The 20 Dollar Issue

A customer said that he placed 20 dollars and some change on the counter for a mug.  The total of the transaction was about 10.79 for the travel mug (which looks like it was a 9.99 mug).

When the cashier rung up the mug and began to bag it, the cashier turned away and then the money was no longer there.  The cashier turned to see that only 80 cents was there.

The customer claimed to me personally that he had “handed” her the first bill.  This did not jive with the security footage as we did not see him place any bill in her hand directly, and only saw him place things on the counter, which may or may not have included the bill in question.

The cashier said she seemed to think the customer had placed the 20 back into his pocket only to take it out again and place it on the counter, but she wasn’t entirely sure.

My take on it, is if that he had somehow put the 20 back into his pocket before he started putting change on the counter, it’s possible that ALL of his hand motions directly motioning to the counter might not be any bills at all, but only the coins after he was digging through his pockets.  I know for sure that it didn’t seem like he handed her anything directly.

As an aside, the cashier mentioned that the guy had exchanged a shirt that he had “won” earlier that day with a clothing rep for an even exchange with no money.  This all happened at about 6:20 pm.

At closing, 7:00 pm, he said he essentially wanted to take the mug without paying for it because he was “out 20 dollars.”  I told him we couldn’t let anything out of the store without it being paid for, so he eventually agreed to give me his information and his name, and then he bought the mug “again.”  I told him prior to this that we were gonna have an officer come by and help with the situation because I didn’t want to question the cashier out in the open or anything like that and make the guy mad.  He said he had to go, at which point he paid for the mug.

I had another cashier count out that register, just to make sure no conflict of interest arose.  The customer had basically agreed that the register hadn’t opened at all, plus I never saw it open on the video, so there’s that, as well.

What ended up happening after all of this, was my manager basically met the customer halfway and offered a 20 dollar gift card for the store that was to be picked up by his daughter.  I never heard anything more about it getting picked up after a couple of times of asking if it ever was, and it wasn’t.

 

Wild Arms (PS) Review

Developer: Media.Vision Inc. | Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment || Overall: 8/10

Wild Arms is one of the seemingly overlooked RPGs from the PlayStation-era.  While some of the greatest Japanese RPGs to have been created were enjoying their prime, there were many B-tier RPGs that rode the coat tails to success as well.  Wild Arms had given me that feeling upon first thought of the series, and while it may have been trying to copy what made the Final Fantasy series great, it brought its own flavor and methodology to the genre that holds up even into playing it in 2013.

Hunkering down and forcing yourself to play Wild Arms for the first PlayStation is probably going to be a difficult thing to do in a gaming landscape that we enjoy nowadays.  Wild Arms essentially looks like a 2D Super Nintendo game.  The battles are early-3D, which makes the age of the game immediately show.  The art style tries to carry over into the 3D battles from the 2D field, but if the game wasn’t under seeming pressure to integrate 3D elements into the game I could have seen the battles working better as 2D, benefiting from keeping a consistent look throughout.  Given that the game was released in 1996, it probably wowwed a few people at the time, and the 3D battles were probably one of the things that were marketed heavily to contrast away from the Super Nintendo and butt heads with the Nintendo 64 (which had just been released the same year).

The story in Wild Arms is pretty interesting, and the initial set up of the game is actually quite different than your usual RPG.  The game revolves around three characters:  Rudy, Jack, and Cecilia.  Each of these characters are independently controlled and swapped to during play, so you have a somewhat decentralized feeling as to which character is actually “you.”  The only character that is sort of implied to be the main character is Rudy, who is a (mostly) silent protagonist and holds a couple of terrible secrets that don’t really pay off very well in the end.  Rudy is able to use weaponry known as ARMs, which are remnants of an old war that was fought against the Demons, which are the antagonists in the current events.  Jack and his “assistant” talking mouse named Hampan are adventurers who join up with Rudy.  Cecilia is a princess whose father dies as a result of the Demons attack early in the game, who ends up being the shaman savior of the world.  These three characters have their independent storylines at the beginning of the game until they meet up and decide to adventure together.  I wish the reasoning these guys got together was a little more profound, but it really wasn’t much more than saying “Hey, are you adventuring, too?  Let’s go kill some shit.”  Eventually the bonds between the characters are made and the group ends up being a great cast of friends.  They all go through a bit of personal emotional turmoil together despite the larger story going on around them, and saving the world actually gets put on hold for their smaller stories at times, though they do end up being related to it in the end.

