All posts by A Squackler

A Squackler is a generic person who has submitted content to Squackle. They basically are not worthy of having their own name made in the blog system because they basically only submitted a small amount of content.

#8546: SR71 Steve -> Charger979

SR71 Steve: ajnin

Charger979: .did uoy neht tcerroc erom yaw tog I

SR71 Steve: asubayah

Charger979: !sdrawkcab emosewa si ajniN

SR71 Steve: deedni

SR71 Steve: ciscelsyd leef i

SR71 Steve: dab gnorst

Charger979: .gniddik on

Charger979: .norom dab gnorts did ydaerla I

SR71 Steve: .edoc sa siht esu dluohs ew, edud

SR71 Steve: !ufts

Charger979: .evlos ot drah taht ton s’it tub ,os yas uoy fI

Charger979: !ufts ot em llet uoy t’noD

SR71 Steve: ndrah gnikool yllear tuohtiw ti dear dluoc eno on

Charger979: .opyt ecin

SR71 Steve: hctib, eid dna ffo kcuf

Charger979: .sknaht oN

SR71 Steve: ?idiuqs htiw pu gnipeek neeb uoy

Charger979: .yllautca evah I ,haeY

SR71 Steve: kcab emac trebuh

SR71 Steve: tihs eht s’eh

Charger979: .edosipe eht yb remosewa gnitteg s’tI

SR71 Steve: yratnemmoc wen a did neve eh dna, heay

Charger979: .norom oga sedosipe 005 ,ekil s’tath ,tihs oN

Charger979: .oot kcab si knurd ehT

Charger979: .krowemoh ym od og ot deen I ,llew hA

SR71 Steve: knurd eht SI trebuh!

SR71 Steve: rehteh fo nikniht er’ouy

Charger979: .gniht emas ,rethceh trebuH

SR71 Steve: eurt

Charger979: .erew uoy emit emas eht taht gnipyt saw I ,wonk I heaY

SR71 Steve: oht kcab mixam tnaw i

Charger979: ?t’nsoed ohW

SR71 Steve: stoidi

SR71 Steve: emosewa os si siht, nam

Charger979: .og attog I dab oot ,gniddik oN

SR71 Steve: retal

Charger979: .retal

With a Big Rock

7 o’ clock gotta get up

Alarm clock, mom yelling at me

See her downstairs

Time for a shower

Went to the school bus stop

Waited at the bus stop with my friends

Only had one, sorry

Waited with my friend, his name is Tommy

He (?)

He (?)

He (?)

Some other kid came up

Asked me for a match

I said, “I dont have one”

The bus was taking an unusual amount of time

Taking its time

I said I don’t got a match, sorry buddy

They didnt like me, they didnt like my pants either

They said, “You dont have a match, well”

You arent going to have any front teeth

They knocked them out

With a big rock

I didn’t cry

Ran home with blood in my mouth tears in my eyes, on my cheeks

Blood on my pants

I was bummin

Sorry I have no teeth mom

Kids knocked them out at the bus stop

Don’t send me to school again

#8540: XI -> LyCelt

XI: are u in the ira?

LyCelt: yes!

LyCelt: my dad owns the IRA.

XI: do u guys go out drinking a lot of booze

LyCelt: yes we get shitefaced every night.

LyCelt: in fact, I’m shitefaced right now.

XI: kewlie

LyCelt: I’m the master bomb wirer so they hit me up with some Guinness and cherry flavoured cigars and I get working!

XI: woa that is so kewl.

LyCelt: YES SO WHERE ARE MY SUPPLIES?! I gotta bomb me some 2 story buses!!!!

XI: -hides- i dont know where u supplies are

XI: maybe you left them in the garage?

LyCelt: WE DON’T HAVE A GARAGE. My dumbass uncle Patrick blew it up last week.

LyCelt: That stupid Mick, doesn’t know his left arm from his right pinky toe!

XI: r u serios?????? is he retarded or something???!!!!

LyCelt: no he is just crazy like all of us.

XI: o i c

XI: do you eat potatoes

LyCelt: Who in the hell DOESN’T eat potatoes?!

XI: u have a point

XI: but u are supposed to eat potatoes

LyCelt: AND WHY IS THAT?!

XI: cus ur irish n irish people eat lot of potatoes.

LyCelt: WE DO NOT!

LyCelt: HOW ABOUT I TAKE A TATER AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE FOR THAT COMMENT?!

XI: i dont mean to offend u.

LyCelt: I’LL GET MY UNCLE PATRICK TO BLOW UP YOUR GARAGE IF YOU DON’T STFU AND STOP MAKING RACIST COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

XI: ok sorry

XI: gtg bye

XI signed off at 4:12 PM

How Kung-Fu Action Guy Saved Christmas

Note: I know its not Christmas, but why wait? =D This is one of the first four Kungy stories I wrote up out of sheer hyperactivity. Hence the goofy dialouge. Its not supposed to be a masterpiece… so screw dat!!!

_____________________________________________

How Kung-Fu Action Guy Saved Christmas!

_____________________________________________

This is the story of what happened on Christmas’ Eve, down in the good ol’ town of Little Chinatown. Here in Little Chinadown, Christmas was big. It was something everyone digged. Next to South Town, the Chinatown sat, where not everyone truely was fat.

