Bizarro Facebook #21979: The Adventures of Jelli

So, on Saturday, November 5, 2011, I get an add request from some random girl named Jelli.  I don’t know who she is, never seen her before. Mind you, the picture I see is of a “white” girl… not a hint of Filipino that I can see…and yet…

The following conversation takes place:

davepoobond: do i know you?

Jelli: nope im just tryin to add you

Jelli: its up to you if you want to accept,im not forcing you..

davepoobond: well its fine, i just dont know if i know you is all 😛

Jelli: ok thanks

davepoobond: so what made you want to be my friend

Jelli: i want you to be my friend

(I’m thinking: OKAY, WTF??)

davepoobond: oh ok

Jelli: where you from?and how old are you?

davepoobond: I’m from la county originally. I live in orange county now… how about you

Jelli: im from los angeles,but now im here in philippines

davepoobond: Oh ok

Jelli: ok

davepoobond: What made you move out there

Jelli: visiting my aunt

Jelli: i want you to know im half filipino

Jelli: you there?

davepoobond: Oh that’s cool

8 hours later…

davepoobond: why do you want me to know that you’re half filipino

So, this girl sounds like she’s got a few screws loose.  And I check out her Facebook status updates and the comments she’s got…

On June 28

Jelli: hope she gets better i love you auntie…

Keith: What’s wrong with her?

Jelli: she have a sick,and she want to survive…

On July 14:

Jelli: aunt dont worry god always there for you and give you more life,hope you get well i love you so much…

On Sept 3:

Jelli: Creepy Guy Daniel (censored his name)

Creepy Guy Daniel: I’m unfamiliar with this kind of post. Am I supposed to do what?

On Sept 3:

Creepy Guy Daniel: Are you a Sagittarius also? I was born on the 30th November

Jelli: Nope i’m scorpio.

Creepy Guy Daniel: Oooh, that’s even better! Is it true that you are ruled by your high sexual drive?

Jelli: i dont know.

Jelli: you want to try?haha peace.

Creepy Guy Daniel: I would love to! And I would try very hard indeed! Just give me the go ahead Jelli!

Jelli: if you want to try at me,you travel here in philippines or you want buy me a chippes ticket to go back there in L.A.

Creepy Guy Daniel: Until just now, being kinda poor never seemed to bother me. All of a sudden though, I gotta say that money COULD buy some measure of happiness in this situation! LOL If I had the bucks, I would ahve you here in flash Jelli !

Jelli: ?

Jelli: Ok i understand its ok.

Roger: i`d walk there xxx

Jelli: Ok i understand its ok.

Creepy Guy Daniel: On water right? We can only hope!!

Jelli: hope u want to meet each other.

Jelli: hope u want to meet each other.

Creepy Guy Daniel: Want to join us?

Jelli: What you mean?

Creepy Guy Daniel: You said you hoped we would want to meet each other. I am assuming your interest is joining us when we do!

Jelli: Yea i want to meet but how im here in philippines.

On Sept 5:

Jelli: hELLo thErE…

Roger: hi doll i hope you are fine pity we cannot find us never for chatting i d like

On Sept 6:

Jelli: Hello there anyone to talk?

Rick: Good Morning how was your holiday weekend

Jelli: Verry sad and lonely.

Rick: Why so sad and lonely

On Sept 6:

Roger: Jilli Jill Jill whats cookin good lookin?

Jelli: Thanks

Jelli: Hello

Roger: what up jill

Jelli: Great,you?

Roger: oh just chillin when u coming ouy 2 tampa?

On Sept 6

Jelli: what happened i’m wondering.

Matthew: me too

Jelli: Why?

Matthew: cuz what happened lol?

On Sept 8

Kareem: lol can you not harass my friends?

On Oct 3

Jelli: i feel pain,i think its headache.;-(

Creepy Guy Daniel: I have 600mg Ibuprofen here. I wish I could five you one and make you feel better Jelli.

Adnor: Cuz I’m not with you woman!!we could fix that;)

Jelli: Thanks daniel.

Jelli: hELLo there…

Rick: hello how are you

Jelli: h!…i’m good i’m here in philippines almost 2weeks…

Rick: Are you having a good time

Jelli: what are you up to?

Jelli: i’m visiting to my aunt.

Rick: recovering from my operation.

Rick: how is she doing

Rick: are you going to live there or are you coming back

Jelli: hope ur fine,shes still not CTscan cuz financial proble,i’m coming back there by december.

Jelli: ????

Rick: I did not see you on here for a while and was thinking you stopped talking to me or left face book

Jelli: Still there?

Jelli: Still there?

