Category Archives: Screwed Up Chronicles

Rants, raves, and reviews on politics, products, and more.

I Had the Shittiest Chipotle Burrito Ever

I had a shitty burrito from Chipotle today.

I can still taste it, its horrible.

That was the worst fucking burrito I’ve had in ages, and the single worst burrito from Chipotle ever. I’m not going to go to Chipotle for two months in protest their shitty burrito-manship.

Now I’m trying to guzzle down some Starbursts so I can finally get this taste out of my mouth.

So, I went to their web site and sent them this in their comment feedback thing:

I had a really bad burrito from the Chipotle in Fullerton today. I had it around 12:30 or so, and the burrito was horribly made, with liquid dripping everywhere — I ended up having to eat it over a trash can. That’s not even the worst part though. The burrito tasted really horrible, and hours later I still have the taste in my mouth. That’s really not good, since I’ve visited that Chipotle on many occasions and they have never tasted like that.

Its disappointing when they make bad burritos just because there’s a ton of people in line. I’m probably not going to be going back anytime soon because I feel it is just that bad, and there are other places I can spend 10 bucks on for food.

Just wanted to say that.

Yuck! Fuck you Chipotle, you’ve been good to me, but then you fucking stab me in the back!

I Was Detained Today

This entry is part 2 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

The alarm went off at work today, and the store wasn’t open, it was just the people in the warehouse, where I was working…and at that exact moment the police were coming through the door to see what was happening (they apparently didn’t know we were there), i was getting a drink of water, and its right next to the door.

So the cops see me and they’re like “hold it!”

I look up and i’m like “uhh? whoa!” and one of them had a gun out, too. I was basically alone, and then they’re all like “put your hands up! turn around!”

“Put your hands behind your head!”

They walked up and then held my hands firmly, told me to spread my legs, and then spread them further. They checked me for any weapons, and had me lean forward with my stomach out as they were checking my pants for a couple minutes.

They asked if I had any weapons and I was like “no, I have a cell phone in my left pocket, keys in my right and wallet in the back pocket.”

So while they checked they asked “what are you doing here?”

I said “I’m I’m I’m working.” He asked if there was anyone else, and I said yeah, they’re upstairs in the warehouse.

He asked what we were doing and I said the warehouse was getting books ready to go out on the shelves, and I was doing web orders. After that they put me into custody, put cuffs on me and sat me down on a table that was there.

One of the cops stayed with me until the other went upstairs and saw what was going on.

Someone told me that what the cop asked upstairs was if anyone was supposed to be downstairs and then the manager was all “no” and then the cop asked if he was missing anyone. The manager figured out it was me that was missing and described him to the one that was upstairs, and confirmed it was me downstairs.

In the meantime I told the cop that was with me I was getting a drink of water from the fountain since that’s the only one in the store. They eventually let me out of cuffs and took me upstairs to have the manager confirm it was me. I told him I was just getting some water downstairs.

Turned out another warehouse worker had tripped off the alarm accidentally, and I had just been right where the cops were exactly when they came in through the doors.

Well, that was fun.

Hollywoodland (2006) Review

Hollywoodland (2006), directed by Allen Coulter

Production Companies: Back Lot Pictures, Focus Features, Miramax Films, Universal Pictures

Movie Length: 126 min

IMdb Movie Info

I don’t know what to say about it, I’m sort of indifferent after watching this movie.

Hollywoodland is a movie starring Ben Affleck and Adrien Brody, about the conspiracy around George Reeves’ (aka as Superman) death. Private investigator Louis Simo intends to excel his career as a private investigator by taking an interest in the case — a supposed suicide, in which the mother thinks that her son was actually (oh no) murdereeeeddd!!

I think the movie was worth watching, though a bit on the long side. The story could have definitely moved faster, there wasn’t exactly a lot of story elements that would have been cut, it just seemed like there was a lot of dwelling on certain things that happened.

There were a lot of good things about the movie, like good acting, the music/soundtrack, and the writing for the most part.

The ending was very abrupt, i thought. when it faded out I was like “that can’t be the ending…”

…but it was.

It felt like they didn’t know how to end it, so they just did. I assume the real case was left unsolved, so they had to do that, but it felt weird how it ended.

