Mary Had a Little Lamb Song #21779

Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck.

She took it round the corner to teach it how to…

Fry and egg for breakfast, fry an egg for tea.

The more you eat, the more you drink, the more you want to…

Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock.

Up jumped Jaws and bit off his…

Cocktails, gingerales, 40c a glass.

If you don’t like them, stick em up your…

Ask no qestions, tell no lies.

I saw santa claus undoing his…

Flies are bad, mosuitoes are worse.

And this is the end of my silly little verse. 🙂

 

If You’re Happy And You Know It, Bomb Iraq

Parody of “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”

If You’re Happy And You Know It – Bomb Iraq
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone’s dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It’s pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s all the proof we need,
If they’re not there, they must be,
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
Bomb Iraq.

If corporate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

If your economy’s in repression, Bomb Iraq
If you fear a great depression, bomb Iraq
If you want lotsa oil,
Land on a countries soil,
Put the world in turmoil,
Bomb Iraq

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq

 

Joke #21640

A lady walks into a welfare office and the guy at the desk asks her how many kids she has.

She says, “23, and they’re all named Billy.”

The clerk says, “Why would you do a stupid thing like that?”

She says, “So if I wanna call them all at one time, all I have to do is say Billy.”

The clerk asks, “But what if you only wanna call one?”

The lady replies, “Easy, I call them by their last name.”

 

Top 10 Reasons Why Armenians Can’t Be Terrorists

1. 8:45 am (5:45am Glendale time) is too early for them to be up.

2. They are always late, they would have missed all four flights.

3. Pretty people on the plane distract them.

4. They would talk loudly & bring attention to themselves.

5. With food & drinks on the plane, they would forget why they’re there.

6. They talk with their hands, therefore they would have to put their weapons down.

7. They would ALL want to fly the plane.

8. They would argue & start a fight in the plane.

9. They can’t keep a secret, they would have told everyone a week before doing it.

10. They would have put their country’s flag on the plane.

 

Joke #21638: No Send Backs

One day, a girl named Jessica went online.  She started talking to another girl.  It started out normally………

Jessica: Hey person.

Other girl: Hello

Jessica: You’ve been a really interesting person to talk to.

Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it?

Jessica: Yea.

Other girl: What’s ur name again?

Jessica: My name is Jessica. What’s urs?

Other girl: I can’t really tell u.

Jessica: Why?

Other girl: Because I’m dead.

Jessica: What?

Other girl: I’m dead.

Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don’t i.m. living people.

Other girl: Yes they can because I can.

Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what’s ur real name now that I know that u are dead?

Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now.

Jessica: So where do u live ‘dead person’ and what’s ur last name and ur real name?

Mary: Do you really want to know?

Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook.

Mary: You really wanna know??Jessica (Feeling Frustrated):  Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name!

Mary: I”m not dumb.?Jessica (Calming down a little):  Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name.

Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary.?Jessica (Laughing):  You can’t be bloody Mary. There’s no such thing!

Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of.

Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it!

Mary: I won’t. If u don’t copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you.

The Next Day…

Jessica woke up in the morning after sending a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked
into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife.
She was holding it up over Jessica’s head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the
lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood.

Bloody Mary didn’t hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you.

Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen…

NO SEND BACKS!

 

Joke #21636

Two doctors opened an office in a small town.

They put up a sign reading:

“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”

The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

No go! Next they tried “Catatonics and Colonics” Thumbs down again.

Then came, “Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives.”

But is was still not good! So they tried:

“Minds and Behinds”

“Analysis and Anal Cysts”

“Nuts and Butts”

“Freaks and Cheeks”

“Loons and Moons”

“Lost Souls and Butt Holes”

None worked.

Almost at their wits’ end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:

“Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends.”

APPROVED.