Jetpack Joe (PC) Review

Developer: Smiling Psycho Productions

  Jetpack Joe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 448 hits)

Game by Smiling Psycho Productions, made with Game Maker.

(i had to put “Jetpack Joe” under it =P)

Overview:

Though there isn’t a story inside the game yet, this is what its supposed to be about: aliens are secretly invading earth and this average Joe gets ahold of one of their jetpacks, so now what does he do? Being Earth’s last hope and all, he decides to go on a beer run. And that is the stupid premise of the game.

Graphics:

The graphics are great when it comes to the Jetpack that Joe is on, Joe himself, and the gray smasher things. Very good work on those. But it gets kind of cheesy when it comes to the beer, kegs, mines, and spikes.

Sound:

There is no music in the game, but the sounds are good for the blowing up and the jetpack. Oh and there’s another sound when you press “F” on the keyboard….har har…

Gameplay:

The gameplay is very good, I liked it a lot. I actually would like to see the finished product of this game.

Crappiest Part:

How Joe only blows up and doesn’t fall out of his chair screaming to his death, or gets smashed against the wall. But really, the only bad things about this game is that it take a little long to load (and i have a really fast computer), and the annoying flashing green thing behind Joe that is there all the time.

Overall Score:

This game is not finished, unfortunately, but its still worth checking out. I give it a:

8/10

  Jetpack Joe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 448 hits)

Game by Smiling Psycho Productions, made with Game Maker.

 

Infiltrator Deathmatch, The (PC) Review

Developer: GZ Soft

  The Infiltrator Deathmatch (PC) (1.6 MiB, 404 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This game is all about shooting different types of weapons, and killing other AI players in the same map.

Graphics:

The graphics have nothing especially special, but the sprites are made very well.

Sound:

I couldn’t seem to get any music to work, though it said there was some.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is awesome once you figure out what you do to control your guy. The only bad thing about it is that it took me a while to figure out how to shoot the guns, drop a weapon to pick up another one. I couldn’t find anywhere that explained it, but I might have missed it.

Crappiest Part:

How you die a lot =(. There is no crappy part about this game, except maybe the top down aspect of it, but I can’t see this game played any other way.

Overall Score:

This game is one of the best I’ve ever played, made with Game Maker, and I recommend that anyone that isn’t politically correct and against violent games download this game. There are 3 modes of gameplay, 5 maps, and 5 unique weapons. Its fun, and keeps you entertained for many half an hours to come.

9.5/10

  The Infiltrator Deathmatch (PC) (1.6 MiB, 404 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

 

Hobbit, The (PC) Review

Developer: Cybershark

  The Hobbit (PC) (620.8 KiB, 403 hits)

Game by Cybershark, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is a game called The Hobbit. Yes, its about the book that J.R.R. Tolkien wrote. OR IS IT?!? Hint: its not.

Graphics:

They suck. Stupid gnomes, one wizard, and floating spiders are the only things in the game. The guy you are is some stupid thing that doesn’t have his legs moving at all. And he has no feet. He’s jumping around on stubs!

Sound:

Its a stupid song. It has an “adventurous” feel to it, but there IS no adventure in this game.

Gameplay:

….you jump….and move….and “swing” which more like a flicking of the sword. He’s a mean sword flicker…you’ll know what I mean if you play it.

Crappiest Part:

How it has NOTHING-TO-DO-WITH-THE-HOBBIT

Overall Score:

Fuck this game. Fuck it right up the ass!!!111!!!111111111111112

2/10

  The Hobbit (PC) (620.8 KiB, 403 hits)

Game by Cybershark, made with Game Maker.

 

GMPet (PC) Review

Developer: Liberty Freak

  GMPet (PC) (577.6 KiB, 407 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

GMPet

THE EPIC

(review)

Overview:

This is a game about a pet- NO! this is a game about a young boy… and a computer. It all started like this (names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Melvin: Blegh!

Melvin had a mom

Melvin: Life sucks!

His mom hated animals

Melvin: She thinks they cause homosexuality!

Melvin never had that cute little puppy in the window, or that great big dog next door.

Melvin: I did have a computer!

Thats right Melvin. You hung in there and made your own pet!

Melvin: I’m like.. GOD or something!

You da man! …anyway… after Melvin had years of feeding then bathing then feeding his pet again and again… he decided to bless everyone on his block with his NEW kind of pet.. the kind you can kill or turn off, then load back up in a year and still have a healthy relationship with– speaking about health… Melvin was about to die.

