

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Q: What’s John Hopoate’s favourite biscuits?

A: Chocolate fingers.

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Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a north Queensland cowboy?

A: You can stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

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Q: What’s Hoppa’s favourite cake?

A: A Finger Bun.

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“I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is being fingered for a crime he did not commit”. Coach Lamb.

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I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the footy show called Hoppa’s Up-date

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What’s the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out

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John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1

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Headline: Hoppa “piles” on the tries.

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“Players don’t report cases like Hopoate’s because they’d be the butt of all jokes” – Roy Masters (former West’s Coach)

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Is the whole thing a three-ring circus?

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A chance for Channel 9’s The Footy Show to make something of its “player probe”?

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Hopoate to have a cameo role in the digitally enhanced versions of The Lord Of The Rings and Finger of Guilt.

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How come Field and McGuinness got six months for cocaine but Hopoate only got 12 weeks for crack?

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Do The Hopoate
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You put your left thumb in
You pull your left thumb out
You put your left thumb in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hopoate and you turn the game around
And that’s what it’s all about.

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The John Hopoate Virus: your computer will insert random digits – often where they are quite unwanted

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Perhaps something good will come out of Hopoate’s poking about.

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Did you hear the league is going to crack down on Hopoate.

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Q: What did the other player sing when John Hopoate stuck his finger up his bum?

A: “Baby you are the one you really turn me on you can stick your finger up my hole again”

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Q: What is John Hopoate’s biscuit?

A: Shrewsbury, because of the hole in the middle.

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Q: What does Hopoate like doing at a game?

A: Picking player of the match.

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Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony.

Stuck a finger up his arse

and said “I am John Hopoate”

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John Hopoate is the butt of everybody’s jokes.

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After John Hopoate was suspended Manly offered him a job at the clubhouse. He was to go around the bar pushing in stools.

Lists

Situations It Would Suck to Be In

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By Nose:

– A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.

– On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.

– Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!

– Having a pencil up your ass

– Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.

– If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.

– Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.

– Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.

– Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.

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By Holmes:

– Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.

– In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you

– Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!

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By The typical Aussie bloke:

– Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!

– Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!

– Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!

– Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!

– Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”

– Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.

– Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.

– Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!

– Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.

– Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.