1 to 1 pranks.
blowthetoad: poop
Lilwill: hi
Lilwill: a/s/l?
blowthetoad: 1,000,000/?/Uranus
Lilwill: wow
Lilwill: ttoo old for me
Lilwill: PE@CE
blowthetoad: no
blowthetoad: shit
blowthetoad: ass
blowthetoad: i have a poty moth
blowthetoad: it looks like a butterfly
blowthetoad: humper dinkle winkle minkles
blowthetoad: eat my condom
blowthetoad: c’mon willy pilly bo billy fe fi fo dilly!
blowthetoad: i can flush a toilit!
blowthetoad: so there
TheMuIIetMaMa: oh yeah
TheMuIIetMaMa: i can flush a urinal
blowthetoad: yeah!
TheMuIIetMaMa: yeah
blowthetoad: i can run upide down while saying poop
TheMuIIetMaMa: i can run around the block naked singing when the ants go marching
blowthetoad: well i can ride a unicycle naked upside down, naked, inside out, with 1000 marbles in my mouth, and singing the national anthem!
blowthetoad: so there!
blowthetoad: haha, poop ate your tounge!
TheMuIIetMaMa: well
blowthetoad: well is my name, don’t ware it too much, it’ll get dirty!
TheMuIIetMaMa: i can ride a space ship to mars and do the macarana while i break out singing the theme song to facts of life while i eat some bbq chicken
TheMuIIetMaMa: hey whats your name?
blowthetoad: for the love of letter 7, i can swallow a 20000000 pound brick, walk on my pinkys, jump to the moon, turn out the lights, and go to bed, 11 times without stop!
blowthetoad: beet that u crazy mo-fo!
TheMuIIetMaMa: lol
blowthetoad: i said beat it! just beat it!
TheMuIIetMaMa: no one wants to beat it
TheMuIIetMaMa: lol
blowthetoad: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT OH BEEEEEEAT IIIIIIT. JUST BEAT IT!
TheMuIIetMaMa: no one was to be defeated
TheMuIIetMaMa: just beat it
TheMuIIetMaMa: i really dont think i can beat that one either
blowthetoad: thats my line (*NOTE: blowthetoad – I meant the ‘just beat it part’ this note was not included in actual conversation)
TheMuIIetMaMa: yeah?
blowthetoad: JUST BEAT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
blowthetoad: BEAT IT
blowthetoad: O BEAT IT
blowthetoad: O BEAT IT
TheMuIIetMaMa: so why did you im me?
blowthetoad: ME I.M. YOU?
TheMuIIetMaMa: you got that right
blowthetoad: hahaha i am a smart person! i use hoocked on phonics! u use hooked on pot!
Previous message was not received by TheMuIIetMaMa because of error: User TheMuIIetMaMa is not available.
blowthetoad: your a hinkle pinkle sloonie poonie!!!
blowthetoad: dummie hunnie
Sparrrow: u betcha
blowthetoad: stop IMing me
Sparrrow: huh?
blowthetoad: you are bothering me very much
blowthetoad: i will report you
Sparrrow: I dont im you
blowthetoad: to the authoroties
Sparrrow: sorry
blowthetoad: why must you do this?
Sparrrow: authorities of my ass maybe
blowthetoad: authorites bet on yo ass, cuz i am gonna mow the grass, very fast, atlast. wow! i can ryme!, look at the time, did you get those clothes for a dime? aaaaw, can’t afoard a lime? i’ll buy you a wind chime
blowthetoad: you piece of slime!
Sparrrow: you should learn to talk like a mime
blowthetoad: mime? i might as well say the word cime!
Sparrrow: the fuck?
blowthetoad: yes
Sparrrow: u are annoying tonite it looks,
blowthetoad: DAH, PHUK, HAHAH, I AM SOFA KING WE TAR DID!
Sparrrow: u got 66% warning
blowthetoad: no crap sherlock
Sparrrow: why?
blowthetoad: because they waste my time
Sparrrow: so what is your purpose of being??
blowthetoad: i just gave a ryme,
blowthetoad: whats your purpose on earth?
Sparrrow: to reproduce
blowthetoad: mine is to unproduce
Sparrrow: do you do drugs?
blowthetoad: no
blowthetoad: that is bad
Sparrrow: drugs are good
blowthetoad: fell through a crack and landed in a pot. then people said, HEY THERES THE REAL DOPE!
Sparrrow: stoners live and
stoners die but
in the end we
all get high
So if at first
you don’t succeed
fuck it all and
smoke some weed.
blowthetoad: YOUR GAY
Sparrrow: nope, Im straight
Sparrrow: who was doin the rhyming first bro?
blowthetoad: ME
Sparrrow: so why am I gay now?
blowthetoad: so shew you annoying flee!
Sparrrow: http://i.am/grundy (*NOTE: blowthetoad: THIS ISN’T A GOOD SITE, IT IS STUPID)
blowthetoad: nice bad website, please no advertizements. thank you
Sparrrow: its spose to be bad
Sparrrow: its spose to just be what the fuck
Sparrrow: no point
blowthetoad: please, keep this clean
blowthetoad: this is public 😉
Sparrrow: say what?
blowthetoad: heh
blowthetoad: check it out later
Sparrrow: check what out later?
blowthetoad: you’ll be actualy be able to sell yourself on the net! (for free)
blowthetoad: haha! your going on my site
blowthetoad: this was planned out
blowthetoad: niener niener niener. you aint got to wiener!