The story revolves around a conflict that arises from a group of Demons who find their way back to Filgaia, the planet that the Humans are living on, to either take it over and enslave Humanity — or destroy it.  Filgaia has already been having a little bit of a problem with the planet dying and no one understanding why the life energy of the planet was being sucked out of it with no cure to be had.  At the end of the last war, there was another race that shared Filgaia with the Humans, known as the Elws (Elves).  After the last war they had sacrificed the world’s life energy to rid the invading Demons.  As a result, the Elws and Humans had a falling out and soon all of the Elws “disappeared.”  The Elws soon became only part of stories and besides a few remaining monuments and structures, had been gone for a very long time.  The Elws were very good with technology and along with the Humans had created ARMs as well as huge machines called Golems.  The Golems were tantamount in expelling the Demons and many had eventually been scattered and “lost” outside of a few that were kept around for show.  There are also ethereal entities known as Guardians that watch over and protect Filgaia for some unexplained reason, and had been lying dormant in a weakened state due to the results of the last war.

The Demons themselves are not actually “demons” in the classic sense.  They are essentially robot aliens from a planet called Hiades which is no longer habitable for them.  Unfortunately not too much of their origin was explained by the end of the game, but they seem to be able to come back from Hell (wherever that is) a lot after they die.  Wild Arms, surprisingly, has a lot to do with science fiction.  The beginning of the game has more of a fantasy feeling until later where there is teleportation, dimensional traveling, super computers, and space travel.  You get a little taste of the technology in the beginning of the game, but it doesn’t really come back around until later.  For these reasons, Wild Arms sets itself away from “normal” fantasy RPGs because it seems to address the question of what stakes are involved in not only the survival of the planet, but what external threats are “out there” that could come at any time.  If you take the time to read the extra informational books on the bookshelves throughout the game, you’ll find quite a bit of interesting lore regarding the previous wars, the Golems, the Demons, and the Elws.  If you have any interest in the story, my suggestion is to make it a point to explore towns as much as you can and to read as much of the texts as possible.  The lore is probably the most unique part of the game when all is said and done.

Unfortunately the story starts out VERY slow.  I didn’t feel like the story got interesting at all until about 10 hours played, where the game is trying to slowly get you used to the gameplay mechanics and the feel of the dungeons.  As the story ramps up, I found myself engrossed in the finer details, and while the game itself wasn’t that exciting, I wanted to know more and see more of what was happening to Filgaia and how the protagonists fit into the whole debacle.

There’s probably not much point in actually explaining the gameplay itself.  It’s pretty standard as far as RPGs go from this era, and most of the time you’ll be mashing the X button and perhaps throwing some special abilities out to defeat the endless droves of enemies that you’ll be slaughtering.  There are a couple of unique things about this game from a gameplay standpoint, however.

The dungeons themselves are designed around the use of a concept called “Tools.”  For example, Rudy starts out with Bombs.  He’ll use bombs to destroy obstacles, such as rock walls, boulders, etc.  Most of the dungeons have some sort of elaborate puzzle-solving, and eventually each of your three characters will attain 4 tools each.  Most of the game will be played with only about two useful tools, and some of the other tools are only used situationally a couple of times after you get it and then not again.  The Roller Skates and Power Glove were used probably three or four times outside of the dungeon you actually get it in, for example.  In contrast, most Final Fantasy games don’t really have you do too much with the field (aka the dungeons), leaving most of the challenges to be navigating through mazes or maybe flicking some switches, which Wild Arms has as well.

The battle gameplay is a bit forward-thinking for a game from this era and this genre.  Possibly the most interesting is that they let you swap out equipment in-battle without any penalty, which opens up the use of more items during the battle and being able to adapt to the challenge WHILE you are facing it rather than getting ready for it or dying and then knowing what to do.   There are also auto-battle stances according to whatever behavior you want your characters to adhere to, and they are independently adjusted — meaning you can manually control one, and leave the other two on auto-battle.  This can also be adjusted in battle, which is very convenient in case the auto-battle isn’t working out.  As you grind a lot of mobs to get through some of the dungeons, it can save a lot of button mashing.

