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The Saga of ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Internet, Screwed Up Chronicles | 1 Comment »

ArchNacho and Tortilla Godzilla’s Quality Roms was a really funny ROM site that went down around 2006 or so. This is from their “Saga” page.

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First Scroll: Descendance

As with all great legends, the saga of ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla is clouded in mystery. In truth, no one knows with certainty what took place those days in a distant past. What is known, however, is that during the month of July in the year 1999, two deities descended from the heavens to this earth to bring light, joy and quality ROMs to the starving, quality-conscious emu-gamers. They had seen wickedness grow in the realm of man and they were worried. Finally, they decided that something would have to be done; they would have to bring light back into the world. And so it was that ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla left their heavenly abodes and descended unto the earth.

Wherever they went, they saw sin: the wicked men had piled up ROMs in great numbers, without reviewing a single one, without even a screenshot to guide the lost souls! Some had attempted to hide their sins with glorious web design, and men were easily deceived by this trickery! Others attempted to lead visitors astray by hiding the true ROMs between false links leading to sponsors, to fill their own greedy pockets! Hear ye my word, and heed it well: this is the worst sin of all! Luring the innocent with promises of ROMs that do not exist, in order to fill your own pockets or increase your own fame is unforgivable, and those who commit such devilish acts will forever be frozen in the cold pits of Shukarnach! And hear ye, you who would let your banners POP UP and blind the purehearted with their evil messages of greed, sin and corruption: thou shalt not escape the wrath of the quality-conscious gamers!

All this ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla saw in the realm of man, and they knew that it was evil. They would be the light of the world, and what follows is the tale of how they banished darkness and offered to every gamer out there a chance for redemption in the splendour of ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla’s Quality ROMs! No more would their souls be corrupted by unreviewed ROMs without screenshots, deceitful links and pop-upping sponsor banners! Take these words to heart, dear reader, for salvation lies within! Rejoice sinners, for your redemption is here!

Second Scroll: “Salvation”

And so it came to pass, in an age long gone, that ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla’s Quality ROMs was born. In the Rochmann castle, strategically positioned on the slope of Mt. Kjølen, in a city called Tromsø far, far to the north in a kingdom known as Norway, the two began their hard work. Initial results were not as good as they had hoped, but ArchNacho & Tortilla Godzilla had no intention of giving up, so they struggled on. The huddled masses of the net were in desperate need of this shining beacon of hope, integrity and quality ROMs!

Finally, one cold August evening, the first draft was ready and released unto the net. One might say that it looked like crap, and one would not be entirely incorrect.Yet, intentions were good, the jokes were crazy, and the graphics were arguably so crappy it was funny! After all, the Christians spent 400 years collecting and deciding on their new testament, whereas these triumphant two had completed their holy texts in only a few months. In addition, the great advantage of AN&TG’s Quality ROMs over all other holy texts, quickly became apparent: it was ever-expanding and ever-improving! Ever onwards for greater enlightenment and a larger collection of Quality ROMs!

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My Geometry Test Grades

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Dave's Kingdom, Screwed Up Chronicles | No Comments »

I took Geometry in 10th grade in high school.  We had to get each one of our test grades signed off by our parents.  Pretty much after every test I got a lecture from my mom.  I was pretty bad at geometry, mostly because of the proofs.

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1st semester:

72
39
74
57
57
32
80
58
74
72

2nd semester:

50
73
66
66
72
91
43
86
46
80

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Pretty hilarious, really.  I ended up getting a C anyway, so I didn’t have to retake the class during summer.

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Look around your landscape, do you see anything…

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Look around your landscape, do you see anything else you would like to improve?

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Any area the plants always fail, no matter what you’ve tried?

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Any area the plants always fail, no matter what you've tried?

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Does your sprinkler system continuously leak…

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Does your sprinkler system continuously leak from any of the nozzles after being shut off?

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Do your flowerbeds have barren or weed-choked areas?

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Do your flowerbeds have barren or weed-choked areas?

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Are your trees overgrown, too dense or have dead limbs?

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Are your trees overgrown, too dense or have dead limbs?

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Are your hedges or shrubs overgrown, unshaped…

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Are your hedges or shrubs overgrown, unshaped, or covered with yellowish, brown, or pale leaves?

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Is your lawn ground cover brown, pale, or sparse (chlorosis)?

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | No Comments »

Is your lawn ground cover brown, pale, or sparse (chlorosis)?

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Quote #23512

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Quotes | No Comments »

“please check grading”

- from high school

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Quote #23511

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Quotes | No Comments »

“Shauna is the crap Shauna Shauna’s guess yec yea you da shit shit oh yea”

- from high school

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Quote #23510

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Quotes | No Comments »

“I want to do the best I can, and learn how to study.”

- davepoobond

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Godzilla Went to Work

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Stories | No Comments »

Yesterday, Godzilla woke up in the morning and said, “Uf! Yo estoy tarde!”

Godzilla took a shower.

Godzilla shaved his beard.

Godzilla got dressed.

Godzilla went to work, but it was Sunday!

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Apes, Humans, Monkeys

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Stories | No Comments »

Apes, humans, monkeys eyes in front of their face easier to grab things, can’t not hitchhike large, forward facing eyes.

New world have strong tails old world don’t new world has flat noses old world has long noses the continents separation made conditions different for each type of world animals homo erectus small, more ape like than modern humans, coudl walk upright, larger brains than reg. apes.

What kind of informatino left by written by them, what kinds of food they were eating.  A wallet or something w/their picture on it.

Heyy Buddy,

Found a homo-erectus fossil and you didn’t.  Aren’t I special?  Neener neener neener!

Sincerely, Dave

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In Search of Human Origins

September 21st, 2013 Posted in Stories | No Comments »

3.5 million years ago, Don Johanson, Darwin, Ethiopia, a long mountain range in Africa died naturally, sank into a lake, flesh rotting away, sand and gravel covered the bones, each sand grain turned it into rock they can map out a world different than now was wet and forested the knee joint he was able to tell what kinds of bones it looked like not being able to lock the ash over 3 million years old Lucy 3.5 ft hair they walked upright less bushes, more trees its thought it wasn’t at first 1992 3.5 million small porcupines bring bones in they eat in the trees hunted 18 million you can make a rock sharp tool maker 4 ft. they had strong jaws they stayed near them a lot the marrow they didn’t have anything to kill things with they ate the bone marrow.

Blood, behavior, walking behavior, jaw, mooses 100,000 years ago deep eye sockets high forehead, chins Europe cold meat 300,000 years short and stocky all the humans went through there because it was safe better strategic ability middle east spears drawings on the caves by chewing charcoal and spitting by building watercraft flint a harp.

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