All posts by davepoobond (DPB)

davepoobond of Squackle. Items under this user name are original works by davepoobond.

LEGO Island (PC) Review

Developer/Publisher: Mindscape and LEGO

Overview:

In LEGO Island, you can be 5 different people. And you can do different things…as the 5 different people…and you can interactively walk around an island…called LEGO Island. And everything is made out of LEGOs! WOW! And all the LEGO people don’t know they were created by the leading innovator in the building blocks industry.

Graphics:

The graphics in the game are actually pretty cool. But it doesn’t work on Windows XP, so I can’t really see the graphics anymore. But its actually pretty good for a game that came out before the turn of the century. Boy…isn’t it great that I can say that?

Sound:

The sound is spectacular!!!!!111 I just love stupid LEGO people talking to me and me talking to them (not actually) and going through 10 minutes with the old information guy telling me what to do. I don’t care about you old man! YOU SHOULD DIE! IF I WANTED ANY HELP FROM YOU I WOULD HAVE CLICKED ON YOU, BUT I DIDN’T SO STOP TALKING ARRRRGHH!!4

Gameplay:

Point and click…there’s different things you can do in this game. Like race in a race that is almost impossible to win, deliver the same pizza to the same place over and over, or chase a stupid burglar everywhere around the island. That is actually the best part of the game (chasing a burglar that is). You go through the mountains, you go through the city, and you never seem to catch him ever. I don’t think I caught him when I played this on my older piece of crap computer (but at least this game worked on it, i guess i had a reason to be happy to have it), cause the only thing I did do on this computer was get these ultra cool screen shots that have the game not displaying correctly! I’m so cool.

Crappiest Part:

How it is poorly made, and how it doesn’t work on Windows XP (at least I can’t figure out how to make it display correctly, not like I’d really want it to, now that I think about it)

Overall Score:

I probably would’ve liked this game better if i were 4 years old, with a piece of crap computer that could run this game correctly, but in the end this game just sucks. Do me a favor and boycott all LEGO software. It makes no sense too. If you want to play with LEGOs, buy one from the LEGO section, not the software section. I don’t wanna build things on the computer. “hey mom, look what I uncreatively made on the computer, with the help of my LEGO software!”

1/10

Kill the Dummies (PC) Review

Developer: PG Games

  Kill the Dummies (PC) (3.9 MiB, 1,088 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This game is like a retarded dream, and it only gets worse from there…This is the description of the game it gives in the readme file: The object of the game is to kill all the dummies in three levels for so little time as possible. Game may contain some violence and blood, but just remember: Don’t do this in real-life! If you do, you are an idiot and don’t blame us when you’re in court! Moohahahaha *Grin*.

Now I would see this impossible to do, because we are not floating hands with claws coming out of them, nor are we a sword that is randomly put into the game.

Graphics:

They suck the hair right off my ass. The backgrounds are the only thing that look any good, and they’re the things that make the game so fucking big.

Sound:

I like the title screen music. This is probably the only thing that you would want to do with this game. Listen to the theme song, then close it, but if you know what it is, you should get the midi instead of this game. Well, the rest of the midis used in the game are alright too…

Gameplay:

The moving hand with claws coming out of it moves so badly, and when you attack, the hand goes to the other side ah who cares no ones gonna play this fucking game. Its really bad.

Crappiest part:

the programmer behind the game. There is no creativity in the game at all, except from the people that made the MIDIs in the first place.

Overall Score:

This game took me 20 minutes to download, and it only gave me 83 seconds of play. This is NOT worth the download, and it makes me wonder why the FUCK this is even 4 megs. I came to the conclusion that it was the backgrounds, and he used them as bitmaps…this game is horrible. 1/10.

