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Quote #23040

davepoobond — Tue, 21 May 2013 00:23:00 +0000

“We’re all Mexicans except for me.”

- The Normal Teenager

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Tags: Mexico

Extended “Birthday Song” Lyrics

davepoobond — Tue, 21 May 2013 00:21:45 +0000

Everyone knows the birthday song, and quite frankly it sucks. The only reason you want to sing it is to get to the fun part at the end where you just go on forever making up stupid shit.

I don’t know why you start singing about what’s on television, though.

And many more, on Channel 4

And Scooby Doo, on Channel 2

And Frankenstein, on Channel 9

And a naked lady, on Channel 80

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Tags: birthday, Frankenstein, lady, Scooby Doo, television

First the Worst

davepoobond — Tue, 21 May 2013 00:18:18 +0000

This is the version of the playground rhyme that I remember from my elementary school. There are obviously a lot of variations.

First the worst

Second the best

Third the nerd

Fourth the one with the hairy chest

Fifth the bitch

Sixth the snitch

Seventh goes to heaven

Eighth goes naked

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Tags: bitch, chest, elementary school, hairy, heaven, playground

Dream #23037: The Chip Dream

davepoobond (DPB) — Sun, 19 May 2013 07:04:04 +0000

I wrote this in 2002.

I remember in a dream I had, that I was stuck somewhere listening to some guy who was talking about chips, and something about “maximum dipping power.”

He was explaining the measurements and junk about the chips and there was this other person saying “come on come on let’s go” to me, but I didn’t because I was interested.

Next I knew I was driving a car in a parking lot looking for a parking space.

Then I woke up.

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Tags: A DPB Tag, chips, dream, parking lot

Dream #23036: The Baseball Dream

davepoobond (DPB) — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:59:34 +0000

I wrote this in 2002.

I had a dream that I was the best pitcher on a baseball team, but I knew I wasn’t any good.

So this big championship game or something was there, but I didn’t get dressed, because when I put on my shoes, they caught on fire, then I put the fire out by blowing on it, but it relit, so I put it under the sink and it went out.

But it relit again and I just let it burn.

So the scene changed to the baseball game, and when I wasn’t there, they had a 2 foot tall 10 year old pitch for them instead.

They were losing pretty badly, when the assistant coach finally found me at home, and he said “we’re losing, you have to get dressed and play!” But I said, “no, I don’t want to get dressed!”

Then I woke up.

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Tags: A DPB Tag, baseball, dream, fire, pitcher, shoes, sink

Dream #23034: The Moon Blew Up

davepoobond (DPB) — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:54:08 +0000

I wrote this in 2002.

I had a dream that I was out in the desert or something. The sand was red and there weren’t any trees, but big rocks every so often. There were a lot of people there, and there were a lot of houses. I wasn’t too far from my house. I looked up at the moon (which was very close). It was really hot, and the moon turned around pretty fast, and it looked the same except it had its own “red eye storm” like Jupiter. It’s kind of hard to describe. Anyway I pointed it out to my mom, and she said “that’s normal, they throw all our trash up there, you know?”

I thought “hmm, all that plastic up there is burning making it hot down here…” It seemed like it was raining fire from the moon. All of a sudden, it blew up. Everyone started screaming and went back inside their homes. After the moon rocks fell, I went over to my friends house, and there was my Grandma. She said his family wasn’t there because my friend was at the hospital. She pointed out the window shutters on the window, and said something about how cheap they were because a rock fell through. Then she disappeared.

Then it rained rocks again. Afterwards, I was crying and I turned on the TV. To get my mind off everything, I turned on the TV and watched cartoons, while there was another TV with the news on. It had a bunch of people talking about the moon blowing up, and how it was more horrible than September 11. The rocks fell again all of a sudden for the last time. I went outside to see what happened, and there were a lot of people on hospital beds, screaming because trash and rock shot into their body.

I woke up then. What a weird dream. I could barely describe it all. You should’ve dreamed it yourself…to truly understand.

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Tags: A DPB Tag, desert, dream, family, grandma, moon, plastic, rain, rocks, September 11, trash, window

3 Pennies

davepoobond (DPB) — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:46:59 +0000

stimpyismyname had 3 pennies.

He told me that if I guessed which they’d all land on, I could keep the pennies.

If it didn’t land on what I guessed, I had to give him 3 pennies.

I guessed that they would all be tails, and when he tossed them on the ground, they were all tails, but he said I said all heads.

The bastard ended up taking the pennies.

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Tags: A DPB Tag, bastard, ground, money, penny

Edgar Allen Poe SUCKS

davepoobond (DPB) — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:45:30 +0000

I think I wrote this in 10th grade.

Edgar Allen Poe SUCKS.

Very much so.

When I was writing this, I was sitting through my English class listening to a guy on a tape reading the story “The House of Usher” …which is complete and total crap! I hate how he writes his stories and poems.

The stories have too much description or something. There seems to be sentences within sentences within sentences, and it seems like they’re all fancy words put together to they make each other more fancy, and then there is no real story it seems.

Ooooh. The end of all his stories are so scary…you’re expected to get scared with “-she was dead,” like at the end of “The Oval Portrait”

Ooh. Scary. Dumb. “Never more?” Oooh. Scary.

Die.

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Tags: A DPB Tag, English, house, sentence

CrazE-mail #23031

davepoobond — Sun, 19 May 2013 06:39:47 +0000

Back in the year 2000, I was hosting Squackle at Angelfire, which was/is a free web host. I got this e-mail and decided to have fun with them.

>>>From: “Angelfire Staff”
>>>Subject: Password check
>>>Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 20:21:08 -0700

To ensure that your site, http://www.angelfire.com/ca4/squackle , is maintained properly, we periodically request that the webmaster of each site verify his or her password with Angelfire. Please send your username, along with your password, to zoopx9@hotmail.com, my personal address, so that I can make sure everything is in order. We hope you continue to use Angelfire to host your webpages in the future.

Sincerely,

Karl
Angelfire staff

>>>To: zoopx9@hotmail.com
>>>Subject: Re: Password check
>>>Date: Sat, 20 May 2000 08:13:59 PDT

hi! how are you! my password is: jungjung and my directory is biz/poopers

thank for making me safer on angelfire!

>>>From: “Tim Groves”
>>>Subject: Re: Password check
>>>Date: Sat, 20 May 2000 12:04:02 PDT

Hello again. I received your e-mail containing the directory and password for your site at Angelfire. However, the information was inaccurate. Please verify that what you sent was correct and resend it. We appreciate your cooperation, and thank you for using Angelfire.
Sincerely,

Karl
Angelfire Staff

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Tags: hacker, password, scam, Squackle

Going Blind

davepoobond (DPB) — Sun, 19 May 2013 04:29:04 +0000

I wrote this in 7th grade.

If I had only three days of sight left on the first I would want to start learning Braille (Braille would be in place of school), at least I would be 3 days closer to learning how to read Braille. After that I would play video games and computer games for an hour. Then I will look at my family and try to remember what their faces look like then I would go to bed.

On the second day I would get up at 5:00 AM and play video games and computer games until it was time for me to learn Braille for six hours then I would go outside and look at the trees, the sky, the cloud, the little dog running up to me like it was attacking me then I would go inside and play video games and computer games for two hours then I would look at my family’s faces then I would stay up all night and watch TV.

On the third day I will watch TV, play video games, and computer games until it was time to learn Braille then after that I would look at my house from the outside, then I would look at my family’s faces then go to bed and hope sometime during my life we will have the technology to have eye transplants.

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Tags: A DPB Tag, blind, computer, family, technology, video games