Perhaps what added to that weirdness and longness of the movie was that it was like watching 2 movies going on at the same time. It was very hard to tell what was the past with George Reeves (Ben Affleck), what was the present with Louis Simo (Adrien Brody), and what was Simo’s theory sequences. In that regard, cinematography didn’t do anything overly ambitious to set the three elements of the movie apart from one another.  It was interesting seeing Bob Hoskins in another movie besides Who Framed Roger Rabbit, too.

It could be conceivable to see the ending as a cop out, now that I think about it. We spend about an hour and a half learning about George Reeves, and Simo’s quest to learn about why Reeves is dead, and we end up seeing Simo making amends with his son. It could be construed that Simo was supposed to have learned something from going through all of that, but it wasn’t portrayed very well.

8/10.

Why Study Geometry?

This entry is part 2 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

These are ridiculous reasons why you should study geometry according to Carolina Mathmatic in Burlington, North Carolina 27215.

This poster was in Dr. OldNBald’s room, and pisses me off so much, that I had to copy it all and have my responses to each one of them.

There’s a buncha cartoons saying this crap (they were in no really particular order, they’re mixed up all around on the poster):

1. A guy spinning around in a tornado: It helps me track the paths of storms

davepoobond’s response: Well, it looks like you’re keeping track of the storms pretty well already, since you’re getting caught up in them, you stupid bastard. Why don’t you get a life?

2. A skleton: It helps me understand X-Ray diffraction patterns

davepoobond’s response: good job fag. Most people in the world don’t need to know how an X-Ray works. But I guess because you’re a skeleton, its useful to you.

3. A stupid annoying girl: I learned what it means to get my teacher off on a tangent!

davepoobond’s response: by sucking her dick?

4. A kid with a large piece of paper: I heard paper folding activities are fun!

davepoobond’s response: is that all you can think of? Thinking of paper folding activities? WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO DO A PAPER FOLDING ACTIVITY WHEN THEY CAN DO SOMETHING EXTREMELY MORE SENSIBLE? And who the fuck would say “hey, paper folding activities are fun” anyway?

5. 2 aliens in a UFO: We use it for interplanetary travel

davepoobond’s response: you heard it here folks, aliens are confirmed by the government. They screwed themselves up the ass when they issued this poster. Now we KNOW the government is lying to us.

6. A scientist holding up a model of a molecule: I need it to understand bond angles

davepoobond’s response: oh. You do, do you. Don’t we already have something called a computer that can tell you everything about a bond angle already?

7. A city road worker by his green semi truck that says “city roads” on it: I need to know how much salt is in that conical pile for spreading in case it snows tonight. (there’s two big “conical” piles of salt in front of him)

davepoobond’s response: what good will that do you, you stupid fuck? You either have enough or you don’t! Its trial and error. If you don’t have enough, go back and get some more, God dammit! You don’t need to find out how much fucking salt is in a conical pile, just use it.

8. An Eagle: It’s OUTTA SIGHT

davepoobond’s response: what kind of reason is this? You’re gay. Stupid eagle.

9. A $ dollar bill, and the guy on it is saying: New Math Means More Money!

davepoobond’s response: New Math also means More Counterfeiting

10. A painter in front of a castle: I need to estimate how much paint I’ll need for this castle.

davepoobond’s response: IT’S A FUCKING CASTLE! CASTLES DON’T NEED TO BE PAINTED!

11. A black kid: it’ll help me raise my SAT scores

davepoobond’s response: this is one reason I agree with. This is the only sane reason out of all these other reasons. Why can’t they think of more good reasons, so that I don’t have to be angry at people who make stupid shit like this?

12. A fireman putting water on a burning house: how long will the water in the tanker last?

davepoobond’s response: duhhh…I don’t know….maybe that’s why you use the fire tanker’s water until there’s no more water, and then go get some more. There is no math involved in that. There’s probably more math involved in driving to a fire hydrant.

13. A black kid with a light blue baseball cap and a dog: Sparky needed a cool new doghouse (the dog house all made out of triangles and looks like crap. No dog would want to live in it)

davepoobond’s response: Get a life! Just buy your dog a doghouse and call it a done deal. The dog won’t know the goddamn difference

14. A butterfly: So I can appreciate bilateral symmetry

davepoobond’s response: Why do you have to call it bilateral symmetry? Just call it symmetrical sides with one line down the middle. No one gives a shit when you call it bilateral symmetry. And no one really even cares to APPRECIATE something as insignificant as bilateral symmetry. Wow its bilaterally symmetrical. I can sure appreciate that shit.

