| Saturday 10/02/2004 12:19:00am | |
| Name: | |
| Homepage: | |
| E-Mail: | |
| I like to | |
| I like Squackle!: | Yes |
| Comments: | THanks to your dictionary, my mind is now filled with megabytes of absolutely useless information. Thanks a lot sqackle. |
Grand Theft Auto Advance (GBA) Preview
Developer: Backbone Entertainment/Digital Eclipse Software | Publisher: Rockstar Games
Ever since Grand Theft Auto 3 came out, I know everyone has been pining relentlessly for a new, top-down Grand Theft Auto game. Well, everyone’s wishes have been granted, with the upcoming Grand Theft Auto game for the Game Boy Advance, Grand Theft Auto Advance.
GTA Advance takes place in Liberty City, during the same time period as GTA3. You play as Mike, a member of the mob, who is about to leave the crime world behind. However, his friend Vinnie had a few more jobs for him to do before they could get enough cash to leave for good. That’s when Vinnie dies in a car explosion (with all the cash), and Mike is suspected for Vinnie’s murder. It’s up to Mike to figure out who killed Vinnie, while all the cops in the city are after him. As more missions are completed, more of the storyline is opened up. Story scenes are also drawn in the GTA-style of art that was introduced with GTA3.
Even though GTA Advance goes back to GTA’s roots as a top-down game, GTA Advance keeps the improvements that have been done to the series, to make it seem almost like you’re playing one of the 3D games, of which are:
• Explore and exploit a sprawling, handheld Liberty City that’s over twice as large as Grand Theft Auto 3.
• Dozens of vehicles to find and drive – compacts, sports cars, delivery trucks, taxis, SWAT vans, tanks, and more.
• Take time off from the task at hand with hundreds of side missions: taxi driver, paramedic, fire fighter, street racing, vigilante, and rampages.
• The freedom and open-ended game play that is synonymous with the Grand Theft Auto franchise provides countless hours of portable entertainment.
If you liked the classic GTA games, then this should be a definite addition to your game arsenal.
GTA Advance is set for a simultaneous release with the upcoming GTA: San Andreas in October 2004.
Dark Cloud 2 (PS2) Review
Developer: Level 5 / Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment || Overall: 9.3/10
The original Dark Cloud is known as one of the best adventure RPGs for the PlayStation 2. Thus, players clamored for a sequel, and with listening ears Sony has brought us Dark Cloud 2. If you’re a Dark Cloud fan, you will be thoroughly impressed with the effort by Sony to make this sequel truly all that it should be and more. Everything in Dark Cloud (including the translation) has been greatly improved.
Dark Cloud 2 is about a young boy, named Maximillian (or Max for short), and a young princess from the future, Monica. The story starts when Monica goes to the past from the future to stop an evil guy, only known as Griffin, from destroying the past, therefore destroying the future. Don’t ask why this makes sense, because if Griffin was going to destroy the past, how would the future be able to know he was going to if they were destroyed? Just take it for what it is, and you’ll have a fun time playing this game.
The Georama system that made the first Dark Cloud so original, (which is the aspect of the game in which you can build your own towns for people to live in) has been revamped and loaded with new features that make your towns more customizable. Not only did the Georama system get a major improvement, but the battle system, storyline, interactivity, and user interface had all been greatly improved. Dark Cloud 2 is everything Dark Cloud was, should have been, and so much more.
The similarities between Dark Cloud and Dark Cloud 2 are the same as the similarities between any of the Final Fantasy games. All that is in common between the two Dark Cloud games is the concept of using Georama to rebuild the world, and go through a merciless amount of dungeons to do so. And let me tell you right now, the best part of the game is going through the dungeons (and that’s a good thing).
Somewhat of a new aspect to the game is the ability to freely travel to and fro from the future to the past.
Graphics:
The only improvement that some may see as a turn-away from this game is that instead of the generic computer-graphic-look, the game is cel-shaded. Let me say this again, the game is cel-shaded. Even though some may see this as a bad thing, I see it as a good thing. The game looks amazing, and I believe that the cel-shading makes the game what it is.
Compared to games using the conventional computer-graphic look, every aspect of this game, visually, is amazing. The cel-shading mixed with a right amount of regular computer graphics make for a very pleasant experience. Just because it may look cartoony, doesn’t mean it doesn’t look good.
Sound:
The sound in this game is great. Every part of the game has good music. After 90+ hours of playing this game, I still have not gotten sick of any of the songs. The music makes you feel like you’re in the area you’re in, whether it be a volcano, a tower, or the future.
When the story is advancing, there is voice acting. However, the voice acting makes the game seem more kid-like, because there are a few weird voices that seem to have been made to entertain younger children, even if the game is not really made for them.
Game Play:
There are two main aspects of the game. There is the battle system and the town interaction/Georama system, as well as a few extras tossed into the gaming mix.
The battle system has improved so much since the last Dark Cloud, that it makes it easier for you to be efficient with your battle tactics. Instead of having six playable characters with different abilities (as in the first one), you have only two characters, whom each have two weapons (close and long ranged weapons) at their disposal in addition to an “alternative” mode of fighting. Max is equipped with huge wrench-like weapons (because he’s an inventor), and a gun. Max also has a huge robot named Steve. You may remember “Steve” as the talking slingshot from Dark Cloud. Well, now he’s a powerful robot that can be fairly annoying if you choose to equip him with a voice box. Steve is almost a character by himself, as he has his own hit points, weapons, and uses. Steve becomes especially useful farther along in the game, when the enemies become extremely hard. Monica is equipped with the conventional sword, and a bracelet that can shoot magic. That’s not the interesting part about her though. She’s able to transform into particular enemies you encounter throughout the game. This is fairly useful, as each of the different monsters have skills that are needed to complete tasks in the game.
