What the Critics Say About Squackle

“Ummm…….can we all say that’s a fucked up site??” – whitemagic

“I never squackled in public until I saw this site.” – BALTAUR SAMA

“Squackle just SQUACKS me up!” – D-Fiance

“Squackle made me piss myself, now i laugh wet” – D-Fiance

“o.o;; no” – Korinu

“Um, a collection of odd stuff?” – Para

“Squackle is God” – Vegichan

“Squackle is the place to go to find the cheapest chicken and turkey prices” – Valin Consulting

“Its…weird?” – Ko-chan

“Its a nice funny site with funny stuff there” – Jippii CEO the CEO of Jippii

“Heh…I dunno” – Bob

“This site has a very deep, profound point. No, I have no clue what it is either and if you know commit yourself. As for me, I submitted stuff to this site and am going to take a bath… I feel all dirty.” – Phoenix

“Every time I’m sitting on the pot and taking a dump I think of Squackle” – MyLeftTesticle

“I want to marry squackle!!!!” – The Peaman Thats Not a Man

“I like squackle… in spanish ducks go cua cua…I have mad cow disease…I like chinese.. WOW that rhymes!” – doughnut

“I love peas, well actually I dont, they are gross, and i also like unicorns and long walks on the beach, and um, also, mmmm.. animal sex.. I love squackle.. mooo” – The Peaman Thats Not a Man

“You are all evil … its great!! I love your site” – Stevo

“…Good….[not] bad…..kill [er]…person who made this site [rules]” – Sane Times

“hi my name’s ralph an i think your site sicks ass.  =D” – Poophead

“I’m not gonna waste my data for your stupid web site” – Add None

 

The D-Fiance Bible

In case you don’t know what this is, D-Fiance just “simplified” the bible. Not sure which testament it is, and if you care, you’d know if it was or not already, probably.

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1:1 The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.

1:1T This is a long ass book from a long ass time ago about some dead guy and the son of 2 other dead guys.

1:2 Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judah and his brethren;

1:2T Ok, one of the two old guys did something to Isaac Thomas, then Mr. Thomas did it to Jacoby, then Jacoby did it to Judass and Judass’s homeys! and that’s how STDs got started!

1:3 and Judah begat Perez and Zerah of Tamar; and Perez begat Hezron; and Hezron begat Ram;

1:3T and this is how we got crabs.

1:4 and Ram begat Amminadab; and Amminadab begat Nahshon; and Nahshon begat Salmon;

1:4T and how we got herpes

1:5 and Salmon begat Boaz of Rahab; and Boaz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse;

1:5T and genital warts

1:6 and Jesse begat David the king.

1:6T AIDS…. These were a horny bunch…. Need I say more?

1:71:16 And David begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Uriah; and Solomon begat Rehoboam; and Rehoboam begat Abijah; and Abijah begat Asa; and Asa begat Jehoshaphat; and Jehoshaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Uzziah; and Uzziah begat Jotham; and Jotham begat Ahaz; and Ahaz begat Hezekiah; and Hezekiah begat Manasseh; and Manasseh begat Amon; and Amon begat Josiah; and Josiah begat Jechoniah and his brethren, at the time of the carrying away to Babylon. And after the carrying away to Babylon, Jechoniah begat Shealtiel; and Shealtiel begat Zerubbabel; and Zerubbabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor; and Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Eliud; and Eliud begat Eleazar; and Eleazar begat Matthan; and Matthan begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

1:71:16T Long story made short, these were a bunch of HORNY ASS bastards who wasted more baby oil on more orgies than ANYONE in the history of puberty!!

1:17 So all the generations from Abraham unto David are fourteen generations; and from David unto the carrying away to Babylon fourteen generations; and from the carrying away to Babylon unto the Christ fourteen generations.

1:17T So all the long ass times from the old guy to the other old guy, was 14 long ass times. and from old guy number 2, the carrying away of a babbling on of 14 long ass times got pretty damn annoying after about the 6th long ass time.

