The Hobo Wars

(a guy stands in an alley next to a trash can. You can hear sirens in the background.)

Guy: Hello, my name is Mr. Tard, and I am going to teach you about a series of inner-city conflicts called The Hobo Wars. The Hobo Wars started when one hobo made fun of another hobo’s tutu, and then-

(A hobo pops out of the trash can)

Hobo: this documentary sucks! everyone knows that The Hobo Wars started when george w bush and saddam hussein logged on to the same gay porn site that showed nude firemen fucking computers! And when the bicycle valve began to sweat-

(A redneck drives a tractor through the wall)

Redneck: is this here dang thing a documentary about beer? I love beer. I’ve been drinkin’ it since I was a young’un. Beer’s good because-

(A gay guy wearing only a rainbow wig and a purple thong appears from off camera. He has a mysterious white substance around his mouth.)

Gay Guy: My name is blowthetoad. I listen to boy bands because i’m gayer than elton john. I blow every guy that i see, even toads. Because of that, i have the name blowthetoad. Now let’s listen to this happenin’ beat!

(he pulls a radio out from nowhere and it plays n’sync)

(blowthetoad starts to dance)

Hobo: this documentary sucks!

Blowthetoad (still dancing to really gay music): did somebody say suck? i love to suck dicks. I also love getting fucked-

Redneck: this here documentary ain’t no good!

(he pulls out a gun and shoots blowthetoad)

(everyone cheers)

Mr. Tard: But that leaves the problem as to what this documentary is about!



(all 3 of them get into a fight)

(the hobo wins)

Hobo: this documentary is about the camera showing an unchanging shot of the trash can for an hour!

(the camera shows an unchanging shot of a trash can for an hour)


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