Sparrrow: say wha?
blowthetoad: you heard me foo’!
Sparrrow: where are you from?
blowthetoad: www.noneofyourbuisness.com
blowthetoad: so www.zipit.org
Sparrrow: where is your website?
blowthetoad: not up yet, meanwhile you can lick a salmon.
Sparrrow: this is all great bro!
blowthetoad: yuppers
blowthetoad: well, i have to go bother some other helpless user, later
Sparrrow: cool, take it easy
blowthetoad: bye poo-head
Sparrrow: daeh-oop eyb
blowthetoad: i am a muffin. stupid!
JerseyDevils: yes you are
blowthetoad: hey, stop talking to me
JerseyDevils: no, i wont
blowthetoad: you wanna fight?
JerseyDevils: sure asshole
JerseyDevils: lets go
blowthetoad: bring it, poop head
JerseyDevils: this is probably Liquid Titan huh
blowthetoad: um, i don’t think so
JerseyDevils: then who the hell are you?
blowthetoad: you wanna fight? bring it!
JerseyDevils: where should i bring it?
blowthetoad: inside of yo mama’s toilit
blowthetoad: so lets go, ya blo’ hoe!
JerseyDevils: my momma is sleeping and i cant go in her bathroom
blowthetoad: i would waste you like the aluminum can i trashed!!
JerseyDevils: good thing im not made out of aluminum
blowthetoad: haha, you flushed a toilit
JerseyDevils: no i didnt. I was here the whole time
blowthetoad: i know, you scratched your head, same thing as flushing a toilit!
JerseyDevils: no, actually i just typed a few sentences.You have bad internet sense
blowthetoad: why don’t you go ride a unicycle over yourself while saying BLOW THE TOAD???
JerseyDevils: why dont you make some hot tea and take a nap?
JerseyDevils: silly boy
blowthetoad: you are a corned poop head
JerseyDevils: no, i ate corn but im not a corn poop head
blowthetoad: yup yup
blowthetoad: go run around a light pole and say NesQuik 80 times!
blowthetoad: why do you all the sudden have 3% warning?
blowthetoad: that isnt cool
JerseyDevils: gee, i wonder?
blowthetoad: maybe you should go to the planet larter to get smarter, u stupid person who can’t sppell!
blowthetoad: i am a muffin named charles
chronic haze: sweeeeet
blowthetoad: no, bitteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
blowthetoad: why did you IM?
chronic haze: i didnt
blowthetoad: i told you we were over with!
blowthetoad: did that telephone call mean anything?
chronic haze: oh im sorry im trippin
chronic haze: not to me
blowthetoad: yeah, you be messin’, mother trucka’!
chronic haze: ph fo sho
blowthetoad: yes, i agree, pooponastick
chronic haze: i hate poop on the stick man
blowthetoad: good, because i said pooponAstick not THE
blowthetoad: pay more attention, chief
chronic haze: its the same fuckin thing man trust me
blowthetoad: no
chronic haze: yes
blowthetoad: nonononono
chronic haze: yes yes yes
blowthetoad: nonono times infiniti!
chronic haze: yes yes yes yes yes times infiniti x2!!!!
blowthetoad: no no no no no no no no no all the way around your butt (wich would take longer that yes infinitix2)
blowthetoad: you have a big butt, george!
chronic haze: ok Francis J. Peterson, i have enough of your silly antics, i file for divorce!
blowthetoad: HOW DEAR YOU!!!!
blowthetoad: what about the kids????
chronic haze: ahh fuck em
blowthetoad: dududududu dum dum! whata bout tha kids? picky picky picky slick slick slick! whata bout tha kids?
blowthetoad: but i can’t i have to BLOW THE TOAD!
chronic haze: beedeedummm dedum pick stick the kids can go to our mothers house
blowthetoad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
blowthetoad: you are so stupid, you alphabeticaly aranged my numbers 44444 and 4!
chronic haze: no
chronic haze: you die now
blowthetoad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *chocking with fear*
chronic haze: die evil toad die, away wwith you into the abyss
blowthetoad: why must you columbusjonstocksonize me????????????
chronic haze: for i can evil toady
blowthetoad: i am not an evil toad, i am BLOW! THE TOAD, and that is what i suggest you do!
chronic haze: you blow the toad
chronic haze: god damn hypicrite
blowthetoad: i am blowing the toad, you skittle fittle!
chronic haze: frittle frattle wiggle wattle TIS ALL THE SAME TO YOU< YOU CRAZY BIRD
blowthetoad: awwwwwwww, so cute…….
blowthetoad: not cute enough you bombazzzled juice packet!
blowthetoad: aka capri sun!
chronic haze: JUICE BOX aka Hi-C
blowthetoad: !!!~JUICY TOOSIE DOOSIE BOX! aka minute maid packet!
chronic haze: MOOSY WOOSY CRAZY BILLY HEAD!
