Promptly Return the Anal Lube, Please

This is an Email Forward you can send to your friends.

Subject: Promptly return the anal lube, please.

Dear madam,

According to surveillance tapes recorded earlier this week, you shoplifted two bottles of Squeeky brand anal lubricant.

We have informed the authorities about the situation and charges will be pressed. Please return the unused lube in the package to the closest available TARGET store, for possible sentence reduction.

We do not appreciate people taking anal lube (or any merchandise) from our stores.

You are hereby banned from all TARGET stores. And we here at TARGET hope they give you the chair, you little bitch!

Suan Partridge, TARGET inc.

 

#10601: HazMatt911 -> MadManWithAnAxe

HazMatt911: back

MadManWithAnAxe: ummm….hi

MadManWithAnAxe: You might like this (its a link to dolphinsex.com)

HazMatt911: u jerk

MadManWithAnAxe: WHAT?

HazMatt911: do u play

HazMatt911: do u

MadManWithAnAxe: ummm……sure

HazMatt911: u wear boxers

MadManWithAnAxe: ummmm….sure

HazMatt911: how big is pole

MadManWithAnAxe: umm…..around 2″ to 2 1/2″

HazMatt911: that is how big ur dick is

MadManWithAnAxe: approximately

HazMatt911: how tall r u

MadManWithAnAxe: i already told you 2′ 6″

HazMatt911: k

MadManWithAnAxe: i can barely reach the keyboard

MadManWithAnAxe: hello?

HazMatt911: hey

MadManWithAnAxe: i like putting things in my butt!

HazMatt911: great

MadManWithAnAxe: I think i love you

MadManWithAnAxe: i wanna have your children

MadManWithAnAxe: FINE!

MadManWithAnAxe: i guess we can never be together

MadManWithAnAxe: i thought we had something special, you and me

MadManWithAnAxe: but i guess it was all just a game!

MadManWithAnAxe: Why?!?!?

 

Daves of Our Lives Episode 7

After attempting to set a new record by beating his meat to the same picture for 8 hours, Dave was rudely interrupted by an IM from a mysterious Ilovedavepoobondyesdavepoobondfromsquackleheissooooohot34@aol.com (appearently Ilovedavepoobondyesdavepoobondfromsquackleheissooooohot 1-33 were already taken) Dave was intrigued because he had never heard any appraise for squackle…ahem…suquakle before… all the “fan mail” was actually him incognito. Thier conversation went a little something like this

(note: ILDPBYDPBFSHISH34=Ilovedavepoobondyesdavepoobondfromsquackleheissooooohot34)

ILDPBYDPBFSHISH34: i love you

Davepoobond: brb, i just started beating it.

(approx. 36 seconds later)

Davepoobond: ok, done

ILDPBYDPBFSHISH34: Will you marry me?

Davepoobond: yeah, ok

(Davepoobond and ILDPBYDPBFSHISH34 get married via getmarriedtoatotalstrangerovertheinternet.net)

On next week’s episode!: Will Dave and his secret admirer meet? Will ILDPBYDPBFSHISH34 turn out to be a 4’3″ overweight slightly balding spanish speaking hill troll with a pair of wire frame glasses and a stutter? the answers to that and more….is yes.

 

#8585: MadManWithAnAxe -> masteryoda

MadManWithAnAxe: shut the fuck up! i need total concentration……

masteryoda: i’m not sayin anything damn!

MadManWithAnAxe: Didn’t you hear me the first time! shut up!

masteryoda: and didn’t you hear me? CAUSE I’M NOT SAYIN SHIT!

MadManWithAnAxe: DUDE, IF YOU DON’T CUT THAT SHIT OUT I’M GONNA HACK AT YOUR
ANKLES WITH A SCREWDRIVER

masteryoda: and i’ll shove that screw driver so far up your ass you’ll bleed
from your mouth

MadManWithAnAxe: I’M GONNA GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES WITH A CLAW HAMMER AND MAKE
LOVE TO THE SOCKETS IF YOU DON’T SHUT THE HELL UP

masteryoda: your weird man

MadManWithAnAxe: i should ask you the same question

masteryoda: what the hell are you on?

MadManWithAnAxe: DON’T EAT ME GRANDPA!

masteryoda: i’m 16 smartass

MadManWithAnAxe: smartass is ssatrams backwards!

 

#8584: r carter -> MadManWithAnAxe

r carter: BYE

MadManWithAnAxe: i once knew a man from nantucket!

r carter: what part of bye don’t u get

r carter: it means your not going to talk to someone for a period of time

MadManWithAnAxe: the e

r carter: so bye

MadManWithAnAxe: see by

MadManWithAnAxe: and bye are different

MadManWithAnAxe: why?

MadManWithAnAxe: why an E

MadManWithAnAxe: why not an A

MadManWithAnAxe: why can’t we say BYA!

