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Tag - blood


177

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Stories No Comments »

Find out who’s DNA it is.

Advantages would be that we would know who that person would be if you got their DNA, and bad would be that the babies lose blood.  A different organism becomes one by plasmids good, so I can live yay, we discovered a miracle cure for every disease in the world so they can get the actual thing without changing anything we are still alike in the sense we have DNA they do it so people can live.

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It is illegal for a person under 21 years of age to drive with…

July 27th, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz No Comments »

It is illegal for a person under 21 years of age to drive with a blood alochol concentration (BAC) that is _____ or more.

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floody nose

June 2nd, 2013 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

floody nose – n. a bloody nose in the shower

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WoW Chat #23072: davepoobond -> Destructiva

June 1st, 2013 Posted in Chat Logs, Prank IMs, Stupid IMs No Comments »

In World of Warcraft, Destructiva needed on a piece of green while everyone else greeded — he basically cheated to win the item.

davepoobond: grats on the cloth upgrade

Destructiva: What? DId you want those?

davepoobond: no, you needed them, just saying grats since you did

Destructiva: Well perhaps that was because everything popped up at once. Wasn’t intentional.

Destructiva: So if you want them, I’d gladly give them to you to make you quit your bitching.

davepoobond: it was a joke

davepoobond: learn how to take things less seriously

davepoobond: maybe you’ll avoid high blood pressure later in life

Destructiva: Dude, I was joking too. Maybe you should be less carebear

davepoobond: maybe you should be less

davepoobond: predictable

Destructiva: Whatever… you’re just mad, and jealous of my new cloth gloves.

Destructiva: And cool guild name by the way.

davepoobond: thanks :P been around for a long time on the server. since vanilla

Destructiva: Oh, I was joking….

davepoobond: jokes are supposed to be funny

Destructiva: Really? Yours wasn’t.

Destructiva: I thougt you liked it that way.

davepoobond: at least there was a punch line

Destructiva: I must have missed that part.

davepoobond: this goes back to the high blood pressure thing

Destructiva: You’re quite the hypocrite, no?

davepoobond: you should eat less salt

Destructiva: So kind of you to be concerned for my health. But you shouldn’t presume things.

davepoobond: well just make sure you dont use that cloth piece cuz ur gunna lose ur 5% agility lol

Destructiva: I’m gonna mail it to you.

davepoobond: i already wear mail

Destructiva: Don’t you have anything better to do?

davepoobond: i dont do requests.

Destructiva: Well I’m growing quite bored with you. Goodbye.

davepoobond: i want to grow old with you

Destructiva is ignoring you.

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Bad Submission #22920

March 30th, 2013 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Submitted using the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  May 08 2004 / 22:36:19

name = the killer
email =
use_email = no
song = tic tac toe 3 in a row barney got shot by a ji i joe moma called the doctor and said oops! barneys dead shot in the head  squirting out red! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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zadowe

March 3rd, 2013 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

zadowe – v. to dump pig blood into a river in copious amounts

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There’s a Guy And He Is Going to Die

May 3rd, 2012 Posted in Pictures No Comments »

There's a Guy And He Is Going to Die

Just Keep Watching.

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Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #22118

February 7th, 2012 Posted in (F) Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Songs, Poetry and Songs No Comments »

Sung to “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

Went a spider and bit off Barney’s head,

Down came the blood dripping off his head,

Out came the bombs and blew him all away,

And the itsy bitsy dinosaur has no more life today.

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Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #22111

January 29th, 2012 Posted in (F) Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Songs, Poetry and Songs No Comments »

This seems more like a rap song than a parody song of the Barney theme song.

On top of Old Smokey all covered in blood,
I shot fucking Barney with a 94 stud.

I went to his funeral,
I went to his grave.

When the people threw flowers,
I chucked a grenade .

And 20 years later he came from the dead,
I got a bazooka and blew off his head.

I’d like to continue, its funny I know,
but I can’t continue, cause I gotta go to the little menz room.

