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Okay, so this one day I was riding my bike home from (private) school, when this security guard in front of the mall rides after me all fast. He was pretty young, but older than me. That was for sure. Yeah. no… yeah.

I didnt do anything wrong, so I kept it cool and rode my bike at an average speed. I was at the corner of Market St. and Gray Ave. The security guard rides his bike up behind me and was all like “okay, you take this side, and I’ll take this side.” and I was all like “what the fuck are you talking about?” and he just repeated himself.

I told him that i didnt do anything, and that he should go back to the mall but he was all like “I’m done there.” I’m all confused and I’m like “Okay, good for you buddy.”

I go home and put on my robe and slippers, almost forgetting about the strange day. I told my mom to fetch me my pipe, and then at 4:30, I always have to clean Bob’s… err… my step dad’s car and shoot some hoops with that douchebag.

Going back into the house, accompanied by a slap to the ass by Bob; I see my mom talking at the front door.

My mom’s a fat ass so I couldnt see who the hell she was talking to. I look under her legs, and I stare up and see the same security guard talking to her that I saw in front of the mall earlier that day. He had another security guard with him this time, and then the security gaurd patted me on the head and said “hey I saw you today” and I was all thinking “…what the fuck?” and then the other security guard handed me a book and said “here you go you little rascal!”

I looked at the cover and it said “The Book Of Mormon.” What… The… Fuck…

Tags: blowthetoad, security guard

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(Note – I’m not stereotyping all Australians as yobbos with this sort of profile as I know most Aussies aren’t yobbos as I’m a true blue Aussie myself, this is just a pisstake of the stereotypical beer drinkin’ footy lovin’ yobbo which I totally exaggerated for the fun of it)

The stereotypical yobbo (also known as an ocker):

Appearance:
1 – fat with a huge beer gut
2 – really hairy
3 – around 40 years old
4 – butch chubby face with stubble hair
5 – short black oily dirty hair
6 – has a plumber’s crack when sitting on a stool in a pub
7 – smells like a combination of fart, shit, piss, sweat, cigarettes and beer
8 – wears an akubra hat with corks dangling off it or an old fishing hat with badges and fishhooks lodged in it
9 – wears an old black or navy blue extra large shearer’s singlet with holes in it and reeks of sweat
10 – wears a brown pair of King Gee stubby shorts or a pair of green stubby footy player’s shorts with yellow stripes going down one side
11 – wears a pair of old worn out thongs on his feet which have wear holes in the heels
12 – wears an old checkered flannelette jack, worn out jeans and steel-cap boots during winter
13 – has dirty black fingernails that’s encrusted with dirt and grease
14 – has dirty nicotine stained choppers
15 – has a few tattoos
16 – has a REALLY thick slurred Aussie ocker’s accent

Habitat:
1 – lives in the outback with a lot of bush around on the outskirts of some old hick town
2 – his house is an old 1950s fibro house with a rusty tin roof and is infested with rats, mice, roaches, ants, spiders, termites, dust mites, mozzies and flies
3 – the interior of his house smells like a combination of stale fart, cigarettes, sweat and beer and has beer cans and cigarette butts all over the floors on old ruddy carpet plus bits of half-eaten meat pies on the lounge room floor
4 – the exterior of his house has gardens full of weeds, grass that is 1 metre tall, rusty car parts and other junk piled up all over the front and backyard, and a few smelly rotten dead animal carcasses lying here and there near the house
5 – has an old termite infested wooden shed with a rusty tin roof made of beer cans
6 – has a large pond with a tractor tire tube floating on it so he can lay on it and get a sun tan