The main part of the game is the dungeon-exploring. Going through dungeon after dungeon was the whole purpose of Dark Cloud, and the same goes for Dark Cloud 2. The main point is that you go to a part of a dungeon, find the key to go to the next level, and go to the next part of the dungeon. As you venture through the seemingly endless amount of dungeons, you improve your characters mainly by improving the weapons they carry. You do this by “synthesizing” or basically adding a particular item’s ability-gaining-potential to the weapon.
Synthesizing has been tweaked a bit from the first Dark Cloud. At every “level” the weapon gains from use (and depending on how advanced the weapon is), it will gain a certain amount of “synthesize points” instead of just putting a bunch of different things in slots and having them join with the weapon. The battle system is very deep, and to explain it here would take too long.
The other part of the game that you’ll be spending time with is the town interaction/Georama system. Town interaction plays a big part in the beginning, but declines as you make the towns through the Georama system. The first town, which is made by the developer, is obviously more grandiose and interesting than any of the ones you make. An interesting part of town interaction is the camera. The camera is used to document certain types of items, which is used for other purposes. However, this provides for some pretty fun photo shoots. When you first get the camera, you’ll be taking pictures of everything you see, trying to get every single item (which there are a few hundred of).
Like I said before, the Georama system had been greatly improved, and makes for some very nice customization of the towns you have to rebuild. Instead of having the actual items being provided for you to right away place on the map, you must actually CREATE them with the building materials you acquire. This makes for a less far-fetched reason for being able to make a town by yourself, out of nothing. In Dark Cloud you didn’t have to meet the conditions of the original town, except to get prizes for doing so. In Dark Cloud 2, however, you have to do 100% of what the town is supposed to have in it. An example would be “Place trees around the Elven house.” This would complete a certain condition you had to do to restore the future, because in the future’s past, the Elven house had trees around it. Also, you must have a certain amount of “culture points” which almost forces you decorate the town with certain things, to make it seem like a more believable town.
Some extra aspects to the game are the invention system, Spheda, and fish raising/racing.
The invention system comes in play when you take pictures of certain items. These pictures supply Max with ideas to be able to make a certain invention, for instance a bomb or a weapon. The way it works, is if you put three ideas together, you may or may not be able to create a “complete” idea that will allow you to create a particular object.
Spheda in this game is basically an advanced form of golf. The explanation behind Spheda is that there are space/time distortion thing, in which a blue or red sphere falls out of a blue or red distortion. The goal of Spheda is simply to put the sphere of glowing space/time back into the portal. You may ask now “why don’t the just pick it up and put it back in.” You idiot! Don’t you know if you pick up a piece of space/time you’re going to possibly change the future (as if hitting it with a golf club makes it any better…)!?! Anyhow, to win at a particular game of Spheda, you must defeat all the enemies in a dungeon, after which, the distortion and the sphere will appear at random places on the map. The dungeons are all randomly generated, so it makes for some very frustrating times. Basically, you have to get the sphere an opposite color of the distortion to make it go in (Red sphere -> blue distortion, blue sphere -> red distortion). This adds for some difficulty, as you may be able to hit the sphere into the distortion, but it doesn’t go in because it is the same color as the distortion (which is bad). Have fun with this one. Even though it isn’t a required part of the game, its still very useful getting the item out of the treasure box that falls out of the distortion after it is repaired.
Fishing. Fish raising. Fish racing. This all seems kind of boring, and let me tell you it pretty much is. But if you play your cards right, you’ll be able to get some very good items and weapons. I think its sort of self-explanatory as to what you do with the fish.
Overall:
Well, after all that we’ve been through with each other, I’m afraid it won’t even come close to how long you will play this game. I haven’t said one bad thing about this game, but there is a factor of the game becoming rather boring at times, as well as getting an “oh yay you finished an area, now go to the next one and do the same thing you did before” feeling about midway through the game. Nothing really happens during the middle part of the game, as it is really just gets you prepared for the unloading of the story, and mess of difficult enemies and bosses near the end of the game.
There are about seven different areas, all corresponding with a particular element. Such as, fire, water, wind, earth, air, and a couple of extra areas. The reason it becomes so boring, is that when you go through the dungeons, there usually isn’t any story sequences at each part. The only reason they become boring is if you’re trying to play all the way through a bunch of the dungeons at the same time. If you give it a little break in between every few dungeons, it’d be less of a bore. But to break up the monotony of the dungeons, the developers have tossed in many, many extra mini games and side quests to have fun with.
Hanging Onto Sanity by a Very Thin Thread: Why I Despise Clothing
This was submitted to the Colby College school newspaper, but was rejected by the editor, because it wasn’t “serious” enough.
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Wallowing in depression brought on by the fact that I have been a student of higher education for almost three weeks and have learned no more than how to say “Hello” in German, how cells divide, and the fact that while the toilets may be reserved for only one gender when dealing with urination and defecation, either gender may use them when vomiting, I came to the most profound realization I have had in…well, actually, I’ve never had a profound realization before. I realized that I utterly despise clothing. How, you might be wondering, could I despise something as deeply ingrained into our society as clothing? Well, the reason is quite simple: clothing was originally made to protect us from the elements and keep our oh-so private parts out of view, but over the years clothing has become a superficial obsession, which devours large portions of our time and money, and which, although it continues to protect us from the elements, definitely doesn’t cover up nearly as many private, or not so private, parts as it once did, which is one change in the status of clothing that I thoroughly support. As I open my crust-covered eyes at 8:56AM on Monday, I am overcome with an irrepressible rage when I realize that before I go to my 9:00AM class I have to put on pants and a T-shirt. If my professors would merely let me go to class buck naked, I would be much more relaxed, even though everyone around would not be.