Mr. Habuki was hanging his wreath. And Ms. Frump was eating her Heath.

Little Yang and Kang, who loved Christmas, were of course, looking forward to their presents on that Christmas day.

And then there’s the Dojo of Little Chinatown… where a “HI-YAAAH!” is heard and a foot suddenly smashes through the wall!!

“Ha ha ha! Oh! That was great! Hohohoh!” Laughed a familiar chinese man. A chinese man we know as JACKIE CHIN! But you don’t call him that. You call him Kung-Fu Action Guy.

Nearby was a cute young girl by the name of Nyoung-Pak-Sui. But her side-kick alias is known as CHICK N’ CHOWMIEN!! Or, as Kungy calls her, CHOW.

“You were supposed to hit the dummy, Kungy.” Chow said to him. Yes, Kungy was trying to hit a dummy hanging from the ceiling. Instead, he hit the wall.

“No worries. I’ll patch that hole up later with my Kung-Fu Quick Drying Cement! Now that our training is done, let’s start hanging everything up for Christmas!” Kungy said as he boarded up the hole with wood.

Chow put up the tree like a good girl should. And then put up the ornaments like everyone would. With a twirl of her beautiful raven black hair, and a personality that made one care.

In other words… SHE’S HOT STUFF! Bodacious bod, nice chest, beautiful all over and red hot! SIZZLIN’! Woot!

“Now that the tree’s all set up, now what, Kungy?” Chow then asked.

“EGG NOG!” Kungy grabbed a carton of Egg Nog and poured some into a glass. “We celebrate with the classic japanese egg nog, little flowah!” Kungy paused… then began drinking out of the carton.
_____________________________________________

However, not everyone was jolly about ol’ Christmas. On top of a mountain, sitting there dark, looming, glooming, giant… o Hark! There it be, sitting above Chinatown, the headquarters of MASTER ZEN! Evil supreme!

Clad in a red robe and with black hair that stuck out in front, and a little beard that curled and a long nose… long fingernails and beady eyes… he was tapping, rapping, his fingers on the balcony as he looked down on lovely ol’ Little Chinatown.

“I hate Christmas. Christmas sucks. It sucks, hmph!” Master Zen said in a badly dubbed voice like in Street Racer. He walked over to a table where a gigantic sumo named Moogoo Guypan, and a little midget chef with a giant butcher knife named Chop Suey sat… eating Happy Meals that they got from McDonald’s. “What are you imbeciles doing?! You are henchmen, not schoolkids!”

“But we always eat from McDonalds, Zen-san!” Moogoo said as he burped from his burger.

“EXCUSES!” Zen yells, “Excuses, that’s all! Today we plan the great plan of them all. Listen to me now, my right hand men, for they are the words from Master Zen.
Tonight, when everyone’s tucked in the beds, asleep with dreams going on in their heads, we will destroy all that is jolly, and end Chinatown’s little Christmas folly.”

“But why?” the dwarfish Chop Suey asks.

“BECAUSE! I hate Christmas, and Christmas hates me. I hate it so much it makes me pee! We will make them cry, make them hurt, make them fuss! FOR ALL THEIR CHRISTMAS ARE BELONG TO US!” Zen yelled, then ran to his balcony with an evil grin, a grin so evil it could be a sin.

No one quite knew why he hated it so. But it does make you think a lot, although. Maybe his robe was too small or too tight. Or maybe he didn’t curl his beard just right. Whatever the reason, be it robe or beard, he was mad and that surely appeared.

“Tonight we will strike, we will take all that is nice. And we’ll leave them with some dice. No present, no tree, no Christmas is spared. It will pass by like no one cared.” And with that, Zen laughed an evil laugh, and Moogoo just stared, scratching his calf.

_____________________________________________

Back down in Little Chinatown, Kungy was dancing to some bad music. Actually, it wasn’t Christmas music. He was listening to his theme song… KUNG-FU FIGHTING! Sing it with us!

“EVERYBODY WAS KUNG-FU FIIIGH-TIIIING!”

“THOSE KICKS WERE FAST AS LIIIIIGHT-NIIIIING!”

“IN FACT IT WAS A LITTLE BIT FRIGHT-NIIIIING!”

“BUT THEY FOUGHT WITH EXPERT TIIIIM-IIIIING!”

As Kungy danced to the song disco style, Chow went and turned it off. Kungy CONTINUED to dance!! Even when it was in complete silence Kungy still danced. He then grabbed his crotch and did a Michael Jackson impression. “OWWW!”

Just then, there was a thud on the roof!! It made Kungy jump.

“What the?! Hooohhh! Chow! We are being attacked!” Kungy said in a whisper.

Chow reads a book of ‘Crouching Monkey Hidden Dragon’ or whatever it was called. “We are?”

“Yes! It must be our enemies! I will go up and stomp them!”

“Don’t you mean ‘stop?'”

“No, I said STOMP!” Kungy then crept outside, wearing nothing but his black kung-fu pants and chinese shoes and socks, and bare-chested! Ha! Dork. He smells.