His stuff:
1 – an early 1970s HQ Holden Kingswood ute that is full of rust and has ripped up vinyl seats and has enough room in the back tray for 16 pisstank yobbo pub mates or 50 slabs of beer, which is his transport whether it be driving to the local pub, work or the footy, or to transport his yobbo pub mates or slabs of beer
2 – a rusty tin water tank with bird shit floating on top and is connected to the water mains, this is his drinking water
3 – a really 50 year old extremely dirty outdoor backyard thunderbox dunnycan that pongs of shit and piss and hasn’t been emptied in 25 years and the cast iron seat is infested with crabs and encrusted with crusty shit stains, the ideal place for him to go if he’s outside and really busting to go
4 – a rusty old 1950s Victor lawnmower with only one mower blade, so he can mow the grass once in a blue moon
5 – a tattered old couch that is ripped up so he can sit back and relax while watchin the footy
6 – a 1970s colour TV set that is 63cm and has a half worn out picture tube and rotary controls so he can watch footy and cricket on it
7 – an early 1980s VCR so he can tape the footy and cricket while he’s at the local pub
8 – a 1950s valve radio that crackles so he can tune to 2KY and listen to the Melbourne Cup after betting at the TAB
9 – a rusty old 1960s washing machine that’s full of pubic hair so he can wash his singlets and stubby shorts in it
10 – bedroom with a rotten old bed infested with flees and termites
11 – a wardrobe full of dirty clothes
12 – a kitchen with a sink full of really dirty dishes that haven’t been washed in 2 weeks
13 – a grimy old 1950s refrigerator so he can store his slabs of beer and pre-cooked meat pies in it
14 – an extremely dirty 1970s microwave that is encrusted with mouldy bits of meat pie so he can cook his meat pies in it
15 – bathroom with a dunny that rarely gets flushed and has crusty stains down the bowl and skid shit trails going down the pipe
16 – an old shower with lime and crap clogged in the shower head so he can take a shower once in a blue moon
17 – an old slimy bathtub with a rusty plug hole so he can brew his homemade beer in it
18 – a rusty razor blade and a rough cake of Solvo soap so he can shave his face
19 – a cattle dog named “Bluey” that barks 24/7
20 – a whole pile footy and porno magazines and Footrot Flats comics
21 – an old brown half deflated footy so he can kick it around when he’s shit-bored
22 – an old fishing rod with rusty fishing tackle so he can go fishing and the rusty hooks give fish tetanus
23 – a big collection of old country rock records including Slim Dusty’s big hit pub song “I Like To Have A Beer With Duncan” plus a collection of Cold Chisel albums
24 – an esky sitting beside the tattered couch so while he’s watchin the footy and he’s thirsty he can pull out a stubby without getting off his lazy arse

His lifestyle:
1 – drinks slabs and slabs of beer especially of these brands: VB (Victoria Bitter), Fosters Lager and Toohey’s Draft
2 – eats LOTS of meat pies with tomato sauce
3 – smokes Winfield cigarettes
4 – has a bunch of pisstank yobbo pub mates
5 – often farts and belches
6 – congratulates his farts by going “YAHHH THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!!!” when he does a really loud smelly one
7 – is racist and a chauvinistic pig
8 – loves to chant “AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!!” when he’s at the footy even though both footy teams are Australian and there’s no foreign team playing
9 – worships footy and cricket as a religion and the stadium is his church
10 – when he’s at the footy he loves to throw half eaten meat pies and beer cans at the footballers of the opposing team
11 – has a shower once a month
12 – shaves once every 2 months
13 – is really constipated and shits once every 4 days
14 – usually hangs out at the local pub and gets shitfaced with his pisstank yobbo pub mates and tells a bunch of lies
15 – has a job as a sheep shearer which earns him enough money to buy his beer and pies and tickets to the footy and cricket and extra to throw a bet at the TAB
16 – never brushes his teeth
17 – watches lots of footy and cricket on TV and shows like “The Footy Show” and “Totally Footy” and “Wired World Of Sports”
18 – his idols is Richie Benaud (the cricket commentator), Paul Hogan (famous Aussie icon) and John Hopoate who plays for Sydney Tigers (also known as ‘brownfingers’ as he’s shoves his fingers right up footballers dates)
19 – is a chronic swearer
20 – is a lazy bludger and tells people to piss off when they ask him for favours
21 – likes to drive his pisstank yobbo pub mates around in his Kingswood ute
22 – loves to play ocker games with his mates such as pissing competitions in the bloke’s dunny at the back of the pub seeing who can piss the highest and hit the ceiling or have a beer and pie comp who can sink the most slabs of beer and down the most trays of meat pies
23 – changes his jocks once a month
24 – never washes his hands after picking his nose or picking the lint from his plumbers crack