Clothing also costs massive amount of money; money that I could be using to purchase more important things such as NBA star bobble heads, or, considering how many sellouts there are in professional sports, actual NBA stars. The greed of the multimillionaires who own these clothing corporations amazes me. The fact that they are willing not only to charge me huge sums of money for colorful pieces of cloth, but also willing to enslave poor, starving third world children to make these pieces of cloth is utterly astounding. As greedy as I am, I would never stoop so low as to enslave poor, starving third world children, but I might stoop low enough to enslave rich, well-fed American adults, preferably rich, well-fed American adults who own multibillion dollar clothing corporations which enslave poor, starving third world children. The main reason that clothing has become far to big of a social concern, a reason that I’m sure many Colby students can understand, is that at least a couple of times a year I am forced to wash my clothing. I have to shell out $1.25, and waste at least five minutes, just so that my clothing “doesn’t smell,” isn’t “covered in food stains,” and isn’t “harboring dangerous bacterial infections.” And unlike the last eighteen years of my life, in college I don’t have a mom to do my laundry for me. This is why I’ve decided to offer the considerable salary of 89 cents and the honor of being around me everyday to anyone willing to be my surrogate mom. Your responsibilities would be doing my laundry, changing my bed sheets, and, of course, telling me that I’m special and wonderful my own unique way.
No matter how much I try, I realize that I will never convince everyone the time and money we spend on clothing, not the mention the time and lack of money that child laborers are forced to spend on it in order to accommodate our relatively frivolous concerns, proves the evil nature of clothing. Which is why I’ll be satisfied if I can only convince all the incredibly hot chicks to not wear clothing. Actually, now that I think about it, I’ll be satisfied if I can convince even one incredibly, no, one somewhat hot, no, one chick to not wear clothing. Unfortunately for me, as Mark Twain once said, “The finest clothing made is a person’s skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this,” but then again, as Will Ferrell said, “We’re going streaking through the quad ”
Why I Hate Rap Music
I went to the Colby gym today to do some pull-ups and few cock pushups. The music that was being played in the gym was Biggie Smalls, and I noticed that there was one guy there who was singing along, bobbing his head, and throwing his arms around like Eminem in 8 Mile instead of working out. He ended up doing this for the entire 20 minutes that I was in the gym.
Squackle Guestbook #20648
| Thursday 09/16/2004 9:07:27am | |
| Name: | Dekionplexis |
| Homepage: | http://www.dekionplexis.com |
| E-Mail: | dekionplexis@aol.com |
| I like to | collect midgets… |
| I like Squackle!: | Yes |
| Comments: | Superb site, this is very funny indeed, I salute sirs and madam’s, funniest site on the net? Hmmm, maybe, I think I might be a close second though.
Keep rockin! Dek |
Creative Spam? You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me…
Its the year 2004, and after nearly 10 years of the existence of the Internet, we STILL haven’t been able to stop spam. Well, there has been a good effort though, the major ISPs of the Internet are fighting the good fight against Spammers, while raising prices of Internet access for their efforts. More specifically, AOL, MSN, and Earthlink (among others) are putting immense pressure on the spammers to create new tactics and things that will be able to get past their spam blockers. There is also some nifty programs like McAfee’s SpamKiller. Even though SpamKiller sucks, it still filters out all the mail that is absolutely shit, and gives me the chance to catch mail that I actually wanted to receive. By the way, I get about 200 spam mails a day, and more often than not, I don’t get any mail that is actually what I wanted.
However, even with all the technology, skills, and millions of dollars poured into killing off spam companies, it isn’t solving the problem, rather its making it evolve into an even more annoying one. Barely ever do you even get any COHERENT spam mail. It used to be that you’d get a subject that said “Look at these MILFs go at it!” but now its “M-I*L-F pr0n, ci+y poli+ics v/ote Ge*9orge W. Bu1sh” or something along the lines of that. Of course there is no reasonable way to block this overloading of complete and utter CRAP. One spam mail I had received (which also sparked this rant), contained a picture of a woman finger banging herself, made out of symbols on the keyboard.
I mean, you’ve gotta be KIDDING me. What the FUCK is with this shit? How long did it take this person to actually draw this thing out of dashes, dots, perentheses and one red o for the tit? Spam is seriously going too far and E-mail is doomed.
UPDATE 9-10-04
davepoobond: HLLO EVRONE HO R U TDY?@?! Anyhow, here’s some stuff that you might find enjoyable for the next long while…We finally have 4000 words in our dictionary now. YAY.
Also, a special shout out to all those myspace, xanga, and livejournal users who seem to like to link to the midis in our midis section to be played on their journals. Your daily use of our bandwidth makes me happy (Translation: If I ever find out who you are in real life, I’ll cut your throat). Enjoy the midis anyway! (Translation: Die.)
f roy132 loves you though…as well as everyone. In case you don’t know who she is, she’s the Mistress of the Bulletin Board, and has more posts than even I do.
Speaking of the bulletin board, it and all its parts (like downloads) will be up as soon as possible.
Elias: No, seriously, I didn’t kill a cheap, cyphalis-infected hooker, and bury her below five trashbags filled with German Shepherd shit in a dark, muggy alley. Seriously, dude, I didn’t do it.
stuff updated/put up:
Dictionary – 4000 words, 50 new. SUBMIT A WORD
About Us – NEW SQUACKLE MEMBER, HOORAY. His name is Elias.
