Looking for a Voice Actor?

I have a posting on Craigslist to offer my services as a voice actor.  I don’t get many responses to it, obviously, but I did get one, as follows.

from:  Stro
date: Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 9:19 AM
subject:  Need a voice actor

Hi, I’m actually looking for a phone actor, for 10-15 mins. Is this something you can do?

from:  davepoobond
to:  Stro
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 12:23 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

Yes, I think I can help you out with it.

What is the project?  If it is a video, what genre is it?

from:  Stro
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 6:41 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

It’s not a video, sounds really silly but I need someone to pretend to be my dad over the phone.  My dad won’t talk to a friend of mine and I really need him to, it’s a complicated situation. I just need someone to talk to my friend for a few minutes. I’ll obviously pay whatever you charge for your service.

from: davepoobond
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 6:54 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

Well, it is an odd proposition.  I’ll have to know more specifics before I can tell you I’d do it or not.

 

Wade Fulp Is a Big Meany

Back in 2004 I was an avid user of Newgrounds.com.  Newgrounds had a lot of stuff that appealed to me at the time, but since the following conversation I have used it sparingly.

To put it bluntly, I may have deserved the reaction I got from him, but at the same time I don’t think it is warranted considering the situation and the fact that he doesn’t seem to care about the people who visit his web site.  The situation is this:  I had uploaded a sound file to Newgrounds’ newly launch “Audio Portal” which was to compliment their Flash Portal.  I thought, “hey, great, I’ll add a sound file I have and see how it works and if its worth the effort, I’ll upload some music I made.”  After my sound file was approved and displayed on the site, I was banned from uploading anything else, with no explanation.

All it said was that I was banned.  So, I decided to e-mail support, which, at the time, was Wade Fulp.  The following exchange of e-mails took place.

From: davepoobond@squackle.com [mailto:davepoobond@squackle.com]
Sent: Saturday, April 17, 2004 3:03 PM
To: wade@newgrounds.com
Subject: audio portal banning

I was banned from uploading anything to the audio portal. I haven’t done anything to deserve this. It would be most appreciated if I were allowed to upload to the audio portal again.

My name on Newgrounds is davepoobond

Thank you.

From: wade@newgrounds.com
To: davepoobond@squackle.com

Did you submit original quality work?

Regards,

Wade Fulp
Newgrounds.com, Inc.

From: davepoobond@squackle.com [mailto:davepoobond@squackle.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2004 9:28 PM
To: wade@newgrounds.com
Subject: RE: audio portal banning

I had submitted a sound effect of me saying “You suck!” which was put up. I was planning on putting more sound effects and songs I had made recently.

Thanks,

davepoobond
http://www.squackle.com/

From: wade@newgrounds.com
To: davepoobond@squackle.com

You people cease to amaze me! Look at your earlier statement:

” I was banned from uploading anything to the audio portal. I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

So you think submitting “You suck!” as an audio clip is going to get you approved??? Are you that dumb? We’re looking for music, not people saying “You suck!”. We are looking for serious artists. Now stop wasting my damn time.

Regards,

Wade Fulp
Newgrounds.com, Inc.

From: davepoobond@squackle.com
To: wade@newgrounds.com

Ok, fine then. I see your point. I’m glad you told me off.

I was just trying to be nice in my first email. I understand that saying “You suck!” isn’t that original, but I hadn’t seen anywhere you couldn’t submit those kinds of sound effects.

If its really that big of a deal, maybe you should make it more clear that you ONLY want music on your site. I understand you probably get hoardes and hoardes of stupid people emailing you about stupid things, but I was only looking for an explanation, really. I understand people are stupid, but I’ve at least got some more sense than most. I know its a tough job dealing with so many stupid people on a regular basis.

I don’t give a lick of shit whether or not I’m able to upload MY music onto your web site to help out the community there, but I didn’t think that submitting a sound effect was good enough for me to get banned from uploading to the audio portal. I DO have music to upload, that I am still willing to upload.

