Something that was posted on PCWorld.com a long time ago.
Subj: HI DAVE!!!!
Date: 12/22/00 8:58:00 PM Pacific Standard Time
Hey Dave, how are you doing? I hope well. My name is Maeve and I was just checking out your profile on yahoo, so I thought I’d write. Well let me tell you a little about myself. I am 24 years old and have a job in the construction industry, but I don’t do much hard labor, I am an on site assistant manager that supervises different developments around the country.
Anyway I am always travelling because my boss likes to keep me out on the jobs instead of in the office since I am young and flexable with my time. I am sending you this message because I will be working on various projects throughout California for the next 8-10 weeks depending on the time it takes to get these project’s done. I can tell you that I am about 5’7 and single with a rather attractive body I think. It would really be nice to meet a person here that could show me around the town because I am totally lost and really don’t do much with my time when I am not working. I really don’t need to do anything that special to have a good time out. I can have fun just going out and having a few beers or watching a movie. Plus it is always nice to get out of the hotel I am staying at near the airport and see what different towns and people have to offer.
Well I hope you don’t get the wrong impression about me, I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, but sometimes the company of a man is needed from time to time and I am not totally close minded to having some sexual fun. Don’t think that is all I am about because I am a clean woman with morals it is just that I am human like everyone else, and I am going to have some fun while I am young and single.
Last but not least to say, I have just a few pics of myself that a girlfriend took of me and I think they look great. If you want I can send them to you so you can get an idea of what I look like. Hope to hear from you soon.!!
CAN’T WAIT TO MEET!! MAEVE
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“I’m a crossdresser who lives in Whittier, CA. I like big dicks, piss and smelly feet.
If we match, it most likely means I wanna blow you. I swallow.
I can host.
I’m down to meet as a boy (free)
or dolled up (donation required)”
– from a “girl’s” dating profile
yadliuvbelirg – n. A food item which is prepared by putting sticks of uncooked spaghetti on a plate, covering it with marinara sauce, putting a slice of deli-cut cheese, and then microwaving for a while
A Squackle Adage follows the following formula:
1) Take a cliche/famous/inspirational/motivational quote.
2) Reverse two words in the phrase, particularly the important subject that is being addressed
3) Create new, hilarious meaning from something old and stale!
Here’s a list of the best ones and some sort of explanation as to what the “new quote” means. If you’ve got some to add, comment below.
Better to not have it and not need it, than need it and have it.
(Original: Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.)
Explanation: You’d rather not have things you wouldn’t usually want and actually need to use it.
I am feet on my light.
(Original: I am light on my feet)
Explanation: I’m just a normal ass person who walks on top of light just like everyone else.
Out of miracles grow difficulties.
(Original: Out of difficulties grow miracles.)
Explanation: Miracles are hard to compare to after they occur.
Try to be a cloud in someone’s rainbow.
(Original: Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.)
Explanation: Fuck happy people.
Change your world and you change your thoughts.
(Original: Change your thoughts and you change your world.)
Explanation: You won’t be the same person when the world around you is different.
No act of waste, no matter how small, is ever kind.
(Original: No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.)
Explanation: If you waste something, you’re an asshole.
If lemons give you lemonade, make life.
(Original: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade)
Explanation: If you get lemonade from lemons, impregnate something.
You don’t take 100% of the shots you miss.
(Original: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.)
Explanation: If you miss you may as well have not done it.
Don’t smile because it happened, cry because it’s over.
(Original: Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)
Explanation: You should feel bad about the thing you liked not being around anymore.
No gain, no pain.
(Original: No pain, no gain)
Explanation: If I don’t gain, then I don’t get hurt. Cool.
What doesn’t make you stronger, kills you.
(Original: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)
Explanation: Everything kills you.
If you don’t have anything at all to say, don’t say anything nice.
(Original: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.)
Explanation: You’re telling someone to shut up, basically, but in an even more assholish way than the “original” saying.
A doctor a day, keeps the apple away.
(Original: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.)
Explanation: If you see a doctor everyday then you can refrain from having to eat so many damn apples.
Those who wait come to good things.
(Original: Good things come to those who wait.)
Explanation: If you wait longer you’ll “come” to something better than you had originally waited for. So just keep waiting forever and never get anything!
Unexpect the expected.
(Original: Expect the unexpected)
Explanation: Forget what usually happens, even though its going to keep happening.
A thought for your penny?
(Original: A penny for your thoughts?)
Explanation: If I tell you something, will you pay me?
It’s going to be not impossible but hard is hard.
(Original: It’s going to be hard but hard is not impossible.)
Explanation: Don’t kid yourself, you’re going to have a hard time doing this shit.
If at average you don’t succeed; you are running about first.
(Original: If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.)
Explanation: If you usually don’t succeed, you’re probably doing something else.
Someday in a week, seven days isn’t one of them.
(Original: Seven days in a week, someday isn’t one of them.)
Explanation: One of the days in the week is not considered to be worth seven days.
People often complain about the lack of direction when the lack of time is the real problem.
(Original: People often complain about lack of time when the lack of direction is the real problem.)
Explanation: You might think you’re on the wrong path, but you really just don’t have enough time to do it right. So half-ass it.
qeewsaede – n. a Mexican food restaurant that has run out of guacamole
“I’ll show you mine. Mine looks weird.”
– a customer at my job, 3 years ago
“My Jello melted.”
– a customer at my job, 3 years ago
“Society has created a vacuum of meaning.”
– some guy at a pizza place
In trade chat, I’m trying to sell some pants…
davepoobond: WTS [Phase-Twister Leggings] 5k
davepoobond: hard for you to read bruh?
Headboss: Those are worth about 100g brah
davepoobond: so youre an economist too?
Headboss: Did you want me to farm you an entire level 85 set in 5 minutes?
davepoobond: so go do it
Headboss: Omw there now, prob upgrades to your chitty gear?
davepoobond: more like upgrades to your attitude
Headboss: Oh man
davepoobond: WTS [Phase-Twister Leggings] 4.9k
Mirayu: is that meant for people leveling? or do people still play at lvl 85 cap?
Divinethis: look like shit
davepoobond: tell blizzard
Mirayu: guess i cant see it with my robe on, lol
Headboss: Pretty funny you’re trying to sell a vendor item in trade… for 5k
Headboss: Maybe you’re just exceptional at trolling
davepoobond: pretty funny that you care so much
davepoobond: go farm me an 85 set, what are you still doing in shrine
Headboss: I already farmed it bro
davepoobond: the only thing you sowed is your destruction
orototomdic – n. someone who keeps pestering you to try an app on your phone that you know is a bad idea to try and use
seivinss – n. an asshole who uses his hazard lights whenever he has his car stopped so he makes people less likely to be behind him. He will only put them on when he is stopped at a red light but when he starts moving will turn them off.
deaecntzatle – n. a promotional email that you still get after you unsubscribed from that email newsletter. Or so you thought…
togzibige – n. a drink made by using a coffee pot that has not been cleaned out for a couple of months, using a toxic cleaning solution to clean the pot of its dirty coffee stains. The concoction is what comes from this process.