1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found with child of the Holy Spirit.

1:18T Now the birth of Jesus was not wise, When his mother broke a condom with Joseph, before they “came” together she found a spirit with many holes.

1:19 And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.

1:19T And Joey Batafuco, a righteous dude, and not willing to graffiti her name in the public, was stupid and threw here away.

1:20 But when he thought on these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.

1:20T BUT! when the stupid bastard actually thought about it, BEHOLD!, an angel from Anaheim (Left center outfield if I am correct) appeared out of nowhere and scared the SHIT outta him ranting on about his dad and how hes whipped and should stop gearing his wife: who still has that damn spirit with holes in it.

1:21 And she shall bring forth a son; and thou shalt call his name JESUS; for it is he that shall save his people from their sins.

1:21T and now did the dirty withOUT a condom and name it Jesus (“heyzoos”), Now he shall save his people from all the sexual harassment suits.

1:22 Now all this is come to pass, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying,

1:22T Now its all gone, that he might actually come through for once, the drug lord said….(drum roll)

1:23 Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel; which is, being interpreted, God with us,

1:23T BEHOLD!. The virgin is gonna get porked, and shall have a fourth son, and his name will be Immanuel…. Immanuel Masterbation. God is here in the maternity ward TOO

1:24 And Joseph arose from his sleep, and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took unto him his wife;

1:24T He woke up, and was pushed around by communism, and did the nasty with his wife.

1:25 and knew her not till she had brought forth a son: and he called his name JESUS.

1:25T and they use and too much (They need to learn about run-on sentences, SHEESH) she wasn’t famous till Elvis was born, but everyone else called him Jesus (Heyzoos)

 

#5877: D-Fiance -> Chels

D-Fiance: Hello, I am from the sales department at KrAzY SyKO, inc. I would like to ask you a few questions about our new product.

Chels: ok..

D-Fiance: Great, lets get started.

D-Fiance: How much would you pay for our brand new invention?

Chels: what is this brand new invention?

D-Fiance: Air

Chels: nothing

D-Fiance: You see, soon the world will have none. We have new geneticly engineered air.

D-Fiance: It is always fresh and can be pumped right into your house.

Chels: sorry thats a little too impossible to believe thank u!

D-Fiance: Well hypothetically, what would you pay?

D-Fiance: This is your life we are talking about.

Chels: for my life, up to thousands the most, ten thousands

D-Fiance: What about a monthly payment?

Chels: i guess a hundred or so a month

D-Fiance: What if I told you we could install it for 29.99 tomarrow?

Chels: ur crazy buh bye!

D-Fiance: No Ma’am, Im KrAzY. But wait! I have another invention to ask you about!

Chels: and what is this one? water?

D-Fiance: …..ok, I have a third invention to ask you about, ready?

Chels: sure..

D-Fiance: Ok, how about a fusion power generator right next to your house?

D-Fiance: It will last the rest of your life, and only a static fee, no Kilowatt per hour deal here.

D-Fiance: Ma’am?

D-Fiance: if you dont answer my questions I will be forced to chain myself to your car and not leave until the police come with the jaws-of-life.

Chels: yeah whatever buh bye

D-Fiance: Ma’am please

D-Fiance: Ma’am, I am sorry for the outburst, but would you please answer just a few more questions?

Chels: no

D-Fiance: May I ask why?

Chels: becuz ur crazy or krazy….whatever i don’t talk to losers like u

D-Fiance: Ma’am this is my job, I have a quota. Can I please just ask you a few more questions?

 

#5876: D-Fiance -> Swift Rider

D-Fiance: I eat chicken

Swift Rider: tastes good dont it

Swift Rider: and you are?

D-Fiance: uh huh

D-Fiance: I am me and you are you and we like to eat chickens from the zoo

Swift Rider: nah man the chickens from the zoo be all nasty dawg…they dont ahve no seasoning or anything. you need the chicken from KFC, or churches or some shit

Swift Rider: or from leroys down on the street corner

D-Fiance: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE?!?!?!