15. A stupid little girl: It’s AWESOME!

davepoobond’s response: you’re wrong. ITS NOT!

16. A snowman: It helps me appreciate the beauty of nature

davepoobond’s response: how? So you can melt when the sun comes up the next day? Nice job jackass, you thought that through.

17. A girl playing miniature golf: That’s why I’m so good at miniature golf!

davepoobond’s response: That’s why you’re good at sucking cock too, I suppose. You used supplementary angles to know where to put the cock in your mouth. It’s the same principle with golf. Just fucking shoot the goddamn ball into the goddamn hole.

18. A black baseball player with a ball being thrown up in the air: Just keepin’ my options open

davepoobond’s response: to do WHAT? So you can know how to throw a fucking ball? PLEASE…

19. A builder: I’m a builder. I have to read blueprints

davepoobond’s response: and you use geometry HOW, to read a blueprint? Its not that hard…you just read it.

20. A person making a quilt: I like to make quilts

davepoobond’s response: people have made quilts for generations without geometry. I’m sure you can live without it.

21. A submarine, you’re supposed to assume someone is saying: I want to keep my boat out of the mud!

davepoobond’s response: then stay off the ground

22. An Eskimo: I’m designing my own house (holding up a blueprint of an igloo)

davepoobond’s response: YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW GEOMETRY TO BUILD A FUCKING IGLOO! NOR DO YOU NEED A FUCKING BLUEPRINT FOR ONE! ESKIMOS HAVE MADE IGLOOS FOR CENTURIES WITHOUT HAVING TO STUDY GEOMETRY OR MAKE BLUEPRINTS! ARRRGHHH…..!!!

23. An old woman, possibly a plumber: How much pipe will I need to plumb a new bathroom?

davepoobond’s response: well, why don’t you hire a PROFESSIONAL, because you definitely don’t seem to be one.

24. Sherlock Holmes: It’s elementary, my dear Watson. …and Junior high and high school

davepoobond’s response: what the hell? Is that supposed to be funny?

25. A boy filling up water balloons: anybody remember the formula for the volume of a sphere?

davepoobond’s response: yeah I do. Its called fill it up until you think there’s enough water in the balloon, before it breaks open and spills all over yourself.

26. A black woman playing pool: so I can figure out bank shots

davepoobond’s response: You don’t need to know geometry for that. You need to take a pool class for that, and you won’t need to know useless crap you won’t use.

27. A guy at a computer: I’m designing a new CAD-CAM program

davepoobond’s response: I’m sure that there’s plenty of good programming programs that can do that for you. Or better ones that you can never make

28. A black optometrist: I need to understand how a lens bends light

davepoobond’s response: Why? Optometrists prescribe lenses to us, they don’t need to know how light bends. They are not the ones inventing the lenses to give to us. They are the doctors who don’t do much but find out what your vision is and give you the appropriate lenses for you to wear.

29. A cowboy: I’m a cartoon. I don’t have to!

davepoobond’s response: har har….funnnyyyyy…..not.

30. A sphinx in front of a pyramid: I want to know the volume of my pyramid.

davepoobond’s response: So you can sit there for another half a million years saying that you know the volume of your pyramid? “Hey guys, the volume of my pyramid is 4233492080982345809 square tons. Isn’t that super?”

31. A football player: If Herbie can, so can I!

davepoobond’s response: Is Herbie the little car made by VW that used to be a racing champion? So…a car knows geometry then?

32. A white kid with a finger on his mouth: shhh. I’m building a scale model of a stealth fighter

davepoobond’s response: don’t those usually come with instructions, so you don’t have to figure out all the places things go? Which means geometry usage equals 0

33. Kid: I WANT TO TESSELATE! Teacher: Do you have a note from home?

davepoobond’s response: wow. These guy crack me up. This is by far the most annoying out of all these, because this one is a big picture in the middle of the poster. And tessellating isn’t even fun.

34. A farmer with a cow: I need to know how much fertilizer to buy for 211 acres!

davepoobond’s response: you don’t need to buy any, because you have fucking cows.

35. A scientist holding up a ball with antenna coming out of it – supposedly a satellite: I want to use this satellite to map the earth

davepoobond’s response: newsflash! We already did it! HELLOOOOO???

36. A starfish: So I can appreciate radial symmetry

davepoobond’s response: ooooh I’m a starfish and I want to know all about radial symmetry….what the hell?