Tags: Australia, ocker machine, yobbo

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The other year in Aussie Rugby it was Sydney Tigers vs the Cowboys. John Hopoate in the Sydney Tigers tackles one of the footballers in the Cowboys and sticks his fingers right up his date! And it was caught LIVE on TV !!! And also made the papers too, front cover big picture of Hopoate with his fingers right up that poor bloke’s date! Hopoate has been known for datefingering other footballers before, and as a result of this incident got 12 months suspension hehehe !!! Hopoate is now known as either ‘brown fingers’ or ‘date fingers’!

Anyhow here’s a bunch of Hopoate jokes that are from a google group, these ain’t mine:

Shame about being sacked, Hopoate could have rectum.

As much as things change they stay the same: Hopoate was in the shit,
then he was caught, and now he’s still in the shit.

If the police get involved, Hopoate could end up in the pokey.

Now that he’s out of the game, Hopoate is desperate and dateless.

Now that he has been sacked, it is rumoured that Hopoate is about to
follow Mundine ringside.

John Hopoate has been nominated for an Oscar for his lead role in
“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger”.

Anagram of Hopoate: Poo Hate!

Rugby league may be a Stone Age game, but it was first to enter the
digital age.

John Hopoate has changed his name. He is now known as John
Hand-to-party.

Hopoate has changed his name to Stop-a-farte.

Which finger did he use? His ring finger.

How do the judiciary decide on this punishment? Is there a ‘rule of
thumb’?

What’s the problem? He was only keeping up to date with his opponents.

Did you hear, with Hopoate the Tigers have gone digital?

The coach claimed the charge was a bum rap! Hopoate’s actions were
merely a niggle!

Headline: Police Wash Hands of Hopoate Antics!

Let’s hope he doesn’t bite his fingernails.

A view from a fan: this leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

Hopoate’s defence: it was only a brown eye gouge.

Hopoate’s defence: they were giving me cheek.

Hopoate’s defence: Honest, he was just lying prostate on the ground.

Hopoate’s defence: I saw an opening and went for it.

Hopoate’s defence: The coach told me to penetrate their defences.

Hopoate’s defence: Its just the old one hand tackle.

He must be getting married. I heard Hopoate was checking out some
rings on Saturday night.

Hopoate: the human thermometer.

What’s John Hopoate’s favourite biscuits?
Chocolate fingers.

What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a north Queensland
cowboy?
You can stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

What’s Hoppa’s favourite cake?
A Finger Bun.

“I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is
being fingered for a crime he did not commit”. Coach Lamb.

I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the footy show called Hoppa’s
Up-date

What’s the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out

John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1

Headline: Hoppa “piles” on the tries.

“Players don’t report cases like Hopoate’s because they’d be the butt
of all jokes” – Roy Masters (former West’s Coach)

Is the whole thing a three-ring circus?

A chance for Channel 9′s The Footy Show to make something of its
“player probe”?

Hopoate to have a cameo role in the digitally enhanced versions of The
Lord Of The Rings and Finger of Guilt.

How come Field and McGuinness got six months for cocaine but Hopoate
only got 12 weeks for crack?

Do The Hopoate
==============
You put your left thumb in
You pull your left thumb out
You put your left thumb in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hopoate and you turn the game around
And that’s what it’s all about.

The John Hopoate Virus: your computer will insert random digits -
often where they are quite unwanted

Perhaps something good will come out of Hopoate’s poking about.