MadManWithAnAxe: or BYO

MadManWithAnAxe: or even BYU

MadManWithAnAxe: i don’t get it

r carter: yeah u would think about that kinda thing woudn’t u

MadManWithAnAxe: U U U it’s all about U isn’t it

r carter: NO YOU

MadManWithAnAxe: ME?

r carter: YES

MadManWithAnAxe: or YOU

r carter: NO

MadManWithAnAxe: which you do you mean?

r carter: YOU

MadManWithAnAxe: YOU as in YOU or YOU as in ME

MadManWithAnAxe: ?

r carter: YOU AS N YOU

MadManWithAnAxe: YOU? or ME?

r carter: YOU

r carter: fine

r carter: bye

MadManWithAnAxe: ME?

r carter: yepperz

MadManWithAnAxe: then why didn’t you say so?

r carter: i didn

r carter: did

r carter: like htousand time s

MadManWithAnAxe: no…you said YOU…not ME

MadManWithAnAxe: I’m ME …you’re YOU

r carter: kljefjadfl k;ajsdflkja sdfljl;kdjsf sdafoiweruoia7us rifajsdfklas
fjlasflkjalskdfja8 aoer8792e4857923485wrkjc lfja ljnlksmfl/asdjpdjfskld fkasdjf;

MadManWithAnAxe: not the other way around dumbass

r carter: i am not the dumbass YOU ARE

MadManWithAnAxe: YOU?

r carter: NO

MadManWithAnAxe: then why did you say YOU?

r carter:
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hh

r carter: im not in the mood to think

r carter: see yyyyaaaaaaa

MadManWithAnAxe: YA? ya as in ME or YOU?

r carter: you

MadManWithAnAxe: YOU?

MadManWithAnAxe: or me?

MadManWithAnAxe: Explain things better

r carter: quit asking stupid questions and get the heck away from em

r carter: me

MadManWithAnAxe: ME? or YOU?

MadManWithAnAxe: back away from myself?

MadManWithAnAxe: you’re not making any sense

r carter: YES I AM

MadManWithAnAxe: I as in YOU?

MadManWithAnAxe: I am ME

MadManWithAnAxe: YOU are YOU

MadManWithAnAxe: get it?

 

#8581: partlycloudy -> MadManWithAnAxe

partlycloudy: asl?

MadManWithAnAxe: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

partlycloudy: i asked ur age sex and location?!?!?!?

partlycloudy: lol

MadManWithAnAxe: don’t lie

MadManWithAnAxe: i know your “type”

partlycloudy: my type huh

partlycloudy: ?

partlycloudy: and what is my “type?

MadManWithAnAxe: don’t tell me what to do, davey

partlycloudy: davey?

partlycloudy: dude im a chick

MadManWithAnAxe: you heard me

partlycloudy: ever met a chick named davey?

MadManWithAnAxe: well….once…but that…that was a long time ago…..

partlycloudy: o really?

MadManWithAnAxe: i really don’t want to talk about it now

MadManWithAnAxe: she was the only one i truly loved

partlycloudy: was it bad?

partlycloudy: really?

partlycloudy: r u bein serious?

MadManWithAnAxe: no….i was just lying to impress you

partlycloudy: really?

MadManWithAnAxe: no….that was also a lie

partlycloudy: well………………..

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m not wearing any pants

partlycloudy: thanks for sharing what about boxers or breifs?

partlycloudy: lol

MadManWithAnAxe: nope…they’re against my religion

partlycloudy: and what realigion what that be i need to convert

MadManWithAnAxe: It’s called ARRRRGGGHHH!!!

partlycloudy: i guess i should look in to that

MadManWithAnAxe: no, it’s a secret

MadManWithAnAxe: you can’t join

MadManWithAnAxe: unless……………..

partlycloudy: unless???????????????

partlycloudy: ……………….

MadManWithAnAxe: UNLESS YOU CAN ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE!

partlycloudy: ok lets see what u got

partlycloudy: well……………question #1

MadManWithAnAxe: A TRAIN LEAVES FROM DALLAS AT APPROX. 2:30 IN THE A.M. AT 20 MPH, AT THE SAME TIME ANOTHER TRAIN LEAVES FROM PORTLAND TRAVELING TOWARDS DALLAS AT 30 MPH….WHAT TIME DO THEY MEET?

MadManWithAnAxe: TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

partlycloudy: ??????????

MadManWithAnAxe: GUESS!

partlycloudy: tick

MadManWithAnAxe: correct…..

MadManWithAnAxe: QUESTION THE SECOND!

partlycloudy: k

MadManWithAnAxe: WHO IS THE LEAD SINGER OF THE GROUP DEADSY?

MadManWithAnAxe: TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

MadManWithAnAxe: WELL?

partlycloudy: hang on my sis is talking to me bout somethin

partlycloudy: ! sec

partlycloudy: 1

MadManWithAnAxe: close enough

MadManWithAnAxe: QUESTION THE THIRD!

partlycloudy: lol

MadManWithAnAxe: WHAT is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

partlycloudy: WHAT THE HELL

partlycloudy: ?