Stupid IMs – LilAngelGurl IM 8, Marie 8973 IM, Blind Bubba IM 22, AngelBabi IM, FoozBlondeSista IM, cajungirl18386 IM, beachbaby84283 IM, bethb IM, bethb IM 2
Squackle Broadcasting Company (SBC) – Movie: Hot Wax Vol. 2, PSA: I Don’t Want It
The Screwed Up World – Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
The Screwed Up Internet – Creative Spam? You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me…
THE NEW CHAT ROOM – Chat with us hereeeeee and tell others to come tooooo
Xenosaga Episode I (PS2) Review
Developer: Monolith Games / Publisher: Namco || Overall: 8.5/10
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Overview:
What do you get when you mix an incredible space adventure full of drama, action, explosions, and robots with hot chicks? You get Xenosaga Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht. Xenosaga Part I is the first of eight games, and they’re all a part of the Xenogears story in one way or another (prequels and sequels, and I’m assuming a possible remake of Xenogears). Xenogears was made by Squaresoft, and Xenosaga is being made by Namco (which has a team of developers who left Squaresoft).
Boasting an immense and involving story, Xenosaga Part I takes place in the future, where humans only live in space, co-existing with cyborg counterparts, called the Realians. Though the story doesn’t revolve totally around the Realians, the events happen all because of a war that had been fought between humans and Realians. There is a whole history that the game presents for you, and trying to remember all this information to understand the rest of the game will actually revolve around the events that happened before you start playing the game. The real conflict in the game is the war between humans and aliens no one knows anything about, and a mysterious object called the Zohar.
Even though this game is an RPG, when it starts out, there isn’t much of a game to actually be played because there are so many cinematic movies. There’s more actual playing time as you get farther in the story, but this might lose some gamers early on in the game. It was like watching a really long porn movie, except there was no sex. Or there was some sex but it cut off before anyone was actually naked. (Sex in this reference would be equal to playing the game.)
Graphics:
The graphics in this game are nothing short of amazing. Everything is very polished, and looks about as real as computer graphics can look in this generation. However, there are some annoyances involving hands, and them not having moving fingers. Still, the cinematic movies are ones to really be amazed by. During action scenes, you may actually say “wow” because they are pretty intense at times.
Later on in the game, there is an integration of CG movies in actual battles.
Sound:
The sound category as a whole is definitely below average at best. Now don’t get me wrong, the voice acting in this game is top notch, and the musical score is really good, but there is an EXTREME lack of music during regular game play, more specifically map movement. There is nothing that will help you get into the mood when you’re traveling from Point A to Point B, fighting monsters along the way. And if you’ve played RPGs, this is what happens ALL the time. The lack of music here is really a sad thing, as it makes the game feel empty and less involving when the actual events of the story so far have gotten you to that point.
I don’t know if anyone else cares this much about music, but I honestly do think that music is a very important part of any RPG, to always feel like you’re involved in the game, and not just hearing footsteps on different surfaces.
Game Play:
The game is similar to most RPGs, except in battles; there are a number of different attacks you can string together to make each turn at least seem like it’s more realistic (because in other RPGs, when you say “attack” the character always attacks the same way every time). You can also make the decisions of what to actually hit your enemy with, whether it be a physical attack, or Ether (magic) type of attack. The same sort of “choosing your attack” feature is used when you’re in mechs called A.G.W.S (pronounced ay-ggs). So any Xenogears fan who doesn’t have Xenosaga will be wondering what the hell an A.G.W.S is and what happened to the Gear which was in XenoGEARS. Well, supposedly A.G.W.S are the smaller type of Gear used in the time before Xenogears (since Xenosaga Part I is a prequel). Instead of the gigantic Gear from Xenogears, the A.G.W.S. in Xenosaga are about four times bigger than humans, and can have a range of weapon types, including Melee, Guns, and Rockets/Grenades.
Now, you’re probably wondering how the backend system is. I’ll tell you right now that it is one of the most complicated ones I’ve ever seen, except it can help you out in making your character very strong, and skills-and-abilities-filled. There are several types of points you gain at the end of a battle, and you use three of the types of points to gain more Ether attacks (magic attacks), Skills (skills are extracted from actual items that can be equipped), and Techs (which are points you use to upgrade the skills you use in regular battle).
The stand-out point of this game is with no doubt its storyline. There are barely any games that will even come close to having such an elaborate storyline as Xenosaga (when all eight parts come out) will have. I’m no psychic, but if each game will be as packed with events and as much story development as the first, this gaming series will be any serious RPG-player’s dream. Or at least mine.
Another important part of the game is the Internet-like feature you can use, called the U.M.N. The U.M.N. is basically the Internet for the whole universe, and contains all the useful information you’ve been told through the game, as well as emails that contain weapons you can download as an attachment occasionally. Don’t ask me why that should make sense, it’s the future, they can do that. You can also visit areas you’ve been to before, even if they’re destroyed, or inside someone’s head. Instead of allowing you to physically travel to these places again, the areas are “saved” in the main character’s computer that is hooked up to the U.M.N. and is somehow inside of her or something.
Even though I’m saying such great things about the gameplay, there is the factor of the battles becoming very boring. Even though you can mix it up by using different attacks, the enemies you fight usually require a sort of “formula” of attacks to best defeat them. Not only this, but it usually takes a long time to defeat your enemies. Too often are there three enemies who have high HP AND can heal themselves (not that I’m saying it’s too hard – this just drags out the battles), and sometimes you have five of the same enemy to kill, and they usually take two characters attacking them before they die. Every time you go into another random battle, it becomes more laborious than actually having fun killing some stupid aliens no one knows about.
Overall:
Though it is a very good game, I am actually really disappointed in the lack of music during regular regular map movement and the use of the A.G.W.S. (compared to their use in Xenogears). Though the mechs are a major root point of the original game itself, they don’t play such a huge role in Xenosaga Part I from what I’ve seen. Perhaps their use will be more important than just retreating into them when you’re fighting a hard boss in the next game.