This was just a misunderstanding between us, and I found it a little surprising that you’d just explode at me about a stupid little thing like this.

Humbly yours,

davepoobond
http://www.squackle.com/

Safe to say he didn’t read my response, or at least he didn’t care to e-mail me back with any reaction.  If they didn’t like the sound effect, it didn’t make sense why it was on their site for so long.  It’s not up anymore, and I have no idea if I’m still banned from uploading to Audio Portal but it’s not like I’d ever want to.

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21057

The little guy gets screwed again…

Enron?  K-Mart?   Major companies are folding, Executives are ripping off the little guy.

Who can you trust?   Yourself.

Did you hear the story of the guy who had a 1.5 million dollar 401K with Enron and it’s now worth ZERO!  There’s no better time to think about having something to fall back on… a business of your own.

I’ve made millions of dollars on the Internet and I answer to no one.  I have no boss and I can say “no” to whomever I wish (except my wife).  If I don’t want to get up until 10 a.m. one day, I don’t.  If I don’t want to work 5 days a week, I won’t.

No one runs my life except me and no one can ruin it.

It should be this way for everyone.  And it can.  You CAN do what I’ve done and find freedom through owning your own business.  The only thing that is stopping you right now… is YOU!

I’ll even make it easy on you.  I’ll guarantee that you can use my system and make $1,000 in 15 days or less!  I’ve done it regularly for years now, and so can you!

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21056

FROM: HAJIA MARIAM ABACHA

A CRY FOR HELP.

Dear friend,

Following the sudden death of my husband, Late General Sanni Abacha, the former head of state of the federal republic of Nigeria in June 1998, I have been thrown into a state of utter confusion, frustration and hopelessness by the present civilian administration.
Security agents in Nigeria have subjected me to physical and psychological tortures. One of my sons is still under detention as well as arraigned before a Federal High Court of Nigeria for an offence he did not commit. As a widow, that is so traumatized, I have lost hope and confidence in anybody within the country.

You must have heard over the media and the Internet on the recovery of various huge sums of money deposited by my late husband in different security firms abroad.  Some willingly gave up their secrets and disclosed our money confidently lodged with them and many
out-rightly declined lodgment. In fact the total sum discovered by the Government so far is to the tune of $700 million dollars. And the government has not relented in its efforts to completely bring my children and I back to square one. This is why I deemed it necessary to act fast by contacting anybody abroad for assistance. Furthermore, due to the security network placed on my daily activities I cannot afford to visit any embassy for a possible solution, hence I have decided to contact you and I do hope you will be the person God is going to use to rescue my family and I.

I have deposited the sum of $35 million dollars in a security firm abroad as whose name is with held for now for security reasons until we fully commence communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund on my behalf for safekeeping. Adequate arrangement has been made for receiving the fund. It is totally risk free. This arrangement is known to you, my brother (who is contacting you and I only. This means that my brother will deal directly with you as surveillance is on me. My brother’ name is audu.

You are entitled to 30% of the total sum. I hope to invest a proportion of the balance in your country.

Please forward your private Telephone and Fax numbers so that we can fully commence communication immediately. I will quite appreciate, if you accept my proposal in good faith. I look forward to receiving your urgent reply to my plea. Reply through my e-mail.

Yours truly,
Hajia Mariam Abacha

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21051

Hi there!

Have you ever shopped at a high-end department store where they have Personal Shoppers?

You give them all your details — your size, favorite colors, styles you like, etc. then you meet with them, and they present you with a whole bunch of choices, all tailored to your needs. No digging through the racks of clothing or searching the aisles for something you like.

Now, imagine leaning back in your chair and having a Personal Shopper do all of your Christmas shopping on the web — not a real person, however — an intelligent software program…wouldn’t that be cool?!

