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#22511: Phoenix -> Hotkid05

June 30th, 2012 Posted in Prank IMs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

Phoenix: Hey

Phoenix: You into Yaoi?

Hotkid05: whos this

Phoenix: Adam

Phoenix: You know me.

Hotkid05: adam who

Phoenix: Don’t fuck around man, you KNOW who this is.

Hotkid05: im serious adam who

Phoenix: So whats up? We havn’t talked for a while.

Hotkid05: nm

Phoenix: How you been?

Hotkid05: where u from

Hotkid05: good u

Phoenix: Alright

Hotkid05: where do u live at

Phoenix: …

Phoenix: You still acting like you don’t know me bro?

Hotkid05: where

Phoenix: Fine, fuck you too.

Phoenix: We talked for months!

Hotkid05: im drunk as hell

Phoenix: Now I’m not your boy? Now you act like I’m nothing?

Phoenix: Go fuckyourself man, I don’t need you.

Hotkid05: im sorry

Phoenix: ….alright, alright.

Phoenix: But stop playin man,you know I don’t like that shit

Hotkid05: do u know my name??

Phoenix: No, we only talked online.

Hotkid05: r u straight??

Phoenix: The hell? You a moron or something? Can’t you remember anything?

Hotkid05: yea im sorry

Hotkid05: how r u

Phoenix: Fine, annoyed at you asking all this stupid shit though.

Hotkid05: my bad

Phoenix: It’s alright holmes, it’s fine.

Hotkid05: do u have a girl now

Phoenix: Hell ya boy, you know me. I can get em whenever I try.

Phoenix: Broke up with that other girl though, ya remember Faith?

Phoenix: Oh, of course you don’t, lol.

Hotkid05: yea

Phoenix: How bout you?

Hotkid05: no kidding

Hotkid05: no

Phoenix: Man, that sucks.

Hotkid05: i need 2 get laid

Phoenix: Heh, I hear that.

Phoenix: Course, it must be hard.

Hotkid05: why u say that

Phoenix: I mean you don’t remember shit, you act dumb all the time.

Hotkid05: thanx

Phoenix: Like this shit you were pulling with me.

Hotkid05: my bad man

Phoenix: If I was a girl I woulda called you a fag, man.

Phoenix: Course you are a fuckin fag.

Phoenix: I mean you act all quire and dainty.

Phoenix: Plus all that sick porn you look at?

Phoenix: That’s fucked up man.

Phoenix: I mean, all those links you were sending me…

Phoenix: “Big booty ass sucking” God, sick shit.

Phoenix: No wonder you pretend you don’t know me, I’d be embarrased too.

Phoenix: Course you were drunk but still…

Phoenix: You there, holmes?

Phoenix: Meh, you’re probably wanking it to some of that weird gay cartoon guy shit again, may you fucked up

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#22510: stimpyismyname -> davepoobond

June 30th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

stimpyismyname: youve beeeen waaaarned

davepoobond: about what

stimpyismyname: aim

stimpyismyname: er aol

davepoobond: ok

stimpyismyname: yes

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#22509: davepoobond -> Automatic Man

June 30th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: hot in. dun dunnn…………hot in HEEERRRREEEE

Automatic Man: ?

davepoobond: <>?

davepoobond: >^<

davepoobond: <^>

davepoobond: ^^>><<^^

davepoobond: ^^>><<>><<^^

Automatic Man: wtf?

davepoobond: >:o

Automatic Man: wtf are you doing

davepoobond: :-X

Automatic Man: how come i see ur messeges in a window, then i send em in a different 1?

davepoobond: me no no

davepoobond: :-P

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#22507: davepoobond -> zackrat123

June 28th, 2012 Posted in Prank IMs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: heyyy!!!

zackrat123: hey

davepoobond: been a while

zackrat123: who is this?

zackrat123: ya

davepoobond: you don’t remember?

zackrat123: nope

davepoobond: i’m your cousin, Richard

zackrat123: o hi richard

davepoobond: hi

zackrat123: i havent seen u in like 5 years

davepoobond: yeah i know

davepoobond: sucks don’t it

zackrat123: ya

davepoobond: so how’s life been treatin’ ya

zackrat123 signed off at 4:56:46 PM.

zackrat123 signed on at 4:56:52 PM.