Jelli: Still there?

Rick: I’m still here

Jelli: ????

Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?

Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?

Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?

Rick: I talk to old and new friends. I saw you said hi there and I didn’t know if you were talking to me so i didn’t want to be rude so I said hi back to you. You seem like a nice person to talk to. Is that ok to do

On Oct 22:

She updates her relationships status as single.

Louis: CANNT BELIVE UR SINGLE MUST HAVE BEEN A JERK

Jelli: huh,its up to you

On Oct 28:

Jelli: Always bussy for looking job,very tired.

On Oct 31:

Jelli: Happy holloween to all.

I also look at her other information… she apparently goes to UCLA. How dumb can you be and still get into there?

Her about info:
I am a cool, laid back, no drama, funny and fun girl who will rock your world! I love 2 try new things and will show some of my favorite! I love to be crazy and adventurous. If you think you can handle it.

Interested In: Men and Women

On Monday, she finally responds

Jelli: look at my pics.to know…

davepoobond: i cant look at your pictures

Jelli: huh really?

davepoobond: yeah it says that you dont share it with me

Jelli: but you see my profile pic.?

davepoobond: yeah

Jelli: so what you say?

davepoobond: what do i say about what

Jelli: to my pic.?

davepoobond: i dont really know, i cant tell what you really look like

Jelli: tell me the truth what are you looking for?

davepoobond: for what?

Jelli: are you single?

Jelli: i i want you to answer me if you are looking for relationship

davepoobond: yeah im single, sure im looking…

davepoobond: what are you on facebook for?

Jelli: me too im looking for serious relationship

Jelli: you there?

davepoobond: yeah

Jelli: sory to disturbing you

davepoobond: you’re not bugging me

Jelli: ok

davepoobond: so, why are you interested if i’m single or not

Jelli: im just asking

davepoobond: how old are you

Jelli: turning 23 this month

Jelli: you?

davepoobond: 25

Jelli: ok

Jelli: bussy

davepoobond: you are?

Jelli: nope

davepoobond: what time is it now in the phillipines

Jelli: 4:10am

davepoobond: wow how come you’re still up

Jelli: yea i cant sleep

Jelli: you talked other girl?

davepoobond: what other girl?

Jelli: i think your busy to other girl here on facebook

davepoobond: no, i’m not talking to another girl on facebook right now

davepoobond: so, what do you like to do in your spare time

Jelli: ok,honestly im looking for job here,for my financial

davepoobond: looking for job in the phillipines?

Jelli: yea

Jelli: you did not know im here in philippines now?

davepoobond: no, I didn’t

davepoobond: didn’t you say your aunt was sick?

Jelli: yea,thats the reason if i am here now

davepoobond: arent you coming back eventually? why are you trying to find a job

Jelli: cuz i need to fix my documents to imigration to get me back there in los angeles

davepoobond: what’s wrong with them

Jelli: my visa expired,i need to renew it

Jelli: spent my money for my aunt,cuz i really want to recover her

davepoobond: that sucks

Jelli: yea

Jelli: thats the reason if what im looking for job

davepoobond: where were you born?

Jelli: here in philippines i am not citezen there in L.A

davepoobond: didn’t you say you’re half Filipino? what’s your other half

Jelli: my aunt raised me when im 5yrs old my dad took me to los angeles

Jelli: my father white american

Jelli: my mom filipina

Jelli: hello

davepoobond: hi

Jelli: why you do not responds?tell me if you are bussy?

davepoobond: well i dont really know what to say

davepoobond: but

davepoobond: your dad being a citizen makes it so that you’re a citizen

Jelli: yea but i was born here in philippines

davepoobond: that doesnt matter if your dad is a citizen

davepoobond: that grants you citizenship

davepoobond: he needed to say you were his daughter when he took you when you were 5, or even now he can probably do it…

Jelli: yea cuz im a broken family 🙁

davepoobond: what do you mean

Jelli: my father left my mom

davepoobond: when did that happen

Jelli: when im 14yrs old

davepoobond: where is your mom

Jelli: here in philippines

davepoobond: where is your dad

Jelli: there in L.A

davepoobond: can’t he get you citizenship, since he is a citizen and is your father?

Jelli: yea i do not know to my father

davepoobond: didn’t you say he took you when you were 5, and stayed with you until you were 14?

Jelli: yea

davepoobond: how was he able to bring you to america?

