Category Archives: Game Reviews

Ore No Ryori (PC) Review

Developer: Vertigo Games

  Ore No Ryori (PC) (2.7 MiB, 1,346 hits)

Game by Vertigo Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is a very unique game, and one of the only games you’ll ever find that has to do with owning a restaurant and cooking. Your parents go to Japan or some country and have to take care of a sickly relative, and leave the restaurant to you for 40 days, in franchise mode.

Graphics:

The graphics are very good for this game. The ingredients looked like the real thing, and so did all the food, but the whole style of the game makes it look like its paper drawn, or paper cut-out. Not cel shaded though.

Sound:

The sounds in this game are very good. There’s only 2 songs or so, and they go well with the whole mood of the game. Only bad thing though is when you’re playing, the song ends and it stops for about a couple seconds so that it can restart. The sounds of disappointment and satisfaction are good, and when you spend so much time (like I have), the satisfaction sounds actually make you happy for some reason.

Gameplay:

Very challenging. You really have to pay attention to what the customer wants to get it just right. It seems like the game gets harder at your own pace, allowing you to buy more types of food to sell at your own discretion, so that more customers come in at the same time requesting a different thing. Once you buy all the foods, its crazy. Since I’m an absolute and total veteran master sargeant at this game, its not that hard for me, but the first day I played after I bought all of the foods, it was hell, because 8 different people came in at the same time. It is kind of strange to see some guys come in for a beer at 7:00 in the morning, supposedly getting ready for work…and guys coming in for pizza or steak in the morning, nachos at night, etc.

Crappiest Part:

There isn’t much story to lead you on through the game, but the fun of cooking and making money is enough to cover for the lack of story. I would have wanted a little more in-depth restaurant management thing though, so that new things keep happening, instead of once you buy all the things there is to buy, all you do is just keep on cooking and serving food until the last day (if you’re in franchise mode).

Overall Score:

This is a very good game, and is one that I would actually pay to play. Its not too often a game as good as this comes around. There are 3 modes in the game, Tutorial, Franchise, and Arcade. You can unlock/buy the Arcade mode after going through the Franchise mode. It implies that there are secret options or something in the game, but I’m not too sure, because I haven’t beat it yet. I give it a

10/10

  Ore No Ryori (PC) (2.7 MiB, 1,346 hits)

Game by Vertigo Games, made with Game Maker.

Ness’ Christmas Journey (PC) Review

Developer: Darklink570

  Ness' Christmas Journey (PC) (1.3 MiB, 1,198 hits)

Game by Darklink570, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This game is a game about Ness, and he’s launched in the air by his friend Jeff (this being presumably after Earthbound). Its a fairly involving game, and is very challenging. The story may be a bit cheesy, but so is your mom…>.>

Graphics:

The sprites were mostly ripped from Earthbound, but the background was really good. And the way the “psi” attacks were animated was pretty good too. The only bad thing, is that its really small, so you can’t see the details, like if there’s a crevace thing you can go in.

Sound:

The music is very good. But after a while I don’t notice it much, because I get really involved in the game. Besides that point, it really goes well with the game. Ness screams when he gets hurt

Gameplay:

The gameplay is very good, runs smoothly, and you don’t get stuck on any edges (like Elfish Wars).

Crappiest Part:

So…hard….::stranded in the desert:: ….

Overall Score:

This game is very fun for an adventure game, and I suggest anyone but Nintendo’s lawyers to play this game. I give it a:

9/10

  Ness' Christmas Journey (PC) (1.3 MiB, 1,198 hits)

Game by Darklink570, made with Game Maker.

Missile Wave 2 (PC) Review

Developer: Shawn64’s Creations

  Missile Wave 2 (PC) (4.8 MiB, 1,108 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is a very fun game, in which missiles of many types are trying to destroy a pile of blocks that you have to save by clicking the missiles, and using different weapons to destroy them.

Graphics:

The graphics of the missiles are very interesting to watch and look at as they fire into the blocks, split up into smaller missiles, and stuff like that. One bad thing though, is that the “powerup” icons are taken from Pocket Tanks.