Another cool thing about the game as a whole is that they only give you three characters.  As opposed to other games where you can get around ten characters, this allows the game to focus on the characters you have.  You will always use “all” of your party members in every fight, giving you the feeling that all of your party members are taking the burden of the challenges on their shoulders alone and they don’t miss out on any vital events that happen in the game, like beating a difficult boss.  There are also liberties taken with this as well, as there are a few dungeons where you will control only one character at a time, and you have to use the other characters to help yourself in another part of the dungeon until you all meet up again.  Tools are also attached to certain characters, so you will constantly be switching between characters to use the different tools — which allows you to control them in the field in an equal amount compared to the other characters, again resulting in a feeling that your party members are “all” there at the same time, and not waiting somewhere drinking coffee while you’re out saving the world.

A lot of the boss battles are easy — they’re not too complicated or grueling.  Since I didn’t want to spend 60 hours on the game, I was using a walkthrough for the majority of the game, but whenever I hit a boss battle I wouldn’t usually read anything about the boss before going into it.  I ended up spending about 35 hours (which literally took me 8.5 months to play) on the game and accomplished a majority of the optional bosses and activities the game offered.  While there are definitely hard battles to be had, the battle system isn’t necessarily too enthralling or deep.

Each of your characters have a unique group of spells/abilities that they have access to.  They use MP (magic points) or ammo, and most of the time you’ll be using them instead of the normal attacks the game allows you to use.  One thing that struck me as an odd decision was that Rudy, the character who is able to use the “ARMs,” notated in the game’s title, didn’t use ARMs as his normal attack.  He has a sword… The ARMs were “special” abilities.  In fact, ARMs themselves don’t really play that much of a huge part of the game since only one character uses them.  The game could have been called Wild Magic or Wild Fast Draw and the same result would have been seen in the game.  Rudy doesn’t use his special ability to solve anything other than lay the smack down on anything and everything you saw fit to use them on.  It was a missed opportunity to distinguish Rudy apart from Jack, who is an “experienced” swordsman, but for some reason Rudy used a sword, too, and not a gun to blow shit up with all the time.  I suppose that you could use his ARMs all of the time and never use his sword attack, but you usually want to keep “special” abilities for bosses or harder enemies.  That’s what makes them special.

Character progression isn’t all that exciting, but each character is different from each other.  Rudy will acquire new ARMs occasionally through play.  You can spend straight money to upgrade these ARMs to make them more powerful and useful.  You get nearly ten of these ARMs, and the last two are found in the last string of dungeons.  Unless you make it a point to exit the dungeon and go upgrade these, they are pretty much useless since when you find any ARM they are basically crap.  Jack is an expert swordsman with a mysterious past, so he gets “Fast Draw” hints — the name of his school of abilities is “Fast Draw.”  When you acquire a hint, you have to use the ???? ability you have just acquired until you are able to “learn” the ability that you had been given the hint for, at which point you can then use the ability when you like.  Cecilia uses all sorts of magic, and you can learn more by acquiring items known as Crest Graphs.  You use the Crest Graphs to bind spells to the character.  The choices you make at the beginning of the game are more important when you have almost no Crest Graphs, but as you find more, the decisions become less important.  There will eventually be an “Advanced” set of magic, which will sort of reset the importance of Crest Graphs about 2/3s of the game in, but since you can unlearn and relearn abilities with absolutely no penalty, it is easy to just “upgrade” all of your Basic magic spells into Advanced spells.

All of the characters have something called Force abilities.  Each turn in battle gives them a certain amount of “Force.”  Each character has four different abilities that they can use according to their current Force level, and they use Force to use them.  These are especially useful when summoning Guardians or amplifying special abilities during longer fights.