Did you hear the league is going to crack down on Hopoate.

Tags: hopoate, John Hopoate

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Appearance:
Looks a little like the character “Mrs Bucket” on the UK comedy “Keeping Up Appearances”
Aged between 55 and 70
Chubby with a bulldog face
Has a British upper class snobbish accent
Burgundy coloured hair
Wears glasses
Wears an old lady’s dress

Her habitat:
A really old stylish 19th century mansion somewhere in UK
Interior of the mansion is full of stylish antiques and mahogany trim
Has a ballroom for so she can dance to old farts music with her snobby friends

Her lifestyle:
A total utter snob
A total square
Listens to opera music
Hangs with upper class snobs
When someone does something that’s slightly insulting she says “Hmph! Why I never!”
Anything to do with sex, rock music, lower class citizens and swear words is taboo to her
Her favourite artists are Pavarotti, Bach, Mozart, Chopin, Mrs Miller, Kamahl, Mario Lanza, Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby
When shopping she buys the most expensive upper class clothes
Often goes to operas to watch opera singers perform
Aggrevates other drivers when driving her Volvo around

Her Volvo car:
A typical late 1980’s Volvo 244 sedan that’s been done up into a luxury car
Has a car alarm that goes off when someone comes within 30 feet
Has airbags for every seat and to the sides
Has leather seats

Her driving:
Drives 50km below the legal limit in the fast lane on highways causing traffic jams
Often honks her horn at any driver
Pulls out in front of cars always almost causing an accident
Takes 2 minutes to go after the light’s gone green which the light goes red again and pisses the other drivers off
Puts her blinkers on 2 minutes before she turns into a street
Plays classical and opera music real loud while driving and leaves the windows down so others can hear it
When someone tries to overtake her she pulls out in front of them so they can’t pass her
She parks her car 10 feet from the curb which causes traffic blockages
Has her lights on high beam during daytime

Tags: Volvo, Volvo driver

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My life sucks. It all started yesterday. So I walked into this bar for a drink. Then they tell me that it isn’t really a bar, it’s the bathroom at Joe Louis Arena. So I ask where the nearest bar is. They tell me. So I go down to where the bar is. I ask this guy in a black-and-white striped shirt for a Margarita. So he gives me this funny look, and all of a sudden I’m checked into the boards by Sergei Fedorov. As if things weren’t messed up enough, the ambulance I was carried away in had Princess Diana’s rotting corpse in it. You think they’d have the decency to bury her and all. Guess not. To top it all off, there was asparagus for dinner. I hate asparagus, ever since that time when a clown at the circus killed my cat by repeatedly beating him with a piece of asparagus. Then he made me eat the cat with the asparagus. The cat wasn’t bad, but the asparagus gave me worms. So I was forced to eat the asparagus, but not before I was forced to eat out this really fat girl named Beth. She probably hadn’t cleaned down there since Roosevelt was in office, but she sure made the asparagus taste better. I tried to sleep but it was my turn to sleep with the snakes, and you just know they’re waiting for you to fall asleep so they can eat your flesh. So I didn’t get much sleep last night. Unless you count the five minutes that the snakes took to devour my poor hamster Willie. I never really liked that hamster anyway. So I woke up the next morning and realized that I was at that same bar I was at yesterday. Only this time, I realized that, indeed, I was in the Joe Louis Arena bathroom, and I had enough good sense to go out and get a pizza instead. Then Steve Yzerman checked me into the pizza stand. Through the pain, I managed to get back to school where I flunked my Geology quiz. And I don’t even take Geology. My life sucks.

Tags: Mark Perlaky

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Hello folks. My life sucks. This morning I drove to school. TO SCHOOL! Imagine the nerve of my parents to pay for me to attend some place that tries to prepare me to submit to the man. Worst of all, the System has now installed security cameras in my shower.