MadManWithAnAxe: tick tock

partlycloudy: WHAT THE HELL???????

MadManWithAnAxe: sorry….i’m afraid that is incorrect, my dear

MadManWithAnAxe: you can’t be a part of my cult

partlycloudy: o really?

MadManWithAnAxe: and you don’t get to come to my birthday party!

partlycloudy: and the right answer would be???????????

partlycloudy: well…….

partlycloudy: darn lol

partlycloudy: and the right answer would be???????????

MadManWithAnAxe: i think we BOTH know the answer to that one

partlycloudy: well just pretend i dont know and share it with me

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m sorry dave, i’m afraid i cant do that

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m afraid

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m afraid

partlycloudy: well thats cool if u will quit calling me dave

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m sorry dave, i’m afraid i cant do that

MadManWithAnAxe: now, we dance

MadManWithAnAxe: VROOOOOOOOOOOOM!

MadManWithAnAxe: WILL YOU MARRY ME?

MadManWithAnAxe: i once knew a man from NANTUCKET!

MadManWithAnAxe: she called me a toaster oven!

 

#8580: Rainy -> MadManWithAnAxe

okay, a friend of a friend of mine was having trouble getting rid of a leech-like ex, so she sought to me for advice…unfortunatly, although i may be insightful, i’m not really the helpful “type”.

(i’ve edited down all the boring stuff and just posted the good stuff….i guess……

—————————–

Rainy: i want to shoot my xboyfriend

MadManWithAnAxe: go for it

Rainy: will you do it

Rainy: and never tell a soul

MadManWithAnAxe: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll no

Rainy: well i cant have my prints on the gun

MadManWithAnAxe: hmmm….. cut off your hands

Rainy: then how can i shoot?

MadManWithAnAxe: pssh, fuck….it’s all about the details for you

Rainy: yes, i think i could actually do it if i tried

MadManWithAnAxe: yeah, you’ll figure something out

Rainy: im thinking im gonna date him again and torture him

Rainy: but then ill have to put up with all his whiney bitch hit

Rainy: what should i do bradith, what shall i do?

MadManWithAnAxe: hmm……okay, i got it……… from now on…be wearing a ten gallon hat AT ALL TIMES….he’ll eventually be too ebarassed to be seen with you

Rainy: ive actually tried wearing embarassing hats, he diddnt care

Rainy: he thought it was cool

MadManWithAnAxe: hmmm……..okay, then what you need to do is cut off his penis with an x-acto knife and then tatoo a huge smiley face on his chest with text that says “this boy ain’t got no weenie”

Rainy: if i could i would but i dont have the means

MadManWithAnAxe: aw, snap

Rainy: got a more practical idea?

MadManWithAnAxe: you mean one that you could actually do?

Rainy: yeeeas

MadManWithAnAxe: nope

Rainy: what else ya got?

MadManWithAnAxe: this is going to take a while to type, be patient

Rainy: ok

Rainy: im sharpening my claws while i wait

Rainy: done yet?

MadManWithAnAxe: Okay, take him out on a date, to like, wal-mart or something, i don’t know…i’m not very good at dates…….anyways slip some roofies into his icee…. when he passes out, drag him back to your place and douse his face with ether so he stays passed out….. get some meat hooks and put
two through his hands, one through the back of his head, and one in his lower back. put ropes through the hooks and tie them to two 2×4’s in a criss-cross pattern like this +… when he comes to, you will have turned him into a human marionette, and he will be naked in the street dancing(not of his own
will of course)…..now, have a tape player and get yourself the soundtrack to CATS, when that’s playing, use a stick to make him mouth the words…if that doesn’t make him hate you…..nothing will….

Rainy: yeah, still a little impracticle

MadManWithAnAxe: :-\really? i’ve done it….several times, actually

Rainy: oh, come on, seriously, i need to get rid of him

(at this point, i had to go)

 

#8576: MadManWithAnAxe -> punk rocker 4 life

MadManWithAnAxe: Shut the fuck up! i need total concentration….

punk rocker 4 life: WHAT THE HELL?!

MadManWithAnAxe: Didn’t you hear me? SHUT UP!

punk rocker 4 life: NO I DONT GOTS TA!!

punk rocker 4 life: SO GO FUCK OFF

MadManWithAnAxe: I KNOW ALL 11 OF THE COLONELS HERBS AND SPICES, BEEOTCH

punk rocker 4 life: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING DUMBASS!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: you heard me

punk rocker 4 life: fuck off!

MadManWithAnAxe: fuck off is ffo kcef backwards!

MadManWithAnAxe: isn’t that weird?

punk rocker 4 life: i guess soo

MadManWithAnAxe: maybe you should shut the fuck up and mind your own damn business, jesus tapdancing christ

punk rocker 4 life: mabe u shouldntt im me and i wouldnt be botherin u now would i ???!stupid!