davepoobond: how’s life been treatin’ ya

zackrat123: good

zackrat123: im jkin i no ur not my cousin richard i dont even have a cousin richard

davepoobond: =-O

davepoobond: you’ve been fuckin around with me

zackrat123: ya

davepoobond: here i am in my identity crisis

davepoobond: trying to find out who i am

davepoobond: and you fuck around with me

zackrat123: hehehe

davepoobond: by the way, hyundai makes civics

zackrat123: o

zackrat123: no honda civic

davepoobond: hyundai civic, you jackass

davepoobond: don’t fall in

zackrat123: dont fall in wat

davepoobond: your own shit

davepoobond: cause you’re just full of it

zackrat123: o

zackrat123: ok

zackrat123: but search for honda civic and it will show it

davepoobond: unh hunh..

davepoobond: tell me other funny jokes

zackrat123 wants to directly connect.

zackrat123: accept

zackrat123 is now directly connected.

davepoobond: dood

zackrat123: (shows a picture of a Honda civic)

zackrat123: honda civic

zackrat123: but y do u want to know

davepoobond: no reason

davepoobond: mwah

davepoobond: mwahahahah

davepoobond: nayway1@3!

zackrat123 direct connection is closed.

zackrat123: ok

davepoobond: have you been to my website

zackrat123: nope

davepoobond: g-g-g-g-g-g-go

zackrat123: wat is it

davepoobond: a humor site

zackrat123: wats the link

davepoobond: www.squackle.com

zackrat123: eeewwwwww

davepoobond: ?

zackrat123: i went to it

davepoobond: ok

davepoobond: what’s so ewwww about it

zackrat123: i didnt go to it but i dont want to

davepoobond: ok!

davepoobond: Why do you think you think that i think what?

zackrat123: ?

zackrat123 signed off at 5:07:41 PM.

-~-

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#22505: davepoobond -> PhycoPuppie

June 28th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: boy i can’t wait till fizikz tomorrow

PhycoPuppie: ok

PhycoPuppie signed off.

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#22504: davepoobond -> Para

June 28th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: heh i just thought of something

davepoobond: i should make a porno where all the hot chicks aren’t the ones getting the action

davepoobond: but all these ugly chicks are

davepoobond: it’ll mess with their minds

Para: Yeah!

Para: Women would buy that.

Para: Normal women with no makeup and stuff getting all the hunks.

davepoobond: yeah

davepoobond: “if only”

davepoobond: or “i want to be her”

Para: Yeah.

davepoobond: then there’s a sudden surge in ugly women becoming porn actresses

Para: And give it an actual plot.

Para: Heh.

davepoobond: have an actual plot and then no one would buy it

davepoobond: cause it has too many things that aren’t appealing

Para: Actually no. Women like plots.

davepoobond: heh

Para: Women don’t like hardcore.

Para: We like softcore.

Para: That’s why romance novels sell.

Para: They are smut just like the movies.

Para: They just have a plot.

davepoobond: interesting

davepoobond: an untapped market

Para: Pretty much.

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#22503: davepoobond -> Para

June 28th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: if i make it as a director maybe i can put you in one of the movies I make ;-) (not porno)

davepoobond: though i might go through there if i plan to actually pursue that career choice

Para: Lol, good. Because I’d be the only dressed person in the porno

davepoobond: i guess you could be the lawyer person that consults with the main character

davepoobond: right before she gets assrammed

Para: Lmao

davepoobond: or i could just make my own company or whatever maybe

davepoobond: i dont know

davepoobond: maybe i’ll do that on the side of an office job or wherever i end up

Para: True

Para: Porn tends to ruin a person’s career before it starts though.

davepoobond: yeah

davepoobond: but you get all the hot chicks

davepoobond: so it can’t be that bad

Para: All the hot used chicks.

Para: Really used.

davepoobond: hey used costs less

Para: Lol… used also comes with some unwanted extras.

davepoobond: haha

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#22501: Para -> davepoobond

June 28th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

Para: ::jingles a baggy of teeth at him::

davepoobond: woowwee

Para: Heh

davepoobond: that was unexpected to see ya IM me

Para: Got my wisdom teeth removed.

Para: Heh

davepoobond: that’s funny

davepoobond: is your mouth all numb

Para: Nah, had em removed friday.

Para: Now I’m just in pain. :D

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: how many did you have?

Para: 4

davepoobond: i had 6

davepoobond: 4 on the top 2 on the bottom

davepoobond: stupid doctor made the joke saying i have extra wisdom

davepoobond: i wonder how many times a day those nurses have to hear that jackass say that same joke

Para: Lol, now that sucks.