He climbed up the ladder and peered over the roof, and he saw a fat, tubby form and a sleigh… with eight reindeer-looking forms! They were all silhouetted against the moon and snow, and the tubby form pulled out a note and began to examine…

Suddenly, Kungy leapt from the ladder and flew at the tubby form with a KUNG-FU ACTION YELL!! “HIIIII-YAH! NOT SO FAST, MOOGOO GUYPAN!”

Kungy clocked the fat form of the man and the man fell from the roof, the note falling from his hand. He hit the ground, very hard, in fact, to have caused the ground beneath to crack. Kungy then landed on ol’ tubbo and said, “You’ve been a bad boy. You’ve got a weird head.”

Chow came running out and realized who it was. “KUNGY! That’s… Santa Claus!”

“Santa?” Kungy then looked down at the man and yes, it was… jolly’ ol loveable St. Nick. “Well, I THOUGHT he seemed thinner.”

Chow picked up the note and realized what it was. “Kungy, this is a list of girls and boys the world over.”

“He must have STOLEN that list!!!”

“Actually, its for deliveries. This is the REAL Santa Claus!”

“Well, that too.”

Chow suddenly began to cry.

“Why you cry?!” Kungy asked, leaping over to Chow. “Dry your eyes! They’re coming out like ice-cycles!”

“Christmas is destroyed! Think of the girls and boys! When they wake up and find out they’re missing their toys.
They’ll wake up with no games, no PS2, the shebang! Nothing in the stockings they so hang. Without an X-Box, a skateboard, a watch, or a doll. Or a new phone to their friends they could call.
The kids, or those poor little dears. Much sadness I see on their face I can fear. What will we do, oh Kungy, oh what? Christmas is gone, oh my gosh, what a rut!”

Then with a grin Kungy stood tall and just said, “No worries, my dear! There is nothing to fear! We will simply save the day! And make all the sadness go away! WE WILL SAVE HALLOWEEN!!!”

Everything came to a silence.

“Um, you mean Christmas.” Chow corrected him.

“That too, my young flowah!” He grabbed St. Nick and chucked him inside then pulled her sidekick in by her hand.

_____________________________________________

When good ol’ Santa came to through and through, Chow gave him hot cocoa and a reason not to sue. A cast for his arm that she did make, when his arm, when he fell, happened to break. A leg as well, was broken too, and a cast was there, poor Santa, boo-hoo.

“Thanks for your help.” Ol’ Santa said. “Since this is a season to be forgiving I won’t sue your…weird friend.” He said as he looked at Kungy, who just waved at Santa.

“He mistook you for one of his enemies, Santa-san.” Chow explained. “I hope you’re not mad at us.”

“If that is the reason then I don’t mind. So long as he didn’t attack me out of the blind. But Christmas, oh yes, will not come this year. So many kids will be sad, I fear.” Santa said with sadness in his heart. But then Chow had an idea while Kungy had a fart.

“Dear old Santa, if it’s not too much trouble. We wish to burst that little sad bubble.” Chow said, “Since we’re the good guys and not the bad, Christmas will come, so please, be glad! Me and Kungy will take the job, of giving presents to each Sue and Bob. Every Larry, Donny, Louie, and Moe, and a kiss to every single mistletoe. We will take your job, Mr. Santa, be happy! We promise not to make this year too sappy!”

“Plus the best part of it is… FREE EATS!” Kungy said. He wanted some cookies and milk.

“Well…” Santa pondered for a moment, stroking his beard with his good arm, then grinned. “You have a deal.” He then used his magic powers and blessed Kungy and Chow with red suits with cotton!

“I leave the job of saving Christmas to you! Good luck, Kungy, you big rudy-poo!” Santa said with a hint of annoyance.

“No problo, tubbo!” Kungy said as he rushed out the door, Chow in tow, and leapt into the sleigh with the bag of goodies and the list, then into the air, they went!!!
_____________________________________________

But watching that sleigh as it flew into the air was the evil MASTER ZEN!!!! Watching them through a Viewfinder in his fortress, he then looked to Moogoo Guypan, who was aiming a giant cannon. “FIRE!!!” Zan yelled.

Moogoo cried and dove to the floor and began sobbing and crying like a baby. FOR NO REASON!!!!

Chop Suey took action and leapt into the seat to hit the Fire button.

Guns of all sorts popped out from different panels in Master Zen’s poganda fortress and began blasting at the sleigh and reindeer, which Kungy and Chow were flying in!!! And the big-ass cannon? Not a single shot was fired from THAT one.

“Woaaah!” Kungy said, “Nobody said a war would start here and now.”

“It’s not a war, you silly dude!” Chow said. “It’s Master Zen! He’s shooting! How rude!”

“Will you stop with that rhyming stuff already?” Kungy then asked her. He began steering the sleigh away and down lower to deliver the presents around Little Chinatown. Too bad everyone is a heavy sleeper here!

“Damn it!” Zen cried, “We almost had him! If only Moogoo didn’t cry for no reason, we would have destroyed Christmas!”