MadManWithAnAxe: Maybe you should dance with me

MadManWithAnAxe: remember pop rocks?

MadManWithAnAxe: those little candy that fizzled in your mouth?

punk rocker 4 life: ya those are cool

MadManWithAnAxe: DUDE, SHUT THE HELL UP!

punk rocker 4 life: sTOP IMing ME AND I WILL

MadManWithAnAxe: but, anyways…you know that Mikey kid from those LIFE cereal commercials?

MadManWithAnAxe: he put pop rocks in 7up and his head exploded

MadManWithAnAxe: true story

punk rocker 4 life: good bye now

MadManWithAnAxe: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU, BITCH!

punk rocker 4 life: I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHO U WERE TALKIN TO U DICK SUCKIN HORE!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: hey, have you ever played Pink Floyds dark side of the moon while watching The Wizard Of Oz

MadManWithAnAxe: They TOTALLY sync up!

MadManWithAnAxe: Have you ever played GTA: vice city?

MadManWithAnAxe: Dude, i just want to get to know you

punk rocker 4 life: WHAT THE FUCK EVER

MadManWithAnAxe: SHUT THE HELL UP, FUDGEPACKER

MadManWithAnAxe: well anyways, i was playing gta right, and i stole this dudes car

MadManWithAnAxe: then i drove to the next island

MadManWithAnAxe: and i got me a motorcycle

MadManWithAnAxe: and i shot a guy.

MadManWithAnAxe: no kidding

 

#8569: Dftn Pny -> MadManWithAnAxe

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series A Hard Time With Onesicjuggernaut

Dftn Pny: a friend of mine is bragging to me about giving you a hard time…onesicjuggernaut

MadManWithAnAxe: heh

MadManWithAnAxe: He has a friend?

Dftn Pny: I think he is partially drunk.

MadManWithAnAxe: Most likely

MadManWithAnAxe: Does he always bring up penises?

Dftn Pny: Oh yes, he has a fixation.

MadManWithAnAxe: Ehehe, that’s exactly what i told him.

MadManWithAnAxe: Actually, i found the whole conversation so interesting, i saved it.

MadManWithAnAxe: And posted it on the internet

Dftn Pny: where?

MadManWithAnAxe: Do you want a link?

Dftn Pny: please.

MadManWithAnAxe: You sound respectably intelligent.

MadManWithAnAxe: Or maybe it’s just after talking to him so long…..

MadManWithAnAxe: http://www.squackle.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=submit;action=displa
y;num=1053933822;start=0#0

Dftn Pny: well, I think I suppose in relation to him, anyone would seem respectably intelligent

Dftn Pny: ugh

Dftn Pny: see, I just made a type

Dftn Pny: *typo

MadManWithAnAxe: heh

Dftn Pny: ARGH

MadManWithAnAxe: That’s okay.

MadManWithAnAxe: Although it does get pretty annoying when, such as in the case of the juggernaut guy, every sentence contains at least one grammatical error.

Dftn Pny: oh…he is so witty.

MadManWithAnAxe: Very much so.

MadManWithAnAxe: I find his wit to be ever-so-classy.

Dftn Pny: rapier-like wit…

Dftn Pny: so cutting

MadManWithAnAxe: I sometimes find myself dazzled, bewildered even at his complex sentence structure, rich vocabulary, and dry humor.

Dftn Pny: ah yes

Dftn Pny: something you can chuckle at whilst sipping on a nice merlot

MadManWithAnAxe: Ah, yes, the perfect accompionament to such intelligence such as his.

Dftn Pny: MadManWithAnAxe: Did your Daddy fondle you?

Dftn Pny: best.comment.ever.

Dftn Pny: ha…

MadManWithAnAxe: heh

MadManWithAnAxe: No applause neccessary, please.

Dftn Pny: I laugh that the first instrument that comes to his mind is a banjo…

MadManWithAnAxe: Actually it’s in reference to an Ex of mine.

Dftn Pny: I can see him rubbing his sister’s chest while plucking the first few notes to that “Deliverance” song

MadManWithAnAxe: hehehe

MadManWithAnAxe: And getting into a Dueling of the Banjos competition at the old wheat silo.

Dftn Pny: oh lordy…

Dftn Pny: this is good stuff

MadManWithAnAxe: I have other such IM’s as this.

MadManWithAnAxe: On this site.

Dftn Pny: that convo made me giggle

MadManWithAnAxe: Did you finish it?

Dftn Pny: yes

Dftn Pny: alas, I must go. I’m adding you to my buddy list…it’s nice to talk to intelligent humans.

MadManWithAnAxe: Would you like to delve deeper into the vast array of insanity stricken IM’s that have found sanctity in this domain?

MadManWithAnAxe: Eh, okay, i’ll show you them later then.

Dftn Pny: wonderful

Dftn Pny: I shall talk to you later then.

