Squacklecast Episode 9 – “We Make Them Only to Kill Them”

This entry is part 9 of 32 in the series The Squacklecast

Summer movies are in full swing, and this time we take a look at Prometheus as well as the upcoming summer schedule of movies.  Its a big year for super heroes but not much else to get excited about.

WARNING: THERE ARE SOME PROMETHEUS SPOILERS!  You can skip to about a third of the way through and skip all the Prometheus stuff if you care.

Prometheus is a film that raises more questions than answers, like:  “Why would you kill Charlize Theron?” and “Why didn’t we see that scene with Charlize getting it up the butt from the big black dude?”

And there’s also all that hullabaloo about the origins of man and the beginnings of the Xenomorphs, but that’s all secondary.

Inception noise?  Meet your match:  PROMETHEUS NOISE!

Adam Sandler is intentionally making shitty movies.  Its the only explanation.  He just needs to stick with family comedies and dramatic movies, apparently.

This summer has a list of movies it wants to murder, and its gotten a few of them already:

Battleship: Sunk

The Dictator: Assassinated

Dark Shadows: Black Eye

Chernobyl Diaries: Nuked

Prometheus: Hospitalized (In the baby ward)

That’s My Boy: Murdered

Rock of Ages: Murdered

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Pending Assassination

Brave is another one of those Pixar movies that I’ll probably just hate.  I hate more Pixar movies than I do like them, apparently.

Owen Wilson:  I don’t like his voice, and I don’t like his face.

Finding Nemo had the worst characters of any Pixar movie ever.

The Good Dinosaur is probably just The Good Shepherd but with real dinosaurs, not people you could call dinosaurs.

Its actually worse than that.  It has Lil’ Wayne in it.

Pixar has an impressively boring list of upcoming movies.

Magic Mike has Channing Tatum in it.  Like, OH EM GEE.

Directed by Steven Soderbergh, no less.

How does Tyler Perry keep making movies?  He’s like Adam Sandler but successful.

Katy Perry: Part of Me: Pending Stage Collapse

Savages: Dead on Arrival

Step Up Revolution: Someone Will Step Down (In the government.  Get it? Revolution?  Government?  Step Down?)

The Watch: Legally murdered.  Maybe.

Total Recall: Unfortunate Death Due to Lack of References.  Please resubmit an application.

Expendables 2: Expendable (get it?)

ParaNorman: Already Dead

Resident Evil: Retribution: Been Dead

Sean Bean: Died 20+ times.  Save Sean Bean!

That’s it for this week, folks.  Hope you like our rudimentary coverage of what’s to come for this summer in the movies.

If you want to be on the Squacklecast, let us know!  We can schedule you for an interview and you can hang out with us for an hour.

 

Squacklecast Episode 4 – “DJ Honey, Drop It!”

This entry is part 4 of 32 in the series The Squacklecast

DJ HONEY, DROP IT!

Now onto what we actually talk about.

This week we talk about The Lucky One, starring Zac Efron, and how dumb the premise sounds without actually watching the movie!

Zac Efron’s bra trick apparently makes him a super hero.

Dear John is a little more sensible than The Lucky One, wouldn’t you say?

Don’t you get it?  I FORGOT what THE VOW was which was ABOUT AMNESIA?!??!

Rachel McAdams is apparently in movies.

Channing Tatum wasn’t the standout figure in the first GI Joe.

GI Joe Retaliation can’t be worse than the first one… right?

EVERYBODY’S DEAD!!!

Rachel Nichols is so beautiful…

She was in P2

With Wes Bentley

Jonathan Pryce as “U.S. President” in GI Joe 2?  NOT BELIEVABLE

Zac Efron and Channing Tatum in a gay romance movie?  It’s gonna happen.  DAT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN MARKET.

Charlie St. Cloud is a movie about Zac Efron getting dating tips from his dead younger brother’s ghost.  And something about sailing?

Pretty In Pink, I like that shit.

Theres about 100 more GI Joe characters to kill off before they reboot the franchise.

Everything you need to know about the ThunderCats.

I hate musicals.  And just because its a gay-themed one doesn’t mean I’m going to be guilted into liking it!

And this BearCity movie looks pretty gross.  Lots of hair.  I get enough of that in the mirror.

The Sound of Music is gay in the happy way.

“Video Team” is an amazing name for a company.

Edward Penishands???

Thanks for listening this week.  Maybe next week we’ll talk about more porn.