37. A captain with a world raised in his hand: We’ll be sailing along the great circle route

davepoobond’s response: there is no circle route! And even if there was, there would be no way in hell that you could make an exact circle

38. A person with a map: I need to find my way from point “A” to point “B”

davepoobond’s response: Here’s a clue: follow the map, the roads show you where to go, you don’t need geometry for that! You don’t even need SCHOOL for that

39. A scientist looking in a microscope: whoa!

davepoobond’s response: what? Did you see your penis?

40. A builder: I want to build the most modern buildings! (its just a triangle and its through a circle, just floating in mid air)

davepoobond’s response: oh you do, do you. Well, then build a GOOD building, not crappy buildings no one can use. Those are usually tall and rectangular.

41: Architect: I’m marking off the lots in a new housing development

davepoobond’s response: super. That sure makes me want to study geometry. In the rare instance that I may become an architect and mark off lots in a new housing development, I’ll be glad I took that geometry class

42. A muscle man trying to pull apart a triangle: I want to find out why triangles have such strength!

davepoobond’s response: that’s just the thing: triangles don’t have any more strength than anything else. You’re just weak! And the fucking triangle is made out of metal….

43. A guy with a rake: I have to figure out how many boxwoods to plan around a circular driveway with a 30-foot radius

davepoobond’s response: you need to figure out how to die first

44. A fisherman with a huge ass fish: I studied stream flow and insect hatch patterns and finally caught “Old Gill”

davepoobond’s response: what the hell? NO fisherman in the WORLD does this. And this is more biology/ecology than geometry

45. A head: My English teacher was impressed when I started using words like “conversely” “congruent” and “counter-example”

davepoobond’s response: well, why don’t you conversely get a congruent life so I can counter-example it with my machete. Yeah that was bad.

46. A trapezist: I need to find the area of a trapeez-oid

davepoobond’s response: oh har har har….TRAPAZOID….TRAPEZIST…they’re so much alike…

47. A pilot in a plane: I can’t afford to lose my bearings

davepoobond’s response: you can’t afford to lose your pilot’s liscense either, which you just did. So die.

48. A girl: IT’S EVERYWHERE! IT’S EVERYWHERE!

davepoobond’s response: oh…air is everywhere too. Do I need to study air? No, I just breathe it in and not care about it.

49. A guy: I’m into wheel covers

davepoobond’s response: WHEEL COVERS? You like to cover your wheels? WHAT THE HELL!

50. A general: it helps me get around the pentagon

davepoobond’s response: wow that’s funny. So I guess geometry helps you move your legs, and helps your arm open a door.

51. A white girl on the phone: you can help boys with their homework; and boys can help you with yours!

davepoobond’s response: this is just a hypothesis, depending on if the boys would actually want to help you with your homework. If you don’t study geometry why wouldn’t they help you with your homework anyway? Stooopid

In conclusion, after 51 stupid reasons to study geometry and 51 glorious responses to them that countered the “reason” to study geometry, only 1 out of 51 was actually a good reason. And even for that, who cares after you do take the SAT? no one. Now go study geometry, kiddies. Cause aliens can fly through space with geometry, and people can make their dog’s houses really geometry-like.

I Feel Dumb Right Now

more and more i think about it, i get more and more suspicious…

some older African-American guy came by at around 4:30 today saying he was with the “department of homeland security.” So i open the door, and he lets me look at his badge, but for the life of me i can’t remember or even read anything on his badge cause it just happened to be in a very low light, and for some reason i really couldn’t even see it…but as far as i could really tell it looked legit. he also let me look at it for a while before he said anything. it was in a folding wallet, but it seemed like two pieces of paper, not really a metal badge or anything like that. his picture wasn’t on the “badge” either.

he said he was doing a “background check” on a neighbor that is just moving in and he was asking neighbors about her.

i had noticed someone moving in earlier in the day, so i assumed he wasn’t making that part up, at least.

he asked me if i knew her or anything, and i said no, i had just seen her moving in…

so at that point, he was just all like “well okay, if i could just have your name”

so i gave him my name…and he had me spell it out, so i did. and he wrote down my apartment number. he had like a big folder thing where he had scratched down what seemed like other apartment numbers, but i couldn’t really see what he wrote down. he asked me if i could give my phone number, but said i didn’t have to give it to him if i didn’t want to, so i didn’t give it to him.

i didn’t really ask anything about why he was doing the background check, and it didn’t really occur to me that the “Department of Homeland Security” doesn’t really exist to do stuff like that, as far as i know. they are just an administrative body in DC, aren’t they?

ugh…i feel dumb.

