Submitted using the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.

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This form was submitted:  May 08 2004 / 22:36:19

name = the killer
email =
use_email = no
song = tic tac toe 3 in a row barney got shot by a ji i joe moma called the doctor and said oops! barneys dead shot in the head  squirting out red! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Tags: blood, dinosaur, doctor, head

Tagged People: the killer

zadowe – v. to dump pig blood into a river in copious amounts

Tags: blood, pig, river, verb, water, zadowe

Just Keep Watching.

Tags: blood, death, guy

Tagged People: bakerboy182

Sung to “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

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Went a spider and bit off Barney’s head,

Down came the blood dripping off his head,

Out came the bombs and blew him all away,

And the itsy bitsy dinosaur has no more life today.

Tags: Barney, blood, dinosaur, spider

Tagged People: me

This seems more like a rap song than a parody song of the Barney theme song.

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On top of Old Smokey all covered in blood,
I shot fucking Barney with a 94 stud.

I went to his funeral,
I went to his grave.

When the people threw flowers,
I chucked a grenade .

And 20 years later he came from the dead,
I got a bazooka and blew off his head.

I’d like to continue, its funny I know,
but I can’t continue, cause I gotta go to the little menz room.

Tags: Barney, bazooka, blood, flower, funeral, grenade, smoke

Tagged People: Barney on Old Smokey

I hate you

You hate me

Let’s get together and slice barney

Into little square pieces

Then throw them out the door

Blood and guts scattered on the floor.

Tags: Barney, blood, door, floor, square

Tagged People: TheBarneyHatter

In the North Pole, there were two rival gangs.  The Unloved Manatees “ruled the seas” and the Child Molester Penguins “ruled the ice.”

In reality, all this takes place on a little iceberg island independent of Santa Claus’ tyrannical reign called The Peninsula of the Eye.  It wasn’t even a peninsula and nothing about its geological or geographical features suggested it was an eye.

Gang war after gang war was fought and many-a-manatee’s blood soiled the seas, and many-a-child-molester-penguin soiled the ice.

What these warring factions didn’t know was there was a horror trapped beneath The Peninsula of the Eye that needed just the right amount of manatee blood, penguin blood, ice, sea water, and eel droppings to regain its ultimate power.

It was Santa Claus’ secret weapon, the Electrosucker!  Except he wanted to keep it a secret and didn’t think that the right concoction of ingredients would ever unintentionally be in the vicinity of the weapon.

So, it created a lot of explosions.  The Peninsula of the Eye sunk into the sea.  The Peninsula of the Eye was the entrance to this secret weapon and it would be really inconvenient to get into without it.

So, Santa Claus’ electricity bills went up really high and Santa Claus was really pissed off that he was stupid enough to hook up his secret energy draining machine into his own power grid.

Moral of the story:  Buy energy-saving secret doomsday weapons.

Tags: A DPB Tag, blood, electricity, manatee, penguin, Santa Claus

cock ring – n. a device such as a leather strap or rubber ring that is placed at the base of the penis in order to restrict blood flow and lengthen the duration of an erection, or to prolong ejaculation.

Tags: blood, cock ring, noun, penis, ring

One day, a girl named Jessica went online.  She started talking to another girl.  It started out normally………

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Jessica: Hey person.

Other girl: Hello

Jessica: You’ve been a really interesting person to talk to.

Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it?

Jessica: Yea.

Other girl: What’s ur name again?

Jessica: My name is Jessica. What’s urs?

Other girl: I can’t really tell u.

Jessica: Why?

Other girl: Because I’m dead.

Jessica: What?

Other girl: I’m dead.

Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don’t i.m. living people.

Other girl: Yes they can because I can.

Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what’s ur real name now that I know that u are dead?

Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now.

Jessica: So where do u live ‘dead person’ and what’s ur last name and ur real name?

Mary: Do you really want to know?

Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook.

Mary: You really wanna know??Jessica (Feeling Frustrated):  Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name!

Mary: I”m not dumb.?Jessica (Calming down a little):  Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name.

Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary.?Jessica (Laughing):  You can’t be bloody Mary. There’s no such thing!

Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of.

Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it!

Mary: I won’t. If u don’t copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you.

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The Next Day…

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Jessica woke up in the morning after sending a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked
into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife.
She was holding it up over Jessica’s head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the
lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood.

Bloody Mary didn’t hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you.

Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen…

NO SEND BACKS!

Tags: bathroom, blood, Bloody Mary, computer, internet

Submitted through the Other submission form.

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name = mystic faerie
email = erikaoneal11@
use_email = no
type = songs
title = death
submission = death, i long 4 u
the date of my death is Tuesday, January 24, 2073
i can prove it.
death,blood, death,blood ,death,blood ,death,blood!!!!!

Tags: blood, death, January, mystic faerie
, Tuesday

These are some (allegedly) real-life examples of what NOT to put on a resume:

- Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

- My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

- Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.

- Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.

- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

- I am a rabid typist.

- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.

- Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.

- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.

- References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

- Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.

- I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail.

- Qualifications: No education or experience.

- Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.

- Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!

Tags: blood, car, computer, Germany, marriage, meteorologist, resume, school

You know you’re a mom when…

- Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor — and you don’t care.

- When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding.

- You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

- Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

- Popsicle’s become a food staple.

- Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

- You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

- You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

- You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

- You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

- You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

- You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

- Your kid throws up and you catch it.

- You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet… you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Tags: bathroom, blood, cereal, children, cupcake, floor, grape, hair, jelly, kitchen, laundry, marshmallow, mom, popsicle, telemarketer, telephone, television

Q: What would you get if you crossed Dracula and a werewolf?

A: A blood-sucking fur ball.

Tags: blood, Dracula, werewolf

Q: Who guards the bloodmobile after hours?

A: The bite watchman.

Tags: blood

Q: What did the vampire say to the doctor?

A: “Take me to your bleeder.”

Tags: blood, doctor, vampire