blowthetoad: HICKLE FICKLE NICKLE SUCK A PICKLE JICKLE HIE VICKLE!
blowthetoad: mwuuuuuhahaha!
blowthetoad: (x7)
chronic haze: OK
blowthetoad: u throw in the dollar tree towel?
chronic haze: FIZZNLE NIZZLE GIZZLE BEZZLEBUB I PRAY YOU DIE
blowthetoad: JIGGLE MY GIZZLEZ FE FI NO DIZZLES!
chronic haze: poo on you good sir
blowthetoad: blow the toad, bad wench
chronic haze: and have a good day
blowthetoad: y thank you cody!
chronic haze: youd like to think so
blowthetoad: acctualy…. no i wouldnt
chronic haze: YE SYOU WOULD
chronic haze: SLUTYYY TOAD
blowthetoad: yes u would like to suckle my nipple, you pickle licker for a nickle!
chronic haze: sometimes sir i would
chronic haze: now enough of ths game i must get to my tea party
blowthetoad: better go catch the toad
blowthetoad: remember: mushrooms are GOOD!
blowthetoad: mwuhahaha!
blowthetoad: eat them all!!!!
blowthetoad: mwuhahaha!
chronic haze: yes, and keep safe good sir and stay away from the evil POlice
blowthetoad: stay away from the gay TINKLEWINKIEs!
chronic haze: indeed
blowthetoad: prosiclee
chronic haze: now off with your head
blowthetoad: caree on with your buisness good man
blowthetoad: =-O
chronic haze: cherie-O
blowthetoad: mollie-o from generation O
Kaz: Your so awesome!!!
Awesomeguy: do i know you
Kaz: Howd you get so awesome?
Kaz: Nope I’m just a fan
Awesomeguy: im strong thats how
Awesomeguy: and i can create any thing
Kaz: Really?
Kaz: Create me something
Awesomeguy: like what
Kaz: Umm I dunno, make me a burger
Kaz: With no pickles and no onions
Awesomeguy: i meant as in metals
Kaz: Oh..
Awesomeguy: swords rings amulets
Kaz: So you cant make a burger?
Awesomeguy: no
Awesomeguy: i dont cook
Kaz: Whats the point of making stuff if you cant make a burger?
Awesomeguy: to where and defend your self with
Awesomeguy: wear
Awesomeguy: the sword i just sheathed i made my self
Awesomeguy: its too powerful so few can hold it
Kaz: It be nice if you could make a powerful burger
Kaz: So powerful few could eat it
Awesomeguy: ::gets to work on something::
Kaz: I knew it! You can make a burger!
Awesomeguy: ::finishes work::
Awesomeguy: ::hands him a glowing braclet::
Kaz: Oh nevermind…
Holmes is on a different sn from before he IMd Sprivenx in the previous IM.
—
Holmes: Poopimopi
Sprivenx: whos this>
Holmes: Wanker
Sprivenx: whos this?!
Holmes: I already told you, Wanker
Holmes: I believe you contacted my boss
Sprivenx: whos yer boss?
Holmes: I cannot tell you his name, but his America Online screen name is “Holmes”
Sprivenx: Holmes
Holmes: Exactly
Sprivenx: so?
Holmes: He has called upon his family members to threaten a certain production company
Sprivenx: yea?
Holmes: and in return, he has asked you for a favor
Sprivenx: i know but listen…
Sprivenx: he wnts over $60 in DVDS and im broke! im trying to save up money for myself! and i cant do that for a TV show!
Holmes: I understand
Holmes: Well then, I guess I will not being able to get my “Tom And Huck” film
Holmes: I know a great thing that will help us both out
Sprivenx: waht..?
Holmes: You can talk with our Prime Negotiator and Buisness dealsman and Professional Pimp, Ronny “Bobonny” Feefiefofonny…he’s on right now
Holmes: i’m afraid i must get off, his America Online Screen name is “davepoobond”
Holmes: Talk to him, he will settle it all”
———
he doesn’t, dave trys to IM him, but he doesn’t respond
Holmes:
ok basically this started with a friend online telling me she got a random IM from someone who asked her for help on a t.v. show. I told her to tell the guy who needed help my screen name…and so, here we are!!!!!!!
———
Sprivenx: hi
Sprivenx: somone said u can help me
Holmes: sure i’ll help, i’m the most helpful guy you’ll ever meet
Sprivenx: Invader Zim is going off the air and i need help so u can put it back on the air or somthing!
Holmes: ok
Holmes: i can do that
Sprivenx: how?
Sprivenx: Arts and Entertainment – Protest Invader Zim
Holmes: i have….lets say….connections
Sprivenx: asl
Holmes: 43/m/Arizona
Sprivenx: can u do that?
Holmes: my connections are universal…i’m a very…well known person
Holmes: in the secret respect
Sprivenx: Yaaay!
Sprivenx: so how can u put it back on the air?
Holmes: when i tell someone to jump, they ask “how high”
Holmes: well i’ll have my people go and meet the people of invader zim
Sprivenx: They were gonna make more episodes of IZ
Holmes: this conversation will involve the use of bloody knuckles and threats…
Sprivenx: But nick said No:(
Holmes: thats terrible
Sprivenx: that show made me who i am today!