MadManWithAnAxe: Whoa, white pony

MadManWithAnAxe: deftones

MadManWithAnAxe: on your buddy…. icon…thing

Dftn Pny: yes.

MadManWithAnAxe: I was listening to that earlier today.

Dftn Pny: are you not a deftones fan?

Dftn Pny: ah

Dftn Pny: good choice

MadManWithAnAxe: Very much so, i think.

Dftn Pny: you should pick up their new album

MadManWithAnAxe: HA, now i make sense of your screen name.

Dftn Pny: yes…:-)

Dftn Pny: well, I should depart

MadManWithAnAxe: Ta-ta

Dftn Pny: good night.

 

#8568: Onesicjuggernaut -> MadManWithAnAxe

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series A Hard Time With Onesicjuggernaut

Onesicjuggernaut: you pussy

MadManWithAnAxe: ummm…..

MadManWithAnAxe: you…uhhh..take that back

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuck upo

MadManWithAnAxe: or something

Onesicjuggernaut: was i takling to you

MadManWithAnAxe: you weren’t TAKLING anything…

MadManWithAnAxe: i don’t think takling is even actually a word.

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuck up

Onesicjuggernaut: wnna be juggalo

Onesicjuggernaut: wanna*

MadManWithAnAxe: umm….no

Onesicjuggernaut: stupid fuck

Onesicjuggernaut: shut up

MadManWithAnAxe: that’s okay

Onesicjuggernaut: was i talking to you

Onesicjuggernaut: ?

MadManWithAnAxe: i don’t like to be catagarized with a bunch of dumb shits such as yourself.

Onesicjuggernaut: ok

Onesicjuggernaut: did i ask you to talk

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m glad you understand

Onesicjuggernaut: when i want your opinion

Onesicjuggernaut: ill talk my dick out of your moms mouth

MadManWithAnAxe: it’s really too bad you can’t be original

MadManWithAnAxe: or creative

MadManWithAnAxe: oooooh he stopped typing i win

MadManWithAnAxe: (that was sarcasm)

MadManWithAnAxe: (mocking you)

MadManWithAnAxe: (you dumb fuck)

Onesicjuggernaut: whats with (these)

MadManWithAnAxe: they’re called parenthases

Onesicjuggernaut: / /( . ) ( . )\ \

Onesicjuggernaut: youll never see those

MadManWithAnAxe: oooooooooooooh

MadManWithAnAxe: Wow…

MadManWithAnAxe: just….wow

MadManWithAnAxe: that was incredibly stupid

MadManWithAnAxe: for you, even

MadManWithAnAxe: i’m shocked

MadManWithAnAxe: i thought you at least had a small intelect

Onesicjuggernaut: heh

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuck up

Onesicjuggernaut: lol

MadManWithAnAxe: you have proven me wrong once again

MadManWithAnAxe: aye, me

MadManWithAnAxe: can’t i be right JUST ONCE?!?

MadManWithAnAxe: but no, i have to give you more credit then you’re worth

MadManWithAnAxe: sad times are these

Onesicjuggernaut: MadManWithAnAxe:-D— – — — –

MadManWithAnAxe: umm……

Onesicjuggernaut: then kill yourself

Onesicjuggernaut: duhh

MadManWithAnAxe: that’s a great idea

Onesicjuggernaut: INDEAD

MadManWithAnAxe: but then how will i humor myself with as stupid shits as yourself?

Onesicjuggernaut: look at your penis

MadManWithAnAxe: But to die, and leave people like you alive? That would be a sin in itself.

Onesicjuggernaut: it would humor anyone

MadManWithAnAxe: What is your constant fascination with my penis?

MadManWithAnAxe: Please, explain.

MadManWithAnAxe: Can you lay off the penis talk for one conversation?

MadManWithAnAxe: Just once.

Onesicjuggernaut: its so oooooooo small

Onesicjuggernaut: heh

Onesicjuggernaut: it inverts from a vagina when you snezze

MadManWithAnAxe: Maybe that insult would be effective against another backhills redneck such as yourself

MadManWithAnAxe: but i have much higeher standards

Onesicjuggernaut: at least im not a n*gger

MadManWithAnAxe: ummm…..yeah

Onesicjuggernaut: fubo = Farmest Used to Beast Us

Onesicjuggernaut: Beat*

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: oh god, that would be so funny if you made that up

Onesicjuggernaut: your fucking funny

Onesicjuggernaut: i mean oh shit

MadManWithAnAxe: you mean you’re

Onesicjuggernaut: wharts a 15 year old gonna do

MadManWithAnAxe: your is possesive

MadManWithAnAxe: you’re is the contraction for you are

Onesicjuggernaut: fucking shoot me with his water gun

MadManWithAnAxe: i think that’s what you were going for

MadManWithAnAxe: back there

Onesicjuggernaut: ok who the fuck cares

Onesicjuggernaut: your such a perfectionest

Onesicjuggernaut: kill yuorself

Onesicjuggernaut: you fucking mornman

MadManWithAnAxe: perfectionIst

Onesicjuggernaut: ayye jesus was a cunt

MadManWithAnAxe: that he was, but you’re getting off topic

Onesicjuggernaut: what topic

Onesicjuggernaut: your gay

Onesicjuggernaut: thts the topic

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: that really hurts

MadManWithAnAxe: seriously

MadManWithAnAxe: being called gay…from YOU

MadManWithAnAxe: ouch

Onesicjuggernaut: oh fucking christ aye y dont you take that to 3rd grade

Onesicjuggernaut: where youi left your penis size

MadManWithAnAxe: Nah, I figured i’d tone it down so your uneducated mind
would be able to comprehend.

