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deencan

June 16th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

deencan – v. to stupidly do the same stupid thing over and over not knowing it is stupid

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rixpa

June 16th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

rixpa – v. to go to a humor web site looking for porn

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Squacklecast Episode 26 – “Haters of the Boll”

June 12th, 2015 Posted in Media, The Squacklecast | No Comments »

It’s another Squacklecast!  We talk about the following —

3 Big game announcements –

Fallout 4 Announced

XCOM 2 Announced

 

And also Heroes of the Storm released!  (I’ve been playing it a lot)

We talk about how games adapt to movies and how many of them don’t do what gamers actually want out of a movie.

I wanted an hour and a half of this to be the real Resident Evil movie:

Resident Evil’s character name list is quite hilarious.

We go into a little bit about Uwe Boll‘s filmmaking.

After that, a little bit of Warcraft, and then we talk about San Andreas in depth.

We go more into Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson‘s career, as well.

And then we talk about how comedies always want to make us depressed now.  The Benchwarmers wasn’t amazing, but at least it didn’t make you depressed.

We talk about davepoobond’s movie tastes and how one would chart them on a graph.  It would probably look like this:

daves-movie-tastes

The hate fills davepoobond for the last segment and he delves into who he dislikes generally, in particular Melissa McCarthy.

Next time we’ll go over a list of people he hates in full detail!

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How to tell if you have a gaming problem…

June 10th, 2015 Posted in The Squackle Quiz | 2 Comments »

Are you spending more time gaming than you had planned or intended to, ignoring other duties and responsibilities?

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Are you arguing frequently with your partner about spending too much time and money on gaming and find that you cannot stop or limit yourself?

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Do you feel you have to take part in games to get to spend time with people you understand?

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When you are with your family, at work or at social events, are you constantly thinking about your next game?

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Do you find yourself trying to take part in gaming during office hours even if it could cost you your job?

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If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, we suggest that you take action immediately BEFORE it becomes a serious problem.

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ReBoot (TV Show) Theme Song Lyrics

June 10th, 2015 Posted in Poetry and Songs | No Comments »

I come from the Net.

Through systems, peoples, and cities… to this place.

MAINFRAME.

My format: Guardian.

To mend, and defend.

To defend my new-found friends.

Their hopes… and dreams.

To defend them from… their enemies.

(music)

They say the User lives outside the Net…

And inputs games for pleasure.

No one knows for sure… but I intend to find out!

REBOOT!

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uinalz

June 9th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

uinalz – n. cotton candy made from Sweet & Low

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Chariot Wars (PC) Review

June 9th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | 1 Comment »

Developer/Publisher: OM Entertainment || Overall: 1/10

Hardware Used: Windows 8.1, i7, Nvidia GTX 780

When it comes to reviewing bad games, it’s always a hard decision to make. Do I make a tongue-in-cheek positive review, or perhaps a sharply sarcastic review full of jokes, or just a traditional opinion about the hopes and dreams that “Chariot Wars” completely and utterly destroyed? For this review I’m not quite sure what direction to go, because Chariot Wars just leaves me confused and maybe even a little sad when reflecting upon my time playing.

Considering the game is originally developed for mobile phones, the basic features are limited. You have only three modes of play to choose from: Multiplayer, Single Player Time Trial, and Single Player Story Mode, called Championship. Multiplayer requires you to register an account with the developer’s web site rather than using Steam. Single Player Time Trial is racing around one of the four possible unique tracks, alone, with no A.I. to race against.  Each track has two variations: Night and Day – all of which are unlocked only through the Championship Mode.   Time Trial is consistently pointed to by the “Game Tips” and even prompted as a gate before you enter the real “meat” of the game, which is the Championship Mode.