I just found a program that does just that! You tell your computer some things about your family and friends, like their interests and activities, then it searches through over one million major branded products and unique one-of-a-kind items to find the perfect present for each of them.

And… it’s FREE!”

It also reminds you of birthdays and important events. I checked some interest categories for my Dad, who is retired and it suggested over 40 gifts including some heated slippers, a waffle iron (he loves to cook), golf shoes, a casual coat, and leather wallet with room for pictures of the grandkids.

These were ALL great ideas!

I really love the idea pages, because they give you coupon codes for discounts and direct links to the items, plus a clever little desktop application that will display gift ideas for you. And I LOVE to shop with coupons!
I do about 90% of my holiday shopping online, and this has helped me a lot, especially with the hard-to-buy-for folks like my Hubby’s boss and his wife, lol!  That one is always a stumper. I am not going to tell you what I got them though, because she is as much of an online shopper as I am, and may be reading this.  🙂

Remember, there is not much time left for Holiday Shopping, so you better GET BUSY! < grin >

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21049: They Can’t Be Serious!

If you are at home or at work and are using a top-of-the-line computer, you have roughly 42 million transistors that are maxed out at 100 billion operations per second.  Not bad, heh?  That should be all that one person needs, right?

Well, Intel is saying that they are going to be releasing a chip by 2007 that will have a billion transistors and will perform a trillion operations in one second!

Let me put this in perspective for you by saying that, according to an msnbc.com article, it would take 15,000 years for a person to flip a
light switch a trillion times.

We know by experience that if Intel is doing it, then other major companies will be right behind or just in front of that mark.  The best part about this projection is that they are to consume the same amount of power as today’s processors.

The transistors are micro circuits that bring semiconductors to life, in this case they are going to be bringing a whole lot of life!  So if you think your computer is fast now, just give the industry a couple of years.

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21048

The U.S. government wants to head off the future hacker attacks and viruses against its computers and decided to create a new “corporate Internet.”

This makes sense as the U.S. government is frequently the target of computer-based attacks. This corporate Internet will allow government workers to pass sensitive information back and forth with a greater sense of security. At least that’s the idea behind GovNet.

So Richard Clarke, special advisor to the President for cyberspace security, asked the U.S. General Services Administration (GSA) to issue a procedural “request for information” (RFI) from the telecommunications industry.

Last week, the time for the RFI passed and GSA received 167 responses. Now, 16 different government agencies will evaluate the submissions and, in February, will let the White House know its recommendations.

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21036

I am a 40 year old male. I take viagra. I can admit it. I think it is the best thing since sliced bread!!!

Why go through the embaressment of going to a Doctors office? Why hand the prescription to that cute little woman behind the order
counter? All the employees working there know why you are there.We can fill your prescription on line, quietly and confidentially.

And we will take care of everything. I promise you it WORKS!!! You will feel like a kid again!!!All you do is take it 30 minutes before the time you are planning an intimate moment with your partner, and then BAM, you are READY! You are more confident, self assured, relaxed.It takes no effort to maintain an erection. I love it, and you will too!

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21035

Hello davepoobond

The “aol.com” part of your email address is owned by someone else and is known as a Domain name. You will have davepoobond@aol as long as you subscribe and pay each month. You never really own your email address, someone else does. You just rent it.

Now, you have the opportunity to OWN your email address and Domain name, keep it forever!

Examples of what you can be bob@Smith.com, john@JonesFamily.com, pres@SmithInc.com, or whatever you choose.

This means you can have as many email accounts as you like for yourself, friends, employees, and family. You can even have a web site! (but you don’t have to)

Create a domain for yourself, family, company, home business or give it as a gift.

Click here to see if your name is available with no obligation.

There are so many good names available, but they’re going fast.