Melvin: Oh god!

God: Oh god? don’t you mean oh you?

Melvin: I didn’t mean it! it’s just a computer program! It’s not blasphemy!

God: BLASPHEMY?! You stupid– you can go to HELL!

Melvin: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Overall Score:

I give this game a 2/10 because it inspired me to put off my english essay.

  GMPet (PC) (577.6 KiB, 407 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

 

Gunman Chronicles (PC) Review

Developer: Rewolf / Publisher: Sierra

Overview:

When I first saw Gunman Chronicles, I thought it would be a cool sci-fi action game with robots and aliens. After all, it was backed by the Half Life engine. When I first PLAYED it, I thought it was a Half-Life suck-up. Boy, was I wrong…somewhat, on both accounts…but don’t get out your checkbook yet; this game still sucks.

From what I read, Gunman Chronicles was actually made as a total conversion for Half-Life (which would explain the frightening similarities in game play: the main menu, the tram ride intro, the same gibs flying, even the listing of “Half-Life” in my ctrl-alt-delete menu.) The bad move came when Valve and Sierra, impressed with the effort Rewolf Studios, a group of kids from different parts of the world (who never met each other, ANOTHER bad move,) put into the mod, took Rewolf under their wing and put their project out as a stand alone retail game. As far as I’m concerned, this game is only for the die-hard FPS fan who likes to blow stuff up…like me. Other than that, the game sucks, and needs a HELL of a lot of work.

The plot is a bit Half-Lifeish: You are Major Archer, the leader of the Gunmen, the law of the galaxy. On one mission to explore a planet, giant worms jump out and start eating some of the men (I know.) Your general, the “brave” man that he was, tries to save your men, but as you and your men run like bats out of hell to escape, the general’s ship gets attacked and swallowed in one gulp. Right now, the general is grade-A pissed that you left him there, whining all the time that you “forgot” that silicon-based creatures can’t digest organic matter. So after he frees himself, he tries to kill you.

Jumping into the fray are the Xenomes (Xen….Xenomes…are you getting the picture yet?), genetically engineered killers. You have to fight these freaks the majority of the game. Then comes the Mainframe, a hard-assed computer with a bloodlust, who joins you later in your quest and helps you along.

Gameplay (5/10):

The game starts you off in this big station. The nice thing about this game is the training mission is incorperated into the game, so you get hands-on training right before you go out and kick ass. But there is one flaw: All the soilders look and talk the same. And another thing: they all sound like game show announcers; I was almost expecting them to say, “Heeeeere’s Johnny!”

The only vechile (sic?) you get to drive is a tank, but it makes up for that by being invincible and well equipped: a cannon, two machine guns, and a (one) homing missile launcher, all with unlimited ammo. Other than that, you’re mostly on foot…with guns. There are less than 10 weapons, but the game also makes up for this by allowing you to customize the guns by right mouse clicking to bring up an interface. Most of the weapons suck, however, for the exception of the shotgun and Mecha gun (a modified version of a machine gun.) The sniper rifle is good for headshots, and the M.U.L.E portable rocket launcher is good for nuking masses of enemies and clearing out areas, but other than that, the weapons blow.

After you get to the second planet, the Mainframe sics its drones on you. The thing is, the Mainframe hardly sounds like a computer and more like someone hollering over an intercom. All that aside, you’re basically fighting drones and Xenomes until you make friends with the Mainframe and it calls off its drones. These fellows become trusty allies with their firepower, so watch your fire when you’re blasting Xenomes with drones in the way. The cool thing is the escape sequence, where, while you’re trying to get to the Aerial Drone that will take you to (crash land on) the third planet, drones and Xenomes are doing battle left and right.

The third planet is a desert, ruled by annoying scorpions which you can squish by just stepping on them. Their granddaddies take a lot more firepower to destroy, however. At some points guys fly around in crudely built helicopters trying to machine gun you down, but they can be shot down with two blasts from the sniper rifle or a shot from the tank’s cannon. When you drop into the secret bunker, though, things really start to kick up.

Oh, and the cacti CAN hurt you, but not much.

The thing that sucks is that the end battle (and the entire game, for that matter) is too easy. During the end, you have to protect the Mainframe’s new drone from these ugly little Xenomes (who look exactly like minature versions of Half-Life 2’s Ant Lion and are equally as annoying as Half-Life’s headcrabs) while the Mainframe nukes the General’s big-ass machine. And the General dies too easily: he gets eatten again in a cutscene. It would of been more satisfying to rip him to shreads myself.