Holmes: invader zim is almost like a classic
Sprivenx: you have to help me!
Holmes: wow
Holmes: really?
Sprivenx: yes!!
Sprivenx: [ grabs holems by the cloak and falls ]: plz help me and my friends!
Sprivenx: holms*
Sprivenx: holmes*
Holmes: some people would call you a looser or a stupid ass, but not me…i call you a hero
Sprivenx: stupid ass?
Sprivenx: why the hell why?
Holmes: i don’t know
Holmes: people are wierd todat
Holmes: today*
Sprivenx: i know
Holmes: i mean some people pretend that they are someone like me, big and important, over the internet…can you believe that
Holmes: anyways were jumping off topic
Sprivenx: so how long would this process take?
Holmes: oh not long, i mean if you threaten to cut off someone’s…”jewels” they tend to jump 10 feet higher, run 10 mph faster and do things 10 times better
Sprivenx: lol
Sprivenx: wow
Holmes: yeah
Holmes: trust me
Holmes: i would know
Holmes: but, in return you must do a favor for me when i call upon you again
Sprivenx: waht?
Holmes: nevermind
Holmes: when the time comes, we will discuss it
Sprivenx: Just tell me!
Holmes: well, in todays common world, when one does one a favor, they usually do a favor in return, if you understand my kabowlee’s
Sprivenx: like….waht?
Holmes: don’t worry about the word kabowlee’s, it’s just a fancy word us people use to sound big anfd important
Holmes: well, right now a favor i plan on asking is non-existant, that is why i will discuss it with you at a later time
Sprivenx: Ok…?
Holmes: i may be using words you do not understand yet
Holmes: so i will put it plain and simple
Sprivenx: im only 12
Holmes: oh
Holmes: i honestly couldn’t tell
Holmes: you sound so mature for your age
Sprivenx: i do?
Holmes: you maybe be 12 on the outside, but your brain tells me you have the intelligence of a 20 year old
Sprivenx: im usually like this when somthing like this happens
Holmes: i can understand your pain…invader zim is just…so….wghats the word you yougin’s use? “radical”?
Sprivenx: Huh?
Holmes: nevermind
Sprivenx: i never say “Radical”
Holmes: oh
Sprivenx: thats retarded
Holmes: i was informed…i mean told…that “radical” was the word of the day for the cool people…my mistake
Sprivenx: kinda
Sprivenx: but not fer me
Holmes: oh it’s ok, you don’t have to be cool if you don’t want to…kids fail to realize that being cool is a decision
Sprivenx: im not that kinda “Cool”
Holmes: ahh i see…
Holmes: when i was young i was considered cool
Sprivenx: so what r u gonna do now?
Holmes: well i’m going to call my…”family” member Bubba “Wanker” Jones and he will call Rex “Massacre” Mahoney and he will call Johnny “Hooligan” Hooligan and they will mastricate the ferdidions at the production center when they produce “Invader Zim”
Holmes: in simple terms
Holmes: we will fix the problem
Sprivenx: kewl
Sprivenx: so waht do u want from me?
Sprivenx: just tell me
Holmes: I don’t know yet, sonny
Sprivenx: your freakin me out here
Sprivenx: i dont know u
Holmes: listen kid, relax
Holmes: are you relaxed?
Holmes: RELAX!!!!!
Sprivenx: no not really
Sprivenx: sheesh calm down
Holmes: I’M ALWAYS CALM!!!!!!!
Sprivenx: it sure doesnt look it
Holmes: oh silly me i left the caps on
Holmes: you know cap lock
Sprivenx: YES
Sprivenx: I THINK SO
Sprivenx: i dunno maybe i can
Holmes: hey…don’t forget who your talking to…don’t EVER yell at me!
Sprivenx: i wasnt yelling
Holmes: oh
Sprivenx: SEE?
Holmes: i see
Holmes: i see you writing see
Sprivenx: IF I WERE YELLING I WOULD HAVE EXCLAMATION PTS
Sprivenx: but i dont
Holmes: oh an important listen in the typing science
Holmes: lesson*
Holmes: anyways
Holmes: I will contact you in due time to let you know the progress of this action
Holmes: in short terms
Holmes: bye, i’ll talk to you later
Sprivenx: bye
Holmes: sily me, we never say bye in our organization, we say kilimop, it’s a word used to say see you later
Holmes: so KILIMOP!
Sprivenx: Ok?
Sprivenx: Kilimop
Holmes: kilimop
Sprivenx: whatever that is
Holmes: listen kid i already told you, don’t make me repeat myself
Holmes: so kilimop
Sprivenx: ok….
Sprivenx: kilimop
These people never heard of the Berenstein Bears…so it’s not as funny as it could have been if they did know…these three are either the same person, or they’re all friends…
————–
Holmes: Hello
LechuZaAa: ………..?
Holmes: I said…Hello…don’t act like you didn’t hear me
LechuZaAa: uh huh who r u
Holmes: I am from the BB family organization, they have instructed me that you have not payed there protection dues
LechuZaAa: hah or not
LechuZaAa: good bye
Holmes: wait
Holmes: This is johnny right?