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21021

Dear,

Iím a korean living in seoul.(name: Oh Minseok)
Korean special investigative team are investigating samsung corporation.
But they do not work right.
Suspicious to be bought off.
samsung corporation has many crimes.
And the team investigates samsung corporation.
It contains korean companies samsung,huyndai,sk CEOsí illegal issuing stocks or bonds.
The quantity are plenty.
(Three company CEOs did(and are doing) many crimes to me.
Many koreans are knowing it.
But many koreans are bought off by illegal issuing stocks or bonds.)
The team are knowing it.
Korean special investigative team must investigate this.
But they are trying to conceal it.
I ask for asking for this criminal investigation to prosecutors in any country.
And help the shareholders and me.

P.S)
Three companies are hacking me and trying to kill me.
And are suspicious to use my name and email illegally.
If you receive another message that I dictated above are not true,
it is not from me, but from three companies.
The things I dictated above are true.

 

Hector’s Stupid Email

This entry is part 11 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

Y’know, sometimes we get stupid e-mail.  And when I get stupid e-mail, I post it on my web site.  This came through the mailing list that is shared by my job, and it’s really not supposed to have stupid shit like this sent through it.

Sent by: “Hector B.”

Date: Wed, Feb 2, 2011 at 8:15 PM

Subject: Amazing News!!!!

If you are currently looking for a better job, better paying, more satisfying job, look no further!!! lol. Or if you just want to make extra income from home??? Please feel free to contact me. There is a huge event going down this saturday morning feb 5th. Please let me know. Best wishes. Thanks for your time.

On Feb 9, I sent this back to him:

“Dude don’t send this crap to me”

“Hector B.” sends this back:

sorry man.

Fuck you Hector B.  You are an amateur spammer and suck at it!  Now time for a random lol:  lol.  As a result, someone else replied to his spam message with another spam for some asshole tutor:

Date: Feb 11, 2011

Subject: In need of a tutor?

Hi guys,

I just wanted to recommend a tutor to anyone in need of help in any of the subjects or standardized tests( LSAT, MCAT) listed on the attachment. This tutor has helped me excel in so many of my classes and I just wanted to share the love.

Thanks so much for your time!

Fuck youuuuuuuu!!!!

 

Test10

We got a new email system for my school and some idiot IT guy sent a mass mail to everyone, leaving the “cluster name” in the To: field so that everyone can reply to it. And people started replying to it. And it goes to everyone.

————————————————————–

From: Goo, Simon [mailto:sgoo]
Sent: Wed 8/30/2006 3:46 PM
Subject: test10

Test10

Simon Goo
CSU Fullerton
Information Technology

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 6:53 PM

From bs:

What is test 10?

your mail is not clear to me

Bha. Su

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 8:31 PM

From cobian:

Why are you responding to email to “Simon Goo” at my email address? This is not Simon Goo’s email. Please make note.

-Alison Cobian

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 9:12 PM

From fv312:

I apologize for any inconvenience but I do not know who any of these contacts are. I would appreciate it if I could stop receiving mail from the contacts listed above. Thank you and again I apologize for any inconvenience.

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 11:08 PM

From ashleypark:

I apologize for any inconvenience but I do not know who any of these contacts are. I would appreciate it if I could stop receiving mail from the contacts listed above. Thank you and again I apologize for any inconvenience.

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 11:16 PM

From BeatriceNistor:

Please Stop adding the “DL-Stuexchcluster1” its why we’re all getting the mail

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 11:22 PM

From cmonge:

I also do not understand why I am receiving emails. Therefore please delete my email address from contacts. I do not know anyone of the contacts. Thank you

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 11:38 PM

From dannyphan03:

It’s pretty obvious that they’re testing the new email system. Simon Goo is the IT guy….so chill out people and stop sending these email to everyone…it’s getting pretty annoying. Thank you all

————————————————————–

Fri 9/8/2006 11:48 PM

From lv3tj:

Um.. i dont know any of u.. but.. i hope that this email thing.. stops soon!

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 12:04 AM

From EFeldman:

This is the funniest thing ever.