  Kill the Dummies (PC) (3.9 MiB, 1,088 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Johnny (PC) Review

Developer: PG Games

  Johnny (PC) (7.1 MiB, 1,041 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Going to the PG Games website is so perplexing to me, because there are so many horrible games that are so not worth downloading that I get the feeling that I must have them before they are gone forever, because no one downloads them. One of those fascinating games is….the oddly named Johnny. The name Johnny has nothing to do with anything in the game. There are no words in this game. Its funny, cause in the help file it says that the story was made by the guy that made the game, but low and behold there ain’t no fuckin story. I’m still in awe at the fact that this fucking game is 8 megs. What the fuck is with that, you might ask, for this game being so crappy just by one glance at the pictures? The mp3, is what it is. Its a fairly good techno song though, and that’s the only good thing about this game. I’m happy that I actually got this game, so I could get my hands on that succulent techno song that goes so not well with anything happening in the game.

Graphics:

First of all, everything about this game scares me. The Johnny guy has a smile that I originally thought was a beard, but i guess it was just the black background (which is also scary, because there’s nothing there, its just black.), and there’s naked purple aliens everywhere, throwing their shitflames, and these weird eye tower things, and these weird sack things that don’t do anything but move around. Everything graphical wise in this game sucks dick. There’s not even an animation for the guy walking. There’s no animation at all, and there’s no separate picture for walking backwards, he just slides backwards or forwards, or jumps into the air really high.

Sound:

Like I said before, the song is good. There aren’t any sound effects though. Which is probably a good thing.

Gameplay:

You jump…and go straight. You can’t see where you’re going at all though, because the view is always not far enough to the right to see anything.

Crappiest part:

The crappiest part would be everything minus the music. More work probably went into finding the music than the rest of the game.

Overall Score:

(insert fog horn sound). This game isn’t worth getting unless you want to listen to the song. I give it a 1/10. The 1 is for the song.

  Johnny (PC) (7.1 MiB, 1,041 hits)

Game by PG Games, made with Game Maker.

Jetz Rampage (PC) Review

Developer: Shawn64’s Creations

  Jetz Rampage (PC) (3.2 MiB, 1,017 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Everyone needs a story to go on a rampage, right? Not Jet! He can go on a rampage just for the hell of it, and this is what he does in this game.

Graphics:

The graphics are very good. I like how everything looks, but the explosions maybe could have looked better. But it’s alright.

Sound:

I think there’s only one song, and its the title screen song. That song is kinda weird, has a lotta bass in it or something. The sound effects are good, and goes well with the game. There’s a lot of South Park sound effects

Gameplay:

The gameplay is really good. The game is fun to fly around and shoot shit. Its really hard though, I haven’t gotten off the 1st level. One thing that was kind of annoying is that you can’t go in front of buildings, you just knock on the edges of it. But your bullets can go past the front of the building…yeah..

Crappiest Part:

How your mom will not like this game.

Overall Score:

This is a very good game, and a pretty original one, too. It is very nicely made, though there are parts that could get worked on.

9/10

  Jetz Rampage (PC) (3.2 MiB, 1,017 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Jetpack Joe (PC) Review

Developer: Smiling Psycho Productions

  Jetpack Joe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 1,047 hits)

Game by Smiling Psycho Productions, made with Game Maker.

(i had to put “Jetpack Joe” under it =P)

Overview:

Though there isn’t a story inside the game yet, this is what its supposed to be about: aliens are secretly invading earth and this average Joe gets ahold of one of their jetpacks, so now what does he do? Being Earth’s last hope and all, he decides to go on a beer run. And that is the stupid premise of the game.

Graphics:

The graphics are great when it comes to the Jetpack that Joe is on, Joe himself, and the gray smasher things. Very good work on those. But it gets kind of cheesy when it comes to the beer, kegs, mines, and spikes.

Sound:

There is no music in the game, but the sounds are good for the blowing up and the jetpack. Oh and there’s another sound when you press “F” on the keyboard….har har…

Gameplay:

The gameplay is very good, I liked it a lot. I actually would like to see the finished product of this game.

Crappiest Part:

How Joe only blows up and doesn’t fall out of his chair screaming to his death, or gets smashed against the wall. But really, the only bad things about this game is that it take a little long to load (and i have a really fast computer), and the annoying flashing green thing behind Joe that is there all the time.

Overall Score:

This game is not finished, unfortunately, but its still worth checking out. I give it a:

8/10

  Jetpack Joe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 1,047 hits)

Game by Smiling Psycho Productions, made with Game Maker.