Once you get to the later part of the game, there are a few optional quests and bosses to do, which can fill up about 5 to 10 hours.  There is an arena which gives you very special items depending on which fight you fight up to.  The items you earn here basically let you “cheat” and build out your characters into ridiculously strong killing machines, if you were so inclined to do so.  I passed over a couple of optional bosses, and most of the optional bosses will drop best-in-slot gear for your characters, making them even better.

Something to note, I played the majority of the game without a map.  I was wondering why they didn’t give us a map for the whole game and how stupid it was that there wasn’t one in the game.  I looked it up online eventually and it ended up being that I missed a room where I should have blown the wall apart — IN THE FIRST DUNGEON — and inside that room was the map.  I was making the game way more frustrating for myself than I had to.  Which basically ends with me saying that a map should not be something you find in a game in a hidden room optionally.  It has to be a forced thing you find, are given, or just friggin happens in the game.  BAD GAME DESIGN!

That’s basically Wild Arms.  It’s not an overly ambitious game, but if I was playing it in middle school alongside Final Fantasy VII, I’d probably would have still enjoyed the game quite a bit.  I didn’t actually have a PlayStation until closer to the year 2000 or so, so it was completely off my radar until I started collecting more games later in middle school and high school.  I didn’t actually acquire the Wild Arms games until I was in college, though.

All in all, the things I take away from this game are the great story, and the great character relations that are built through the events of the game.  If you’re able to sit through and play old PlayStation games, it is definitely worth playing.  Unfortunately Wild Arms 2 appears to have an all new, yet seemingly familiar-looking, cast of characters, so the stories of Rudy, Jack, and Cecilia are left to fanfiction.

Since I’ve actually beaten the game, I have the following to say about the story:

*Story SPOILERS past this point.  Beware!*

The story ends with the moral that “Humans are the true Guardians of Filgaia” — not the spiritual entities that are actually known as the Guardians, since now they’re dead or whatever.  Obviously this is a big comparison to what we as humans on the planet Earth are to our own planet.  The story is essentially telling us that we have the power to protect our world and to defend it from bad stuff, yadda yadda yadda.  It’s a good message, although a bit cheesy in its delivery since they literally state the facts (just in case you weren’t able to pick up on that from the 35+ hour journey you just went on).

A few things about the story just plain don’t pay off, and it kind of makes me sad, since there definitely could have been more room to explain some of the things they didn’t delve into:

– The Demon race’s history wasn’t explained, other than that they are evil and are taking over planets.  Were they created from something or what?  What was their fascination with Filgaia over other planets in the universe?

– “Mother,” who is the supposed leader of the Demons is apparently some sort of a parasite and NOT a mechanical robot like the other Demons.  She apparently needs to incubate for long periods of time.  It begs the question of what she actually is, and where she came from.  Closely related, where is “Hell” in this universe?  Is it another dimension?  They have several Demons who die but come back from “Hell” to fight you again but in a more powerful form.  Zeikfreid, who is the last boss of the game comes back to life for a THIRD time at this point, but that time he is all mangled yet is even more “powerful” than ever before.  The only reason he probably didn’t go to Hell the last time was because we were fighting in a wormhole, and he was talking about some nonsense about it being unstable to fight in the middle of the space travel teleporting dimension thing.

– Rudy being a Demon himself raised by a human, he was able to feel pain and compassion.  However, Rudy being a Demon didn’t really do anything in the end.  He didn’t have to choose a side between being Human or being a Demon.  All it did was serve for an explanation as to why people had always wanted to ostracize him, even though they didn’t actually know he was a Demon.  The only reason they actually ostracized him was because of his use of ARMs earlier in the story.  His use of ARMs and his “Demonhood” didn’t actually play a huge part in the ending of the story.  It did serve to characterize him and make him standout during the course of the story, but it was a set up with no pay off, other than giving a reason to have his arm torn off completely and then repaired at a later time.

– The Elws all transported to a different dimension and remain there, and they don’t give a shit about Filgaia anymore.  Their story doesn’t seem to be resolved at all, and it sort of makes me question why they were even written into the current events of the story other than to just have them there.  The only profound thing they did was repair Rudy’s arm when it was ripped off during one of the fights with Zeikfreid, but they are never talked about again.  They don’t even help during the last battle or help Filgaia in the restoration process or anything.  The Guardian Blade which caused Filgaia’s weakened condition is still in the alternate dimension and you never actually acquire it for use.  Another set up with no pay off, as far as I’m concerned — excuse me sir, but I’d like to use the ultra powerful sword, please!

