“It rained for so long, I thought the animals would pair up”
– Ms. Signs
Tag Archives: animal
Quote #13856
“A rot is an animal that attacks trees. No!”
– from a book
Quote #13847
“an animal is a grown-up human. This too is ridiculous”
– from a book
porkypine
porkypine – n. what you get from the genetic splicing of a cactus and a pig together.
Joke #13024
No one treats me like a human being. Last month the National Wildlife Commissioner named me a bounty animal.
Joke #12684
I’m not very handy at making things. If I’d have been Noah, the only way I could have saved the animals would have been if God sent down an inflatable rubber raft.
How You Know If You Should Have Plastic Surgery
There are many reasons why people have plastic surgery and we offer some of them here:
– You meet “Big Foot” in the woods and he faints when he sees you.
– You’re not allowed in the zoo because you scare the animals.
– An organ grinder offers you a job as his monkey.
– Your teacher makes you sit facing the back of the room.
– A cop gives you a ticket for being criminally ugly.
Joke #11948
Figure this one out, environmentalists:
What do you do if you see an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?
Joke #11665
Q: What animal has two humps and is found on the moon?
A: A lost camel.
raindeer
raindeer – n. a species of deer that is made completely of freshly condensed rain. They explode instantaneously when they take their first shit, which results in a mild sprinkle of rain. Raindeers are expected to live one to two hours before having to take a shit.
Gross-Out Top 5 Lists
Always…
1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)
2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)
3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)
4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.
5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.
–
Never…
1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)
2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)
3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)
4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)
5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.
Joke #10979
Q: What do you call an infected animal with beady eyes who comes out only at night?
A: An opussum.
pygcheck
pygcheck – n. a fuzzy animal on the end of a pole
Stuff At the Zoo I Was Scared Of
I was scared of swans, flamingos, and monkeys when i was 5 or 6 years old. Swans scared me because they looked like they would eat me. Flamingos scared me, because there were so many of them and I felt they would fly up and eat me. Monkeys scared me because I thought they would jump at me and bite me, then I’d die.
Now, swans, flamingos, and monekys aren’t scary anymore to me, because of things I learned about them.
Another thing I was scared of was this thing that is in the zoo and you push a button and it lets you smell an animal. It scared me because I smelled a bear, a skunk, and a gorilla, and I stayed away from it.
Now, they took that thing away, so I’m not scared of it anymore.
You find a furry animal in your pants. You…
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