The thing I like about the game is there’s guts galore. Gibs sprinkled here and there really make the FPS, although the guys explode too easily.

I also liked the endgame movie, where the Gunman High Command lays waste to some Xenomes.

Rated five out of ten because the gameplay is too Half-Life and gets boring fast for anyone who isn’t a die hard FPS fan.

Graphics (7/10):

I find it wrong to shoot a game down just because the graphics suck, but since almost everything about this game sucked, I can make an exception. The graphics were great, but not “oh-my-god-is-that-Half-Life-2?” great. The models of characters could of been rendered a bit better and the skins made a bit cleaner…and would more variety kill you people? With so many dudes looking the same it’s enough to give a person deja-vu.

Sound/Music (4/10):

Some of the sounds are hollow, like they were “recorded in a metal drum.” (PC Gamer.) The voice-acting doesn’t capture the emotion of the game, and the General’s laugh sucks. Plus I would of liked it if the Mainframe sounded more like a computer than Whoopi Goldberg on a bad day. The only thing that kicks ass is the music, which you can play on your CD player.

Crappiest Part:

The annoying, but laughable, glitches. There’s one I call the “dead-man-walking” glitch where some of the guys you kill stand back up. They don’t attack or anything, they just stand there and you can’t shoot them down again. But it’s funny to see a guy with no head standing upright.

Another bug I’ve noticed is on the third planet. When trying to climb down the cliff-face, I fell and got stuck. I can’t jump off, but I could shoot myself off or blow myself up. This bug REALLY sucks when you’ve saved the game at that point.

The worst bug is that you can’t get back to the main menu, which means you better figure out which button is the quick-save button (F6) and you’ll have to press ctrl-alt-delete to quit the game. Blame that and my crappy screenshot program for the lack of Gunman Chronicles screen shots.

Another annoying thing is that every so often I have to reinstall the game because it won’t load. And sometimes it doesn’t even work then.

Overall Score:

This game is fun for those who like to blow stuff up and waste people, but other than that it isn’t worth the Alexander Hamilton.

And in the immortal words of the April Fool, “What’s up with that?”

Overall: 16/30 (53%)

(basically, a 5/10)

 

Gloom (PC) Review

Developer: Grashaboras

  Gloom (PC) (1.4 MiB, 472 hits)

Game by Grashaboras, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

The world of Gloom isn’t a very happy one. Its, dare I say…gloomy? In Gloom, you’re a marine that was sent to a planet to guard the portals to an evil dimension full of demonic aliens, because you killed another marine when you were on duty sometime before, and that’s where they send marines that do bad things. Well, guess what? The portal opened up or whatever, and the whole planet of Phobos is run over with demon aliens.

Graphics:

The graphics are pretty good, I’d say that the sprites were worked on quite a bit. The background and the floors/walls, etc. aren’t special, but they accomplish what they are there for.

Sound:

The sound is actually very good in this game. The music is good for the mood, and the gun sounds don’t get annoying at all.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is pretty good. You point and shoot stuff with the mouse, which makes it kind of more interactive, I suppose. There are some pretty cool weapons in this game too. I only got so far as the level where you get Double Machine Guns, because this game gets really HARD after about 6 levels or so.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part is probably the enemy AI. 2 of the enemies I’ve seen just charge you when you get close to them, and then they’re like right on top of you, so you have to jump up and down to shoot them. It would’ve been better if there was a movie kind of thing between each level, instead of having to read a paragraph or 2 of story, even though the story is pretty good.

Overall Score:

This game is good, but definitely could have been improved a little bit more. Its one of the better games I’ve seen made with GameMaker. 8/10

  Gloom (PC) (1.4 MiB, 472 hits)

Game by Grashaboras, made with Game Maker.

 

Ghostie 2 (PC) Review

Developer: Liberty Freak

  Ghostie 2 (PC) (655.9 KiB, 438 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

I made this title, I guess he was too lazy to put a 2 on the end

Overview:

This is exactly like Ghostie, but with a few little additions…like slime and gas as new enemies! whoa! i didn’t see them because I couldn’t figure out how to get past the first level! And supposedly you can kill the snowmen and some “secrets” that are probably non-existant

Graphics:

The same as Ghostie, but oh, what’s this? I see 3 new, original (most likely) sprites? hallelujah! a different colored Ghostie ghost, some blue star thing that kills you on touch and a skull that’s in the way of you getting to the second level if there is one! YAY!!