Sound:

There’s a pretty cool title screen kinda tune, there’s no in game music, because there’s so many explosions and missile sounds that sound really cool.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is very simple, but gets more interesting with powerups, weapons, and other things. Its more than just point and click, you have to get rid of the things that are more dangerous at the time than others, and you have to always keep paying attention to what you do.

Crappiest Part:

The pocket tank icons used as the powerups in this game. And the fact that if the missiles go through the top of the screen or the bottom of the screen, they come out on the opposite end, and its kinda hard to click on them then.

Overall Score:

This game is so fun, that I can actually see myself playing it just to play it. This should be a classic arcade type of game. I give it a:

9/10

  Missile Wave 2 (PC) (4.8 MiB, 1,108 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Me a Monkey (PC) Review

Developer: Cybershark

  Me a Monkey (PC) (598.0 KiB, 1,045 hits)

Game by Cybershark, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Never before in a game, do you have a bazooka thing that shoots spinning bananas that blow up ninja monkeys, piles of goo, stupid things you can’t shoot, and hover monkeys from a boat, until this game. This game takes you through lush scenery, like…umm…black…steps, and waterfalls and trees that you can’t climb (even though you’re a monkey)

Graphics:

Completely sub-par. I don’t even know what that means exactly, but its less than average.

Sound:

The annoying exploding sounds. The weird thing is, when you shoot, you hear an explosion, not when you actually have the thing explode…

Gameplay:

Normal…but there were times where I fell through the floor, and that was gay, because then I had to start over again. The only part that I actually kind of liked was the boat level thing…if you ever get past all the parts of the game you can fall through..

Crappiest Part:

How you fall through the floor sometimes for no reason. It seems you only fall if you shoot in specific places. And the legs of the monkey keep moving even though you’re not moving.

Overall Score:

It was an ok attempt, but it could have been done better.

4/10

  Me a Monkey (PC) (598.0 KiB, 1,045 hits)

Game by Cybershark, made with Game Maker.

Max Payne (PC) Review

Developer: Remedy Entertainment / Publisher: Rockstar Games

Overview:

Max Payne is a third person shooter that progresses its story through a graphic novel, split into 3 parts, along with narration. The main thing about this game is bullet-time. The story really complimented the experience of the gameplay, and almost inspired you to keep going on to find out what happens, and how its going to end. This isn’t a very long game though (if you go through it once, only). You’ll probably get a good 5 or 6 hours out of it on the easy setting, but when you go for the other difficulties, good luck. Its hard enough as it is on easy, because the difficulty actually changes to adjust to how well you’re doing. The replay value of the game is pretty good, as well. There ARE some annoying levels, through the game every now and then.

Graphics:

The graphics are very good, and you can’t see much better than it right now.

Sound:

The sound is awesome. There is so much action going on, and so much gun figting that you’ll feel like you’re actually in the middle of it. The gangster’s normal speech gets a little repetitive, as they keep saying “what the hell,” “its PAYNE!,” “Kill the bastard!” and a few more other ones I can’t think of off the top of my head. Once you go through the first 2 chapters of Part I, you’ll just about have heard them all. Once in a while, there are 2 enemies that talk about completely off topic subjects. Later in the game, you’ll hear 2 of them talking about bullet-time itself, saying how it would be “so cool” if you could be able to use it yourself.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is kind of hard to get a hang of at first, but when you learn everything, its smooth, and you always know what to press. As I said before, the difficulty level of the game changes to fit how well you’re doing during the game. If you’re doing really good, the difficulty goes up. If you’re doing really bad, the enemies are easier. Once you beat the first difficulty level, 2 more types of games open up. There’s a total of 5 different modes, so if you care enough to be the best Max Payne in the world, try beating each one.

Crappiest Part:

I’d say the crappiest part of Max Payne would be how it left you off on a sort-of cliffhanger when you beat the game. It ended the story, but it left a few unanswered questions. But I guess that’s what Max Payne 2 is for.

Overall Score:

Max Payne is an excellent game, with no plot falls, and seamless gameplay. This game is one of my favorites, and is a lot of fun if you have good speakers for your computer.