D-Fiance: STALKER!!!

Swift Rider: your the ninja….you tell me

D-Fiance: hmmmm, you at me window?

D-Fiance: AHHHH!!!! oh wait, just a tree

D-Fiance: you dont know where I live, and you dont know chicken from doo doo

Swift Rider: tsk tsk tsk….a tru ninja would have to ask these qustions. they are the masters of thier enviroment and know this type of stuff

D-Fiance: those are magik ninjaz!!

D-Fiance: you stinky foot

Swift Rider: ayyiyo who is this?

Swift Rider: do i even know you

D-Fiance: YOU TELL ME!!! you wierdo, you IMed me!!

D-Fiance: you better know me

Swift Rider: LOOKY HEAH!!!! YOU BE THE ONE THAT IMed ME TALKING ABOUT YOU EAT CHICKEN. SO YOU ARE THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO KNOW SOMEBODY

D-Fiance: Hmmmmm you got a point there

D-Fiance: WAIT, YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!

D-Fiance: STALKER!!!

Swift Rider: do we we have evidence to support such a statement

D-Fiance: no, but we we have a mutual agreement

Swift Rider: that would require me knowing the the person behind the screenname. and seeing how i dont know this person we have no mutal agreement as to the fact that i know where you live, thus i am not a stalker

D-Fiance: a stalker is a stalker does, PLLLLL

D-Fiance: I had a second half uncle that was a stalker

D-Fiance: you know a Louie… Louie winnabego?

Swift Rider: nope

D-Fiance: would you bet your life on it?

Swift Rider: hmmmm…..well not to someone who i dont know hell no. and not even to someone i do know.

D-Fiance: GOD DAMNIT!!! THATS A RETORICAL QUESTION YOU DONT ANSWER IT!!!

Swift Rider: you do to piss people off

Swift Rider: i see it worked

D-Fiance: hmmm

D-Fiance: I can run fast

Swift Rider: do you even know my name?

D-Fiance: Yep

Swift Rider: what is it then/

D-Fiance: mike

Swift Rider: you wanna try again there dawg

D-Fiance: Ted

Swift Rider: uh uh

D-Fiance: really?

D-Fiance: oh I know, Ralph

Swift Rider: you IMed some dude you dont even know?

Swift Rider: talking about you like chicken

D-Fiance: I said Evan, didn you hear me Zack?

D-Fiance: Larry, I meant to say Kevin

D-Fiance: wait, I know your name!!!

D-Fiance: Don!!!

Swift Rider: ::sighs:: who is thie really?

Swift Rider: this*

D-Fiance: You dont remember me Sean?

D-Fiance: Chris, you should know

Swift Rider: sean might remember you, chris migh recall who you are but swift rder dont have a clue you are

D-Fiance: …… Oooh Oooh your name is Swift

Swift Rider: whateva man

D-Fiance: I eat chicken

Swift Rider: me too…..ayyiyo, im just want to be sure..do i truly know you?

D-Fiance: Do you know Jesus?

Swift Rider: yeah hes a pretty cool man

D-Fiance: Then you know me!

Swift Rider: funny, i dont remember jesus having access to the internet

D-Fiance: Exactly!!! and that is why I am here talking to you now!!

Swift Rider: about chicken?

D-Fiance: Whos said chicken?

D-Fiance: I heard chicken!!

D-Fiance: WHERE?!?!?!

Swift Rider: ayyiyo hold on brb

D-Fiance: Hello?

D-Fiance: HELLO?

D-Fiance: WHERE ARE YOU, WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS?!?!?!

D-Fiance: fine bye… I guess you dont love me anymore

D-Fiance: it could have been fun

D-Fiance: we could have had good times

D-Fiance: long nights

D-Fiance: great days

D-Fiance: but I guess thats just a dream now…..

D-Fiance: bye my only wonder