Intersections: Phenomena or Conspiracy?

Stupid intersections.

For example, you’re walking down the street, toward an intersection of 2 streets. As you walk toward it, not a car is there, but…as you get closer and you’re about to go across the street, the cars come from all ways, making your crossing all the more difficult, not to mention all the people driving the cars are usually idiots, almost running you over and such. Or if they don’t see you and cut in front of you, smiling and waving.

CROCK OF SHIT THAT’LL DO FOR YOU, THEY ALMOST RAN ME THE FUCK OVER, WHY SHOULD I BE SMILING AND WAVING BACK TO THEM? “THANKS FOR ALMOST RUNNING ME OVER, YOU GOT LUCKY THIS TIME!”

Then, as soon as you go across, they’re gone. No more cars. Its all bullshit really, its like all those people plan to go into the intersection at the same time as you.

Is it a conspiracy? Maybe.

Is it a phenomena? I don’t give a shit.

I’m just pissed off at intersections, and you should hate them too.

5 Is the Max: The Phone Call Theory

So, say you want to call your good friend so you can go hang out somewhere and possibly go somewhere to eat. Now, let’s put two of your favorite people in the world, davepoobond and Soup Nazi into this situation. Soup Nazi’s phone is fucked up for whatever reason, and davepoobond is trying to call him so they can go and do something, like eat a burger. Davepoobond not being able to contact Soup Nazi is a predicament, now, isn’t it? How many times is “enough” to try and contact a friend so you can go and do something together because you’re bored? Davepoobond and Soup Nazi are good friends, but not good enough to warrant any more than a maximum of five calls from davepoobond. Anything more than five calls may and SHOULD be translated as a stalker or someone that is trying to get into your pants.

The rule I propose is that if you are trying to contact someone just to hang out and do nothing important in particular, you are given a maximum of five tries to contact someone. The count resets once you actually make contact. However, this should never be broken unless you ABSOLUTELY need something from this particular person you’re calling. The only thing that would qualify for the need would be something like large amounts of money (we’re talking tens here, baby), ass, returning of a loaned out item, drugs (if you really need a hook up), or if your liver is about to fall out. In these cases, you’re allowed one extra call, adding up to six.

You’re a fucking psycho if you call someone more than five or six times.

Looking Back At: Juvenile – Back That Azz Up

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series Looking Back At

Quite possibly “the” song of our generation, Back That Azz Up (also known as Back That Thang Up in the mainstream for censorship reasons) truly speaks to the soul. With meaningful and soul-speaking lyrics like “Drop it like its hot! DROP DROP DROP it like its hot!” one can really appreciate the angle from which the rapper, Juvenile, is coming from.

Back That Azz Up may have “Ass” cleverly mispelled with two “z’s” replacing the “ss” in Ass, but that doesn’t excuse it from being a 20th Century Masterpiece. Back That Azz Up truly is — in this edition of Looking Back At — a first-rate staple in today’s society.

And remember, you can smokify your bag-yeah, of grass-yeah.

The Guard

Okay, so this one day I was riding my bike home from (private) school, when this security guard in front of the mall rides after me all fast. He was pretty young, but older than me. That was for sure. Yeah. no… yeah.

I didnt do anything wrong, so I kept it cool and rode my bike at an average speed. I was at the corner of Market St. and Gray Ave. The security guard rides his bike up behind me and was all like “okay, you take this side, and I’ll take this side.” and I was all like “what the fuck are you talking about?” and he just repeated himself.

I told him that i didnt do anything, and that he should go back to the mall but he was all like “I’m done there.” I’m all confused and I’m like “Okay, good for you buddy.”

I go home and put on my robe and slippers, almost forgetting about the strange day. I told my mom to fetch me my pipe, and then at 4:30, I always have to clean Bob’s… err… my step dad’s car and shoot some hoops with that douchebag.

Going back into the house, accompanied by a slap to the ass by Bob; I see my mom talking at the front door.