LechuZaAa: noooooooooo
Holmes: damnit
Holmes: the BB is gonna kill me, i gotta find johnny!
LechuZaAa: yeap, you do that
Holmes: can you help? do you know a johnny?
LechuZaAa: no
Holmes: i’m dead….I’M DEAD! help me please!!! hide me!
LechuZaAa: right
LechuZaAa: uh huh
Holmes: i gotta find johnny before the BB finds me…
Holmes: there watching…every move i make,…
Holmes: as son as they find me i’ll be sleeping with the fishes
Holmes: and you don’t care?
LechuZaAa: why should i…… lol…… i don’t know you
Holmes: i see how it is…
Holmes: oh what a cruel world we live in
LechuZaAa: mhmmm
Holmes: the berenstein bear mafia is very deadly, have you heard of them?
LechuZaAa: no
Holmes: oh…
LechuZaAa: lol
Holmes: it’s not a laughing matter, man!
Holmes: my life is at stake
LechuZaAa: okay
Holmes: ok…what would you do if a mafia was after you?
LechuZaAa: sit there…….
Holmes: hmm good idea…then?
LechuZaAa: sleep
Holmes: …
LechuZaAa: so, would you like to tell me who you really are?
Holmes: hmm
Holmes: not really
LechuZaAa: uh huh
LechuZaAa: okay
LechuZaAa: good luck with that “bb” thing
LechuZaAa: bye
Holmes: thanks
Holmes: i’ll die happy…bye
————–
Axiom: sleep, it’ll make the mafia’s hunt easier
Holmes: i bet it will
Axiom: have fun
Holmes: oh i will have fun at dieing
Axiom: so who is this
Holmes: dieing is always fun
Holmes: a person
Axiom: good answer
Holmes: so vague…
Holmes: but so true…
Axiom: just some random guy
Holmes: yeah
————–
LKNIGHT: are you alright?
Holmes: am i alright? of course
Holmes: are you alright?
LKNIGHT: that’s good.
LKNIGHT: yeah
Holmes: thats good…were both alright
LKNIGHT: so, who are you , might i ask
LKNIGHT: yeah
Holmes: i’m just a person
LKNIGHT: my friend told me to say hi
LKNIGHT: so i did
Holmes: hmm
LKNIGHT: yeah
Holmes: anyways
Holmes: do you know the BB family organization?
LKNIGHT: no..should i? if so, enlighten me.
Holmes: the berenstein bear mafia, there…like…deadly
LKNIGHT: nice…
LKNIGHT: where did you find out about this?
Holmes: eh it’s not a big secret
LKNIGHT: well, no big surprise, i’m always the last to find out about things
LKNIGHT: so, who are you…
Holmes: some random guy
LKNIGHT: really… not that random
Holmes: very random
Holmes: i found your friend on member directory
Holmes: i was bored what can i say
LKNIGHT: i doubt that you are more random than me, but…
LKNIGHT: my friend… krispy?
Holmes: yeah
Holmes: Hi, I am a spokesperson for the DANO (Drug Abusing Necrophilliac Organization). We would like your support for our organization by letting us know if you have any Drug Using Necrophilliacs that need help and/or support.
Holmes: Take for example a member of our group known as Dan M. After several beverages, he would sneak into the nearest morgue and proceed doing the unnecesary to a dead body. But now Dan M. is fully restored and is now married to a lovely wife, and has 4 children.
Katerina Asigiri: You can leave me alone now.
Holmes: Sorry to have disturbed you but do you know any Drug Abusing Necrophilliacs?
Katerina Asigiri: NO Now go away!
Holmes: Do you know anyone who is secretly a Drug Abusing Necrophilliac?
Holmes: Or any friends who know of a Drug Abusing Necrophilliac? Your support is greatly appreciated.
Katerina Asigiri: Do you get paid to be stupidly annoying?
Holmes: Yes, infact I do.
Katerina Asigiri: Just making sure.
Holmes: I have only come asking for support and you shut me down with such negativity
Katerina Asigiri: I’m paid to do that.
Holmes: Can you at least…whats the word those young folk use all the time…?
Holmes: “chat”?
Katerina Asigiri: If you don’t bring up the supporting of something.. or whatever it was..
Holmes: Alright, my work will be excluded from the conversation…
Holmes: …so…yeah…
Holmes: Hey hows life? whats happenin? hows it hanging? whats new? whats up? let me in on the news…
SuperKim: do i know u?
Holmes: i dunno, do you know me?
SuperKim: well who are u? how did u get my s/n
Holmes: I’m a spy from the organization of the Texas can-can dancers
SuperKim: funny
Holmes: we have reason to believe your selling illegal q-tips
SuperKim: kiss my a$$
Holmes: we are asking you to stop before innocent ears get hurt…
SuperKim: fukk u
Holmes: that hurts 🙁
Holmes: I thought you were related to SuperMan in some way but superman has better MANNERS
SuperKim: how do u know did u meet superman???
Holmes: yes, I made him dinner…a kryptonite sandwich with cheese
Holmes: he liked it so much, he fell over like he was havin a seizure
Holmes: have you ever met spiderman?