Sound:

The sound is good. Its another song from the vast library of Liberty Freak. yeeehawww…give me more songs! or tell me where you get them…

Gameplay:

wow, you can move AND if you press the space bar, you get a little surprise…..YOU COMMIT SUICIDE! WHAT A GREAT CONTROL!!!!! WHY THE HELL IS THIS A CONTROL?!!!111!!!111 (the ones are intentional)

Crappiest Part:

Contrary to what I said for Ghostie, I said there was no story. Well now that there IS one, its the crappiest part. This is the story (copy and pasted): After your recent success at making everyone miserable, you take a trip to your homeworld to relax for a while. As you arrive, you suddenly realise that things are wrong. Your world is a total wreck. All your fellow ghost have disappeared. You see a new, dirty skyscaper towering above you. You go inside.

Overall Score:

Ghostie 2 is a little bit better than its predecessor, but not by much. With vast additions, such as suicide, a new song, and 3 snowmen in a row throwing presents simultaneously, this is a 5 STAR DOWNLOAD! YAAA! not really. I give it a:

7/10

  Ghostie 2 (PC) (655.9 KiB, 438 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

 

Ghostie (PC) Review

Developer: Liberty Freak

  Ghostie (PC) (591.2 KiB, 425 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is…a kinda weird game. Its a maze game…I think…and clowns, fire, evil aliens, mines, stars, and presents launched by snowmen are your enemies. The point is to get to the black dot. The weird blue clowns give you points for some reason…and I don’t know how many levels this thing has…it seems like it goes on forever…

Graphics:

Average. I don’t know what to say. It looks like all these except maybe the ghost were all taken from the sprites included in the game maker package.

Sound:

I actually like the sound a lot. It goes well with a “ghost” themed game…but this isn’t much of one to say the least, besides the fact the character is a ghost. If you replaced Ghostie with a piece of crap, it’d be Poopie and it wouldn’t do anything more than Ghostie would.

Gameplay:

there’s 4 controls….up….down….left…………………………………..and……………………….man i can never remember the last one…

Crappiest Part:

I don’t know what the hell is going on!

Overall Score:

Ghostie is pretty dumb, but I SUPPOSE its a little fun…I give it a:

6/10

  Ghostie (PC) (591.2 KiB, 425 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

 

Game Maker Poker (PC) Review

Developer: Delta9 Games

  Game Maker Poker (PC) (565.2 KiB, 469 hits)

Game by Delta9 Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

A basic poker game…whoopee

Graphics:

Uhh…they look like they were copy and pasted from solitaire…

Sound:

No music. boooooo. I wanna listen to some tunes while i gamble off my imaginary money!

Gameplay:

eh. Its poker, what do you expect..

Crappiest Part:

That damn rainbow colored cursor!

Overall Score:

This is a poker game, I don’t know what much more you can expect from it. I give it a:

8/10

  Game Maker Poker (PC) (565.2 KiB, 469 hits)

Game by Delta9 Games, made with Game Maker.

 

Fun Tournament (PC) Review

Developer: CAGames

  Fun Tournament (PC) (773.6 KiB, 393 hits)

Game by CAGames, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

A platform shooter…that is pretty bad…

Graphics:

The graphics are actually the strong point, and only I might add, about this game. I actually like how the “level” things appeared out of blocks flying out of nowhere. But the sprites were all ripped from another game, the blocks are nothing more than blocks, and the gnarly background makes you want to have a seizure, though you really can’t…so it’s pretty bad.

Sound:

The shotgun noise is annoying, the music is from Mario Kart, which is even more annoying, because if I wanted to hear this song I’d play Mario Kart instead of this, and I don’t like Mario Kart or that song, so….its all bad. bad bad bad bad!

Gameplay:

The gameplay is simple enough, but is equally stupid as this game. What do I care about blowing the shit out of some stupid puff things? I couldn’t get the “multiplayer” mode to work at all.

Crappiest Part:

Umm….there’s so many crappy parts…probably the reason why you’re shooting puff things that go back and forth along the same path for no reason except to be shot full of lead. You never die. There’s no game over screen, there’s no point to having points either, because you just keep losing 20 points when you die, and when you have no points, you’d think you’re screwed then, but no you go into NEGATIVE points. How is it possible to have negative points? Its beyond me…

Overall Score:

The title of this game is deceiving. It says its “Fun Tournemnt” but there IS no fun, and there is no REAL tournament about it. I give it a:

2/10

  Fun Tournament (PC) (773.6 KiB, 393 hits)

Game by CAGames, made with Game Maker.