– Jack’s love interest, Elmina, is nowhere to be found after she is saved in the quest in Arctica Castle.  I would have liked to see something else from that plot point to close it out, other than the fact that “she will forget everything, even Jack.”  It would have been nice to at least have seen Elmina living in the world somewhere so that you KNOW that what you went through to save her paid off, but I don’t think you can even find her in the world.  If you have a chance, definitely don’t forget to watch the “hidden” backstory about Jack and Elmina and what happened to Arctica Castle by remaining idle on the Start Screen.  It is quite riveting, and I had only found out about that scene after Elmina’s ultimate resolution in the game.

– I can appreciate the fact that the group “goes on more adventures” at the end of it all and you can kind of tell that the story has come to an end, but I have to wonder what the hell they’re doing.  As far as I can tell, the main conflict that was presenting itself to Filgaia was… solved.  They said that there are “still monsters out there” so it is kind of weird to think that all they’re going to do now is slaughter tons of monsters that are just living out in the world minding their own business.  It would have made more sense if Wild ARMs 2 was actually about them… but it isn’t.  I would have enjoyed seeing more adventures with these three characters, but unfortunately it’ll never happen.

– There is an interesting nod to breaking the fourth wall at the end of the game.  Where they are saying that they weren’t the only ones to have saved the world, they start naming off different characters from the game… whom we didn’t actually see any of those characters during the “celebration” scenes, unfortunately.   At the end of their list, they say something to the effect of “and one more person…” and then trail off awkwardly.  They then turn toward the camera and stare at “you” as if to “thank” you for helping them through their journey as the camera pans up into the sky and focuses on the sun.  The fourth wall acknowledgement sort of caught me off guard, and I didn’t realize it until the awkward end of dialogue and the tilt up to the sky.  Unless you were reading every single word they were saying it might have been easy to miss, especially since the text automatically scrolls and you can’t read it at your own pace.  It is interesting when a game does something like this, and the feeling I got from it, especially from the camera staying on the sky until it faded out, was that you are some sort of “all-powerful being” in this universe watching over them and helping them through their journey.  After being invested in the story and the characters, it’s a charming acknowledgement and it almost makes you feel like you yourself are “part of the gang” instead of being “in the shoes” of one of the characters you were controlling — this is a very different feeling a game tries to give you when all is said and done.  It was definitely my first time experiencing something like this.

There is a remake of Wild ARMs called Wild ARMs: Alter Code F which is a direct remake of the first game and refines the gameplay and retells the story in a more cinematic fashion on the PlayStation 2.  I hope that I can play it one day, but it appears to be a $90+ expense to do so.

 

My Decision to Receive Christ As My Saviour

Note: This was in the back of a bible.

Confessing to God that I am a sinner, and believing that the Lord Jesus Christ died for my sins on the cross and was raised for my justification, I do now receive and confess Him as my personal saviour.

Name: Dave “Satan” Poobond
Date: 6/6/6

This is such a crock of shit, because it was Jesus’ fault, not mine for dying at the cross.  He was the one going around praising religion and crap that got him into deep shit and nailed to fucking planks.  Don’t make ME take the blame for it, you bastard prophets that wrote the Bible!

Learn how to spell savior, at least!

 

Marmafluke, Where Are You?

(Marmafluke is a dog and speaks perfect English with a British accent and walks on two legs.  SLAGGY is Marmafluke’s best friend.  CRED, FELMA, and DAFTKNEE are his others.)

(Marmafluke sings the theme song in a Shakespearean manner:)

Marma-Marmafluke!
Where are you?
We’ve got some tea and crumpets
For you now…

Marma-Marmafluke!
Where are you?
We’ve got some weed
To do now!

We’ve got some mysteries to solve,
So, Marmafluke…
Be ready, you big ass
GREAT DANE
and don’t fucking be bisexual.