Holmes: it’s a yes or no question…
SuperKim: fukk u
SuperKim: i dont wanna tlak to you what are u 2
Holmes: where i come from, we speak proper english…
SuperKim: i dont give a shit
Holmes: speakin of givin shit, santa gave me shit for christmas, what did he give you?
Holmes: …i’ll take that as that he gave you nothing
—
2 seconds later, and, gee, I wonder how I knew it was the same person only a diffrent screen name?
—
Smj: hi
Holmes: hello
Smj: wutz up
Holmes: o you know…
Smj: ….?
Holmes: come on you know whats up…
Smj: umm
Holmes: yeah you know….come on…you know…
Smj: ew?
Smj: how old r u?
Holmes: 99 years old and growing
Smj: loFl
Smj: no really
Smj: how old r u???
Holmes: you first
Smj: 17u?
Holmes: i forgot..
Smj: just tell me
Holmes: what if your some stalker
Smj: NOPE IM NOT
Smj: WHO R U ANYWAYZ?
Smj: HOW DID YOU GET SUPERKIM’Z SN?
Holmes: my mommy said I should never ever give out: my age or name or that she beats me on the internet
Smj: umm ok
Smj: your gay
Holmes: I know magical powers
Smj: bye
Holmes: wait
Holmes: i’ll tell you
Smj: wut?
Smj: fine then tell me
Smj: right now!
Smj: hurry hurry!
Holmes: it’s a magic power called: “People Directory”
Smj: o
Smj: well how old ru?
Holmes: it works in mysterious ways….
Holmes: 16
Smj: o wel im not really 17…
Holmes: OOOOOOOOOO YOUR A LIAR JUST LIKE AL GORE
Smj: loFl
Smj: im 34
Smj: jk jk
Holmes: jk? is that some new slang term
Smj: your gay dude
Smj: bye
Holmes: 🙁
Holmes: i’ll never sleep again 🙁
Smj: o wut a shame 🙁
Smj: i dont care
Holmes: you got a big poop-colored heart
Smj: ok
Smj: fine then ill talk to u….
Smj: umm…..
Smj: where r u from?
Holmes: …uh…Connectituctst or however it’s spelled
Smj: u dont even know how to spell where your from?
Smj: damn you must be rrreally stupid
Smj: you mean connecticut?
Holmes: yeah thats it it had somethin with connect in it
Holmes: don’t make fun of stupid people, it only makes them stupider…my dad taught me that
Smj: your corny
Holmes: i like corn…
Smj: or korn?
Holmes: hmm yeah
Holmes: where I come from it’s spelled with a C not a K
Smj: i meant the band you schmuck
Holmes: OH the band, yeah korn is cool
Holmes: whats a schitmuck?
Smj: i didnt say shitmuck
Smj: shmuck
Smj: sound it out now
Holmes: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh muccccccckkkk
Smj: good job
Holmes: do I get a A +?
Smj: nah
Holmes: awwww
Smj: r u really 16?
Holmes: yup
Smj: sure bout that?
Holmes: uh hold on, let me check my birthday cards…
Smj: ok do you have a pic?
Holmes: yeah it says: Congrats, your 16
Holmes: nope scanner = busted
Smj: ooo
Holmes: i just have the mentallity of a 6 year old, kind of like that movie Jack with Robin Williams
Smj: ha
Holmes: only i have more sexy looks then he does
Smj: suuure
Holmes: fine don’t believe the sexy man
Smj: fine iwont
Holmes: fine
Smj: wut were you sayin to superkim?
Smj: fine
Holmes: uh some stupid stuff
Smj: llike wut?
Holmes: like i’m suppose to remeber?
Smj: uh huh
Smj: and it’z “supposed to” not suppose
Holmes: sorry i didn’t know it was english class
Smj: thatz ok
Holmes: so, miss teacher can I go to the bathroom? I gotta tinkie..
Smj: nah kid
Smj: sorry
Holmes: i’m about to tinkie on the floor if i don’t go
Smj: o well
Smj: not my floor
Holmes: well I gotsta poop too, so there better be room on the floor
Smj: ew you nasty
Smj: shut up about the fucken shit and piss thing ok>???
Holmes: you brought it up
Smj: no u did
Holmes: no
Smj: yes
Holmes: no
Smj: anywayz…
Holmes: anywayz no
Smj: wut kind of music do you like?
Smj: fine then bye
Holmes: spam it
DaBratt: WHAT?
Holmes: i didn’t stutter i said S-P-A-M-I-T
DaBratt: WHO IS THIS?
Holmes: i’m your uncles sisters daughters mothers fathers sons hairdressers sisters brothers stocbrockers uncle, you should know me
DaBratt: OH OK WHATEVER
Holmes: don’t go there girlfriend
DaBratt: SHUT UP
Holmes: talk to the computer screen cause my speakers ain’t listenin…
DaBratt: SHUT UP
Holmes: can’t we be friends? i’m taking a poll
Holmes: Question #1: Do you speak Zulu?
DaBratt: NO
Holmes: Question #2: How do they make jello green?
Holmes: Question #3: Coke or Pepsi or Glue?