10/10

Master of the Six Magics (PC) Review

Developer: Delta9 Games

  Master of the Six Magics (PC) (734.6 KiB, 1,050 hits)

Game by Delta9 Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is a semi-original kind of game, reminiscent of tetris and the matching part of memory without the memory thing

Graphics:

The graphics aren’t especially great, but they accomplish what they need to be, and its not like they’re an eyesore. Its easy to tell them apart, and I guess that’s kind of important for this game.

Sound:

There was a delightful one song soundtrack that I must buy.

Gameplay:

Point and drag. It was simple enough. The instructions are kind of confusing I think. Basically, you have to drag the squares into a straight line of 3 or more. The most possible is 6 but you’ll find yourself (or at least I did) trying to get the 3 in a rows instead of the more in a rows, because blocks keep falling down, and you need to get more space for them.

Crappiest Part:

While this is kind of a fun game, there isn’t much to it, like increasing difficulty levels or something like that.

Overall Score:

This is a mix of a couple things, and I think that it was good for the idea. There weren’t any annoying things that hindered playing, but this isn’t anything better than an average game.

7/10

  Master of the Six Magics (PC) (734.6 KiB, 1,050 hits)

Game by Delta9 Games, made with Game Maker.

Mark (PC) Review

Developer: Gamez Hell

  Mark (PC) (2.2 MiB, 1,099 hits)

Game by Gamez Hell, made with Game Maker.

There’s a lot of bad games made with Game Maker, but this game is not one of them. I’ve spent so many hours playing this game that my fingers and eyes have gone numb. Wait…am I reviewing Mark Platinum here? Well then let me rephrase what I’ve said thus far. This game IS one of them, and I hate it about a whole lot.

For one, the size of the screen is about 9 x 9, so you better get the magnifying glass when you’re ready to play. Also bring about eight bottles of Motrin also. The game begins with an introduction story so pathetic and misspelled that I wonder if the designer put any thought into the game. After playing the game for five more seconds, you will see that the answer to that is no.

Aliens have invaded Asia and are headed for Europe! So why the hell do I start off in a room with a backdrop of Egypt? Last time I checked, Egypt wasn’t in either Europe nor Asia….ok mister smarty man, whatever you say! Pressing right makes Mark move right..that’s all. The maker was too busy chugging anti-freeze and masturbating to Ateens videos to even make a walking animation of any sort. Pressing up will make Mark move up, again with no kind of animation. Video game characters sure do suck these days, all they every start out with is the ability to jump really fucking high and make enemies dissapear and make a weird sound when landed upon. After walking forward and trying to jump over enemies for a while you hit a flag and are transported to the end of the game. Ok maybe you don’t but a guy can dream can’t he? No? Well fuck you too.

The second level has ice or something, I don’t really remember. Anyway, there’s a gun the size of a mountain in which you can pick up if you walk into it. The gun then magically turns into a normal sized gun. When fired it shoots about eight hundred pool balls, TEH ENEMYS HAV NO CHANS.You have infinite lives but it doesn’t matter because the game blows infants for jawbreakers. And everytime you restart a level, the music repeats from the beginning. May I add that the music is like listening to a barn orgy involving your whole family and a group of very dirty pigs.

Graphics: -5

Sound: -6

Replayability: -9

Fun Factor: -10

Controls: 0

basically, a 1/10

SCREENSHOTS:

The giant pussy gun, this is the whole size of the screen.

  Mark (PC) (2.2 MiB, 1,099 hits)

Game by Gamez Hell, made with Game Maker.

Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete (PS) Review

Those of you who are fans of Lunar: Silver Star Story and Eternal Blue will already know what I am going to discuss. I have been a fan of these games since I got Silver Star Story Complete over a year ago. The game was about a boy named Alex who dreams of becoming a legendary dragon master. His adventure begins when him, his greedy friend who is also the mayor of his towns son, Nall a young white dragon and Luna, a girl who his parents were given to take care of when Alex and Luna were infants go find a Dragon Diamond. They meet Quark, the White Dragon and the adventure gains momentum. They meet Nash, an arrogant magic user Kyle, a strong (one time cross dressing) bandit, Jessica, a half beast half human girl, and my personal favorite, Mia Ausa, the premier of the Magic Guild of Vane. I feel through out the entire game Mia grew the most as a person and I feel she was the most beautiful too. Anyway, the meet the four heroes of the last war. And one of them turns out to be their enemy. This game is done in japanese anime style and there is almost an hour of full motion video and voice overs. It is two discs long which I was disappointed because since it is such a great game where you feel like you know the characters and grow with them, you want it to be longer. Now onto the sequel which I waited in anticipation and frustration for almost a year. Eternal Blue has to be one of the best games I have ever played. It has everything that Silver Star Story didn’t. Eternal Blue is three discs long and it takes place 1,000 years after Silver Star Story. It begins with Hiro and Ruby(a young red dragon) looking for jewels in a cave. They find a jewel and get into trouble. Once they are finally safe they go home only to find Hiros grandfather being interrogated by Leo, one of the four heroes of this age. The go to the Blue Spire near Hiros home and meet Lucia, the guardian of the Blue Star. Lucia is then drained of her power by the god of evil, Zophar. Hiro and Ruby protect Lucia and meet up with Ronfar, a gambling priest, Jean, a fighting dancer, Lemina, who is related to Mia Ausa. Eventually Lucia regains most of her power and learns what it is like to be human because she was all alone on the Blue Star but Zophar is resurrected by evil forces and drains the world of Lunar of its energy and magic. It is up to Hiro and his friends to save Lucia and defeat Zophar. Zophar has to be one of the toughest end bosses I have faced in a game but thankfully this morning I beat him in one of the longest video game battles I have every played. Another great thing about Eternal Blue is that there is an Epilogue quest. If you know anything about the Lunar games or are looking for a great RPG that you can get into, then the Lunar games are a good bet. Not only that but they are packaged with tons of goodies that are worth the price of the games. Later everyone.

10/10

Link’s Haunted House (PC) Review

Developer: Stenners

  Link's Haunted House (PC) (812.2 KiB, 1,077 hits)

Game by Stenners, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

okay…let’s see here. Ummm…You’re Link (hooray) and you’re in a haunted house (hooray) and….you have to get through a maze (hooray)…and you can’t go anywhere past the first turn! (booray) (that’s the word I just made up that is opposite to hooray)

Graphics:

the Link sprite is ripped off from somewhere, i’d bet. The door looks like a pecan and the ghost thing looks like a piece of purple shit that somehow got the balls to say “hey I’m a ghost and I’m going to fly around, and on top of walls while I’m at it”

Sound:

There’s a delightful version of Cypress Hill – Rock Superstar in MIDI format, that doesn’t place very well at all in this game.

Gameplay:

uhhh there’s no attacking, you just move….its not a good game, don’t get it.

Crappiest Part:

the part where everything is.

Overall Score:

You can’t even play this game, I have no idea what the point is, and its killing me that I can’t get through the pecan door so I can get to Nut World and bask in nuts of all types. 1/10 for crushing my dreams of a nut-filled world.

  Link's Haunted House (PC) (812.2 KiB, 1,077 hits)

Game by Stenners, made with Game Maker.

LEGO Island (PC) Review

Developer/Publisher: Mindscape and LEGO

Overview:

In LEGO Island, you can be 5 different people. And you can do different things…as the 5 different people…and you can interactively walk around an island…called LEGO Island. And everything is made out of LEGOs! WOW! And all the LEGO people don’t know they were created by the leading innovator in the building blocks industry.

Graphics:

The graphics in the game are actually pretty cool. But it doesn’t work on Windows XP, so I can’t really see the graphics anymore. But its actually pretty good for a game that came out before the turn of the century. Boy…isn’t it great that I can say that?

