Squacklecast Episode 27 – “How to Eat Grilled Cheese”

This entry is part 27 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

Wow!  I don’t know who keeps making these Squacklecasts, but they keep getting made.

We talk about ABC Family’s Harry Potter marathon a bit and which ones we like overall.  Also we realize how we can’t remember what happens in which one or what they’re called.

Comic Con 2015 began and ended in a boring whimper considering Marvel was a no-show.  Trailers from the convention are at Wired.

The current status of Marvel and how Ant-Man is or is not their current “peak.”  Avengers 2 was basically Cameo: The Movie.  The X-Men properties are discussed.

We talk about the DC properties which were arguably the most interesting part of this year’s Comic Con.

Movies about movies that didn’t get made — Superman Lives and pre-Lynch Dune.

Will Smith is Deadshot in the new Suicide Squad movie.  Hopefully he’s more like Capt. James West from Wild Wild West:

willsmithwildwildwest

Dave was mostly into the Garfield/Calvin and Hobbes types of comics instead of the Marvel/DC stuff.

Since Garfield likes lasagna, that was a segue into talking about food and Grilled Cheese.  Billy doesn’t like Grilled Cheese because his only experience with it was eating it at a buffet.

Perfect Grilled Cheese on sourdough is as follows:

grilledcheese

Awful wheat grilled cheese is this awful awful thing:

awfulgrilledcheese

More random food talk about bacon and other things.

Davepoobond’s Hate List for Celebrities (5 is average rating)

FRED 10/10, Bono 10/10, Owen Wilson 9/10, Jackie Chan 6/10

Melissa McCarthy 10/10, Julia Roberts 9/10, Drew Barrymore 8/10, Geena Davis 7/10, Cher 4/10

Fuck you FRED.  See you guys next time!

 

Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”

This entry is part 7 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends.  They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.

Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings.  Gross!

Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste.  It’s almost like a boring wedding video.

This is the knife that the soccer coach had.

Cool Knife

Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact?  It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies.  If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.

Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years

Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years

I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years

Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers.  They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.

Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.

Independence Day 2 or even 3?  Welcome to URF again in 10 years!

 

Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks.  How do you like that, mother fuckers!?  Aliens getting shit on all the time!

Kind of sounds like Avatar

Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean.  Or something.  You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.

On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.

AVP and AVP 2 are no bueno.

Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible.  You should watch it.  It was directed by that guy that did Fame.

Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time.  That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.

Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay.  And obviously not as good looking.

Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties.  But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.

The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.

George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.

Kind of something like this:

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

 

And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!

Did you hear they banned plastic bags in LA?  Fuck that shit!  How am I supposed to line my little trash cans?

Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.

The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there.  No one freakin lives there anyway.  So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.

Gobi Plastic Desert

See you guys next week! :licky:

 

Wild Wild Pest

Wild Wild West where is all the rest?

This movie’s such a bore.

There’s gotta be some more!

There ain’t no Rough Riders,

Will Smith has got to be a liar.

What’s with that girl they found in the bird cage?

She shouldn’t be rescueing her hubby at her age.

She said he was her Daddy, no hes’s not!

She ain’t worth me fightin that mad man’s robots.

Did you see the mad man messin wit me?

You can tell the whole tale is done all cheesy!

I really hate the Wild Wild West, yeah I really hate it!

Now who ya gonna call?

Not the AMCs!

Now who you gonna call?

Maybe Chuckie Cheez?

No one’s gonna play the movie.

Except this lame brother named Louie, writing this song!

Break out before you get bumrushed at the (Wild Wild West)

Wild Wild West where is all the rest?

This movie’s such a bore.

There’s gotta be some more!

There ain’t no Rough Riders,

Will Smith has got to be a liar.

To be continued….