Apparently it’s taken a mind of its own and is distributing nude pictures of me over the internet. Including that one time when the water ran cold. I’m all man, but thanks to the System, only people in Japan know that. And when the lizard stole my tortilla bag, I knew I’d had enough. As if my day couldn’t get any worse, Jesse Jackson called me. Wanted to know if I’d like to donate to his “Rainbow Coalition.” So I asked him if he was gay. Boy, what a cranky guy. You’d think that because he called me he’d have a little more patience. And don’t most people associate gays with rainbows? Anyway, then I had to go into work.

Today, I learned how to fix the chili sauce just so that the cockroaches are completely mixed in. They sure are hard to mix though. I must have been spitting and sweating into that shit for hours! In conclusion, gas prices are still high, and that’s why my life sucks.

Tags: Mark Perlaky

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Note: I wrote this for school.

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The mystery of Shakespeare is a very controversial issue. Uprising as a conspiracy in the last couple hundred of years, it is said that William Shakespeare himself actually didn’t write the plays, poems, and other works of art. There is proof that a William Shakespeare was born, shown on a birth certificate, and that he went to London to become an actor, shown on programs that had his name on it, being a character in the play.

Evidence that Shakespeare himself didn’t write the plays is that in the plays, it shows a sense of education that Shakespeare might not have known anything at all about, such as the great battles in other countries, history of different countries, and more that a son of a glover would most likely never know about, even if he did go to school.

The man that most people think is the real person that wrote all the works, was a man named DuVere. He was of royalty, and lived in the royal palace of England. He knew Queen Elizabeth, and had a private tutor that would have taught him everything that he needed to write the plays, poems, and others.

DuVere would have known the Duke of New Hampton, a man that has shown up in a lot of the Shakespearean sonnets, unlike William Shakespeare, who was just an actor.

DuVere wrote the plays and such, but put them under Shakespeare’s name, so that no one would find out he was the one that wrote them, because it was Un-Christian to write these things.

Tags: Shakespere, The DPB Tag

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This portrays what a teacher thinks about when they hear a Clicky Eraser.

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“Aaargh those stupid clicky erasers! stop it! stop using them! Nooooo! click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click! AAAHHH! Its driving me CRAZY! I’m gonna kill that kid! I’m gonna kill the manufactures! I’m gonna kill everyone who has one of them! …good, it stopped! click-click-click-click. AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Ok, get a hold of yourself! umm…sing Lamchop’s play along song! Yeah! That’s it! Its a never-ending song! This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends. click-click-click-click. This is the click that never ends, it goes on and on my friends! (the fuck?) We just started clicking, not knowing what it was, but that’s because because it is the click that never ends!”

Just about then, this teacher, which will remain anonymous, strangled someone, was sued, and is now piss poor. Too bad, just because of a clicky eraser, this honors physics college professor lost everything he had. The only defense he had during trial was “that stupid clicky eraser!”

Tags: eraser, teacher, The DPB Tag

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Ok this 7th grader dude was telling indian stories when he tells us about the mystic weed.These beaver brothers hand to get pipes, fire, and the weed. Then they were in a cabian smoking the mystic weed when some lady looks through a hole at them. So they invite her to smoke the mystic weed that fills them with happiness. All the time our teacher is looking at him like hmmmmm….. I’d like some mystic weed right about now

Tags: Trepidation

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I was hanging out in my sister’s room for a while. After an hour she got annoyed because I was making fun of her while she was on the phone, so I tackled her into the ground. Then she attacked me with her brand new phone, smacking it against my head and it broke. She tried forcing me out of her room. After ten minutes of laughing I left willingly. The phone didn’t even hurt me.

Tags: BALTAUR SAMA

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These two old ladys have like, 90000 cats, kittens and they are very cute and I want one. I asked, and they said ok, but my momther said, “no.”

I said, whawhahwhaaaaawhyyyyyyyyyyy they are sooooo cute and nice she said, no, and because i said so.