Chop Suey watched Kungy and Chow fly by with binoculars and shouted to Zen, “HEY! Santa’s not there! It’s Kung-Fu Action Guy and his sidekick Chick N’ Chowmein!”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!” Zen screamed, grabbing the Binocs from Chop Suey and watching Kungy and Chow from them. “EVEN WORSE THAN SANTA!!! We must DOUBLY stop him now!!! Moogoo! Stop crying and call Wang and Nun-Chuck! And while you are at it, get the Ra-Men ready.”
_____________________________________________

Within a few magical minutes, the town was all done, but Kungy and Chow still had the whole world to run! As Kungy came out of the very last house, he found a note signed by a familiar louse! Stuck on the sleigh, with words in chinese! Kungy was sure as hell DEFINATELY unpleased!

“Wh…what?!” Kungy looked around and realized that Chow and the reindeer were gone! The toys were also just as unappearant! He looked at the note and began to read.

“Dear Kung-Fu Action Guy… WE HAVE CHOW, THE REINDEER AND TOYS! No more happiness to girls and boys! You want them back? Do you? You dork. Come to Zen, or they die by a fork!! Signed, love and kisses, Master Zen.
THE FIEND!!” Kungy yelled with his fist full of fury, “How dare he now how dare he do! That stupid ol’ nasty ol’ ugly rudy-poo! Zen, I will slap you like a old sick mule! I will challenge you to a big duel!” He then ran off in Zen’s headquarters’ direction. “Damn it, now they got me rhyming.”
_____________________________________________

Meanwhile, in Zen’s place!

Chow was bound and gagged tight to a chair with a calm look of fright. With a bandanna tied tight over her mouth and her ropes holding her to a…uh… flowf (made that word up for the rhyme)! Zen and his cohorts were laughing with glee as they chained up the reindeer and made them go pee. They put all the toys somewhere here, a hidden place they know dear!

“HAHAHA! Once we get Kung-Fu Action Guy out of the way…” Zen began, “ALL THEIR CHRISTMAS ARE BELONG TO US!”

Nun-Chuck and The Man Known as Wang laughed too. Chop Suey cuts Moogoo’s toe off and he laughs as well (it’ll be replaced later).

Chow then began struggling and letting out muffled speech. Zen pulled down her gag for her to talk. “What?”

“Nothing. Just testing ya.” She awnsered with a smile.

“Oh, okay.” Zen pulls the bandanna back up over Chow’s mouth.

SUDDENLY!! *suspensful music!*

JUST THEN!!! *horrorfying music!*

ALL OF A SUDDEN!! *tensing music!*

OUT OF THE BLUE!!! *surprising music!*

ABRUPTLY!! *love music!*

WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE…!!! *happy gay music!*

A loud “HIII-YAH!!!” was heard, and the door fell open!! Everyone was staring up at the ceiling as KUNG-FU ACTION GUY IS ON THE ROOF!!

Kungy landed through the chimney and coughed up soot and got into his Kung-Fu pose! “SO! You kidnap Chowmien and steal toys and reindeer! You won’t get away with that! Ho ho ho!”

“Ho ho ho THIS!!!” Chop Suey runs at Kungy and swings his big butcher knife at him while Moogoo Guypan leaps at Kungy and executes a BELLY FLOP! E HONDA STYLE!! Kungy then leaps out of the way and Moogoo ends up falling on Chop Suey… which flattens him and renders him unconscious. THen, the floor cracks up beneath Moogoo and he, with Suey, falls through the floor and crashes all the way down into the basement with a CRASH!!!

Nun-Chuck and the Man Known as Wang are up next! Nun-Chuck bows to Kungy and speaks to him in a pleasant voice. “I’m sorry, my son. But…” She then clocks Kungy over the head with a nunchuck and kicks him in the groin! “AI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!” She yells her Xena-yell as she twirls her nunchucks around.

She swings her nunchuck again and suddenly Ben Ser Ship, the magical man of censorship whom of which we do not know, appears!

“No, we won’t be using weapons this time.” Ben Ser Ship said. “Instead of nunchucks, Nun-Chuck will be fighting Kung-Fu Action Guy with a flower. Flowers are much nicer and they don’t hit as hard.” With his words, Ben Ser Ship used his censorship magic to change Nun-Chuck’s nunchucks into flowers and she hits Kungy with them, which spreads petals everywhere!!

“I don’t fight my sisters!” Kungy then said to the nun and picked her up and shoved her onto a bus taking her to Alabama.

“DAMN YOU, KUNG-FU ACTION GUY!!!” Master Zen yelled. “But you can’t beat THE MAN KNOWN AS WANG!!!”

Wang was already kicking Kung-Fu Action Guy’s butt with his piece of string and tossing Kungy like a barbie doll!! It looked like the end of Kungy and Christmas, when suddenly… SAKURA PETALS RAINED FROM THE SKY!

“Oh oh! No! Those petals!” Zen gasped.

Standing a street away down below was a mysterious ninja in the moonlight… who then leapt into the headquarters and brandished his swords.

“It’s…” Kungy began…

“THE DUDE DOWN THE STREET!!!” Zen screamed. He pointed at the ninja to his henchmen, the Ra-Men. “ATTACK!!!”

The Ra-Men tried to attack The Dude Down the Street with their rubber knives but they were all sent flying backwards with a simple STARE!!!

Wang then got distracted and Chow, still bound and gagged, swung the end of the chair’s legs into Wang’s crotch and clocked him over the head with her chair once he was on his knees.