My mom’s a fat ass so I couldnt see who the hell she was talking to. I look under her legs, and I stare up and see the same security guard talking to her that I saw in front of the mall earlier that day. He had another security guard with him this time, and then the security gaurd patted me on the head and said “hey I saw you today” and I was all thinking “…what the fuck?” and then the other security guard handed me a book and said “here you go you little rascal!”

I looked at the cover and it said “The Book Of Mormon.” What… The… Fuck…

Dream #9064

I had this dream today in the morning:

I was in a white room with a table, and like 5 other people were my “friends.” and we were like talking/waiting for something. there were windows, but it was just bright light. and the table was right next to a door, and some old ass lady comes out and introduces herself. she looks like a gym class teacher, but really old and haggy. and she like shakes our hands. i was sitting on the table, and i see the friend that was sitting down next to me go to shake her hand with the wrong hand and end up just petting her hand instead. and then i laugh at him for being a retard, but then he just looks at me like “why did you do that, i did that for a reason” and then i notice there’s like two huge rings on the old lady’s hand. and the old lady just keeps smiling.

I guess the only thing that could have been happening was that the 5 of us were there to infiltrate somethin and get somethin and we were just acting a part

Dream #9063

The Dreams Tag is a tag that has all the records of any dreams I see fit to actually write down.

I had a dream on November 18…

I was at school and my mom owned a cheap jewelry thing that sold like crappy wooden beaded bracelets and that kinda junk jewelery.

so when i went over there to say bye to her cause i was leaving school, there was a blonde chick there. and she was said she was someone i know’s sister and was asking me why i talked to him all the time. she flew down there to talk to me. she looked like she was like 15 and she had a red rolling backpack with braided hair.

she was like “he’s very emotionally depressed you shouldn’t talk to him it only makes him worse” or something like that and i’m like “uh whatever”

and then i woke up, but i was kinda in that half-dreaming mode so i “continued” my dream and then just started beating her up cause she was annoying

.hack//G.U. Vol. 2: Reminisce (PS2) Review

Developer: CyberConnect2 Corp / Publisher: Namco Bandai Games || Overall – 8.5/10

Continuing its engrossing story from the first volume, .hack//G.U. 2: Reminisce is the second in the .hack//G.U. trilogy. Acting more as a bridge between the beginning and the end of the saga, it makes sense that by the time you complete the game you’ll be left wanting more. If you made it so far as to finish the first game, you’ll want to dive in head-first after the almost-too-long wait for the sequel.

Reminisce is a great continuance of the adventure laid out in the first .hack//G.U. There are some story elements that will answer questions, while new ones will be raised in their stead. What you once thought to be Haseo’s ultimate goal turns out to be something completely different. Without spoiling too much of the story, all I can say is that even though you may have defeated Tri-Edge in the first game, think again if you believe he’s actually gone for good.

The gameplay is virtually the same as the first volume. However, there are slight improvements that alleviate some of the annoyances in the first game. First, there is the Skill Trigger, which allows you to change from Haseo’s currently equipped weapon to another weapon, depending on the skill you have equipped. The only thing bad about it is that you may not be able to use as many of the skills for a particular weapon as you may like. You can only ultimately equip 4 skills, leaving you to basically equip one skill for each weapon and an extra one that you like. With Volume 2, A new Awakening is available called Divine Awakening which allows you to time hits correctly using the power of your teammates and throw a concentrated burst of energy down on your enemies for a massive amount of damage. It’s quite different from any of the Awakenings that were present in the first game, and it is a welcome change to the gameplay.

As you progress through the game, new and stronger weapons will be available. This game allows you to go up to Level 100, as opposed to the first which only let you go up to Level 50. There is also a whole new arena to take part in, so you’ll be on the warpath for a little bit of the game. This time around, it’s not as huge a part of the story as the first was. The game packs a lot of drama and shows the first effects of what uncontrolled AIDA will do to The World, which is amplified to near anarchy near the end of the game.

Practically all the production values have been carried over from the first game. As I said in the review of the first game, they are very impressive in the way that the game almost literally looks like a 3D anime. Not only is the game presented as such, but the game’s structure itself is actually laid out as if you’re playing through episodes of an anime, a little chunk at a time. Many of the CG movies are noticeably better than the in-game graphics (especially because of the lighting they use), but it keeps the same style going. The CG movies are fantastic — they portray The World in such a distinctive way not possible through in-game graphics, and just like a little 10 year old boy, I’m actually excited when I get to watch one of the movies.

