Joke #18734

While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there.

His two month old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital.

I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. “Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?” he asked. When I answered yes, he told me, “It says here that you turn blue when you cry.”

 

Where was the U.S. Army, Navy and…

Where was the U.S. Army, Navy and Air Force during the Power Rangers movie?

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Joke #12086

An Air Force fighter pilot radioed the tower the following: “Pilot to tower.  Plane on fire.  Almost out of fuel and I’m over the ocean 75 miles out at 900 feet.  Radio me instructions.  What should I do?”

To which the tower replied: “Base to pilot.  Repeat after me …. Our Father, who art in heaven ….”

 

Joke #11790

A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland , at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later.

As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, ‘Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.’ Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands tall and says, ‘Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule , Greenland , for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers’ asses are beg inning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s 2:30 in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?’

 

Joke #9276: General Nuisance

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

 

Joke #9262: Privates on Parade

Two generals, one from the Army, and one from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: “Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing ‘Wild Blue Yonder’, and then jump off!”

“YES SIR!” replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. “Now that’s bravery!” exclaims the general.

“Bravery, nothing,” snorts the Army general. “Get over here, private!”

“YES SIR!!” replies the private.

“Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first.”

“YES SIR!!” replies the private, and completes the task.

“Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!”

They look to the Marine. “Private,” he says.

“YES SIR!!”

“Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing ‘The Halls of Montezuma’, put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst.”

The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, “TO HELL WITH YOU SIR!!”

The general turns to the others and says, “Now THAT’S bravery!”