“NO! I won’t be stopped!” Master Zen said. “Christmas will BE DESTROYED!!!” Zen then ran over to his Giant Incenerator and there sat… THE BAG OF TOYS!!

“No! Not the toys!” Kungy yelled. The Dude Down the Street just watched.

“Yes! The toys!” Zen laughed. “I will BURN them all. Christmas is not going to come for anyone anymore. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

All of a sudden, a loud gong was heard… everyone turned to see a large silhouette standing in the moonlight!

“I will not let you destroy Christmas, Master Zen! You have crossed the Naughty line.”

“That voice! That shape! It is!” Zen gasped.

The silhouette leapt from the shadows and it was… SANTA CLAUS!!!

“St. Nick-san?!” Kungy yelled, “But you have a broken arm and broken leg!”

“Not anymore! I used the healing process Mr. Miyugi used in the Karate Kid. Worked pretty good!” Santa said as he turned to Zen, “I’ve already found out who’s naughty and nice, and you have been naughty this year, Zen! Don’t mess with the S!”

“I’d like to see you try, Santa!” Zen said, getting into his kung-fu stance.

Santa got into a kung-fu stance as well, then BOTH Zen and Santa began fighting each other with a wild assortment of kung-fu kicks and punches!! Kung-fu yells and shouts rang through the headquarters! Santa unleashed a kung-fu kick while Zen dodge and tried a judo chop! Santa leapt away in a flip and then began using jump kicks and flyin’ fists while Zen dodged and used palm strikes! But in the end, Santa overpowered Zen in moments with a fierce karate chop!!!

“Zen never loses!” Zen got up and ran toward the door. “I WILL BE BACK!” as he opened the exit, he was pounced on by the COPS Cops, who began to beat the crap out of him senselessly, as they does all the perpatrators, “Bad Boys” playing in the background!

Kungy untied Chow from her bindings and freed the reindeer. “It looks like we saved Christmas after all!” Kungy said. “But how does Santa know kung-fu?”

“Let’s just say a little bird told me.” Santa said.

Everyone began laughing.

“I don’t get it.” Kungy said. he then saw the Dude Down the Street leave. “Hey, I wonder who that ninja dude REALLY is?”

“No time to wonder now, Kungy-san!” Chow said, “We’ve got very little time! Christmas’ eve is almost over… we’re too late.”

“Not so!” Santa said! “You all should know Kris Kringle is faster than the speed of sandwiches. I will take over from here, and I bid you farewell! Thank you for keeping Christmas safe! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!” As Santa flew back up the chimney… the sleigh, reindeer, and the toys disappeared… as well as all of Zen’s men and right-hand men!

Well, let’s just say that they are now presents to the Chinatown Police.

_____________________________________________

Kungy and Chow headed home. By the time they got home, it was Christmas morning! No sleep! But when they got inside, what they found was a treat! A spectacular display of Christmas gifts!

Chow and Kungy had got what they wanted! A cookbook for cooking, her favorite pasttime, and for Kungy, well…

…he got a lump of coal.

Yes! coal!

“Cool! I got COAL!” Kungy said.

Chow just stared at him… “What? You actually asked for coal?”

“Yeah. Don’t you know?” Kungy opened his closet and tons of lumps of coal fall out. “I’ve been collecting it for years! I LOVE Coal.”

“Uh, yeah, okay.”

“I’ve learned a valuable lesson from all of this, Chow.”

“What’s that, Kungy-san?”

“If the sweatsock fits, wear it!!” Kungy then said, and he began laughing like as if the whole thing made sense. Chow just stared at him and then looked to the readers of this fanfic.

“…I sometimes wonder if I’m hanging around with the right hero.” Chow said.

_____________________________________________

THE END!!!

Slipknot – Duality Parody

Parody of “Duality” by Slipknot.

—————————-

I push my fingers into my butt
It’s the only thing that slowly makes me poop
But it’s made of all the shit I ate for lunch
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way outside
If the pain goes on…
Aaaaaaaah!

I have shit until my veins collapsed
I’ve waited last, my time’s elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much crap
I’ve shit on this, I’ve shit on that
I’ve left behind this little turd:
You cannot shit what you did not eat
I’ve gotta shit when I’ve gotta shit
And then I swear I’ll shit some more
But I can’t promise you’ll enjoy the noise
I guess I’ll save the best for last
My future seems like on big shit
You’ll live with me ‘And smell my rancid shit

I push my fingers into my butt
It’s the only thing that slowly makes me poop
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!

Pull me back together
Or separate the poop from butt
Leave me all the Pieces, and then I can leave you some shit
Tell me that the corn filled poop is better than dream
But I found out the hard way,
You gotta remain regular

I push my fingers into my butt
It’s the only thing that slowly makes me poop
But it’s made of all the shit I had for lunch
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way outside
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!

All I’ve got…all I’ve got is poopie
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is poopie
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is poopie
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is poopie

I push my fingers into my butt
It’s the only thing that slowly makes me poop
But it’s made of all the shit I had for lunch
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way outside
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!

#8518: Lord Of Evil Toast -> xwishforwingsxx

Lord Of Evil Toast: Hey whats up?

xwishforwingsxx: Hey

Lord Of Evil Toast: What you up 2?

xwishforwingsxx: Not a whole lot

xwishforwingsxx: You?

