Joke #1: They Beat Me

There’s a kid in divorce court, and the judge asks the kid, “Who do you want to live with?”

The kid says, “Neither.”

The judge asks, “why?”

The kid says, “because they beat me!”

Then the judge asks, “Who do you want to live with?”

The kid says, “The Chicago Bears, because they don’t beat anyone!”

Another variation of this joke:

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.

When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said “No, I can’t live with Poppa bear, he beats me terribly.”

“Okay,” said the judge, “Then you want to live with your mother, right?”

“No way!” replied baby bear, “She beats me worse than Poppa bear does.”

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn’t quite know what to do. “Well, you have to live with someone, so are there any relatives you would like to stay with?”

“Yes,” answered baby bear, “my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago.”

“You’re sure she will treat you well and won’t beat you?” asked the judge.

“Oh certainly,” said baby bear, “The Chicago Bears don’t beat anybody.”

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