Holmes: These are serious questions, i need them fr my class…
Holmes: Argh just ANSWER THE QUESTIONS and i’ll leave you alone…
Holmes: fine, i see how it is….
Holmes: i try to be nice, all nice and nice and stuff and this is what i get in return? I’m killing myself
RideOrDieChic: HEY! ASL
Holmes: mind your damn buisness
Holmes: your freaky
RideOrDieChic: NO IM NOT
Holmes: i’m 105/transexual/Hell, Michigan
Holmes: wanna go out with me, big you? you sound so sexy
RideOrDieChic: SORRY I DIDNT MEAN 2 BOTHER I ONLY WANTED 2 SAY I LIKED URE SCREENMAE PLUS HOLMES IS MY FAVORITE WORD
Holmes: how about cheese, thats a cool word
RideOrDieChic: SORRY SNIFF SNIFF
RideOrDieChic: DANG
Holmes: or cheeze whiz
Holmes: or cheesy whiz cheese
Holmes: see
RideOrDieChic: SORRY
Holmes: WHAT
RideOrDieChic: I WONT BOTHER U
RideOrDieChic: AGAIN
Holmes: HUH
Holmes: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING
Holmes: STOP IT! YOUR GOING TO FAST
RideOrDieChic: I SAID IM NOT GOING 2 BOTHER U
Holmes: THE VOICES
Holmes: THERE TELLING ME TO BURN THINGS
RideOrDieChic: U SAID MIND URE OWN DAMN BUISSNESS
Holmes: BURN
Holmes: BURN YOU!
Holmes: AHHH
RideOrDieChic: OMG IM CRYIN
Holmes: so whats up man?
RideOrDieChic: IM NOT A MAN
RideOrDieChic: JESUS IM CRYIN
Holmes: cool
Holmes: need a tissue?
RideOrDieChic: NOT FROM HELL
RideOrDieChic: !
RideOrDieChic: U SAY IM WEIRD
Holmes: WELL GO BUY ONE YOU CHEAPO, YOU AIN’T GETTING SYMPATHY FROM ME, THATS ONE KLEENEX I BOUGHT WITH MY MONEY
RideOrDieChic: HECK I WAS JUST BEING A INNOCENT BY SSTANDER
Holmes: CHEAPO YOU SMELL ALL CHESSEY AND STUFF
RideOrDieChic: AND THAN I GET SHOT UP BY U
Holmes: I CAN CYBER SMELL YOU
RideOrDieChic: HECK IM RICH
RideOrDieChic: NOT CHEAP
Holmes: YOUR STINKY RICH
RideOrDieChic: YEAH
Holmes: STINKY BASTARD
RideOrDieChic: U 2 HEFFER
Holmes: TAKE AN ICE CREAM SHOWER YOU SMELLY LADY
RideOrDieChic: HAHAH
RideOrDieChic: LOL
RideOrDieChic: LOL
RideOrDieChic: LOL
RideOrDieChic: URE FUNNY
Holmes: so where are you from?
RideOrDieChic: HELL
RideOrDieChic: ACTUALLY
RideOrDieChic: OHIO
Holmes: cool i’m from LA
RideOrDieChic: COOL SO IS MY SISTERS BOYFRIEND
Holmes: TOO BAD I LIED HAHAHAHA
Holmes: LIAR
RideOrDieChic: O SURE
RideOrDieChic: AIGHT
Holmes: KISS MY BUTT
Holmes: whats up women?
Holmes: hey your cool
RideOrDieChic: SURE
Holmes: be cool and stay in school
Holmes: don’t do drugs, drugs do you
RideOrDieChic: WHEN DO UI WANT ME 2 KISS URE BUTT
Holmes: life sucks in the ghetto lane
RideOrDieChic: IM NOT STUPID
Holmes: RIGHT NOW
RideOrDieChic: THE GHETTO IS TIGHT
Holmes: CYBER KISS IT
RideOrDieChic: OK
RideOrDieChic: I KISS URE BUTT
RideOrDieChic: HAHAH
Holmes: YOU CALL THAT A KISS
Holmes: asl?
RideOrDieChic: OLD ENOUGH 2 GO OUT WITH U
Holmes: YOU FRIGID INSENSITIVE CRAZY LUNATICAL POST DRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER PATIENT
RideOrDieChic: YEAH U SYKITOFRANTIS CYBER HEFFER
RideOrDieChic: AH
RideOrDieChic: SISSY FIED TQWEETY BIRD
RideOrDieChic: YTO MONGOOSE SUCKIN DICK SUCKIN HEFFER
RideOrDieChic: HAHAH
Holmes: YOU RETARDED CHEESE MONKEY DISHWASHER SMELLY EATABLE CHEEZE WHIZ GUM CHEWING CARMEN SANDIAGO LOVING TOM BOY
RideOrDieChic: AWW URE SO SWEET
Holmes: i’m sweet as a rotten apple
RideOrDieChic: RU DONU TALKIN BOUIT YO SELF
Holmes: and twice as sweet
RideOrDieChic: CAUSE
RideOrDieChic: IM OUTTA HERE
Holmes: outta where
Holmes: here or there?
Holmes: there or here?