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Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #22106

January 29th, 2012 Posted in (F) Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Songs, Poetry and Songs No Comments »

I hate you

You hate me

Let’s get together and slice barney

Into little square pieces

Then throw them out the door

Blood and guts scattered on the floor.

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The Unloved Manatees vs. The Child Molester Penguins

August 24th, 2011 Posted in Fairy Tales, Stories No Comments »

In the North Pole, there were two rival gangs.  The Unloved Manatees “ruled the seas” and the Child Molester Penguins “ruled the ice.”

In reality, all this takes place on a little iceberg island independent of Santa Claus’ tyrannical reign called The Peninsula of the Eye.  It wasn’t even a peninsula and nothing about its geological or geographical features suggested it was an eye.

Gang war after gang war was fought and many-a-manatee’s blood soiled the seas, and many-a-child-molester-penguin soiled the ice.

What these warring factions didn’t know was there was a horror trapped beneath The Peninsula of the Eye that needed just the right amount of manatee blood, penguin blood, ice, sea water, and eel droppings to regain its ultimate power.

It was Santa Claus’ secret weapon, the Electrosucker!  Except he wanted to keep it a secret and didn’t think that the right concoction of ingredients would ever unintentionally be in the vicinity of the weapon.

So, it created a lot of explosions.  The Peninsula of the Eye sunk into the sea.  The Peninsula of the Eye was the entrance to this secret weapon and it would be really inconvenient to get into without it.

So, Santa Claus’ electricity bills went up really high and Santa Claus was really pissed off that he was stupid enough to hook up his secret energy draining machine into his own power grid.

Moral of the story:  Buy energy-saving secret doomsday weapons.

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cock ring

July 17th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

cock ring – n. a device such as a leather strap or rubber ring that is placed at the base of the penis in order to restrict blood flow and lengthen the duration of an erection, or to prolong ejaculation.

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Joke #21638: No Send Backs

July 15th, 2011 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

One day, a girl named Jessica went online.  She started talking to another girl.  It started out normally………

Jessica: Hey person.

Other girl: Hello

Jessica: You’ve been a really interesting person to talk to.

Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it?

Jessica: Yea.

Other girl: What’s ur name again?

Jessica: My name is Jessica. What’s urs?

Other girl: I can’t really tell u.

Jessica: Why?

Other girl: Because I’m dead.

Jessica: What?

Other girl: I’m dead.

Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don’t i.m. living people.

Other girl: Yes they can because I can.

Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what’s ur real name now that I know that u are dead?

Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now.

Jessica: So where do u live ‘dead person’ and what’s ur last name and ur real name?

Mary: Do you really want to know?

Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook.

Mary: You really wanna know??Jessica (Feeling Frustrated):  Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name!

Mary: I”m not dumb.?Jessica (Calming down a little):  Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name.

Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary.?Jessica (Laughing):  You can’t be bloody Mary. There’s no such thing!

Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of.

Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it!

Mary: I won’t. If u don’t copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you.

The Next Day…

Jessica woke up in the morning after sending a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked
into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife.
She was holding it up over Jessica’s head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the
lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood.

Bloody Mary didn’t hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you.

Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen…

NO SEND BACKS!

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Bad Submission #21009

April 3rd, 2011 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Submitted through the Other submission form.

name = mystic faerie
email = erikaoneal11@
use_email = no
type = songs
title = death
submission = death, i long 4 u
the date of my death is Tuesday, January 24, 2073
i can prove it.
death,blood, death,blood ,death,blood ,death,blood!!!!!

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What NOT to Put on a Resume

February 21st, 2011 Posted in Lists No Comments »

These are some (allegedly) real-life examples of what NOT to put on a resume:

– Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.

– Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

– My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

– Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.

– Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.

– I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

– I am a rabid typist.

– Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.

– Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.

– I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.

– References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

– Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.

– My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

– I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.

– I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail.

– Qualifications: No education or experience.

– Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.

– Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!

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