Sound:

The sound is spectacular!!!!!111 I just love stupid LEGO people talking to me and me talking to them (not actually) and going through 10 minutes with the old information guy telling me what to do. I don’t care about you old man! YOU SHOULD DIE! IF I WANTED ANY HELP FROM YOU I WOULD HAVE CLICKED ON YOU, BUT I DIDN’T SO STOP TALKING ARRRRGHH!!4

Gameplay:

Point and click…there’s different things you can do in this game. Like race in a race that is almost impossible to win, deliver the same pizza to the same place over and over, or chase a stupid burglar everywhere around the island. That is actually the best part of the game (chasing a burglar that is). You go through the mountains, you go through the city, and you never seem to catch him ever. I don’t think I caught him when I played this on my older piece of crap computer (but at least this game worked on it, i guess i had a reason to be happy to have it), cause the only thing I did do on this computer was get these ultra cool screen shots that have the game not displaying correctly! I’m so cool.

Crappiest Part:

How it is poorly made, and how it doesn’t work on Windows XP (at least I can’t figure out how to make it display correctly, not like I’d really want it to, now that I think about it)

Overall Score:

I probably would’ve liked this game better if i were 4 years old, with a piece of crap computer that could run this game correctly, but in the end this game just sucks. Do me a favor and boycott all LEGO software. It makes no sense too. If you want to play with LEGOs, buy one from the LEGO section, not the software section. I don’t wanna build things on the computer. “hey mom, look what I uncreatively made on the computer, with the help of my LEGO software!”

1/10

Kill the Dummies (PC) Review

Developer: PG Games

  Kill the Dummies (PC) (3.9 MiB, 1,088 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This game is like a retarded dream, and it only gets worse from there…This is the description of the game it gives in the readme file: The object of the game is to kill all the dummies in three levels for so little time as possible. Game may contain some violence and blood, but just remember: Don’t do this in real-life! If you do, you are an idiot and don’t blame us when you’re in court! Moohahahaha *Grin*.

Now I would see this impossible to do, because we are not floating hands with claws coming out of them, nor are we a sword that is randomly put into the game.

Graphics:

They suck the hair right off my ass. The backgrounds are the only thing that look any good, and they’re the things that make the game so fucking big.

Sound:

I like the title screen music. This is probably the only thing that you would want to do with this game. Listen to the theme song, then close it, but if you know what it is, you should get the midi instead of this game. Well, the rest of the midis used in the game are alright too…

Gameplay:

The moving hand with claws coming out of it moves so badly, and when you attack, the hand goes to the other side ah who cares no ones gonna play this fucking game. Its really bad.

Crappiest part:

the programmer behind the game. There is no creativity in the game at all, except from the people that made the MIDIs in the first place.

Overall Score:

This game took me 20 minutes to download, and it only gave me 83 seconds of play. This is NOT worth the download, and it makes me wonder why the FUCK this is even 4 megs. I came to the conclusion that it was the backgrounds, and he used them as bitmaps…this game is horrible. 1/10.

  Kill the Dummies (PC) (3.9 MiB, 1,088 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Johnny (PC) Review

Developer: PG Games

  Johnny (PC) (7.1 MiB, 1,041 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Going to the PG Games website is so perplexing to me, because there are so many horrible games that are so not worth downloading that I get the feeling that I must have them before they are gone forever, because no one downloads them. One of those fascinating games is….the oddly named Johnny. The name Johnny has nothing to do with anything in the game. There are no words in this game. Its funny, cause in the help file it says that the story was made by the guy that made the game, but low and behold there ain’t no fuckin story. I’m still in awe at the fact that this fucking game is 8 megs. What the fuck is with that, you might ask, for this game being so crappy just by one glance at the pictures? The mp3, is what it is. Its a fairly good techno song though, and that’s the only good thing about this game. I’m happy that I actually got this game, so I could get my hands on that succulent techno song that goes so not well with anything happening in the game.

Graphics:

First of all, everything about this game scares me. The Johnny guy has a smile that I originally thought was a beard, but i guess it was just the black background (which is also scary, because there’s nothing there, its just black.), and there’s naked purple aliens everywhere, throwing their shitflames, and these weird eye tower things, and these weird sack things that don’t do anything but move around. Everything graphical wise in this game sucks dick. There’s not even an animation for the guy walking. There’s no animation at all, and there’s no separate picture for walking backwards, he just slides backwards or forwards, or jumps into the air really high.

Sound:

Like I said before, the song is good. There aren’t any sound effects though. Which is probably a good thing.