MadManWithAnAxe: I bet you’re a real prize with the ladies, huh?

Onesicjuggernaut: ok your done

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuck up

Onesicjuggernaut: and stop talking to lacy

MadManWithAnAxe: You’ve got …..

Onesicjuggernaut: you cock slobber

MadManWithAnAxe: what the fuck is a ”lacy”

Onesicjuggernaut: your bras

Onesicjuggernaut: niger

Onesicjuggernaut: lol

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: LOL!!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: OMG!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: ROFLMAO!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: wait….that was just gay

MadManWithAnAxe: Please refrain from the penis and homosexually perverted comments from this point forward.

Onesicjuggernaut: y

MadManWithAnAxe: I’ll bet you can’t go three sentences without mentioning a penis somewhere.

Onesicjuggernaut: you worried other people with find out

Onesicjuggernaut: about your “tiny tim”

MadManWithAnAxe: Is it some childhood affixiation with penises?

MadManWithAnAxe: Did your Daddy fondle you?

MadManWithAnAxe: Come on, there has to be some reason you must keep bringing penises into the conversation.

Onesicjuggernaut: yes there is

Onesicjuggernaut: you dont have one

Onesicjuggernaut: and i do

Onesicjuggernaut: so im better

Onesicjuggernaut: oh yeah

Onesicjuggernaut: and becase

Onesicjuggernaut: im white

Onesicjuggernaut: and your notr

Onesicjuggernaut: not*

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: What makes you think i’m not white?

Onesicjuggernaut: your a n*gger

MadManWithAnAxe: Am I, now?

MadManWithAnAxe: How so?

MadManWithAnAxe: Explain your reasoning.

MadManWithAnAxe: Please.

Onesicjuggernaut: your a n*gger

Onesicjuggernaut: duh

Onesicjuggernaut: thats all i have to know

Onesicjuggernaut: well

Onesicjuggernaut: yes you have no penis

Onesicjuggernaut: therefor you are a goat

MadManWithAnAxe: You do realise i’m going to post this conversation on the internet so the whole world can be bewildered by your ignorance, and inixplicable stupidity.

MadManWithAnAxe: And your mindset that leads you to mention penises in every other thought.

Onesicjuggernaut: well

Onesicjuggernaut: eat some fried chicken

MadManWithAnAxe: Annnnnd, just how were you expecting that to be insulting?

Onesicjuggernaut: your black

Onesicjuggernaut: you post it yet

Onesicjuggernaut: fuck

MadManWithAnAxe: Okay, how is calling me black going to make me feel bad?

Onesicjuggernaut: i dont know

Onesicjuggernaut: n*gger

MadManWithAnAxe: Look at it this way, do you get offended if i call you chinese?

Onesicjuggernaut: therre you feal anything?

Onesicjuggernaut: yes

Onesicjuggernaut: lol

MadManWithAnAxe: LOL!!!!!!!

Onesicjuggernaut: they eat rice

MadManWithAnAxe: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Onesicjuggernaut: make shitty cars

Onesicjuggernaut: and to blind fold them you have to use floss

MadManWithAnAxe: Okay, what if i was to refer to you as a native of nstanbul(formely Constantinople) would you be offended?

Onesicjuggernaut: ok stop this shity

Onesicjuggernaut: our trying to make yourself look smart

Onesicjuggernaut: compensating for something are we????

MadManWithAnAxe: I’m TRYING to figure out how you got to be so idiotic.

Onesicjuggernaut: your rubbing off on me

Onesicjuggernaut: now

Onesicjuggernaut: shut the fuxck up

MadManWithAnAxe: See, you went back to the penis thing, AGAIN.

Onesicjuggernaut: nope

Onesicjuggernaut: i didnt

Onesicjuggernaut: i was talking how banjo even turned you down

Onesicjuggernaut: heh

Onesicjuggernaut: you pussy

MadManWithAnAxe: banjo?

Onesicjuggernaut: banjo impailment

Onesicjuggernaut: lol

Onesicjuggernaut: pussy

MadManWithAnAxe: How did she turn me down?

Onesicjuggernaut: she wouldnt kis you when you werre in the lonney bin

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: umm..i think she did

MadManWithAnAxe: But, please, you obviously know more about this than I do.