Higher Education, and Much, Much Higher Inebriation
This story is about Elias’ first week at college.
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Late into the night, as the stars begin to brightly light up the Maine campus on which I reside, the call of the college student, a booming “Dude, I’m so wasted,” can be heard off in the distance. As if it were an instinctual response another college student immediately responds with, “Dude, so am I,” and in order to complete this chorus of undeserved bragging the high-pitched voice of a young girl with a loose set of morals, and an even loser set of private parts, will yell, “Oh my god, I’m so fucking drunk, too.” Not surprisingly, alcohol plays a major role in the lives of many, if not all, college students, and also not surprisingly, alcohol makes for a great many stories of stupidity.
I recently decided to attend a college party, and on my way to the party I was stopped by an intoxicated, beautiful, one might even say, intoxicatingly beautiful girl who asked me for directions to party I was planning on attending. I told her that I was at that moment on my way there, and kindly, with a carefully placed kiss to her hand, and a flick of my smooth, black cane, offered to escort her there in my horse drawn chariot…actually I rudely told her that she could follow me if she wanted, but if she didn’t keep up or passed out I was going to leave her alcohol filled body in the middle of the campus, open for anyone who so wished to take advantage of her. I didn’t worry about how she would react to this statement since she was to drunk to react in any way except vomiting or dying alcohol poisoning. After the 45 second walk to the party, she turned to me and slurred “Thanks, William,” at which point, I realized that I had been lucky enough to met one of the few people stupid, or drunken, enough to forget my name in less than a minute.
I soon realized that if you like sitting in the corner of a hot, overcrowded dorm room, slowly sipping stale, cheap beer while numerous people loudly talk about the most trivial of topics or sloppily make out, yet conveniently ignore your presence the entire time, then college parties are for you. Because I have a severe case of Alzheimer’s disease, the next night when I was invited to a party and dance, I eagerly accepted the invitation. The only thing I gained from the dance, besides soreness in my eyes caused by the flashing lights, was the realization that college dances and Nazi concentration camps have much more in common than I previously thought: both involve many people packed into small rooms (drunken people crowded into a well-polished gymnasium, or Jewish people crowded into a dirty boxcar); in both there is one person controlling all the other people (the DJ, or the SS officer); both involve objects which emit gaseous substances (the fake, colorful fog from fog machines, or Zyclon-B from shower heads); lastly, in both situations the people involved are incredibly nervous (nervous about getting laid, or nervous about dying). Upon realizing the similarity between these two places, I also realized that were one to ask me which I would rather be at, I would have to think about it for quite a long time, but I’m sure that eventually I’d come to the correct answer…which, of course, is the concentration camp. The most unusual story occurred just last night. I was quietly sitting in my dorm, minding my own business, looking at hardcore internet porn, and booting some black tar heroin, when in stormed three other college freshmen. Without any words of greeting or explanation, they laid upon my roommates bed and started talking to his friends and family members via AIM. Ten minutes later they abruptly left, still failing to explain their actions. I then did some more black tar heroin…actually, in order to ease confusion, I did a whole hell of a lot more black tar heroin. Although I have not participated in any alcohol-induced stupidity, I can not claim that I haven’t participated in any just plain old lack-of-brain-cells stupidity. Even though throwing water balloons at drunken upperclassmen from the window in my dorm was quite stupid, the thoughts I had while on my backpacking orientation trip were far stupider and far more entertaining. As I was walking through the middle of the Maine woods, an amazing picture appeared in my mind. In the picture Steve Erwin, the Crocodile Hunter, wearing his usual far too short khaki outfit and kneeling in front of a gorgeous, naked blonde woman. His hands and arms were arranged in such a way that they displayed her pussy, and he turned his smiling face in the direction of the viewer, which in this case was me, and said, “Vagina! The most elusive creature I’ve ever captured.”
But of all the horridly immature behavior I’ve seen come about as a result of alcohol, the worst, and most rampant, is vegetarianism. The college campus is a place filled with vegetarians, and I have realized that the only possible explanation for such a thing is the massive amounts of alcohol at college. Why else would anyone decide to no longer partake in the gloriousness that is eating meat? Except for a Phish concert, the only thing mind-altering enough to convince one to eat only fruits and vegetables for the rest of one’s lives is extreme alcoholism. I’ve tried to think of a constructive, helpful way in which to deal with all the drunken people on campus and after much pondering I have come to the conclusion that the best solution is to get really fucking wasted, thus I must now end this article, find some booze, and proceed to get severely liquored up.
Front Mission 4 (PS2) Review
Developer/Publisher: Square Enix || Overall: 9.1/10
Overview:
Recently, I’ve been disappointed with Square-Enix and their soul-stealing Final Fantasy XI (give me back my friends, damn it!), but Front Mission 4 is a nice surprise. Like the previous Front Mission games, the game is turn-based and you battle in Wanzers, which is pronounced, “Vanzers”. I guess Germans make all the awesome mechanical toys still. So, what do you get with you throw in: giant robots, a sexy French voice actor, and guns? Probably confusion, but I’ll leave that up to you.