Lord Of Evil Toast: Bored.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Hey guess what!

xwishforwingsxx: What

Lord Of Evil Toast: I am the lord of evil toast, isn’t that nice?

xwishforwingsxx: lol

xwishforwingsxx: Sure

Lord Of Evil Toast: I sit around in toast hell all day and command my undead toast minions. It’s fun.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Do you like evil toast?

xwishforwingsxx: I can’t tell it apart from regular toast

xwishforwingsxx: So I dunno

Lord Of Evil Toast: Evil toast is way better than regular toast, especially with evil butter, or evil jelly.

xwishforwingsxx: lol, ok

xwishforwingsxx: Well I don’t eat butter

Lord Of Evil Toast: Hey have you ever poopied?

xwishforwingsxx: ..?

Lord Of Evil Toast: Not even evil butter?

xwishforwingsxx: lol, nope

Lord Of Evil Toast: Nope, you never poopied or no you never eat evil butter?

xwishforwingsxx: Never eaten evil butter

Lord Of Evil Toast: So have you ever poopied?

xwishforwingsxx: uh.. sure

Lord Of Evil Toast: It’s fun aint it?

xwishforwingsxx: Not really.

Lord Of Evil Toast: It’s a feeling of accomplishment.

xwishforwingsxx: lol

Lord Of Evil Toast: I gotta do my evil dishes later, sux.

Lord Of Evil Toast: I hate, evil dishes.

Lord Of Evil Toast: You still there?

xwishforwingsxx: Yeah I’m here

Lord Of Evil Toast: You ever been in a potatoe sack race?

xwishforwingsxx: lol, yeah

Lord Of Evil Toast: Awesome aint it? Especially when you eat like 5 hits of acid.

xwishforwingsxx: uh, ok

Lord Of Evil Toast: I need to summon the powers of my evil toast minions, wanna help?

Lord Of Evil Toast: ??

xwishforwingsxx: lol, no thanks

Lord Of Evil Toast: Oh, okay, but you are missing out.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Hopscotch.

xwishforwingsxx: lol

Lord Of Evil Toast: I gots fly skills in hopscotch.

Lord Of Evil Toast: What kinda face do you make when you poopie?

xwishforwingsxx: …

xwishforwingsxx: Weird question

Lord Of Evil Toast: I bet your poopie face looks like this > X-(

xwishforwingsxx: lol

Lord Of Evil Toast: Hey I got an idea, say the first thing that comes to your head.

Lord Of Evil Toast: duh, type not say.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Come on it’s fun.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Hey did you know that paris hilton is a slut?? general evil toast told me that.

xwishforwingsxx: Yeah I knew that

Lord Of Evil Toast: Didn’t you call me a dingleberry 2 days ago?

xwishforwingsxx: Uhh.. nope?

Lord Of Evil Toast: Yeah, it was when I was on the toilet.

Lord Of Evil Toast: remember.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Toilet huh, funny word.

xwishforwingsxx: I didn’t call you a dignleberry

Lord Of Evil Toast: are you sure?

Lord Of Evil Toast: Can I call you Mom?

xwishforwingsxx: umm

xwishforwingsxx: Sure

Lord Of Evil Toast: You can call me a dingleberry if you wanna Mom.

Lord Of Evil Toast: How old are you?

xwishforwingsxx: 17.

Lord Of Evil Toast: lol, I am older than you Mom.

Lord Of Evil Toast: So do you wanna fly to Paris with me?

xwishforwingsxx: I don’t think so

Lord Of Evil Toast: Why, it will be fun.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Ha, I am not gonna go to Paris anyway.

xwishforwingsxx: lol, ok

Lord Of Evil Toast: Well I gotta go, Give me a kiss goodbye.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Come on 1 kiss for the road.

Lord Of Evil Toast: a virtual kiss.

xwishforwingsxx: lol

Lord Of Evil Toast: Is that a yes?

Lord Of Evil Toast: ??

Lord Of Evil Toast: I am virtually too ugly to get a virtual kiss aint I?

Lord Of Evil Toast: ??

Lord Of Evil Toast: Do you like midgets?

xwishforwingsxx: Sure

Lord Of Evil Toast: Cool, so how about my virtual goodbye kiss?

Lord Of Evil Toast: ??

Lord Of Evil Toast:

Lord Of Evil Toast: ?

Lord Of Evil Toast: ??

Lord Of Evil Toast: ?

Lord Of Evil Toast:

Lord Of Evil Toast: ??

Lord Of Evil Toast: Awwwwwwww! your not gonna give me a virtual goodbye kiss ru?

xwishforwingsxx: 😛

Lord Of Evil Toast: Quick tell me what color socks are you wearing.

xwishforwingsxx: They’re pink.

Lord Of Evil Toast: Yay, me too, oh wait no I am not.

xwishforwingsxx: lol

Lord Of Evil Toast: Well I love you mommy I gotta go.

xwishforwingsxx: ok

Lord Of Evil Toast: Bye Bye.

Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete (PS) Review

Those of you who are fans of Lunar: Silver Star Story and Eternal Blue will already know what I am going to discuss. I have been a fan of these games since I got Silver Star Story Complete over a year ago. The game was about a boy named Alex who dreams of becoming a legendary dragon master. His adventure begins when him, his greedy friend who is also the mayor of his towns son, Nall a young white dragon and Luna, a girl who his parents were given to take care of when Alex and Luna were infants go find a Dragon Diamond. They meet Quark, the White Dragon and the adventure gains momentum. They meet Nash, an arrogant magic user Kyle, a strong (one time cross dressing) bandit, Jessica, a half beast half human girl, and my personal favorite, Mia Ausa, the premier of the Magic Guild of Vane. I feel through out the entire game Mia grew the most as a person and I feel she was the most beautiful too. Anyway, the meet the four heroes of the last war. And one of them turns out to be their enemy. This game is done in japanese anime style and there is almost an hour of full motion video and voice overs. It is two discs long which I was disappointed because since it is such a great game where you feel like you know the characters and grow with them, you want it to be longer. Now onto the sequel which I waited in anticipation and frustration for almost a year. Eternal Blue has to be one of the best games I have ever played. It has everything that Silver Star Story didn’t. Eternal Blue is three discs long and it takes place 1,000 years after Silver Star Story. It begins with Hiro and Ruby(a young red dragon) looking for jewels in a cave. They find a jewel and get into trouble. Once they are finally safe they go home only to find Hiros grandfather being interrogated by Leo, one of the four heroes of this age. The go to the Blue Spire near Hiros home and meet Lucia, the guardian of the Blue Star. Lucia is then drained of her power by the god of evil, Zophar. Hiro and Ruby protect Lucia and meet up with Ronfar, a gambling priest, Jean, a fighting dancer, Lemina, who is related to Mia Ausa. Eventually Lucia regains most of her power and learns what it is like to be human because she was all alone on the Blue Star but Zophar is resurrected by evil forces and drains the world of Lunar of its energy and magic. It is up to Hiro and his friends to save Lucia and defeat Zophar. Zophar has to be one of the toughest end bosses I have faced in a game but thankfully this morning I beat him in one of the longest video game battles I have every played. Another great thing about Eternal Blue is that there is an Epilogue quest. If you know anything about the Lunar games or are looking for a great RPG that you can get into, then the Lunar games are a good bet. Not only that but they are packaged with tons of goodies that are worth the price of the games. Later everyone.

10/10

Popups are like mythical hydras

Popups are like mythical hydras. When you close a popup, two more open. It is the same way in the story Hercules. If you cut off a hydra’s head, two more headsa appear in the same place. That is because AOL lets the Atlantians from Ancient Atlantis put those popups there. So there are stil hydras today, but they are pop up ads, and someone should complain to AOL about it.

Pop Up Windows

Okay.. this may not be for everyone. I have one big problem with the internet and that is everytime I try to get to some porno about 500,000,000 pop up windows come up. So after you get done clicking them all off you realize you actually clicked off the site you went to. So what do you do?.. Like a dumbass you hit the back button and all the pop-up windows come back. But this time they have a secret weapon… Each time you click them off two more of their buddies come in their place. SO after you get all the pop up windows beat down you realize that the porn site has made itself your homepage and added all sorts of stuff to your favorites that you had no intention of ever looking at. So what is the moral of this story?… Pop up windows are god’s sense of humor….and remember kiddies.. Everytime you masturbate…. god kills a kitten.

Squirrels From Hell

For years now the great Squirrel Army has been trying to conquer the world, unbeknown to the public. Through their clever and devious military tactics, they have succeeded thus far in conquering the sixteen (16) small countries in Africa and Asia, including; Gambia, Guinea-Bissau, Comoros, Lesotho, Mauritius, Swaziland, Reunion (which they call Crap Land, for some reason-maybe they don’t like the French), Oman, East Timor, Bhutan, Kyrgyz Stan, Turkmenistan, North Korea (yes, Squirrels have nukes!), Tajikistan, Cyprus, and Maldives. Well, I said included, but that’s all of them. Don’t complain; now you know where not to go!

Only the amazing defenders of all things not Evil Squirrel related, the Uber-Peanut Army (or Peanut Army for shortish) has stopped them from a more complete conquest. Yes, you read that right! Super Peanuts are at war with Evil Squirrels in order to stop them from taking over the world!

Not too long ago, in fact, the Squirrels were close to winning, but in what seemed like the end of all things non-Evil Squirrel related, new hope arose; the Great and Mighty Almost-All Powerful Orange Peanut!

Now, as you know (or at least I do) anything Orange (with a capitol O, that is) is magical. Now, in Orange Peanut, the O is most definitely capitol, so the logical conclusion is that Orange Peanut is magical, right? Of course it’s right! So, this Orange Peanut was a magical Super Peanut who rose to be the leader of the Peanut People and…um…uh…hmmm….*thinking of words*………laid the smack-down on those friggin’ Squirrels!

Well, he actually didn’t do it by himself, or with just him and his Peanut Army; he help from a Singing Cat named Juke (that is; Juke the Singing Cat), but that’s a REALLY long story, so for now we’ll just say he did it alone.