Infiltrator Deathmatch, The (PC) Review

Developer: GZ Soft

  The Infiltrator Deathmatch (PC) (1.6 MiB, 1,014 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This game is all about shooting different types of weapons, and killing other AI players in the same map.

Graphics:

The graphics have nothing especially special, but the sprites are made very well.

Sound:

I couldn’t seem to get any music to work, though it said there was some.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is awesome once you figure out what you do to control your guy. The only bad thing about it is that it took me a while to figure out how to shoot the guns, drop a weapon to pick up another one. I couldn’t find anywhere that explained it, but I might have missed it.

Crappiest Part:

How you die a lot =(. There is no crappy part about this game, except maybe the top down aspect of it, but I can’t see this game played any other way.

Overall Score:

This game is one of the best I’ve ever played, made with Game Maker, and I recommend that anyone that isn’t politically correct and against violent games download this game. There are 3 modes of gameplay, 5 maps, and 5 unique weapons. Its fun, and keeps you entertained for many half an hours to come.

9.5/10

  The Infiltrator Deathmatch (PC) (1.6 MiB, 1,014 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

Hobbit, The (PC) Review

Developer: Cybershark

  The Hobbit (PC) (620.8 KiB, 1,008 hits)

Game by Cybershark, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is a game called The Hobbit. Yes, its about the book that J.R.R. Tolkien wrote. OR IS IT?!? Hint: its not.

Graphics:

They suck. Stupid gnomes, one wizard, and floating spiders are the only things in the game. The guy you are is some stupid thing that doesn’t have his legs moving at all. And he has no feet. He’s jumping around on stubs!

Sound:

Its a stupid song. It has an “adventurous” feel to it, but there IS no adventure in this game.

Gameplay:

….you jump….and move….and “swing” which more like a flicking of the sword. He’s a mean sword flicker…you’ll know what I mean if you play it.

Crappiest Part:

How it has NOTHING-TO-DO-WITH-THE-HOBBIT

Overall Score:

Fuck this game. Fuck it right up the ass!!!111!!!111111111111112

2/10

  The Hobbit (PC) (620.8 KiB, 1,008 hits)

Game by Cybershark, made with Game Maker.

Gloom (PC) Review

Developer: Grashaboras

  Gloom (PC) (1.4 MiB, 1,078 hits)

Game by Grashaboras, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

The world of Gloom isn’t a very happy one. Its, dare I say…gloomy? In Gloom, you’re a marine that was sent to a planet to guard the portals to an evil dimension full of demonic aliens, because you killed another marine when you were on duty sometime before, and that’s where they send marines that do bad things. Well, guess what? The portal opened up or whatever, and the whole planet of Phobos is run over with demon aliens.

Graphics:

The graphics are pretty good, I’d say that the sprites were worked on quite a bit. The background and the floors/walls, etc. aren’t special, but they accomplish what they are there for.

Sound:

The sound is actually very good in this game. The music is good for the mood, and the gun sounds don’t get annoying at all.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is pretty good. You point and shoot stuff with the mouse, which makes it kind of more interactive, I suppose. There are some pretty cool weapons in this game too. I only got so far as the level where you get Double Machine Guns, because this game gets really HARD after about 6 levels or so.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part is probably the enemy AI. 2 of the enemies I’ve seen just charge you when you get close to them, and then they’re like right on top of you, so you have to jump up and down to shoot them. It would’ve been better if there was a movie kind of thing between each level, instead of having to read a paragraph or 2 of story, even though the story is pretty good.

Overall Score:

This game is good, but definitely could have been improved a little bit more. Its one of the better games I’ve seen made with GameMaker. 8/10

  Gloom (PC) (1.4 MiB, 1,078 hits)

Game by Grashaboras, made with Game Maker.