Onesicjuggernaut: yeah` its those poenis drugs they give you

Onesicjuggernaut: lol

MadManWithAnAxe: that sure was clever

MadManWithAnAxe: you should write that one down

Onesicjuggernaut: no

MadManWithAnAxe: keep it in a little notebook

Onesicjuggernaut: its not that good

Onesicjuggernaut: in fact it sucked

MadManWithAnAxe: no shit

Onesicjuggernaut: like your mom

Onesicjuggernaut: oww

MadManWithAnAxe: NOW THAT WAS GOOD!

MadManWithAnAxe: okay, okay, write them BOTH down

MadManWithAnAxe: okay, and e-mail them, spread the word of your great humor

MadManWithAnAxe: oh the masses will be delighted when they hear your witty insights on life

Onesicjuggernaut: yes

Onesicjuggernaut: like this #

Onesicjuggernaut: jesus was a cunt

Onesicjuggernaut: la-la-la-la-la

Onesicjuggernaut: i raped her in the name of jesus

MadManWithAnAxe: see, see

Onesicjuggernaut: bow chicka bow now

MadManWithAnAxe: people will love this

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: it’ll make them feel smart

MadManWithAnAxe: You should have your own sitcom

Onesicjuggernaut: you mkae them feel atractive

Onesicjuggernaut: now SHUT THE FUCK UP

MadManWithAnAxe: just so you can say ”now shut the fuck up” every week

Onesicjuggernaut: fucker

Onesicjuggernaut: i say it everyday

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: *canned laughter*

MadManWithAnAxe: It’ll be great!

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

Onesicjuggernaut: 😉

MadManWithAnAxe: We can have Deborah Harry sing the theme song.

MadManWithAnAxe: Ooooh, i’m sure america will just love it.

MadManWithAnAxe: Their favorite retard, saying ”now shut the fuck up” EVERY WEEK!

Onesicjuggernaut: who the FUCK is that

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: ooooh, i got an idea

MadManWithAnAxe: say ”now shut the fuck up” in ALL CAPS

MadManWithAnAxe: it’ll be more affective

MadManWithAnAxe: better yet, put exclamation points after it

MadManWithAnAxe: That’ll make it penetrate deeper.

MadManWithAnAxe: Give their senses a good shaking

Onesicjuggernaut: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!

Onesicjuggernaut: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!

Onesicjuggernaut: LIKE THAT

MadManWithAnAxe: YEAH!

Onesicjuggernaut: YOU PANSY

MadManWithAnAxe: EXCATLY

Onesicjuggernaut: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: oooooh, I gotta love the all caps

Onesicjuggernaut: you liek it

MadManWithAnAxe: Does it make you feel like a real man?

Onesicjuggernaut: ‘becuase there big

Onesicjuggernaut: and your not

Onesicjuggernaut: fucking my gfs make me feal like a man

Onesicjuggernaut: heh

Onesicjuggernaut: you wouldnt know

MadManWithAnAxe: ummm……

MadManWithAnAxe: yeah

MadManWithAnAxe: you got me there

MadManWithAnAxe: although you’re off

MadManWithAnAxe: just a tad bit

MadManWithAnAxe: taking into account all my girlfriends

MadManWithAnAxe: and all the sex

Onesicjuggernaut: although you’re off fucking your mom

Onesicjuggernaut: muhahahahaahhaha

Onesicjuggernaut: dude

Onesicjuggernaut: if they blow up

MadManWithAnAxe: HOLY CRAP! you used YOU’RE!

Onesicjuggernaut: or are made of latex

MadManWithAnAxe: GOOD JOB, BUDDY!

Onesicjuggernaut: or if they scream no no no im a quadraplegic

Onesicjuggernaut: it doesnt count

Onesicjuggernaut: cuase copy pasted

Onesicjuggernaut: numb nuts

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: Quad-ra-pa-le-gic…..5 syllables!!!!

MadManWithAnAxe: Christ, you’re really making progress.

Onesicjuggernaut: on your mom

Onesicjuggernaut: ahahhahaha

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: My mom?

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the
fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now
shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck
up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut
the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up
now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the
fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: I’m not going to bother reading all that.

Onesicjuggernaut: good

MadManWithAnAxe: I’ll just assume that it says now shut the fuck up over and over

Onesicjuggernaut: here ill make it eassy

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: Oh, thanks.

MadManWithAnAxe: You’ve been a real life-saver.

Onesicjuggernaut: good

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: Without you, who knows how long i would’ve spent reading all that.

Onesicjuggernaut: are you still talking jesus ive been pasting now shut fuck up this whole time you fucking douche bag go fuck a goat or somthing you pathetic cockmaster

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: You should really learn to use commas, and other common literary tools.

Onesicjuggernaut: now shut the fuck up

MadManWithAnAxe: Such as apostrophes.

Onesicjuggernaut: lol

Onesicjuggernaut: i dont care

MadManWithAnAxe: It’ll make you look….how you say…less retarded.