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 12:35 AM

From madenchina:

my god people… its clear that none of us know each other… if your lonely this is not the way to make friends… for god sakes this thing will stop when we stop responding to each other… oviously this has no importance of any kind so who gives a crap about what this is or what its for just dont respond to it! i hope that the message is clear enough: DONT PUSH THE DAM RETURN KEY!!!! if u c it leave it DEL this letter and DO NOT write a return message to this and it will stop!!!

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 1:18 AM

From echoi:

hqahahahahaha…imma add to the problem.. lol

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 1:19 AM

From echoi, again:

lol….just adding to the problem…lol…stress freaks
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 10:41 AM

From evphan:

me too i want to add to the problem 😉

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 11:18 AM

From anthonyha:

just using this opportunity to let you all know that i’m dead sexy

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 12:10 PM

From c_raquel_a:

The Simon Goo Test 10 was a system test of all email through CSUF. No response or request to be removed from the contact list is necessaary, ie.. if you are deleted it means no more email from anyone.
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 1:53 PM

From cindyguerrero:

Please stop sending e mail to my adress, I don’t know any of these people I am not Simon Goo

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 1:58 PM

From Ammar S. Amirkhizi :

Dear Simon,

This is turning into something like hotmail or yahoo e-mail accounts and I’m sure many of us don’t like to monitor our e-mails for spam.

It seems that some students do not have the ability to recognise that this is a student e-mail account and it is not to be used for spamming.

Please take the necessary actions for them to behave in an educated manner.

Sincerely,

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:11 PM

From jeschultz21:

Perhaps this is a mistake, but just to let you know that I am receiving this e-mail from you and I don’t know why.

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:22 PM

From spimentel23:

i’m receiving this as well.
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:34 PM

From lneumann:

do i know you people and what is test10?
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:37 PM

From be188207:

i dont know what is going on, i never sent mail to any of these addresses so in the future disreguard any messages from this user. Thanks
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:52 PM

From gonzales:

I don’t know any of you & i keep getting these emails about test10. PLEASE STOP EMAILING ME!! CHECK THE SPELLING OF THE EMAIL ADDRESSES YOU ARE SENDING TO!
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:55 PM

From jamiebarber:

why do i keep getting a million Test10 emails. Annoying!!

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 2:59 PM

From Lea Bagtas:

It seems to be that “Test10” is just what it states, a test. It may or may not be a spam. Nonetheless, if you wish to reply to email TEST10 or anything related to it, please make sure that you are using the “reply”, or “reply to sender” button instead of the “reply to all”.

This way, no one is getting redundant emails or blanket emails. I have received over 5 emails, all of which had nothing to do with me. I’m sure this is as much as an inconvenience to me as it is to others.

Thank you for your consideration.

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 3:04 PM

From lmkidwell892:

this is all going to my email as well. anybody know how to stop it because its kinda gettin annoying!!

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 3:11 PM

From kendiewendie:

PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST NOW!!!!! I DO NOT WANT THESE EMIALS ABOUT TEST 10 THANK YOU
————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 3:18 PM

From gcon:

Can you please take me off of your mailing list! Test 10??? :/ Who are you guys? and why am i receiving mail from you??

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 3:21 PM

From Peter Martinez:

Yes, the main e-mail address list got leaked… somehow it started w/ IT sending out an e-mail to the “clusters” which probably means every student e-mail account.

Think of it as a huge myspace bulletin … yes, kind of annoying…

Peter

Chair, SOAR-CICC

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 3:23 PM

From EJB1188:

I think this will spam to everyone..I’m testing it out!

————————————————————–

Sat 9/9/2006 3:58 PM

From chris.nguyen:

wth? I have recieved over 35! 35! of these emails…please stop sending!

————————————————————–

Soon after, the e-mails stopped coming. And then all of a sudden they were all deleted from my inbox.

In conclusion, it would have gone on for eternity, since there’s like 32,000 people at my school. Idiots.