Story:
Ah, one of the shining points. As the game beings, Elsa, the woman with the sexy French voice, is training with members of Durandal. Zead and Hermes instruct you on movement and combat against Arrow 2 and Arrow 4. Elsa was a former member of the French Army for some time, but apparently, was never in any actual combat in the French Army. Sucker punch to the French by Square. Next thing you know, there will be an in-game browser that links to here in Front Mission Online, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Elsa and the members of Durandal are sent to investigate the attacks on German bases, no one knows why they attacked or who they were. After arriving at the German Base Sachsen-Anhaltm, the search is slow. With the trouble from Wagner, the commander of Sachsen-Anhalt, and Elsa and Zead suggest investigating to the north. Finding the remains of a landing point in Jutland, Denmark, your team is attacked. Finding a chip as evidence, your bring it back, only to be attacked as you get back to Sachsen-Anhalt by the unknown Wanzers. As the battle ends, you bring your physical evidence (A microchip for leg part stabilizers), and are told to go back to the Durandal H.Q. in the United Kingom. Yes, this part of the story involves lots of conspiracy, and that’s what makes it so engaging. Luckily, there’s an even better side to the story:
Darril, Renges and Chaeffer are members of the U.S.N. who are stationed in Venezuela who have horrible records and never really follow orders. Venezuela is currently becoming independent again with the help of the U.S.N. Wanzers. Patrolling one day, Darril and Renges stop to enjoy a view, as Chaeffer is trying to catch up. After much bickering about turning down a radio to relax, Chaeffer gets a distress call from a transport plane. The plane crashes and the trio checks it out to find no one survived, and the cargo was about three tons of gold. Darril and Renges aren’t too fond of the Army anymore, and decide to take the gold, forcing Chaeffer to join in, too. The gold was the governor’s private little stash, and it wasn’t supposed to exist, so Darril explains that it should be smooth sailing to get it out. Much lying and reckless behavior follows. This half of the story is very entertaining, to say the least.
Graphics:
The graphics are superb. The Wanzers look cool (depending on your parts, of course) and are animated nicely; as Wanzer combat is still relatively new during this time period, it gives added feel that the Wanzers are still sluggish in general response-wise. It’s hard to explain it without seeing it in action. The environments are nice, with lots of little bits of things lying around like barrels, pipes and junk. Not very interactive for the most part, but it’s not really a focus in the game with all the things you need to keep in mind during battle. Weapon effects and camera angles look great in general, yet sometimes it leads to the problem of not being able to see if you’ve hit a few times with a rapid fire weapon, but that’s not a huge or common problem. Much like the previous games, you can customize your Wanzers not only in what heat they’re packing, but their general shape and color. I’m disappointed with the limited ability to change the color of a Wanzer, as more options open up for the “camouflage” as the game progresses. The movies are very entertaining as well, done in the Hollywood way of “Tons o’ ‘splosions”. I like that way. The only gripe I have is that you can’t zoom in close enough during the battle! Things look tiny until you get to the battle.
Sound:
Music is consistently good, fitting the mood, which is generally a, “I’s gonna blow up s’more stuff,” kind of mood. Although, some of the easy listening music while customizing Wanzers can get a little boring. Like being stuck in an elevator playing Risk with grandmother and Bob Saget, it can induce sleep if you’re tired enough. Sound effects are clean and appropriate. There are no small guns here that make loud booms as in other mech games I’ve played. The voice acting in this game is great, dorky people sound dorky, hard ass people sound hard ass. Let me emphasize how good Elsa’s voice is. Men will be able to appreciate it, obviously, because it’s a sexy French voice. Probably the same sort of enticement as Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft’s grunting noises as she climbed up stuff.
Well, maybe not exactly the same…
Gameplay:
Lots of stuff to do here. Combat is essentially a super supped up Front Mission. Wanzers have four basic body parts that can be damaged: both left and right arms, legs, and body. The loss of arms or legs will limit the function of the Wanzer until repaired, and the loss of the body will destroy all of the Wanzer, regardless of the conditions of the other parts. With many weapons and tactics to choose from, there’s no one way to go. The game sort of sets you up by having characters be more proficient with some weapons (Zead is good with missles, for example), but it doesn’t mean you can’t alter them slightly. As pilots battle more or train more in the battle simulator, they gain levels and EP. EP can be used to purchase special abilities that can add special effects. Some of the effects are passive, while others are randomly activated in battle, depending on the skill. Also, pilots can link in this new Front Mission game, meaning if they have the right links set up before a battle, they can help attack when a linked unit attacks, or defend them when attacked. This is very useful, as setting up partners within your squad becomes deadly. With the right links, your Wanzers can be all the more efficient with taking down enemies.
The maps in the game aren’t very difficult until further into the game, which is nice for any new player, or a returning series player who needs to be refreshed on how to play. While they are detailed, the maps aren’t very interactive, sadly. Most of the battles take place on maps which are much like arenas: large open areas with few, if any, obstructions. This isn’t entirely true for every single map, but many of them aren’t too different. Also, the map size stacked on to the unit health to damage ratio often makes for long battles, so be prepared. Just keep in mind that splitting up your forces is not such a good idea if you want a short battle.
Overall:
Front Mission 4 is a great title, especially with Square-Enix’s recent ventures that have been somewhat disappointing. The gameplay is very good, and there’s even an option for the ever-popular “New Game+”, so you can replay the game and get everything eventually. The graphics, story and voice acting are very tightly linked together, and it can be a very captivating experience depending on your tastes in games. Just don’t let it run your life like another Square-Enix game that rhymes with “Spinal Bantasy will-leven”.
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness (PS2) Review
Developer: Nippon Ichi Software | Publisher: Atlus || Overall: 8.3/10
Overview
With red-hot popularity in Japan, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness is any turn-based RPG gamer’s dream. It plays much like the other turn-based “Tactics” titled games such as Final Fantasy Tactics and Tactics Ogre, where you control individuals in a set area and take turns bludgeoning each other’s skulls with swords and axes, but there’s something else this game adds in to the mix to spice it up: there is virtually no level cap. You can level to your heart’s content. While there are other additions, this lack of level cap is insanity. Stack on random battle map generations and bosses with a million hit points, and you got yourself some replay value. How will it fare, when replay value is what most gamers nag about? Let’s find out:
Story
You are Prince Laharl, heir to the throne of the underworld. The game starts out as your subordinate, Etna, is thrashing your little body around in hopes to awaken you from your two-year slumber. As you awaken, you find that your father, King Krichevskoy, has died, and the residents of the underworld are in chaos fighting for the title of “Overlord”. As claiming the title of overlord, you go on to kill off any of the opposition to the throne with the help of Etna, your badass lil’ penguins called Prinnies, and anyone else you hire/pick up on the way.