MadManWithAnAxe: Okay, well, i’m going now to…ummm…what’s something completely idiotic that you would actually say…..oh, i’m going to fuck a goat.

MadManWithAnAxe: goodbye

 

#8538: MadManWithAnAxe -> doomsday

MadManWithAnAxe: What the hell did you just call me?

doomsday: nothin

doomsday: what r u talkinabout

MadManWithAnAxe: you heard me

doomsday: i haent even talked to u

MadManWithAnAxe: yeah you did

MadManWithAnAxe: it was a while ago

doomsday: when

doomsday: i dont remember

MadManWithAnAxe: well we were discussing midget porn

doomsday: midget porn

MadManWithAnAxe: yep

doomsday: ok well ive never talked bout midget porn before

MadManWithAnAxe: you did with me

doomsday: umm no i didnt

MadManWithAnAxe: we were contimplating how it will inevitably collapse the
structure of american economics

MadManWithAnAxe: remember now?

doomsday: no

MadManWithAnAxe: oh

MadManWithAnAxe: well….wanna talk about it now?

MadManWithAnAxe: c’mon

MadManWithAnAxe: everybody’s doing it

MadManWithAnAxe: don’t you wanna be popular?

doomsday: umm no

doomsday: i dont want to talk bout miget porn

MadManWithAnAxe: well…what do you want to talk about?

MadManWithAnAxe: Toast fucking?

MadManWithAnAxe: it’s this new thing where you fuck, or get fucked with toast

 

#8532: MadManWithAnAxe -> EmoKid

MadManWithAnAxe: howdy, sunshine

EmoKid: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

MadManWithAnAxe: i’ll give you 3 guesses

EmoKid: how bout u tell me cuz im to busy to guess

MadManWithAnAxe: busy with what?!?

MadManWithAnAxe: you’re too good for me now????

MadManWithAnAxe: i thought we were ”bestest friends forever”

EmoKid: looking for a new camera

MadManWithAnAxe: we signed that treaty

EmoKid: ya well i am when i dont know who the fuck u are

MadManWithAnAxe: i have to go

MadManWithAnAxe: i’ll see you tomorrow

MadManWithAnAxe: fucker

EmoKid: NO u wont

EmoKid: cuz u dont know me FUCK FACE

EmoKid: FUCK a treaty

MadManWithAnAxe: b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but….

MadManWithAnAxe: i….love…you

EmoKid: u dont even know who i am

MadManWithAnAxe: i just could never tell you

MadManWithAnAxe: until now

EmoKid: u dont even know my name

MadManWithAnAxe: do name’s matter when it comes to true love?

MadManWithAnAxe: what’s in a name?

MadManWithAnAxe: a rose by any other blah blah blah…

EmoKid: yes it does and im not telling u my name

EmoKid: i dont even know u or where u live or who u are

MadManWithAnAxe: none of that matters anymore

MadManWithAnAxe: will……will you be my date to the prom?

MadManWithAnAxe: your silence says everything

MadManWithAnAxe: i know about……her

MadManWithAnAxe: i’ve known all along

MadManWithAnAxe: i thought you changed

MadManWithAnAxe: i thought you were different

MadManWithAnAxe: but i guess i was naive

MadManWithAnAxe: you’re all the same

EmoKid: u dont know if im a femal or male i dont know what the hell u are

MadManWithAnAxe: what difference does it make??!?!

MadManWithAnAxe: i LOVE you

EmoKid: it makes a big difference

MadManWithAnAxe: how so?

EmoKid: cuz if u dont know me than u cant love me

MadManWithAnAxe: but, i DO love you

MadManWithAnAxe: i love you with all my soul

EmoKid: u dont know me fucker

MadManWithAnAxe: i know you enough to love you

MadManWithAnAxe: i WANT you

MadManWithAnAxe: i NEED you

MadManWithAnAxe: i LOVE you

EmoKid: U DONT KNOW ME AT ALL

MadManWithAnAxe: how could you say that?!? after all we’ve been through

EmoKid: we havent been throught ne thing

MadManWithAnAxe: :-(all the good times we had

EmoKid: if u knew me u would know my name

EmoKid: if u really did feel that way u would tell me who u were

MadManWithAnAxe: if you don’t know….then i guess you don’t love me anymore

MadManWithAnAxe: oh yeah, and that kiss….IT MEANT NOTHING

EmoKid: what kiss

MadManWithAnAxe: :'(YOU DON’T REMEMBER?!?

EmoKid: i dont know who u are so no i woulndt know

MadManWithAnAxe: i hate you

MadManWithAnAxe: i HATE you

EmoKid: ok good i dont even know u

EmoKid: so i dont give a FUCK

MadManWithAnAxe: how could you say that

EmoKid: because i can

MadManWithAnAxe: and not for the better

EmoKid: like i said u dontk now if im a guy or a girl so ya

MadManWithAnAxe: bye