Obviously, those that had tried out the first game and disliked it will most likely not enjoy the second volume of .hack//G.U. Though, for someone that really enjoys the game, it is a worthy sequel to an already pretty solid game. As the story is the main reason to play the game, the gameplay still needs a little bit of a reworking before there can be a killer game in the .hack series. While the gameplay feels ultimately mediocre, the additions to it in .hack//G.U. 2 does make it a bit more interesting. In the end, .hack//G.U. 2 can really be summarized as more of Volume 1 with minimal changes to the way it plays. .hack//G.U. 2 is simply a progression of the story, with a lot more AIDA battles.

Fans of the first game who are engrossed in the story and enjoy the gameplay well enough to keep going with it will find an immensely enjoyable game. Now that Volume 3 has finally been released (this time only a few months after the last volume’s release), Volume 2 is a vital part of the .hack//G.U. trilogy that should not be missed. Though the game doesn’t have many noticeable improvements over the first, it is still a worthy purchase or, at the very least, a playthrough.

The Stereotypical Australian Yobbo

(Note – I’m not stereotyping all Australians as yobbos with this sort of profile as I know most Aussies aren’t yobbos as I’m a true blue Aussie myself, this is just a pisstake of the stereotypical beer drinkin’ footy lovin’ yobbo which I totally exaggerated for the fun of it)

The stereotypical yobbo (also known as an ocker):

Appearance:
1 – fat with a huge beer gut
2 – really hairy
3 – around 40 years old
4 – butch chubby face with stubble hair
5 – short black oily dirty hair
6 – has a plumber’s crack when sitting on a stool in a pub
7 – smells like a combination of fart, shit, piss, sweat, cigarettes and beer
8 – wears an akubra hat with corks dangling off it or an old fishing hat with badges and fishhooks lodged in it
9 – wears an old black or navy blue extra large shearer’s singlet with holes in it and reeks of sweat
10 – wears a brown pair of King Gee stubby shorts or a pair of green stubby footy player’s shorts with yellow stripes going down one side
11 – wears a pair of old worn out thongs on his feet which have wear holes in the heels
12 – wears an old checkered flannelette jack, worn out jeans and steel-cap boots during winter
13 – has dirty black fingernails that’s encrusted with dirt and grease
14 – has dirty nicotine stained choppers
15 – has a few tattoos
16 – has a REALLY thick slurred Aussie ocker’s accent

Habitat:
1 – lives in the outback with a lot of bush around on the outskirts of some old hick town
2 – his house is an old 1950s fibro house with a rusty tin roof and is infested with rats, mice, roaches, ants, spiders, termites, dust mites, mozzies and flies
3 – the interior of his house smells like a combination of stale fart, cigarettes, sweat and beer and has beer cans and cigarette butts all over the floors on old ruddy carpet plus bits of half-eaten meat pies on the lounge room floor
4 – the exterior of his house has gardens full of weeds, grass that is 1 metre tall, rusty car parts and other junk piled up all over the front and backyard, and a few smelly rotten dead animal carcasses lying here and there near the house
5 – has an old termite infested wooden shed with a rusty tin roof made of beer cans
6 – has a large pond with a tractor tire tube floating on it so he can lay on it and get a sun tan