Ghostie 2 (PC) Review

Developer: Liberty Freak

  Ghostie 2 (PC) (655.9 KiB, 1,088 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

I made this title, I guess he was too lazy to put a 2 on the end

Overview:

This is exactly like Ghostie, but with a few little additions…like slime and gas as new enemies! whoa! i didn’t see them because I couldn’t figure out how to get past the first level! And supposedly you can kill the snowmen and some “secrets” that are probably non-existant

Graphics:

The same as Ghostie, but oh, what’s this? I see 3 new, original (most likely) sprites? hallelujah! a different colored Ghostie ghost, some blue star thing that kills you on touch and a skull that’s in the way of you getting to the second level if there is one! YAY!!

Sound:

The sound is good. Its another song from the vast library of Liberty Freak. yeeehawww…give me more songs! or tell me where you get them…

Gameplay:

wow, you can move AND if you press the space bar, you get a little surprise…..YOU COMMIT SUICIDE! WHAT A GREAT CONTROL!!!!! WHY THE HELL IS THIS A CONTROL?!!!111!!!111 (the ones are intentional)

Crappiest Part:

Contrary to what I said for Ghostie, I said there was no story. Well now that there IS one, its the crappiest part. This is the story (copy and pasted): After your recent success at making everyone miserable, you take a trip to your homeworld to relax for a while. As you arrive, you suddenly realise that things are wrong. Your world is a total wreck. All your fellow ghost have disappeared. You see a new, dirty skyscaper towering above you. You go inside.

Overall Score:

Ghostie 2 is a little bit better than its predecessor, but not by much. With vast additions, such as suicide, a new song, and 3 snowmen in a row throwing presents simultaneously, this is a 5 STAR DOWNLOAD! YAAA! not really. I give it a:

7/10

  Ghostie 2 (PC) (655.9 KiB, 1,088 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

Ghostie (PC) Review

Developer: Liberty Freak

  Ghostie (PC) (591.2 KiB, 1,035 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is…a kinda weird game. Its a maze game…I think…and clowns, fire, evil aliens, mines, stars, and presents launched by snowmen are your enemies. The point is to get to the black dot. The weird blue clowns give you points for some reason…and I don’t know how many levels this thing has…it seems like it goes on forever…

Graphics:

Average. I don’t know what to say. It looks like all these except maybe the ghost were all taken from the sprites included in the game maker package.

Sound:

I actually like the sound a lot. It goes well with a “ghost” themed game…but this isn’t much of one to say the least, besides the fact the character is a ghost. If you replaced Ghostie with a piece of crap, it’d be Poopie and it wouldn’t do anything more than Ghostie would.

Gameplay:

there’s 4 controls….up….down….left…………………………………..and……………………….man i can never remember the last one…

Crappiest Part:

I don’t know what the hell is going on!

Overall Score:

Ghostie is pretty dumb, but I SUPPOSE its a little fun…I give it a:

6/10

  Ghostie (PC) (591.2 KiB, 1,035 hits)

Game by Liberty Freak, made with Game Maker.

Game Maker Poker (PC) Review

Developer: Delta9 Games

  Game Maker Poker (PC) (565.2 KiB, 1,108 hits)

Game by Delta9 Games, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

A basic poker game…whoopee

Graphics:

Uhh…they look like they were copy and pasted from solitaire…

Sound:

No music. boooooo. I wanna listen to some tunes while i gamble off my imaginary money!

Gameplay:

eh. Its poker, what do you expect..

Crappiest Part:

That damn rainbow colored cursor!

Overall Score:

This is a poker game, I don’t know what much more you can expect from it. I give it a:

8/10

  Game Maker Poker (PC) (565.2 KiB, 1,108 hits)

Game by Delta9 Games, made with Game Maker.

Fun Tournament (PC) Review

Developer: CAGames

  Fun Tournament (PC) (773.6 KiB, 965 hits)

Game by CAGames, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

A platform shooter…that is pretty bad…

Graphics:

The graphics are actually the strong point, and only I might add, about this game. I actually like how the “level” things appeared out of blocks flying out of nowhere. But the sprites were all ripped from another game, the blocks are nothing more than blocks, and the gnarly background makes you want to have a seizure, though you really can’t…so it’s pretty bad.

Sound:

The shotgun noise is annoying, the music is from Mario Kart, which is even more annoying, because if I wanted to hear this song I’d play Mario Kart instead of this, and I don’t like Mario Kart or that song, so….its all bad. bad bad bad bad!

