This is an Email Forward you can send to your friends.
Subject: Promptly return the anal lube, please.
According to surveillance tapes recorded earlier this week, you shoplifted two bottles of Squeeky brand anal lubricant.
We have informed the authorities about the situation and charges will be pressed. Please return the unused lube in the package to the closest available TARGET store, for possible sentence reduction.
We do not appreciate people taking anal lube (or any merchandise) from our stores.
You are hereby banned from all TARGET stores. And we here at TARGET hope they give you the chair, you little bitch!
Suan Partridge, TARGET inc.