(A bunch of sweaty people run in and start freak dancing)

TITLE CARD: The Case of the Spiral Notebook

SLAGGY (voice over)
Today, Marmafluke meets Sonny and Cher!

(Fade out.  Fade in with Marmafluke and Slaggy drinking tea and eating crumpets.)

SLAGGY
So I says to Looby, “Let’s make like a spider and BUG OUTTA HERE!”

(Slaggy starts laughing hysterically.)
(Marmafluke is sitting with his legs crossed and he takes a sip of tea, seemingly unamused)

MARMAFLUKE
Hmm… yes… humorous…

(Marmafluke looks to the right, not laughing at all)
(Audience laughs, and as they drown out, you can hear one of them scream something)

AUDIENCE MEMBER 426
Marmafluke has a massive dong!

MARMAFLUKE
Now, that is totally uncalled for!

SLAGGY
He’s right, though, it’s almost touching the floor.

(Marmafluke throws his tea to the floor and dumps his tray of crumpets on Slaggy gathering up his dog dong, hiding it in his lap)

MARMAFLUKE
Well, it’s not my fault…!

(Marmafluke glares at the camera)

MARMAFLUKE
Can’t you go SOMEWHERE ELSE!?

(Scene cuts to DAFTKNEE and FELMA digging in the ground.  They’re really dirty and sweaty.  Their boobs are knocking around and its pretty hot, actually, both literally and figuratively.)
(CRED is sitting on a chair drinking some lemonade under an umbrella)

DAFTKNEE
CRED!  Why are WE doing all the work?

FELMA
Cred, this isn’t very fair.

CRED
My ascot is on too tight.  You know I can’t shovel out
large amount of dirt, because I’ll pass out.

(The real reason is that Cred is looking at Daftknee and Felma’s bodily features and measuring them mentally… he was way off, though)
(Cred writes something in his notebook, saying it quietly aloud, as well)

CRED
Felma — Double D…

FELMA
WHAT!?!?

CRED
Oh!  Nothing!

(Fred closes his notebook)
(The scene cuts to a bathroom door, and there’s some grunting sounds in there)
(Slaggy is waiting next to the door, and looks at his wrist, as if there was a watch there, but there isn’t.)

SLAGGY
Come on, Marmafluke!
You’ve been in there for at least half an hour!
Looby never would make me wait
outside when he does his business.

(Little did he know, Looby’s business was jacking off)

(There’s a zipping sound behind the door, and Marmafluke walks outside wearing pants and shoes.  There’s a huge lump and a line trailing down his right pant leg.)

MARMAFLUKE
Well, now that certain piece of indecency has
been taken care of, shall we check on the other 3?

(cut to Cred, Daftknee, and Felma)

DEFTKNEE
I’m too tired to dig anymore.

CRED
Just think of what Looby would say if
he knew you were giving up on him.

(the camera cuts to a tombstone that reads:)

Here Lies Looby,
Not one brand, but three killed him.

(the camera cuts again and Felma is dragging Looby’s dead body toward the hole)

FELMA
I think it’s deep enough Deftknee.

(Felma lobs Looby into the grave and it lands on Daftknee)

DAFTKNEE
Oh shit!

(Daftknee falls down and Looby is on top of her.  3 types of lubricant drained/evacuated from Looby’s orifices.  Some is draining out of his nose, too.  It was a gruesome death for poor Looby)
(Daftknee is squealing like a pig under Looby)
(in the next spot, Cher is in front of Sonny’s grave)

CHER
Would you mind keeping it down in there?
Aren’t you — DO YOU BELIEVE — supposed to be
dead when you’re — IN LOVE!!? — in a grave??

FELMA
Wow!  It’s Sonny and Cher!

CHER
Sonny is dead.

CRED
That’s funny Cher, we all know that isn’t true.

CHER
I don’t know — DO YOU BELIEVE! – what you’re talking about.

(Cut to Slaggy and Marmafluke walking toward The History Machine)

MARMAFLUKE
I think I’ll drive, you had a little too much…
green tea…

(Slaggy is smoking a joint)

SLAGGY
I really have no idea what you’re talking about.
It was only 5 cups!

MARMAFLUKE
Right… shall we?