Gameplay:

You jump…and go straight. You can’t see where you’re going at all though, because the view is always not far enough to the right to see anything.

Crappiest part:

The crappiest part would be everything minus the music. More work probably went into finding the music than the rest of the game.

Overall Score:

(insert fog horn sound). This game isn’t worth getting unless you want to listen to the song. I give it a 1/10. The 1 is for the song.

  Johnny (PC) (7.1 MiB, 1,041 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Jetz Rampage (PC) Review

Developer: Shawn64’s Creations

  Jetz Rampage (PC) (3.2 MiB, 1,017 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Everyone needs a story to go on a rampage, right? Not Jet! He can go on a rampage just for the hell of it, and this is what he does in this game.

Graphics:

The graphics are very good. I like how everything looks, but the explosions maybe could have looked better. But it’s alright.

Sound:

I think there’s only one song, and its the title screen song. That song is kinda weird, has a lotta bass in it or something. The sound effects are good, and goes well with the game. There’s a lot of South Park sound effects

Gameplay:

The gameplay is really good. The game is fun to fly around and shoot shit. Its really hard though, I haven’t gotten off the 1st level. One thing that was kind of annoying is that you can’t go in front of buildings, you just knock on the edges of it. But your bullets can go past the front of the building…yeah..

Crappiest Part:

How your mom will not like this game.

Overall Score:

This is a very good game, and a pretty original one, too. It is very nicely made, though there are parts that could get worked on.

9/10

  Jetz Rampage (PC) (3.2 MiB, 1,017 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Jetpack Joe (PC) Review

Developer: Smiling Psycho Productions

  Jetpack Joe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 1,047 hits)

Game by Smiling Psycho Productions, made with Game Maker.

(i had to put “Jetpack Joe” under it =P)

Overview:

Though there isn’t a story inside the game yet, this is what its supposed to be about: aliens are secretly invading earth and this average Joe gets ahold of one of their jetpacks, so now what does he do? Being Earth’s last hope and all, he decides to go on a beer run. And that is the stupid premise of the game.

Graphics:

The graphics are great when it comes to the Jetpack that Joe is on, Joe himself, and the gray smasher things. Very good work on those. But it gets kind of cheesy when it comes to the beer, kegs, mines, and spikes.

Sound:

There is no music in the game, but the sounds are good for the blowing up and the jetpack. Oh and there’s another sound when you press “F” on the keyboard….har har…

Gameplay:

The gameplay is very good, I liked it a lot. I actually would like to see the finished product of this game.

Crappiest Part:

How Joe only blows up and doesn’t fall out of his chair screaming to his death, or gets smashed against the wall. But really, the only bad things about this game is that it take a little long to load (and i have a really fast computer), and the annoying flashing green thing behind Joe that is there all the time.

Overall Score:

This game is not finished, unfortunately, but its still worth checking out. I give it a:

8/10

  Jetpack Joe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 1,047 hits)

Game by Smiling Psycho Productions, made with Game Maker.

Infiltrator Deathmatch, The (PC) Review

Developer: GZ Soft

  The Infiltrator Deathmatch (PC) (1.6 MiB, 1,015 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This game is all about shooting different types of weapons, and killing other AI players in the same map.

Graphics:

The graphics have nothing especially special, but the sprites are made very well.

Sound:

I couldn’t seem to get any music to work, though it said there was some.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is awesome once you figure out what you do to control your guy. The only bad thing about it is that it took me a while to figure out how to shoot the guns, drop a weapon to pick up another one. I couldn’t find anywhere that explained it, but I might have missed it.

Crappiest Part:

How you die a lot =(. There is no crappy part about this game, except maybe the top down aspect of it, but I can’t see this game played any other way.

Overall Score:

This game is one of the best I’ve ever played, made with Game Maker, and I recommend that anyone that isn’t politically correct and against violent games download this game. There are 3 modes of gameplay, 5 maps, and 5 unique weapons. Its fun, and keeps you entertained for many half an hours to come.

9.5/10

  The Infiltrator Deathmatch (PC) (1.6 MiB, 1,015 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.