Para: Mine were just huge.

Para: The bottom ones were twice as large as the top.

davepoobond: interesting

Para: Looks like you could have pulled em out of a small cow.

Para: Had to cut of part of my jaw bone to get one out.

davepoobond: ow

Para: It had pinched some bone.

Para: I have the jaw bone too. :D

Para: Did you keep yours?

davepoobond: i dont know

davepoobond: i dont think they let me keep them

davepoobond: or my mom didn’t want to

davepoobond: something like that

davepoobond: they said the 2nd set at the top just crumbled when they took them out

davepoobond: i think i actually lost them

Para: Actually they aren’t supposed to let you keep them.

Para: They are a biohazard.

davepoobond: then i probably don’t have them

Para: I’m persistant though.

davepoobond: or never did

Para: Plus they usually have to cut impacted ones up to get them out.

Para: So I have 2 teeth in 5 different pieces.

Para: But I can glue em back.

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: never know when you’ll need biohazard material, i guess

Para: Lol, they aren’t anymore.

Para: I washed em.

Para: I can understand why they would be.

davepoobond: people might eat them, they can’t take the chance

Para: It takes awhile to clean them, it would take them too long to clean them… so they would have to hand them to you bloody and with gum tissue hanging off.

Para: So I had a little gruesome bloody baggy off teeth for a bit.

Para: Creeped the hell out of my mom.

Para: I’m standing over the bathroom sink, about 4 hours after the surgery, a little dopey… and using a nail brush to scrap it all off.

Para: Which it didn’t work.

Para: So I had to boil them.

Para: She refused to come into the kitchen

davepoobond: ew

Para: Lol

Para: What, they are just teeth.

davepoobond: well you’re boiling them and scraping them

Para: Had to, rather do that then have rotten human flesh smell.

davepoobond: you could’ve always sucked it all off

Para: Can’t suck… can’t use a straw for a week.

davepoobond: meh

Para: Lol

Para: I don’t know why that seems to freak people out.

davepoobond: it doesn’t really

davepoobond: its just kind of nasty

Para: *shrugs*

Para: I had little options

davepoobond: the thought of seeing gum hanging off teeth dripping with blood

davepoobond: kind of unsettling

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#22500: davepoobond -> manceman

June 27th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: do you happen to have the latest Sponge album?

manceman: wtf is Sponge ?

davepoobond: sponge is a band

davepoobond: with one good song

davepoobond: they’re grunge

manceman: o gotcha

davepoobond: they’re amazingggg

manceman: ill bet

davepoobond: not really

davepoobond: they do have a good song though

manceman: do you think the test tomorrow is going to be hard?

davepoobond: maybe maybe not

manceman: thats not very helpful

davepoobond: would it have been if i told you either way

davepoobond: what would you do differently had i told you what i really thought

davepoobond: had i cared in the first place

manceman: i do not know

davepoobond: you’ll just get your 90% as always

davepoobond: and i’ll get my 50 or 79%

manceman: haha

manceman: i got a b on the last one

manceman: whats PhycoPuppie going to get?

davepoobond: 490

manceman: haha

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#22499: davepoobond -> manceman

June 27th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: go eat a triangle

manceman: what?

davepoobond: triangle stew is gud 4 u

manceman: wtf

davepoobond: :-$

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#22498: davepoobond -> YoursTruly

June 27th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: poo

YoursTruly: lol long time

davepoobond: motown legends are the coolest

davepoobond: yeah…

YoursTruly: really? what are they about?

davepoobond: uhh

davepoobond: motown is a company

davepoobond: and they just put legends on the end of their names

davepoobond: for their most popular artists

davepoobond: so they can put cds out for them

davepoobond: of all their best songs

davepoobond: and they’re all black artists

YoursTruly: ohhhh, nice

YoursTruly: so whatcha doin?

davepoobond: not much

davepoobond: you

YoursTruly: being bored, i gave up on chat room rpg now i just play real rpgs………… so boring

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: video game rpgs are better

davepoobond: it takes less creativity

YoursTruly: lol yeah i guess, plus there are no gay neebies on video games

davepoobond: that too

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#22497: Automatic Man -> davepoobond

June 25th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

Automatic Man messaged me what I had written on Squackle as an update…

Automatic Man: Yesterday, I was driving on a freeway back from KFC, with a large (the really big one) box of Popcorn Chicken (mmh mmh do I love Popcorn Chicken) when all of a sudden something brown flew through the air and then smashed into my windwhield and made two huge holes in it. Glass flew everywhere, and I don’t know what the hell it was or whether someone threw it or if it got thrown up by another car’s tires. If it was someone throwing it, I want to kill them, because now I have to replace the windshield of the Turbo Diesel Ground Force (the name of my car).