(Slaggy and Marmafluke drive over to the cemetery)

CHER
SUNNY IS — IN LOVE! — DEAD!!

FELMA
Sunny is in love?

CHER
NO!  He’s in the — AFTER LIFE!!

DAFTKNEE

(Daftknee is somehow out of the grave and finished shoveling the dirt into the grave)

MARMAFLUKE
Ah, I see you’ve finished unceremoniously burying my brother.

DAFTKNEE
Rest in piece, you piece of shit.

(Daftknee spits on his grave, but due to a sudden jet stream it lands on Sonny’s grave)

CHER
You — DO YOU BELIEVE! — BITCH!!!

(Cher and Daftknee get into a cat fight)

CRED
Oh baby!

(Cred writes into his notebook)

CRED (mouthing quietly)
Daftknee — purple underwear…

(Daftknee and Cher stop fighting for a second)

DAFTKNEE
WHAT the HELL!?

(Daftknee gets slapped hard, and she starts fighting with Cher again)
(Meanwhile, the spit on Sunny’s grave starts glowing)

MARMAFLUKE
My God!  You didn’t spit on a dead man’s grave, did you!?

DAFTKNEE
So what if I did!?

(Sonny pops out of the grave)

SONNY
Hey guys!  I’m alive!

MARMAFLUKE
Bloody hell!  A ZOMBIE!!

(Everyone screams then runs away.  Cred drops his notebook, and Marmafluke happens to trip over it.  Marmafluke grabs the notebook and runs away again)

SONNY
Where’d everybody go?  Hey, wait!

(Stupid music plays as Sonny is chasing everyone around, and somehow they’re in a place with millions of doors and are going in one and coming out the other over and over.  A few times, two of them come out of different doors, etc etc)
(Daftknee and Marmafluke find a closet)

MARMAFLUKE
Daftknee!  Look what I found!

(Daftknee takes the book from Marmafluke and opens it)

DAFTKNEE
This is Cred’s!  I wonder what he was writing in here…

(The notebook stated the following:)

DAFTKNEE
C-cup
Purple underwear
10 inch-wide ass

FELMA
DD-cup
No underwear
Nice skirt
Allows anal sex

MY MOM
Experienced
Can have threesome w/Slaggy
Gives good BJs

MARMAFLUKE
British accent (hot!)
Extremely large dong

(Daftknee and Marmafluke look at each other after reading it)

DAFTKNEE
Oh my God!  That PERV!
He didn’t even get any of this information right!
I am TOTALLY into anal sex.

(Daftknee looks weird at Marmafluke)

MARMAFLUKE
Well, I can’t help it if I’m the object of everyone’s desire…

(Daftknee eyes Marmafluke’s pants)(Scene cuts to the castle with a million doors)
(Daftknee bursts out of a closet with a shotgun)

DAFTKNEE
Cred!  YOU’RE DEAD!

(Cred stops chasing Felma trying to grab her ass just as she runs into another door.  He looks over to Daftknee)

CRED
Oh, shit.  She found the notebook.

(Cred jumps into the air and runs away with Daftknee chasing after him)(Sonny and Cher have been making out the whole time.  Not by normal kissing, but Eskimo kissing.  Their noses are practically falling off)

CHER
I love — IN LOVE! — you.

(Then they both get shot from stray fire from Daftknee’s shotgun)
(Cred jumps on top of them and then jumps away, running again)

CHER
I’m going to the — AFTER LIFE!! — light!

SONNY
Me too, again…

MARMAFLUKE
Man, you wankers sure are annoying.

(End)

 

Stupid Note

I found this note at school.

Peter
You know Greg, you’re really starting to piss me off

Greg
I’m pissing you off!?
Well, shit, it piss me off
that I’ve come to a new place
and I’m trying desperately to
fit in and thrive in a new school
while your rich, pretty boy ass
hides in big daddy’s pocket
as he shells out mass amount of
Ben Frankling for your fu resplendent
future as a professional jerk off

Peter
That’s it you little bitch. I’m
bring you down one way or
another

Suffice to say, I do not know who these people are or the dramatic ending to this story that probably ended 10 years ago.