RideOrDieChic: BYE!
Holmes: WHERE?
Holmes: OUTTA OF HERE?
Holmes: WHERES HERE
Holmes: WHERES THERE
Holmes: WHERE
Holmes: WHERE
Holmes: WHERE ARE YOU GOING
Holmes: TALK TO ME
RideOrDieChic: OMG URE CRAZY
Holmes: HEY
Holmes: thanks
Holmes: i love you
RideOrDieChic: AWAY FROM U
(i was disconnected…damn lituanians) note: you can read more about them here: The AOL Theory
Holmes: hey
RideOrDieChic: WHAT/
RideOrDieChic: IMSAD
Holmes: why?
RideOrDieChic: CASUE
RideOrDieChic: CAUSE
Holmes: i’m sorry my brain snapped, that happens like every minute, sorry about that
RideOrDieChic: YEAH?
RideOrDieChic: SURE SNAPAGAIN
Holmes: doctors say i’m crazy but i don’t agree with them
RideOrDieChic: ITSNOTLIKE WE HAD A CONVERSATION NE WAYZZ
Holmes: see a crazy man hears voices in there head, but I hear voices from the baker under my BED, so i’m not crazy
RideOrDieChic: O KOOL
RideOrDieChic: BYE!
Holmes: and also the pepsi girl from the commercials is telling me to buy pepsi
RideOrDieChic: IMME 2 MORROW
Holmes: alright i’ll tell you more about the gay man that sleeps in my bed tommorow…
Holmes: i love god!!!!
GODS SOLDIER: huh
GODS SOLDIER: love ya to?
GODS SOLDIER: bye
Holmes: wait…
GODS SOLDIER: heheh i dont know you
Holmes: rember me, i’m tim…
GODS SOLDIER: ?
Holmes: you don’t remeber me? thats gratitude for ya, you SERIOUSLY don’t remeber me?
Holmes: come on think, last year?
GODS SOLDIER: um huh
GODS SOLDIER: i need more detail
Holmes: well we were at church together and i said: “God damn, if i don’t get some corn bread and a piece of spam i’m gonna turn to satan” in that wierd redneck voice and we both died laughing, you don’t remeber that?
GODS SOLDIER: oh
GODS SOLDIER: yea
GODS SOLDIER: um no
GODS SOLDIER: BYE
Holmes: make up your MIND
GODS SOLDIER: LOL
Holmes: yeah no, what is it?
GODS SOLDIER: bye
GODS SOLDIER: i dont know you
GODS SOLDIER: bye
Holmes: yeah you do i was just playin…
GODS SOLDIER: um ok
GODS SOLDIER: who are you man
Holmes: i just wanted to say godsoldier that i love god and maybe he did kick me out of heaven and spank me for not cleaning his boots the right way, but i…i…LOVE YOU MAN
GODS SOLDIER: look
GODS SOLDIER: bye
Holmes: where are you going?
GODS SOLDIER: soemwere
Holmes: here or there?
GODS SOLDIER: dont email me anymore
Holmes: ???
Holmes: whats e-mail?
Holmes: when people ignore me i go PSYCHO!!!!!!!
Holmes: ble blah dooby do da day bob dole do you take this goat to be your wife?
Holmes: I can feel my brain cracking, i’m going to go eat myself…
Holmes: talk to you later and remeber one important thing that i’m going to tell you about life…
Holmes: wear pants…
SATANWILLCHANGEU: hi
Holmes: who the hell do you think you are?
SATANWILLCHANGEU: ?????
SATANWILLCHANGEU: i jus want to talk wit you
Holmes: ….so start talking
SATANWILLCHANGEU: where are u from
Holmes: none of your buisness, your probablly one of those stalker people…
SATANWILLCHANGEU: listen if u don’t want 2 talk, u just say so
SATANWILLCHANGEU: u there?
Holmes: will satan really change me?
SATANWILLCHANGEU: yes, satan rules
Holmes: rules what?
SATANWILLCHANGEU: THE WORLD
Holmes: why can’t he rule something smaller like the bathroom? the world is too big
SATANWILLCHANGEU: the bathroom stinks….
Holmes: yeah say that now, but what if you had to go and you couldn’t hold it, would you care if the bathroom stunk then?
SATANWILLCHANGEU: ur gay, shut up
Holmes: i’m gay for telling the truth? i guess half the people in the world are gay then…
SATANWILLCHANGEU: stop dat
Holmes: go pray to satan, you wierdo. Satan can burn in hell for all i care
Holmes: he’s the gay one
SATANWILLCHANGEU: HE LIVES IN HELL U IDIOT
Holmes: thank you mr. obvious. You know, if you weren’t here making me 20 times as sure of the truth, i don’t know where i would be…
SATANWILLCHANGEU: i hate u, u fasg
SATANWILLCHANGEU: fag
Holmes: looks like hooked on phonics worked for you
SATANWILLCHANGEU: shut up
Holmes: maybe you should stop talking to me before i out smart you again
SATANWILLCHANGEU: FAG
SATANWILLCHANGEU: GAY
SATANWILLCHANGEU: HOMO
Holmes: your still talking to me?
SATANWILLCHANGEU: bye