Page 40 of 1,346« First...102030...3839404142...5060708090...Last »

Squacklecast Episode 8 – “Wait Till We Do a Number 9″

June 4th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast | No Comments »

We have a guest this week!  It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week.  We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.

Did you have a half naked wannabe Hulk running around during your visit to the theater during The Avengers?  Did he look as bad as this guy who used industrial paint and had to take 20 baths in two days to try to get it off?

Wannabehulk

http://www.strawberryfestival.org/

What have we become? A never ending http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ ad for the http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ Strawberry Festival? http://www.strawberryfestival.org/

In honor of the Zombie Apocalypse, AMC is starting a new show called…

AMC Bath Salts

Zombie Apocalypse 2012:

Guy eating someone’s face off in Florida.

Guy eating his roommates brain in Maryland.

Get off my computer, Jamie Oliver.  You’re not a chemist.  You’re just an asshole.

Silly Jaime Oliver, we shouldn’t be throwing away perfectly edible food.  We should at least ship it off to Africa!

McDonalds used to be a value.  Now they try to sell you everything in bulk so that there is the same perceived value as what was once known as the Dollar Menu.

100 McNuggets

Only 20 bucks!

That new Coldplay song is pretty bad.  It doesn’t even sound like a Coldplay song.

Rihanna looks dumb.  Please remove her from my music and movies.

Rihanna Looks Dumb

Carly Rae Jepsen?  Who stepped in what?  Yet another terrible song for your listening pleasure:

The Sky Is The Limit must be gay code for anal sex.  So is “funnel cake.”

#1 – Piss

#2 – Poo

#3 – Poop and Pee at the same time.

#4 – Poo, Pee, and a Yak (a barf).  Mostly done by bulimics and people who don’t feel very good.

#5 – Opening up your intestine and chopping up parts and throwing it at police (Zombies gotta poop somehow)

The newer Dawn of the Dead introduced running zombies.  Is it really that much weirder than the idea of zombies in the first place?

[Rec] was a “demonic infestation” sort of zombie thing rather than a virus or reanimated corpses due to magic/radiation.   By the way, that was a spoiler.

Want to hire screamers with 13 dB yells or higher to make movies seem more scary than they are.  Apply at the offices of William Castle.

Screamer

Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg jokes are so funny.

The real #5 – Peeing inside someone.  A whole #1, while penetrating them.

#6 – Same thing as #5 but taking a shit on them instead.

#7 – Forced ejaculation

#8 – Vegetables in orifices, coming out.

The #1 (pun intended) defense against Zombies is making a house out of sugary treats.

GingerBread House

#9 – You don’t even need a can opener.  You just peel it back and drop that shit in, then you turn it to medium heat and stir it.

#10 – Strawberry sauce/Period Juice on your Hot Dog.

#11 – “Painting the porta potty.”  The paintbrush is your dick and the porta potty is a person’s ass.

X Squared – all of the above

Boy that was a great one, huh, guys?  Who knows what’s going to happen next week!

-~-

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Tagged People: , , , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #22433

June 3rd, 2012 Posted in (F) Quicky Jokes, Jokes | No Comments »

Q: What’s a fish without any eyes?

A: A fsh.

-~-

Tags: ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #22432

June 3rd, 2012 Posted in (F) Quicky Jokes, Jokes | No Comments »

Q: What’s blue and smells like red paint?

A: Blue paint.

-~-

Tags: , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”

May 26th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast | No Comments »

This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends.  They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.

Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings.  Gross!

Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste.  It’s almost like a boring wedding video.

This is the knife that the soccer coach had.

Cool Knife

Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact?  It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies.  If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.

Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years

Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years

I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years

Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers.  They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.

Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.

Independence Day 2 or even 3?  Welcome to URF again in 10 years!

 

Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks.  How do you like that, mother fuckers!?  Aliens getting shit on all the time!

Kind of sounds like Avatar

Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean.  Or something.  You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.

On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.

AVP and AVP 2 are no bueno.

Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible.  You should watch it.  It was directed by that guy that did Fame.

Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time.  That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.

Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay.  And obviously not as good looking.

Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties.  But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.

The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.

George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.

Kind of something like this:

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

 

And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!

Did you hear they banned plastic bags in LA?  Fuck that shit!  How am I supposed to line my little trash cans?

Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.

The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there.  No one freakin lives there anyway.  So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.

Gobi Plastic Desert

See you guys next week! :licky:

-~-

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tagged People: , , , , , , , , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

This Man Normalizes His Data

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

This Man Normalizes His Data

-~-

Tags: ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Where the Fuck Is Jeeves?

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Where the Fuck is Jeeves?

Back when "Ask.com" used to be "AskJeeves.com" and then they changed to just "Ask.com."

-~-

Tags:

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

You Don’t Want to Win This Prize

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

You Don't Want to Win This Prize

-~-

Tags: ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

GeForce 256 GPU Box Art

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

GeForce 256 GPU Box Art

So powerful.

-~-

Tags:

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Drunk Cat

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Drunk Cat

-~-

Tags: , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Fascist Cats

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Fascist Cats

-~-

Tags: ,

Tagged People: , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

You Play Too Many Videogames. You Have Too Many Periods.

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Comics | No Comments »

You Play Too Many Video Games.  You Have Too Many Periods.

-~-

Tags: , ,

+1-1 (+1 rating, 1 votes)
Loading...Loading...

Red Bull(shit)

May 20th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Red Bull(shit)

-~-

Tags: ,

Tagged People:

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Squacklecast Episode 6 – “Mermaid Off the Port Bow!”

May 19th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast | 1 Comment »

Whoa, did we miss another week?  Sorry ya’ll, but this week we’ll take a look at The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and how they’re both kind of crappy movies.  The reason why we’re even bothering?  Because Billy never watched it before last week!

The Evil Queen should have put Snow White into a sleeper hold and then shot her.

Sleeper Hold-

Little Mermaid run time – 83 minutes

Snow White run time – 83 minutes

D:

Who would do a credit for “Birds”?  Purv Pullen, of course.

Bedtime for Bonzo… a movie with Ronald Reagan and a chimpanzee!  I’d guess its a movie about killing a lab chimpanzee from the title.

Squackle Film Festival, with Troll 2 to begin and to end!  Also featuring Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Sex Machine and Hooking Up.  More movies to be announced at a later date.

Wouldn’t YOU like to penetrate the Little Mermaid?

Little Mermaid

Sebastian is just a scrotum with a huge penis coming out of it along with pincers.  A dick with pincers, even.

Sebastien

Ariel would qualify for being an episode of Hoarders.

TWO new Snow White movies?  Whyyyyy?  Number 1.  Number 2.

Who the fuck is that guy in the mirror?  It must be Zordon.

Zordon!

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

The fairest one of all?

The Fairest One of All

By Janny Northman

WHO PUT A DICK IN THIS BOX?

The Evil Queen's Box Has a Dick In It-

Whatever you do, don’t search for “Little Mermaid Hentai…”

Will it be two weeks or next week that we do the next podcast?  No one knows.

-~-

Tags: , , , ,

Tagged People: , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Jacob is the Fairest One of Them All

May 19th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

The Fairest One of All

By Janny Northman

-~-

Tags: ,

Tagged People:

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

The Evil Queen’s Box Has a Dick In It

May 19th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

The Evil Queen's Box Has a Dick In It

-~-

Tags: , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...



Page 40 of 1,346« First...102030...3839404142...5060708090...Last »