 

Fort Defender (PC) Review

Developer: Flammable Werks

  Fort Defender (PC) (820.9 KiB, 441 hits)

Game by Flammable Werks, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is like a 4 way pong, with multiple balls.

Graphics:

You can tell the graphics are original (i think). The floor is pretty good looking though, and the title. Boy gotta love that title…and the loading screen…yaaa…

Sound:

The music is pretty darn good, but gets kind of annoying when you keep losing, and there’s a happy tune….i can’t win this game arghh…!

Gameplay:

The gameplay is simple, but can get kind of hard to control, even though there are only 2 controls…left and down. I can’t really describe what the problem is….if you play it you’ll see.

Crappiest Part:

Probably how i lose a lot. This game is kind of boring, there’s not much to it.

Overall Score:

bleh. I give it a:

7/10

  Fort Defender (PC) (820.9 KiB, 441 hits)

Game by Flammable Werks, made with Game Maker.

 

Firewerks Maker (PC) Review

Developer: Shawn64’s Creations

  Firewerks Maker (PC) (672.8 KiB, 423 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

In Firewerks Maker, you can customize your own spectacular fireworks show, customizing what you want to see in a firework.

Graphics:

The fireworks look good, but there isn’t much else to add to it. The good thing is that you can change the colors of the fireworks.

Sound:

Well the fireworks sounds aren’t really that great, and there’s no music. You can load your own sounds for the fireworks and launching though.

Gameplay:

Its simple to understand how to adjust things, but not exactly what each option really DOES. You notice some change, but you don’t really know how to explain it or whether it makes it better or worse or something.

Crappiest Part:

Nothing else to do except blast off fireworks.

Overall Score:

Though the physics and the abilities of this game is very good, it lacks really any replay value. I give it a:

8/10

  Firewerks Maker (PC) (672.8 KiB, 423 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

 

Elfish Wars (PC) Review

Developer: Game Maker Central

  Elfish Wars (PC) (799.2 KiB, 429 hits)

Game by Game Maker Central, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

You’re an Elf with a billion mines and 25 lives…

ok, i’m not gonna review this, it sucks.

0/10

  Elfish Wars (PC) (799.2 KiB, 429 hits)

Game by Game Maker Central, made with Game Maker.

 

Duck Hunter, The (PC) Review

Developer: The GM Place

  The Duck Hunter (PC) (1,002.1 KiB, 414 hits)

Game by The GM Place, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Welcome to Adventurous Dave’s Duck Shooting Show. In this show, you will see things that you should not see, like birds that aren’t even ducks getting shot. Ok forget the show idea. There really isn’t one duck in this game. What kind of a game called Duck Hunter doesn’t have a duck in it?

Graphics:

They were all ripped from somewhere. Was that Tweety I just saw there?

Sound:

Uhh this game is stupid, the sound doesn’t help it at all.

Gameplay:

Really bad. When you click one of the goddam birds it doesn’t die most of the time.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part is the name. It disgraced the name Duck Hunt, by putting an “er” on the end and put all these birds that aren’t ducks in it. And there’s even clocks flying through the air. What genius thought that shit up? “Hey, let’s have a game, where a bunch of different birds, no ducks though, and clocks are flying through the air, and you have to point and click to shoot them, but half the time, you don’t kill them when you should have. Let’s name it Duck Hunter.” Yeah, great idea.

Overall Score:

This is a horrible game. Not much else to say about it. 1/10.

  The Duck Hunter (PC) (1,002.1 KiB, 414 hits)

Game by The GM Place, made with Game Maker.

 

Downtown in Crazy Town (PC) Review

Developer: GZ Soft

  Downtown in Crazy Town (PC) (4.1 MiB, 466 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

You drive a car around a small city running over various things but mostly smashing crates.

Graphics:

Pretty good. the wheels turn when you turn the car and the car shows damage. The area you drive around in isn’t huge, but it’s big enough.

Sound:

It’s bad. The car makes an annoying engine sound that loops forever.

Gameplay:

It’s fun to play, although the smashing crates thing is kinda stupid. Somebody lost their load so you have to drive a car through something like a hundred crates scattered all over the road… right. Then there’s these ogre things that push your car away if you hit them.

Crappiest Part:

How the car makes an annoying engine sound that loops forever.

Overall Score:

yeah… it’s a good game. I give it a

8/10

  Downtown in Crazy Town (PC) (4.1 MiB, 466 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.