His stuff:
1 – an early 1970s HQ Holden Kingswood ute that is full of rust and has ripped up vinyl seats and has enough room in the back tray for 16 pisstank yobbo pub mates or 50 slabs of beer, which is his transport whether it be driving to the local pub, work or the footy, or to transport his yobbo pub mates or slabs of beer
2 – a rusty tin water tank with bird shit floating on top and is connected to the water mains, this is his drinking water
3 – a really 50 year old extremely dirty outdoor backyard thunderbox dunnycan that pongs of shit and piss and hasn’t been emptied in 25 years and the cast iron seat is infested with crabs and encrusted with crusty shit stains, the ideal place for him to go if he’s outside and really busting to go
4 – a rusty old 1950s Victor lawnmower with only one mower blade, so he can mow the grass once in a blue moon
5 – a tattered old couch that is ripped up so he can sit back and relax while watchin the footy
6 – a 1970s colour TV set that is 63cm and has a half worn out picture tube and rotary controls so he can watch footy and cricket on it
7 – an early 1980s VCR so he can tape the footy and cricket while he’s at the local pub
8 – a 1950s valve radio that crackles so he can tune to 2KY and listen to the Melbourne Cup after betting at the TAB
9 – a rusty old 1960s washing machine that’s full of pubic hair so he can wash his singlets and stubby shorts in it
10 – bedroom with a rotten old bed infested with flees and termites
11 – a wardrobe full of dirty clothes
12 – a kitchen with a sink full of really dirty dishes that haven’t been washed in 2 weeks
13 – a grimy old 1950s refrigerator so he can store his slabs of beer and pre-cooked meat pies in it
14 – an extremely dirty 1970s microwave that is encrusted with mouldy bits of meat pie so he can cook his meat pies in it
15 – bathroom with a dunny that rarely gets flushed and has crusty stains down the bowl and skid shit trails going down the pipe
16 – an old shower with lime and crap clogged in the shower head so he can take a shower once in a blue moon
17 – an old slimy bathtub with a rusty plug hole so he can brew his homemade beer in it
18 – a rusty razor blade and a rough cake of Solvo soap so he can shave his face
19 – a cattle dog named “Bluey” that barks 24/7
20 – a whole pile footy and porno magazines and Footrot Flats comics
21 – an old brown half deflated footy so he can kick it around when he’s shit-bored
22 – an old fishing rod with rusty fishing tackle so he can go fishing and the rusty hooks give fish tetanus
23 – a big collection of old country rock records including Slim Dusty’s big hit pub song “I Like To Have A Beer With Duncan” plus a collection of Cold Chisel albums
24 – an esky sitting beside the tattered couch so while he’s watchin the footy and he’s thirsty he can pull out a stubby without getting off his lazy arse

His lifestyle:
1 – drinks slabs and slabs of beer especially of these brands: VB (Victoria Bitter), Fosters Lager and Toohey’s Draft
2 – eats LOTS of meat pies with tomato sauce
3 – smokes Winfield cigarettes
4 – has a bunch of pisstank yobbo pub mates
5 – often farts and belches
6 – congratulates his farts by going “YAHHH THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!!!” when he does a really loud smelly one
7 – is racist and a chauvinistic pig
8 – loves to chant “AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!!” when he’s at the footy even though both footy teams are Australian and there’s no foreign team playing
9 – worships footy and cricket as a religion and the stadium is his church
10 – when he’s at the footy he loves to throw half eaten meat pies and beer cans at the footballers of the opposing team
11 – has a shower once a month
12 – shaves once every 2 months
13 – is really constipated and shits once every 4 days
14 – usually hangs out at the local pub and gets shitfaced with his pisstank yobbo pub mates and tells a bunch of lies
15 – has a job as a sheep shearer which earns him enough money to buy his beer and pies and tickets to the footy and cricket and extra to throw a bet at the TAB
16 – never brushes his teeth
17 – watches lots of footy and cricket on TV and shows like “The Footy Show” and “Totally Footy” and “Wired World Of Sports”
18 – his idols is Richie Benaud (the cricket commentator), Paul Hogan (famous Aussie icon) and John Hopoate who plays for Sydney Tigers (also known as ‘brownfingers’ as he’s shoves his fingers right up footballers dates)
19 – is a chronic swearer
20 – is a lazy bludger and tells people to piss off when they ask him for favours
21 – likes to drive his pisstank yobbo pub mates around in his Kingswood ute
22 – loves to play ocker games with his mates such as pissing competitions in the bloke’s dunny at the back of the pub seeing who can piss the highest and hit the ceiling or have a beer and pie comp who can sink the most slabs of beer and down the most trays of meat pies
23 – changes his jocks once a month
24 – never washes his hands after picking his nose or picking the lint from his plumbers crack

AOL SUCKS

AOL sucks, and you know why?

When you call them and tell them AOL fucked up, I think they blame it’s your OS because they don’t want you to quit using AOL because they want the money from you and they don’t care about your problems. And they say AOL is so easy to use. Yeah right. Half the time the buttons freeze, the damn web-pages don’t load, and all my other internet programs (mIRC, Internet Explorer, Telnet) are not working, maybe because AOL is programmed to shut down all other internet applications except itself. And they say AOL is so friendly. Bullshit. Why, I don’t know how many IMs I’ve got from weirdos advertising porn. Most unmoderated member created chatrooms are corrupted; full of teenage agast, insults, and half-brained idiots saying things like “u sux” and “ur gay” and “a/s/l” and “hey wanna cybr?”

It makes me sick!

KILL AOL!