Fat Remover

A woman is doing the dishes in her house when the announcer comes running behind her with a gun and puts it right against her back.

 

Announcer: FREEEZE OR I PUT SO MANY BULLETS UP YOUR ASS!

 

The lady freaks out and drops all the dishes on the floor.

 

Announcer: Well i’m going to shoot you…shoot you with lower prices!

 

The lady turns around.

 

Lady: WHAT THE HELL? WHO ARE YOU?

 

Announcer: I’ve come to show you the new Fat remover! It removes 99% of all body fat! Looks like you can use some!

 

The announcer pokes her belly. The lady slaps him HARD.

 

Announcer: OW! See that slap would have been harder if you had less fat on your fingers! I’m going to give you a low low cost of…$1,000 dollars! Yes, thats right, $1,000 dollars!

 

Lady: … GET OUTTA MY FREAKIN HOUSE!

 

Announcer: but wait! theres more! We’ll give you this makeup kit FREE, just for you!

 

The lady looks as the announcer takes out a paper bag with 2 eye holes in it. The announcer puts it over her head.

 

Announcer: your lookin better already!

 

The lady gets so mad her face turns red as she rips off the paper bag.

 

Lady: …GET….OUT….NOW! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE? LEAVE BEFORE I CALL MY HUSBAND! GET THE FUCK OUT!

 

Announcer: But wait, theres more!

 

Lady: Thats it! ALFRED! HELP ME THERES A ROBBER IN THE HOUSE!

 

Alfred (the husband) runs down and tackles the announcer guy. The announcer guy shoots Alfred.

 

Announcer: I was just getting to that! The new ultra blood soaker sponge thingie! It soaks up blood like you’ll never believe!

 

The anouncer guy pulls out the sponge from his pants and begins soaking up the blood. He soaks up all the blood from the wound.

 

Lady: HEY! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HI…hey that does soak up blood pretty good! How much for it?

 

Announcer: I’ll give it to you for free if you buy the fat remover! Plus the makeup kit for only $1,000!

 

Lady: Hmmm…can you do another demonstration? I’m not sure…

 

The announcer guy pulls out his gun and shoots alfred in the leg. He then soaks up all the blood with the very same sponge … O.o amazing.

 

Lady: hmmm…

 

Alfred: call…ambulan..ce…help…me…

 

Announcer: Yes we are helping you…SAVE MONEY! You loose fat, plus look beautiful, AND get a nice sparkly floor when you get shot several times! What a bargain! If you don’t call before the cops get here, you will loose your chance!

 

Alfred: he…lp…

 

The announcer kicks him in the head knocking him out. The lady gives the guy $1,000 dollars.

 

Announcer: you forget the tax and the shipping and handling and the interest and the…

 

The lady grabs the announcer guys gun and shoots him. She then grabs the sponge and soaks up the blood. Sirens can be heard in the background.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.