So i said, “boooom!” and she fell and she picked up the ballon and got up my wall is beeping beeeep beeep beeeep beeeep beeeep beeep beeep

damn
what is that
sh-
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

damn alarm clock

Last night, my little sister and her freind came into my room and told me they had a kitten in her room. I went in and they had it in a ziplock baggie (gallon sized), which was a bit odd, she said they were gonna sneek it into her friends house, and her dad would probly let her keep it, they wouldent let it out, so in best interest of the cat I poked a few holes in the bag, (thought i saw his face change colors, heh), my sister said she got it out of some old ladys house, and I thought she had stole it, but the next day on the way to summer school, there was a sign on the garage door that said you could take them (the garage was open a bit) so I reached in and picked one up, and he was sooooooo cuuuuuuuuutttte, and this old lady came out and she was sooo olddd and sooooo cutttteeee, and (if youve seen “Happy Gilmore” you know what im talking about) she was like “Do you want a kitten”, i was like AWWWWWWWWWWWWW that was sooooo cuttttee and a small child walked up behind me (if youve experienced the magic of Sherly Temple, you know what im talking about) and she said “Can I hold her”, I was like AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWww, AWWWWWWWwWWWWWWwWWWW, then i put the cat down and speed walked away, because it was getting really weird…

I want my kitty. My cat is so good, and pretty, and nice, but she might not like a little kitten around the house and Deda knows best my cat is really cool man, im asking her if she wants a kitten around and she said, “meow.”

I want to get it. I dont know if i can just walk up and take it. I wonder if i can break in to their garage.

That day my little sister took one the other day, and gave it to her friend, it pissed me off, because her dad was just like “Oh, a cat, you cant have that.”

She said, “Why?” and hes all “Ohhh, wellllll, ok. Do you need to stop at the pet shop?”

I was like, “What the hell man”

My moms just like, “no.”

so thats why she is screwed up…

Tags: Adman

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:: Tim passes note to blowthetoad::

Tim: I LIVE IN YOUR DESK!!!…. i’ll give more info later…

:: blowthetoad passes note back ::

blowthetoad: Well… for the love of bologna! If you live in my desk,

Jerica isn’t German!–(GERMAN PRIDE!)

:: Tim passes note back to blowthetoad ::

Tim: GRRR… YOU WANNA DIE?!!!!!!

:: blowthetoad passes not back ::

blowthetoad: well well well…. have the tables have turned… I <u>WILL</u>

hump a monkey’s nose…DEEP! and if your lucky, yo mama will be next!

:: Tim passes not back to blowthetoad ::

Tim: well… I should bitch slap you to, boy!!

:: blowthetoad passes note back ::

blowthetoad: has your mom ever been ‘bucked’ by <u>TIM</u> <b>BUCK</B> too?

:: Tim passes note back to blowthetoad ::

Tim: eat shit

Tags: blowthetoad

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Made in conjunction with davepoobond.

This is a documentary of what Mr. C Fat Nuts eats everyday (or mostly everyday) for lunch, while elmoisfurry is in his computer class thingy, bored off his ass. he was inspired to do this when he saw Mr. C Fat Nuts eating like a lion through the window that separates his class from Mr. C Fat Nuts’ class. And other random occurrences with this fat nutted man.

———————————–

- September 4, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. Corn on the cob. 2. Some weird little soup thingy out of a foil bowl (a TV dinner kind of thing). 3. Some weird cake or something he was ripping apart

elmoisfurry: As I looked through the window to the other class, I saw Mr. C Fat Nuts going “RAWM-RAWM-RAWM” and chewing his corn. Then he ate his soupy thingy, I didn’t really watch what he did with that, I just saw him eat it sort of. Then he started eating some cakey thingy, ripping it apart, and jamming it in his mouth.