The game has many funny sequences. Spoofs on Power Rangers, lots of screaming, Prinny humor (Dood!), plenty of irony, Flash Gordon spoofs, and lots of sexual and other crude humor. Not to mention a nod to President Bush’s accident with a pretzel (King Krichevskoy died that way, as far as you know). Laharl’s favorite taunt to his female companion’s is “flat chest-ed”. Guys and cooler girls will like this game. Cool girls as in: a girl who would be looking at a game site. Congratulations if you’re a chick!
Graphics
In the tradition of turn-based RPGs of the Playstation, Disgaea uses 2D characters on a 3D map. The sprites are very nice, and detailed enough for their size. Most characters are designed well (Majins are the definition of badass design) and have many animations that fit the part. Characters’ special moves have some 3D flair; lots of explosions and ultimately cool looking moves. Dragon Ball fans rejoice: brawlers do a Dragon Ball-ish move: “King of Beasts”. Spells and the lot are nice effects, but nothing special. Map detail is bland at best. There is nothing really engaging about the environment, especially when you get to the randomly generated maps. Eventually, you’ll feel like you’re playing the same maps constantly because of how boring the levels can be. The drawn art in the game which accompanies the “scenes” are adequate, but one animated sequence for something would have been nice. Side note: if you love large anime breasts, you are playing the right game. Tons of them, and lots of humor on it as previously stated.
Sound
The music is nice, and it fits the game. No gripes here; some of the music can even be catchy. The dubbing is very nice. All of the voices are professional (or at least sound that way) actors. You may even recognize Prince Laharl’s voice as Barbara Goodson of anime dub fame. Most units only have basic voices, like the male warrior’s pretty cool voice (Be gone!), etc. I actually find the English voices much better than the Japanese voices. The Japanese voices are so squeaky… ugh. Perhaps that’s sexy in Japan, but I couldn’t bear it and switched it back to English. Sound effects are decent, nothing really stands out. Just stay away from the Japanese voices. For the love of Pete.
Gameplay
Disgaea will be nothing new to fans of the genre, nothing really out of the comprehensible for veterans of Final Fantasy Tactics or the like. Movement is very nice in regards to the other games. All units move in the same phase, meaning, you can move all the units at once instead of waiting for each unit to get to its own turn. This is VERY handy when it’s the computer’s turn, as all their units will move in a big mass as opposed to 20 units taking turns. Attacking is much the same as other “Tactics” games, but one difference–you can combo if there are units one panel adjacent to you. Combos not only look cool, but often will do a lot more damage. If normal attacks aren’t your thing, there’s plenty of special moves with any of the seven weapon types, in addition to unique character skills (Such as Laharl’s “Blazing Knuckle) and monster skills. The moves can’t combo like normal attacks can, but most special moves affect an area, or hit more than once, perhaps even knocking the enemy to another panel as some do. You’ll also be pleased to know that classes can use and gain skill with any weapons they wish, but they are very proficient with some specific ones. In example, mage/skull classes are proficient with staves, which also enhance their spell range if they practice enough. Using a weapon will increase the skill with that weapon. When you reach a certain level with a weapon, new moves will become unlocked, and your proficiency with the weapon becomes even greater. There are no staff moves, but with increased skill comes enhanced spell range. Without staves, your range will barely go 3 tiles. While there are many skills, I found myself wishing there were more special moves for the weapons seeing as how there’s only 7 weapon types.
Combat is nothing difficult, and very easy to get used to once you gain a grasp of things like geo tiles, colored flashing panels with effects that match what geo crystal you put on them. For example, putting a geo crystal with the effect of “+100% EXP” on a blue tile will make all geo panels of the same color increase EXP by 100% if a unit is killed on that color. Geo panels can also be changed by way of breaking a different color geo crystal (The color of the geo crystal only effects what the color tile it’s on will change to when the crystal is broken) or with the “Change Geo” move of the Scout unit. Get used to lifting other units/geo crystals with your units, as it gets to be extremely useful. While some units will be indispensable, many like the Rouges, Scouts and Knights are just not useful in the slightest. Many other units can do what they do, and much better. If you really want a warrior that cast spells, overlook the Knight and instead give a warrior a mage pupil. When the warrior learns spells from the pupil (One tile away you’re able to share moves with a pupil) she/he will be much more effective than a Knight would ever be.
Also to note is that there’s a deep system for leveling. There is no level cap, and you’re able to reset your characters to level 1 with much enhanced stats. Not only that, but you can alter your weapons, which carry “residents” who enhance the power of the weapons they are on. By entering a weapon, you can raise its base stats with each level you descend in to the weapon, and by subduing residents from other items and putting them on the item of your choice. On top of this, add in many unlockable levels, classes, and items, and you’ve got yourself a couple hundred hours of game play if you are a perfectionist.