After he whooped the Squirrel Army’s ass, he began a top secret project (actually his scientists did, but it was really his idea). It was a really good plan, meant to make a super race of Peanuts. And guess what? It worked.

After three long years working, his scientist devised a plan to make all the Peanut People into Super Peanuts; they painted the entire populace of Peanut City (for security reasons I can’t tell where that is-never trust anyone!) Orange and changed their name’s from Peanut People to Orange Peanut People (the city was also called Orange Peanut City). Now that all the Peanuts were magical, the easily kept the Squirrels at bay, but failed to defeat them because the Squirrels had gained a new ally; Brussels-Sprouts!

I know Brussels-Sprouts aren’t Orange, but they ARE magically EVIL! I mean, they stink, they taste bad, and they give you really bad gas! Can’t much more magically evil than that, can you?

Well, enough un-important details (for now)! I really should get back to the history of the Orange Peanuts.

So anyway, the Orange Peanut People fought bravely (and magically) for many, many years. After many, many years, though, they decided that their name-Orange Peanut People-was way to long and ugly, so they shortened it to Orange Peanuts. That’s a lot better, huh?

Ever since then (which was a rather ling time ago) the Orange Peanuts have been fighting and dieing bravely to protect everything non-Evil Squirrel related.

So help the cause; if you see a squirrel that looks even mildly evil, kill the bitcher!

Bitch Slap or Pimp Smack?

I have a question… Whats the difference between a bitch slap and a pimp smack? I mean if you bitch slap a person that means your slapping them cause they’re a bitch right?… Well if you pimp smack someone then your slapping them because they’re a bitch.. This is one of those questions that will go down as the greats.. right around… “Is I cannot belive its not butter.. butter actually in disguise?…”

Plastic Straws

Ok, there is something i really do not get, thoes stupid plastic straws that come in colorful, fun-looking bags, then when you open them, it is just a bunch of cheap stupid CRAP!! I mean, you cant even drink with them, its just one of those things thats supposed to help you do something, but just really messes you up more than anything!! you see, whenever you stretch out the little bendy parts of it, it gets a hole in it, so being the stupid person that you are, you dont notice and you go about your business, doing whatever, while you try to slurp on your crap and grape juice gets

all over you!

so then when you write a complaint letter to the stupid company and they dont even bother to write back, because they have the whole “im better than you because i make colorful straws that dont work for a living, and you are just some idiot with grape juice on your shirt” kinda attitude!! stupid plastic straw thingys!!

The Year Theory

What the government doesn’t want you to know.

This is my conspiracy theory. it is really one year later than we think it is (so 2003=2004, 2004=2005, etc). this is because the millenium bug completely messed up the whole world and a load of really crazy stuff happened. roads exploded, cd’s flew around like frisbees, hi-fi’s started playing really bad music which in turn drove people insane. the government decide to drug everyone in the world (except themselves of course….you dunmb ass). anyway the goverment drugged everyone through food and water supply which made everyone sleep for a whole year. during this year the government poeple fixed all the crazy crap that was happening so that we could live normally. unfortunately, everyone pooped themselves many times over as a result of being asleep for so long. (yeah, come on. admit it. you pooped yourself). that was the only explanation i could come up with for crapping in my bed a few years back. PEACE.

Anti-Blue Jay Campagin

It has come to my attention that the Blue Jay is a vile creature, a coward fiend that needs to be persecuted to the utmost extreme. It plagues the minds of men and woman alike. Invoking their most desires, letting them produce them to the most grandoise of ways, but when these plans come to costs and confrontation, the instinct of the Blue Jay will be invoked in them. They will run in fear of the confrontation. So it is the duty of Alan D. Gibson AKA Evil Hell Cow, to let people be aware of the dangers of this bird, and to make people aware these creatures are vile and selfish. They and all they stand for must be exterminated.

The Excretory System

Our system is the excretory system. The purpose of the system is to get rid of materials that the body doesn’t need anymore. It’s essential to do this because otherwise waste would get blocked up and eventually poison you. You will hear about how waste is gotten rid of by the body in this report.

For solid waste, you need to have waste products which could include undigested food, water, salt, skin cells, bacteria, bacterial waste and pigment. All these things come together and, as they go through the small intestine, these things get filtered from the things you need to live on. The waste products get pushed on to the large intestine and then exit the body. The brown color comes from bacteria breaking down other bacteria. Some diseases you could get in this system are diarrhea and the intestinal flu.

For liquid waste, blood goes through the kidneys and the kidneys filter out any waste products which is mostly extra water (99.8%), salts and urea. Liquid waste is made by the kidneys filtering blood and taking out any waste products. When the kidneys filter this, it filters down into the bladder which fills up like a balloon. Then nerves inside the bladder tell your brain that you better go pee right away. Your brain usually says, “no, don’t bother me now.” This delaying can go on for a little while, but then you will really need to go and you better find a place quick. Liquid waste is cleaner than the skin on your face and the spit in your mouth. That’s because it is not home to bacteria. Diseases you can get from liquid waste are . What this disease does is make your kidneys stop filtering blood and that will eventually kill you if you don’t get it treated. Another thing that can go wrong is if you have some kind of accident where one of your kidneys gets destroyed. In that case the other kidney gets bigger to accommodate that.