Here’s where things get… “interesting.” Chariot Wars’ Championship mode is a graphic novel murder mystery story with boring gameplay in between chapters. The story is by far the only redeeming factor this game has to offer and is actually quite hilarious and dark, in a campy way. The backdrop of Ancient Rome is used as the Captain of the Guard is called to investigate a double murder – one man crucified and a woman with her throat slit, holding a tattered symbol of the Cabal, which is a group of conspirators who assassinated Julius Caesar. The murdered man is related to Ben-Hur (we finally have our sequel to Ben-Hur, ya’ll!) and before researching much of anything about the murder, the current idiot Caesar thinks it would be a good idea for the lead investigator of a murder to stop doing that and to instead replace the dead guy in the chariot race — and that’s when you take control of your chariot and race.

After winning the race, Quintus Octavian, the protagonist of the story makes out with a hot chick with a very large rack in some random room and then with her help figures out what the symbol is from, and so on. I don’t necessarily want to explain every facet of the story here, but you are rewarded for your effort of winning races with these story interludes. It may take a few tries depending on how well you know the track and if you can catch up to the computer players, but you’ll eventually win each race… hopefully.  Besides, you don’t have much else to do.

The gameplay itself is very standard in its rules – just get first place and win after two laps. For some odd reason there are huge floating coins that give you temporary speed boosts that don’t really make you feel like you’re going faster. When using a speed boost, everything becomes blurry and it feels like you’re all of a sudden in a Michael Bay movie, not knowing what the hell is going on. Considering the boosts are supposed to be good, they sure as hell don’t make you want to use them other than hopefully never having to play through that race again. Wonky physics, bad collision, weird animation, and the lack of any “warring” with other players (though you can bump into them) just isn’t fun. The scenery is also very strange, considering chariot races were always in a coliseum. There are snow-covered mountains surrounding you everywhere (and curving with the sky, which is fucking weird), waterfalls, random mixed species of trees, a blinding light source as bright as a sun coming out of a mountain (while it rains), and other oddities. This alternate dimension doesn’t seem like a very nice place to spectate or even race, not that the game is meant to be an accurate representation of anything.

And that’s kind of the game.   The music is generic and there is a strange chime that rings every time you click one of the menu buttons.  There are a lot of weird translation things going on, which adds a certain “charm” to the game, and the incessant badgering to go to the Time Trial mode to learn how to play is almost hilarious since you can’t play any new tracks unless you unlock them through Championship Mode, which you only do by beating the track! The races get harder as you go on, but you have to wonder how the difficulty is really ramping up when your chariot likes to all of a sudden go out of control a lot more often on turns as you progress.  At least the game didn’t crash while I was playing it.  You can also make funny things happen when you boost into one of the invisible walls on the race track.  If you ever get stuck in the scenery of the game, the only solution is to restart the track from scratch.

You can choose from several racers, chariot colors, and horses (all of which you have to unlock through play) which may or may not have an influence on your racer – it is sort of hard to tell. Another point of contention is that it’s $25 on Steam. Considering the amount of content the game has to offer, you have to wonder what the hell is going on.

And so there’s not a whole lot to keep you going. Other than the graphic novel portions and the strangely long CG video that displays a full length chariot race (presumably what you’d be “experiencing” while playing) full of random characters you probably don’t even play, you aren’t going to want to touch this game.

A reviewable copy of Chariot Wars was provided to Squackle.

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unikkekko

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

unikkekko – n. a single-piece full-body anime cosplay outfit

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patino

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

patino – n. a duck farm

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nachcoo

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

nachcoo – v. to watch porn in a public bathroom with the volume very high

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cenebu

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

cenebu – v. to bring your annoying kid to work

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dusoma

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

dusoma – v. to fix something by breaking it

;} v. to break something by fixing it

;} n. something that was fixed by breaking it

;} n. something that was broken by fixing it

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qirayapad

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

qirayapad – v. to willfully piss your own pants because you are too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom

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alpichapalon

June 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

alpichapalon – v. to dig out your own cave in a mountain for the purpose of living in there

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cosaelitea

June 3rd, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

cosaelitea – v. to replace your penis with a live animal

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