Gameplay:

The gameplay is simple enough, but is equally stupid as this game. What do I care about blowing the shit out of some stupid puff things? I couldn’t get the “multiplayer” mode to work at all.

Crappiest Part:

Umm….there’s so many crappy parts…probably the reason why you’re shooting puff things that go back and forth along the same path for no reason except to be shot full of lead. You never die. There’s no game over screen, there’s no point to having points either, because you just keep losing 20 points when you die, and when you have no points, you’d think you’re screwed then, but no you go into NEGATIVE points. How is it possible to have negative points? Its beyond me…

Overall Score:

The title of this game is deceiving. It says its “Fun Tournemnt” but there IS no fun, and there is no REAL tournament about it. I give it a:

2/10

  Fun Tournament (PC) (773.6 KiB, 965 hits)

Game by CAGames, made with Game Maker.

Fort Defender (PC) Review

Developer: Flammable Werks

  Fort Defender (PC) (820.9 KiB, 1,053 hits)

Game by Flammable Werks, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

This is like a 4 way pong, with multiple balls.

Graphics:

You can tell the graphics are original (i think). The floor is pretty good looking though, and the title. Boy gotta love that title…and the loading screen…yaaa…

Sound:

The music is pretty darn good, but gets kind of annoying when you keep losing, and there’s a happy tune….i can’t win this game arghh…!

Gameplay:

The gameplay is simple, but can get kind of hard to control, even though there are only 2 controls…left and down. I can’t really describe what the problem is….if you play it you’ll see.

Crappiest Part:

Probably how i lose a lot. This game is kind of boring, there’s not much to it.

Overall Score:

bleh. I give it a:

7/10

  Fort Defender (PC) (820.9 KiB, 1,053 hits)

Game by Flammable Werks, made with Game Maker.

Firewerks Maker (PC) Review

Developer: Shawn64’s Creations

  Firewerks Maker (PC) (672.8 KiB, 1,013 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

In Firewerks Maker, you can customize your own spectacular fireworks show, customizing what you want to see in a firework.

Graphics:

The fireworks look good, but there isn’t much else to add to it. The good thing is that you can change the colors of the fireworks.

Sound:

Well the fireworks sounds aren’t really that great, and there’s no music. You can load your own sounds for the fireworks and launching though.

Gameplay:

Its simple to understand how to adjust things, but not exactly what each option really DOES. You notice some change, but you don’t really know how to explain it or whether it makes it better or worse or something.

Crappiest Part:

Nothing else to do except blast off fireworks.

Overall Score:

Though the physics and the abilities of this game is very good, it lacks really any replay value. I give it a:

8/10

  Firewerks Maker (PC) (672.8 KiB, 1,013 hits)

Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.

Duck Hunter, The (PC) Review

Developer: The GM Place

  The Duck Hunter (PC) (1,002.1 KiB, 1,025 hits)

Game by The GM Place, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Welcome to Adventurous Dave’s Duck Shooting Show. In this show, you will see things that you should not see, like birds that aren’t even ducks getting shot. Ok forget the show idea. There really isn’t one duck in this game. What kind of a game called Duck Hunter doesn’t have a duck in it?

Graphics:

They were all ripped from somewhere. Was that Tweety I just saw there?

Sound:

Uhh this game is stupid, the sound doesn’t help it at all.

Gameplay:

Really bad. When you click one of the goddam birds it doesn’t die most of the time.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part is the name. It disgraced the name Duck Hunt, by putting an “er” on the end and put all these birds that aren’t ducks in it. And there’s even clocks flying through the air. What genius thought that shit up? “Hey, let’s have a game, where a bunch of different birds, no ducks though, and clocks are flying through the air, and you have to point and click to shoot them, but half the time, you don’t kill them when you should have. Let’s name it Duck Hunter.” Yeah, great idea.

Overall Score:

This is a horrible game. Not much else to say about it. 1/10.

  The Duck Hunter (PC) (1,002.1 KiB, 1,025 hits)

Game by The GM Place, made with Game Maker.