Automatic Man: ahahahaaha

Automatic Man: it was me!

davepoobond: wtf?

davepoobond: what are you talkin about

davepoobond: you didn’t throw that shit

Automatic Man: shhh! yes i did

davepoobond: what was it then

Automatic Man: a big brown thing, possibly a rock

davepoobond: unh hunh..

Automatic Man: its true

davepoobond: why aren’t you more specific

Automatic Man: cuz i was high at the time

Automatic Man: because i got high

Automatic Man: becuase i got high

davepoobond: i saw you right after i came into the school parking lot, jackass

Auto response from Automatic Man: stupid research paper! brb

Automatic Man: ya i drive and run just that fast

Automatic Man: mmm english muffin

Automatic Man: >:o

davepoobond: english muffins are good toasted

davepoobond: you know what else is good toasted?

davepoobond: the En Vogue CD “funky DIVAS”

Automatic Man: lol

Automatic Man: i had a toasted english muffin with yogurt butter on it (its like butter, but made from yogurt so its not as bad for you)

davepoobond: yeah i have that yogurt butter crap too

davepoobond: its good

davepoobond: better than substitute shit

Automatic Man: brummel and brown baby

davepoobond: yeahhh!

davepoobond: me too

davepoobond: the big ol’ tubs

Automatic Man: its good shit

Automatic Man: i have a small 1

davepoobond: we used to get small ones

Automatic Man: but we dont use it that much

davepoobond: they stopped sellin them small or something

davepoobond: there’s these tubs

davepoobond: that last about a month or something

Automatic Man: hmmm

davepoobond: around here anyway

Automatic Man: like a regular size butter 1? or the gigantic dave size TUBs?

davepoobond: you know the “i can’t believe its not butter” tubs

davepoobond: that size

Automatic Man: ya

Automatic Man: thats wut i have

Automatic Man: bout 3 inches in diamter

davepoobond: its a pound

Automatic Man: hmm

Automatic Man: i dunno

davepoobond: it says what it weighs on there

Automatic Man: but were having too deep a conversation about butter

davepoobond: its not butter

davepoobond: its 35% veggie oil

Automatic Man: whatever the hell it is

davepoobond: 25% yogurt

davepoobond: and the rest is butter i guess

Automatic Man: lol

davepoobond: do you know who En Vogue is

Automatic Man: singer?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: its a group

davepoobond: of 4 black females

Automatic Man: oh

Automatic Man: o well

davepoobond: there’s a movie named “duets”

davepoobond: and i have the soundtrack for some reason

davepoobond: it has the guy from big fat liar that was colored blue

davepoobond: i dont know his name

Automatic Man: o

davepoobond: did you finish your research paper

Automatic Man: not yet

Automatic Man: almost

davepoobond: i’ve got 8 pgs

davepoobond: 8 full pgs

Automatic Man: oh

Automatic Man: well

Automatic Man: see right now im using wordpad cuz this POS comp doesnt have word so i have to move it to my good comp after i finish so i can actually break it down into PAGES

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: the spice girls are kinda funny

Auto response from Automatic Man: id like to talk, but im on the home stretch of my research paper, and i wanna finish soon

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#22496: davepoobond -> stimpyismyname

June 25th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: are you seriously gonna use it

stimpyismyname: yes

davepoobond: ok…

stimpyismyname: oh…

stimpyismyname: seriously?

stimpyismyname signed off at 9:28 PM

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#22495: stimpyismyname -> davepoobond

June 25th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

stimpyismyname: i only need a page and a hlaf

stimpyismyname: hlafffff

stimpyismyname signed off at 9:10 PM.

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#22494: davepoobond -> manceman

June 25th, 2012 Posted in Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond: i ate 2 footlongs from subway today

manceman: shit man’

davepoobond: ;-)

manceman: haha

davepoobond: i really did though

davepoobond: i was really hungry

manceman: haha

manceman: i guessed

davepoobond: i dont usually eat 2 footlongs

davepoobond: only thing i had today was pop tarts and 2 footies

manceman: haha

manceman: nice

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