davepoobond: NO, YOU SUCK

wenonahgurl: i think you’re confused

davepoobond: I THINK YOU’RE CONFUSED

wenonahgurl: why is that?

davepoobond: WHY IS THAT?

wenonahgurl: why am i confused you imd me

davepoobond: BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU’RE AN IDIOT

davepoobond: DO YOU LIKE PORN

davepoobond: I LIKE PORN

davepoobond: I HAVE 5 GIGS OF PORN

wenonahgurl: i figured

davepoobond: HOW

davepoobond: IS IT A MATHEMATICAL EQUATION

davepoobond: I WOULDN’T KNOW BECAUSE I DROPPED OUT IN KINDERGARTEN

wenonahgurl: seemed like you’d be the type

davepoobond: YEAH WELL YOU KNOW US DRUGGIES THAT’VE BEEN SMOKIN SINCE WE WERE 5

wenonahgurl: intersting

wenonahgurl: but good to know

wenonahgurl: so what else do you like doing besides smoking up and jacking off

wenonahgurl: to pron

wenonahgurl: porn*

wenonahgurl: sorry

davepoobond: I LIKE TO KNOCK OFF LIQUOR STORES AND STEAL THE PORN THERE

wenonahgurl: sounds like good fun

davepoobond: YEAH

wenonahgurl: are you in school

davepoobond: NO I TOLD YOU I DROPPED OUT IN GRADE K

davepoobond: COULDN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE OF SITTING IN A SQUARE ON THE BIG RUG

wenonahgurl: oh right i forgot

wenonahgurl: can imagine the difficulties you had with that

davepoobond: ITS KINDA HARD

davepoobond: MOM NEVER TAUGHT ME ABOUT SHAPES

wenonahgurl: the floor or something else?? 😉

davepoobond: I THOUGHT A SQUARE WAS A CIRCLE

davepoobond: AND A CIRCLE WAS A TRIANGLE

davepoobond: SO THAT PRETTY MUCH MADE A SQUARE A TRIANGLE

davepoobond: OR A TRIANGLE A SQUARE

davepoobond: FUCKED UP AIN’T IT

davepoobond: THEY ALSO TAUGHT ME THE COLORS WRONG

davepoobond: THEY SAID RED WAS YELLOW

davepoobond: GREEN WAS PINK

wenonahgurl: im soooo sorry

davepoobond: IT PUT ME ON MEDICINES I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN TAKING

davepoobond: I’M HALF-PAST DEAD RIGHT ABOUT NOW

davepoobond: I’M ON DISABILITY

wenonahgurl: gotcha

wenonahgurl: i can see that now

davepoobond: ALL I DO IS EAT WHEAT PRODUCTS, TRISCUITS AND FROOT LOOPS

davepoobond: AND SIT ON WHAT IS LEFT OF MY ASS AFTER THE OPERATION

davepoobond: CAUSE I WAS IN NAM

davepoobond: OR I THOUGHT I WAS

davepoobond: AND SOMEHOW MY TORSO WAS BLOWN OFF

wenonahgurl: are you high now???

wenonahgurl: that would explain a lot

davepoobond: NO, I’M OFF THAT. NOW I EAT JAM

wenonahgurl: really?

davepoobond: YEAH

davepoobond: JAM IS GOOD

davepoobond: AND ITS HEALTHY

davepoobond: I GET JAM FOR FREE

wenonahgurl: from where?

davepoobond: CAUSE SMUCKERS PUT ME ON THEIR “GIVE FREE JAM TO” LIST

davepoobond: YOU HAVE TO BE SPECIAL, LIKE ME

wenonahgurl: oh gotcha

davepoobond: SMUCKERS MAKES GOOD JAM

davepoobond: I ONLY EAT TWO THINGS. JAM AND PUDDING

wenonahgurl: interesting

davepoobond: JELLO CHARGES ME A LITTLE LESS THAN HALF PRICE, THOSE BASTARDS

davepoobond: ITS HARD BUYING THINGS ON DISABILITY

davepoobond: I CAN’T KEEP MY ESCALADE PAYMENTS ROLLING IF I GOTTA PAY HALF PRICE OF PUDDING

wenonahgurl: really?

davepoobond: NOW YOU MAY ASK HOW I DRIVE

davepoobond: I DONT

davepoobond: I HIRE SOME GUY

davepoobond: FROM A FANCY BUTLER STORE

wenonahgurl: nice

davepoobond: HE COSTS 200 DOLLARS A DRIVE

davepoobond: AND HE MAKES ME LOOK DAMN GOOD

davepoobond: I USUALLY GET THIS GUY NAMED EDWARD. HE’S A BRITISH GUY

davepoobond: BUT WHEN I’M GOING DOWN TO THE GHETTO PART OF BEVERLY HILLS (THAT’S WHERE I LIVE), I USUALLY HIRE A BIG FAT BLACK GUY

davepoobond: OR A SKINNY MEXICAN

wenonahgurl: gotcha

davepoobond: boo

wenonahgurl: hi again

davepoobond: again?

davepoobond: i just got on

wenonahgurl: we already talked???

wenonahgurl: remember?

davepoobond: i saw you on my buddy list so i thought i knew you

davepoobond: i dont think i do

wenonahgurl: i figured

davepoobond: was someone else talking to you

wenonahgurl: yeah why?

davepoobond: was he talking about Darrel talking about his miseducation again?

davepoobond: i swear, it was a mistake to let him keep his arms

wenonahgurl: no bu what are you talking about

davepoobond: there’s this guy, right

davepoobond: his name is Darrel

davepoobond: he’s a stupid fag

wenonahgurl: gotcha

davepoobond: all he does is whine and complain

wenonahgurl: and who’s this then

davepoobond: so last week i cut his legs off and tossed him in the basement

davepoobond: but i guess he made his way to the computer

davepoobond: my name is Pierre

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