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Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”

May 26th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast | No Comments »

This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends.  They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.

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Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings.  Gross!

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Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste.  It’s almost like a boring wedding video.

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This is the knife that the soccer coach had.

Cool Knife

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Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact?  It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies.  If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.

Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years

Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years

I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years

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Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers.  They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.

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Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.

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Independence Day 2 or even 3?  Welcome to URF again in 10 years!

 

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Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks.  How do you like that, mother fuckers!?  Aliens getting shit on all the time!

Kind of sounds like Avatar

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Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean.  Or something.  You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.

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On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.

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AVP and AVP 2 are no bueno.

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Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible.  You should watch it.  It was directed by that guy that did Fame.

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Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time.  That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.

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Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay.  And obviously not as good looking.

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Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties.  But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.

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The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.

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George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.

Kind of something like this:

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

 

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And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!

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Did you hear they banned plastic bags in LA?  Fuck that shit!  How am I supposed to line my little trash cans?

Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.

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The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there.  No one freakin lives there anyway.  So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.

Gobi Plastic Desert

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See you guys next week! :licky:

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This Man Normalizes His Data

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

This Man Normalizes His Data

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Where the Fuck Is Jeeves?

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Where the Fuck is Jeeves?

Back when "Ask.com" used to be "AskJeeves.com" and then they changed to just "Ask.com."

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You Don’t Want to Win This Prize

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

You Don't Want to Win This Prize

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GeForce 256 GPU Box Art

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

GeForce 256 GPU Box Art

So powerful.

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Drunk Cat

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Drunk Cat

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Fascist Cats

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Fascist Cats

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You Play Too Many Videogames. You Have Too Many Periods.

May 25th, 2012 Posted in Comics | No Comments »

You Play Too Many Video Games.  You Have Too Many Periods.

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Red Bull(shit)

May 20th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Red Bull(shit)

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Squacklecast Episode 6 – “Mermaid Off the Port Bow!”

May 19th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast | 1 Comment »

Whoa, did we miss another week?  Sorry ya’ll, but this week we’ll take a look at The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and how they’re both kind of crappy movies.  The reason why we’re even bothering?  Because Billy never watched it before last week!

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The Evil Queen should have put Snow White into a sleeper hold and then shot her.

Sleeper Hold-

Little Mermaid run time – 83 minutes

Snow White run time – 83 minutes

D:

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Who would do a credit for “Birds”?  Purv Pullen, of course.

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Bedtime for Bonzo… a movie with Ronald Reagan and a chimpanzee!  I’d guess its a movie about killing a lab chimpanzee from the title.

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Squackle Film Festival, with Troll 2 to begin and to end!  Also featuring Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Sex Machine and Hooking Up.  More movies to be announced at a later date.

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Wouldn’t YOU like to penetrate the Little Mermaid?

Little Mermaid

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Sebastian is just a scrotum with a huge penis coming out of it along with pincers.  A dick with pincers, even.

Sebastien

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Ariel would qualify for being an episode of Hoarders.

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TWO new Snow White movies?  Whyyyyy?  Number 1.  Number 2.

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Who the fuck is that guy in the mirror?  It must be Zordon.

Zordon!

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

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The fairest one of all?

The Fairest One of All

By Janny Northman

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WHO PUT A DICK IN THIS BOX?

The Evil Queen's Box Has a Dick In It-

Whatever you do, don’t search for “Little Mermaid Hentai…”

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Will it be two weeks or next week that we do the next podcast?  No one knows.

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Jacob is the Fairest One of Them All

May 19th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

The Fairest One of All

By Janny Northman

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The Evil Queen’s Box Has a Dick In It

May 19th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

The Evil Queen's Box Has a Dick In It

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George Bush Consoling Volleyball Players

May 12th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

George Bush Consoling Volleyball Players

George W. Bush, Misty May Treanor, Kerri Walsh

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George Bush Staring

May 12th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

George Bush Staring

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George Bush and Volleyball Players

May 12th, 2012 Posted in Pictures | No Comments »

Assassassassassass

Assassassassassass

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