———————————–

- September 5, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. A bag with some type of paste in it 2. A TV dinner-type-bowl-type-thing

elmoisfurry: There was a bag on his desk and near the bottom of the bag and there was an inch of some weird yellow paste, and it looked like he had a whole bag of paste for lunch. Then I saw him eat some goopy chicken type thing, I had no idea what the fuck it was. I saw him hold his fork really tightly, then Mr. C Fat Nuts stuck his fork into the food in the bowl, into whatever was in the bowl, took it out, and I saw that it was all clumped together in one slab of slop. Then, in one hand he held the thingy on his fork, and was eating it, going “AWM AWRM AWM AWRM,” with the other hand he was typing on his computer, as he ate. That’s all I saw.

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- September 7, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. Diet Mountain Dew

davepoobond: Today elmoisfurry was being a bitch, so this is all that davepoobond can remember, and elmoisfurry is such a bastard, that he wouldn’t tell him what he had on the 6th either

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- September 10, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. A huge plate of taquitos 2. A huge bowl of guacamole 3. Diet Mountain Dew

davepoobond: elmoisfurry said something about Mr. C Fat Nuts dipping taquitos into the bowl of guacamole and eating half of the taquito, then dipped the taquito back into it, and then he chugged his diet Mountain Dew. Again, elmoisfurry was being a bitch so he wouldn’t give a quote

———————————–

davepoobond: well, what turned out to be something that was supposed to be an everyday thing for his lunch, turned out to not be something that will be done with everyday because stupid bitch elmoisfurry was moved from his seat in his class, so he can’t see Mr. C Fat Nuts eating lunch anymore….oh well. We’ll post whatever if we see Mr. C Fat Nuts or whatever…..

———————————–

- September 18, 2001 -

davepoobond: I saw Mr. C Fat Nuts all jolly and happy because he was driving a new Honda Accord that had a really gay blue color, and he was really far away from the steering wheel, but his stomach was only about 2 inches away from the steering wheel. Haa…..

———————————–

Funny – some guy told us he and his brother followed Mr. C Fat Nuts around to different chat rooms, and Mr. C Fat Nuts was saying “15/m wanna cyber” in chat rooms. pretty nasty.

Tags: davepoobond, elmoisfurry, Mr. C Fat Nuts

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Ms E is so boring. She talks on and on about how b over a equals 3 + 5 and b divided by the square root of 1 equals absolutely 3! How boring can a math teacher get you might say? She just set the record.

She’s a bad teacher too, because she can’t notice I’m writing this in her class. She doesn’t explain anything. She does the easiest problems with not even all the different types of ways to do the problem. She gives us problems like: find the sum of the two lowest greatest consecutive odd negative integers.

Its crazy. She makes us do Long Division with letters. Its absolutely nuts. How do they get x cubed + 3x squared minus 4x minus 12 divided by x squared + 5x + 6 to be x-2!?!?!

I doubt I’ll ever need this shit! We never do it again in our lives! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Tags: Ms. E, The DPB Tag

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Our Alien’s name is Tayler. She is 9 years old. Tayler can’t walk on this planet, she can only walk on Uranus, because on Uranus one foot has to be taller than the other to be able to walk around.

This Alien can open her body. Inside her body is some extra things for her. For example, she has a few pens to write down info about Uranus. She has tape just in case her mouth comes off. She only drinks oil. She does not eat food.

She hears on her neck. Her eyes are made of stars that sparkle, and they are different colors (one is turquoise, and the other one is bright yellow.) Her body’s color is also turquoise. On the bottom of her feet, she has shields to protect her feet from getting too cold.

Tayler breaths through pipes. She gets around on Uranus, by walking on her shields that connect to her feet. She has a brown box inside of her that has all the oil she needs to drink to stay in good shape.

Her body is made of this thick kind of wood, and her head is made of cardboard with foil on it. Her feet are also made of cardboard and her shields are made of thin metal, because it doesn’t get that cold. Her shields don’t need to be thick.

Tags: sisterpoobond

(<3 or h8?)

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