Overall
While it is fun, and a very good game, is not exactly all that deep. The story is nice, but short. There’s plenty of gameplay, but sadly, it’s just not deep enough for how much you may end up playing. If the story were longer, or if there were more special moves/things to look forward to as you level higher besides stats, my opinion would be much different. While it supports the capacity for high level characters, it doesn’t seem to do that in anything more than no level cap, and one supremely hard secret boss. I do very much enjoy this game, and I have purchased it, but I have hopes that a sequel will come along and add more depth to this game and its fun and quirky story.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2) Preview
Developer: Rockstar North | Publisher: Rockstar Games
No game has more hype, controversy and rewarding pedestrian killing than the Grand Theft Auto series. With the success of the GTA3, the transition to full 3D game play was the best thing to happen to this game series. And if GTA3 couldn’t be any better, GTA: Vice City blew every other game in the series out of the water. One can only imagine how the 5th installment of the GTA series, GTA: San Andreas will completely rule over all its predecessors, this October 2004.
Five years before the game starts off, Carl Johnson, the main character in this GTA, escaped from the pressures of life in Los Santos, San Andreas. The city was tearing itself apart with gang trouble, drugs and corruption. It was also a place where film stars and millionaires do their best to avoid the dealers and gangbangers. From the poor to the rich, Los Santos was not a very happy, or safe, place to live.
In the early 90s, Carl is forced to go back home, because his mother has been murdered. When he comes back to Los Santos, he finds that his family has fallen apart and his childhood friends are all heading towards disaster. However, on his return to the neighborhood, a couple of corrupt cops frame him for homicide. CJ is forced on a journey that takes him across the entire state of San Andreas, to save his family and to take control of the streets.
Some of the newest innovations in the GTA: San Andreas are in how you make and spend your money. There’s a lot to spend money on, and to get around a whole state, you’ll need plenty of cash. Like in previous GTAs, you will sometimes earn money by completing missions, but not always. That’s why side missions will take a new level of importance. One of the new ways you can get hold of cash, is by stealing other people’s stuff.
Burglary is another crime added to the repertoire of other crimes you’re able to commit in the GTA series freely. To begin the actual burglary side mission, you have to carjack a moving truck and then press the R3 button. There are dozens of places in San Andreas to burglarize, for example residential homes and businesses. Most can contain a variety of goods that you can make off with and sell.
If you don’t know how to burglarize well, you’re going to get caught. First of all, you can only rob places at night. You’re going to have to get something to hide your identity, like a ski mask or balaclava. You’re also going to have to bring a weapon or two, just in case someone is home, and they try to alert the police. But that’s only if you make enough noise to wake up the inhabitants, if any. People will be sleeping, because its night. If you’re able to slip in quietly, you may be able to make off with a VCR, TV, or the home stereo system. It’d do you well to check every room in the house, because making off with a 13 inch TV wouldn’t be better than making off with something with way more value.
Once you’re able to make off with your haul, you’re able to sell your goods, and make sure you get your money’s (and effort’s) worth out of it. The money you make can be put forward to buy items, food, clothes, guns, properties, and even businesses.
The way you spend your money influences the way you play the game. In San Andreas, the way you dress and take care of yourself tells a lot about who you are. As a result, your clothes and haircut affect the way others respect you. There are many barbershops throughout San Andreas, and with enough cash, CJ can get whatever cut he wants. The sharper CJ looks, the more respected he is. Rivals will take notice to him, and be more wary of him, as well as women noticing how good looking CJ is, and gaining more authority within his own gang, the Orange Grove Families. You can choose from many different cuts, including bald, afro, jheri curl, and cornrows.
Clothing affects the game as well. Through the game, if you dawn your gang’s colors, rival gangs and police will take notice to your allegiances easier, while gaining more respect in his own gang for doing so. Some missions will even require CJ wearing a particular outfit. Some of the places that you can choose clothing from are Binco, SubUrban, and ProLaps. Binco is a discount clothes store which sells cheap and utilitarian clothing. SubUrban has a bigger selection than Binco, and also targets a customer base that has a higher budget to spend on clothing, favoring brand-name apparel. ProLaps is an athletic gear outlet store, selling jerseys, shorts, hats and other sport related items. Prices at ProLaps are a bit more expensive, and CJ will have to earn a lot more money.
CJ will keep all the clothing he buys, so you won’t have to go back to the clothing store and buy clothes every time you want to change your look. All you have to do is walk into your safe house and look in the closet to see every piece of clothing CJ has earned/purchased at that point in the game. This adds a collecting mission to the game, and also a huge amount of customization for you character, for mixing and matching the clothing you have.
The game itself will be five times as big as GTA: Vice City, featuring three cities. Los Santos (the capital, and a mirror of Los Angeles), San Fierro (a mirror of San Francisco), and Las Venturas (a mirror of Las Vegas).
GTA: San Andreas will also feature a new type of transportation, the BMX bike. To me, nothing would seem more fun than riding a BMX bike to another city clear across the state. Now it just leaves to wonder if there’s going to be a paper route you can do (been hoping for that one since GTA 3). Among other improvements, there are also motorcycle cops, citizens who will not give up their cars so easily (when you’re carjacking), improved police AI and even more troublesome police.
If you’re wondering about the game’s musical score, Rockstar has not released too many details about what is actually going to be in the game, other than the fact that there will be music from many genres of the early 90’s. Since there are three different cities, there is a possibility that each city could have its own list of unique radio stations and music.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas hits the PlayStation 2 on October 18, 2004.
Squackle Guestbook #20647
| Sunday 08/15/2004 12:06:23am | |
| Name: | Bethany |
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| I like to | Go to Squackle.com!!! Whoot |
| I like Squackle!: | Yes |
| Comments: | I am not a guest. I am a squackle newbie. But i wanted to sign the guestbook anyways. Because i never got a chance to. *Sniff* But now i did! So all better. ^.^ |
Squackle Guestbook #20646
| Monday 08/09/2004 2:46:30am | |
| Name: | kat |
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| Comments: | sum funny shit on ere like |