Jelli: i do not know to my father,now my problem is to fix my visa to get back there

davepoobond: if your dad married your mom, she would be a citizen too before he had left her.

davepoobond: what kind of a visa is it

Jelli: residence visa

davepoobond: don’t you go to school at UCLA? why dont you get a student visa temporarily

Jelli: im stop schooling

davepoobond: how were you able to stay before you went to the phillipines

Jelli: to my father home

davepoobond: didn’t you say you didnt know your dad? how would you be able to live with him until right before you go to the phillipines?

Jelli: yea until right before i go here in the philippines

davepoobond: but you said you dont know him

Jelli: i did not told you that

davepoobond: you said it before, scroll up…

davepoobond: so anyway

davepoobond: you can talk to him and have him help you

davepoobond: get citizenship

davepoobond: since you’re his daughter

davepoobond: and he is a citizen

Jelli: i think i did not get you before

davepoobond: ok, so do you get me now?

Jelli: yea

Jelli: in los angeles i am at home with my dad

davepoobond: ok, so why cant he help you get back

Jelli: i email my dad earlier said he broke

davepoobond: how did you get enough money to fly to the phillipines

Jelli: my dad loans to travel here

Jelli: me here

davepoobond: cant he take more loan to get you back?

Jelli: he cant

davepoobond: doesnt he have a job? how does he afford rent? wouldnt getting his daughter back into america be important?

Jelli: i understand my dad,he finance with my sister and me,he finance food with my sister

davepoobond: can you make it so that i can see the rest of your pictures

Jelli: what you mean by that?

davepoobond: if i select the photos tab, it says “Jelli only shares some information with everyone. ”

davepoobond: and i cant see your pictures

Jelli: i will private

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: im private to my profile

Jelli: yea you cant see my pics.

davepoobond: but earlier you wanted me to look at your pictures

Jelli: yea i said earlier you see my profile pic.

davepoobond: so what do you want to talk about

Jelli: you what you want to talk?tell me?

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: anything you want

Jelli: can you open topic

davepoobond: what do you like to do in your spare time

Jelli: honestly im wondering if i am alone,when im on room im wondering how i do to get me back there in L.A

davepoobond: other than that

Jelli: i want go to church to pray my aunt and to my visa fix

davepoobond: what is your aunt sick with

Jelli: breast cancer

Jelli: ???

davepoobond: oh that sucks

Jelli: yea

Jelli: but i know god knows plan to my aunt

Jelli: ???

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: bussy?

davepoobond: no

Jelli: ok

davepoobond: so what did you do when you were in america

davepoobond: ???

Jelli: looking job again

davepoobond: did you ever have a job

Jelli: before im a cashier in mini mart

davepoobond: what kind of necklace is that in your picture

Jelli: tiffany silver

davepoobond: what kind of glasses do you have

Jelli: reading glass

davepoobond: what kind of earrings are those

Jelli: silver

Jelli: why you askin?

davepoobond: i dont know, why dont you talk about something

Jelli: i share to you,have a problem?

davepoobond: share what?

Jelli: share my prob.sory

davepoobond: what is your problem

Jelli: you know to my documents

davepoobond: what about them

Jelli: to fix it

Jelli: cuz i do not know how i get money to fix it

davepoobond: you just need to find a job

davepoobond: or do some freelance work for people

Jelli: yea but how?

davepoobond: what are you good at doing

Jelli: i dont know

davepoobond: cant you be a cashier

Jelli: im not

davepoobond: i know you’re not

davepoobond: but why can’t you do that in phillipines

Jelli: no hiring in cashier

Jelli: ???

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: you dont answer me

davepoobond: you didnt have a question?

davepoobond: what kind of soda do you like

Jelli: i dont like soda i like orange juice

davepoobond: why dont you like soda

Jelli: cuz have acid

davepoobond: orange juice is technically more acidic than soda

Jelli: nope

davepoobond: it has citric acid in it

Jelli: yea i know juice have acid,but soda acid and spirits right

davepoobond: well, soda has carbonation

Jelli: but with spirits

davepoobond: spirits?

davepoobond: you mean alcohol?

Jelli: yea got it

davepoobond: i mean your right alchohol

Jelli: soda doesnt have alcohol in it unless you put it in there

Jelli: i like gatorade

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: so what else can i ask you about?

Jelli: ask me then i answer

Jelli: im sleepy

davepoobond: have you ever had a pregnancy scare

Jelli: never

davepoobond: what is your cup size

Jelli: i dont want this topic

Jelli: im sleepy i need to rest

Jelli: thanks to your time

davepoobond: ok, see ya later

I looked up her profile picture on Google Images, and it ended up being a chick on some Spanish site who had nude pictures…. she was really hot, but the point being that it wasn’t the same person, obviously, so whatever “Jelli” actually looks like is unknown.